Forever Alone

“Niall,” you repeated.

You walked through the hotel room towards where the bed was. You could hear him faintly. He was cursing to himself. Why was he cursing? Well, he has to be here unless you have the wrong room. Your heart started to beat faster as you got closer to the bedroom door. You thought that the bed was on the other side of the wall but there was actually another door. You placed your hand on the door knob and opened the door. You looked inside and you saw him.

He had no shirt on and the blanket was draped over his lower portion of his body. Hey he likes to lay in bed naked. You have no problem with that. He looked at you and it looked like he had seen a ghost. Was he not expecting you? Was something wrong? Sweat was forming on his forehead then you realized that it was quite hot in this room. He blinked a couple of times and then he finally realized that you were actually real. He smiled at you as you stood at the door. You walked over to him glancing around the room. The TV was on and the lights were dimmed ever so slightly. You crawled into the bed with him and stood on your knees facing him. He turned towards you and you could see a little portion of his manhood beneath the blanket. He put his hands on your face and he placed his lips gently on your forehead. You looked at him and just smiled. He was happy to see you. You were happy to see him. You moved your lips up to his ear.

You whispered, “We’re over.”

“What?” he pushed back so he could look at you

“We are done. Your little whore can come out now. I saw her phone on the counter when I walked in,” you answered.

“Judith, please listen,” he called out as you made your way off the bed.

“Save your breath,” you answered facing towards the exit.

“Jude please,” he spoke.

You turned around and looked at him. You were angry and you had to say what was on your mind. He looked scared like a bomb had gone off. You are actually quite scary, Judith. You just looked at him and he looked sad but you couldn’t take it anymore.

“I guess you never love me? Huh Niall? I guess you found your way to get rid of me too! You dirty piece of shit!” you shouted

You turned back around and started walking towards the door. You placed your hand on the knob and you knew that you had one last thing to do. You walked over to the side of the bed where she was hiding. She was some blonde skimpy ass bitch who looked scared. She had heard the rage in your voice from before. She also had a smile on her face. Yes, we all know you fucked my boyfriend…I mean ex-boyfriend. So get over yourself you tramp. She had her bra and underwear on. You smiled at her.

“He’s not really that good in bed anyway. You would be better off fucking a cactus,” you laughed and left the room.

Niall was calling you but you didn’t want to answer. You ran out the door and the other boys and your friends were still standing there. Watching. Waiting. You tried your best to smile but your lips wouldn’t go. You weren’t happy. You were heart broken. Bridgette and Rachel ran over to you wrapping you in their arms trying to comfort you. You heard Niall again and the other boys were telling him to stay back. You heard the skimpy blonde bimbo walk out the door and see locked eyes with you and smiled. What a fucking whore! Louis then came over, because the other boys had Niall under control, and he escorted you to his room.

Louis is like a brother to you. He comforted you and he cared for you like he would one of his sisters. He was so sweet to you that he was the best friend you have ever had. Well besides Bridgette and Rachel. He always tries to cheer you up by making you laugh. He also tries to make you act silly with him to cheer you up. This time was different. This time not even a joke could fix or cheer you up.

Sitting on his bed you started to cry. Harder then you ever had before. The tears fell down your face encasing your clothes with its sorrow and wetness. Your heart is broken. You feel unwanted. You feel betrayed. Judith, please speak. It’s not good to keep this stuff inside.

When you were little did you ever try to pick up a heavy object? Like a brick or a cooler full of ice and drinks? Being little you don’t have the strength to lift it without help. Sometimes you do it by yourself the weight unbearable. Your body starts to hurt. Every inch of it. You let go of this object and your arms are numb. They’re Jell-O. You can’t move them. You try to grasp something but it feels weird. It feels like everything you lift up is going to be heavy, just like the cooler or the brick.

That’s how I feel. My body is numb. Everything I touch makes me feel numb. I’m shocked. I should’ve never opened up to him. Never told him my secrets. I knew I was going to end up hurt just like it was with Steve and John. Boys are like bricks. You think you can handle them. The weight being nothing you have to worry about. But once you start lifting it up it gets harder. Heavier each time something happens. Piling up onto them making them heavier until…until you can’t take it anymore and you just drop them. Making them fall onto the ground looking up at you. The weight that you just lifted will cause your body to go numb and Jell-O like. They look all cute and sweet on the outside but once you get closer they get heavier and darker making you push harder to lift them up hurting your body in the process. This is the third time I had to deal with this shit. I don’t want this. I hate this feeling. What feeling?

The feeling of hope. Hope that a guy, you have given so much to, may be with you forever. The hope that your life is finally turning around. That everything is going to be okay. Hope that someone actually loves you for who you are and doesn’t care what you have been through. Hope that they would show you how beautiful you are. Hope that their definition of perfection is different from the rest of the world. Hope that even though the world may be dark that they are the light at the end of it. The light that illuminates your world making the world seem a little bit brighter. Hope that even though life is bad that there is always a tiny piece of happiness. A tiny speck of hope.

Louis sat next to you as you told him what had happened. He was curious. He wrapped his arms around you and told you that he was stupid. He was stupid to being throwing you away like this. Stupid that he even thought about fucking that girl. Stupid that he would do this to you. Stupid that he would even run after you when you had no interest going back. Stupid that he would lead you on like that.

“He wasn’t leading you on. He just made a stupid mistake,” Louis responded.

“A mistake is a mistake. Whether it be stupid or thoughtful he made a mistake. It hurts me Lou. It really does,” you told him.

He hugged you tighter, “It’s going to be okay Jude. It’s going to be okay.”

You guys sat like that for a while. You didn’t know what to do. You could go back to be with your mom. You could go back to London. You could stay here and act like nothing happened. You could just forget about what happened and forgive him. But you aren’t the forgiving type. He did wrong and he should be punished for it.

Louis looked at you, “So what are you going to do now?”

“I don’t know,” you responded.

“Well, you just got here. I don’t want you going anywhere,” he responded.

“But Lou I can’t face him. Not yet,” you told him.

“I’m here,” he grabbed your hand, “He won’t think twice about coming near you if I was by your side.”

“Thanks Lou,” you told him, “You’re the best.”

“I try,” he gloated.

You laughed, “This is why you’re my best friend.”

“Honey, anyone would die to be my friend. I just picked you because you’re so damn funny,” he told you.

You looked into his eyes, “She’s lucky you know. To have a guy like you.”

“So are you. I’m never going to leave you Judith. I can’t leave my best friend,” he hugged you again.

You decided to stay an extra two weeks. The boys will be leaving the States soon to go to Australia and Bridgette and Rachel are going back to London with you. Hopefully Niall doesn’t try to start shit with you because you are stronger then you look. Having the boys by your side is going to make it less awkward. You just don’t know how you are going to deal with this. You just don’t know how this is all going to work out. Are you going to fall back into his charming ways? Are you going to fall weak at the knees when he smiles at you? Are you going to kiss him when he tells you how beautiful you look? Well are you? I hope not. I don’t want to deal with this hurt anymore.