Reviews with the Reader
Friend Or Foe?
Ok so first I want to apologize for going M.I.A., but I'm back now. Also I want to apologize for forgetting to write down your story a while back, but on to the long awaited review!
So far I really like the idea of this review, it's like a musical story for those of you who haven't read it, it's a very original idea. I only found some mistakes that are smallish. Most of your mistakes have to do with grammar type things, but other than that it was really fantastic!
So first I'm going to start with grammar, there were few mistakes here and there, but also some constant ones. One of the most distracting ones I found as a reviewer rather than a reader was, when you used "of" for "off". I don't know of you were using it in an accent context or it just was a mistake. Also another thing I found was just a small thing; when you use a quote put a coma after the "He said," or "She said," for an example;
He looked at me and flatly stated "Get out."
Maybe instead try;
He looked at me and flatly stated, "Get out."
Honestely, it just really helps the sentence flow. Another thing I noticed was you used "He said" or "She said" a lot, change it up, it can really add more feeling to a sentance. So maybe you could try some different verbs like: Stated, Questioned, Whispered, Mumbled, and etc.
And last but not least, the characters. Okay so I was kinda wanting a picture of the different characters or even just a description of a few. Just as I was reading I wanted to picture them talking or doing some sort of action. I think it would add and really become a good added aspect of this story.
Overall I really liked this story! It's incredibly thought out and well put together, and I really love to see that kind of effort in a story. You have done a pretty good job with this, and I hope to see more of it in the future!
Overall rating: 7.5-8
Notes
If you do not like this review, please let me know and I will take it down ASAP! I hoped I helped you in creating a better fan fiction and hopefully more in the future!
❤ This_crazy_Girl
@Oops_Hi
Hii! Yeah I'm still (kind of) active. I could probably do it, but it could be a while I usually get on like once a week. But I might be able to make some time. c: can't wait!
8/27/15