Forever Alone

The sun continued to set as Niall and you found a spot to sit for a few minutes. You were tired. Your lungs had to grasp for air. Trying to grasp the nonexistent air that floated through the air. Trying to get it go inside of your lungs bringing you to life. But it felt like nothing was going in. You felt like you were going to fall, dead and cold on the cold dead sidewalk below.

You guys sat on the bench just taking in the cold brisk air. Letting the air fill up your starving lungs. It felt like you were being renewed. You were becoming yourself again. Your lungs were slowing filling up with the cool brisk air that was laid out in front of you. Your chest was starting to settle down returning to its normal speed of palpitation. You looked over at Niall. His chest was rising and falling just like yours. It was like he was nervous about something. Nervous that something bad was going to happen.

"What's wrong?" you asked

"Nothing," he responded.

You put your hand in his. For some reason it was the only thing you felt like you could do. It was like you were reassuring him that everything was going to be okay. Everything was going to be fine no matter what was on his mind. Why all of a sudden was he so scared? Why was he nervous all of a sudden?

"Come on Ni, you can tell me," you told him.

"It's just I have been thinking a lot recently," he whispered.

"About what?" you asked

"About you," he told you.

"What about me," you answered.

"About how much I am in love with you," he responded looking into your eyes.

"Oh," you muttered.

"Judith," he moved a strand of your reddish-brownish hair, "I love you. And I can'tgt stop thinking about you. I just can't get you out of my mind and I realized that I don't want you to leave my mind."

You were speechless. He just said that he loved you. You must answer him back. Judith, please tell me what is going on in your mind. Please!

My heart. It feels full. It feels alive. It feels amazing. My heart has been filled with hate and disappointment that has cause me to hate myself. Caused me to want to run away. Caused me to just end my life. But I have never felt this way. I mean he has made me feel like this other times too. The way his hand grazes mine makes my heart full. The words he speaks about me just makes my heart happy. The way he looks at me just makes my mind and heart spin out of control causing me to feel happy and greedy. Greedy for more of this feeling. Wanting more. Needing more. He has to be the one. He has to be.

He was looking at you waiting for your answer. You could just tell him what your thinking. Tell him the truth. Tell him how much he means to you. How much you want him. How much you love him!

"Niall," you looked down at his hand that rested on top of yours, "it's really sweet with what you just said. It really is. And I feel the same. You dominate my life more then anyone else has. You mean more to me then the world itself. And I'm glad you finally told me how you feel."

He lifted your head up with his other hand so he could look straight into your green eyes, "Judith, I love you. Will you please be my girlfriend because I don't want anyone else to have you."

You smiled, "Of course pretty boy."

Niall laughed, "But you don't date pretty boys?"

"You're not a pretty boy," you responded.

Before he could say anything you brought your lips to his. This time it felt more real than any other time you have kissed him. It was amazing. It was like a million fireworks had exploded. Tens and thousands of them exploding off all at once. You were falling for him and he was falling for you too.

You rested your forehead against his, "I love you too."

He smiled, "Thank you."

"For what?" you asked

"For making me the happiest man on earth," he responded.

You soaked in what he just said to you. You made someone happy. You always felt like you were the cause of havoc and bad events. But here you are being the reason behind someone being happy. You smiled at him and that told him thank you for his compliment. He made you the happiest girl on the earth. He would make any girl happy but he chose someone as broken as you and that was quite risky. Quite challenging.

You guys left the bench once both your phones were ringing. You had to meet your friends for dinner. Were you guys going to spill the big news. Tell them that you two were dating. That all was going to be right in the world. Everything was going to be okay.

You walked hand in hand with him through the crowd of people. Through the crowd of screaming girls and their vulgar comments about wanting to fuck Niall. They weren't the only ones. You wanted to caress your hands over his delicate body feeling every inch of him. He was just really handsome and wonderful that you wanted to feel it. Feel the skin that made him so wonderful.

You guys entered the restaurant and you saw your friends. They were all chatting about their days probably. You watched your friends laugh but you couldn't hear what they were laughing at. You couldn't even hear their laughs. You just knew that it was funny. It made Bridgette laugh really hard. Harry had his arm around her chair. They were a cute couple. He truly loved her. Liam had his hand in Rachel's and they were genuinely happy. You never thought Rachel could get over her boyfriend that she had long ago. But that was her reason behind moving here. She didn't want to see him anymore. She didn't want to be reminded of the pain he had caused her. She felt the same as you probably. Finally away from the pain that had destroyed her. Just like you.

You sat next to Bridgette. She smiled at the sight of the two of you. She knew how much you cared for Niall. How much you wanted him. She was happy for you. You looked at Rachel who was seated across the table from you and she too had a smile on her face. She was happy for you. You looked at Louis. No secrets could be kept from him. He had told you a while ago that he always wanted you and Niall to get together. He smiled at you. And that smile was cute on him.

"Anything you want to tell us?" Louis asked

"No," you answered.

"Hey Jude," Louis laughed knowing he made a joke, "tell us. It's no secret. He's smiling and so are you."

"Fine she's my girlfriend," Niall blurted out.

"Atta boy," Louis slapped him, "Now was that so hard?"

"The slap yes," Niall smiled at him.

He laughed, "No, asking her to be your girlfriend?"

"Well, kind of," Niall blushed.

"Am I really that scary?" you whispered to Bridgette

"You're terrifying," she laughed.

You slapped her, "Not funny Bridge."

"You're not scary, you're beautiful," Niall whispered so only that you could hear.

You smiled and blushed. No one else could hear what he said to you since he was very silent. Your hand rested on his knee stroking the inside of his thigh. His hand was on top of yours and he played with your fingers. You were tempting him with your hand as it drifted closer and closer to his crouch area. You were agitating him. He didn't like to be teased. Judith, you are such a tease.

The dinner was quite nice. It was a quaint restaurant. The food was delicious and you got to spend time with your friends. It was a nice night. You were full by the time you guys left. You never ate that much ever. You felt like you were going to throw up. It was really bad. You should've gave the rest of your food to Niall. Even though he had some of your food. You wished that he had more. Maybe you wouldn't be as full.

You guys exited the restaurant and the screams of teenage girls filled your ears. It kind of hurt. You really didn't enjoy this. To top it off you were feeling sick and you could barely walk. Niall wrapped his arm around your waist and he led you as you guys made your way to the car. You piled into the car with Harry, Bridgette, Liam, and Rachel. Louis, Zayn, and their girlfriends were in the other car. You rested your head on Niall's shoulder and just started to breath. Why are you breathing? It isn't going to help you get better.

I am still overwhelmed by all the food I ate. Breathing will help me calm down. As I exhale and inhale my body will start to relax. Relaxing the body means that you are relaxing all your muscles and the ones that are in pain will start to relax causing less pain to you. Causing you to be just a smidge better.

You must have fallen asleep because you were being lightly shoved by Niall. You opened your eyes and he had you wrapped in his arms. He smiled down at you and you smiled back up at him. He kissed the top of your head and he helped you out of the car. Everyone else had gotten out of the car and went inside. Niall didn't want to wake you. You guys have been sitting in the car for a half hour. You got mad at him since he didn't wake you sooner.

"You're cute when you sleep," he remarked as you guys headed inside the hotel.

"Well, you should've woken me up sooner," you responded.

“I didn’t want too,” he responded as you guys walked into the elevator.

“Why?” you asked looking at him as the elevator doors closed.

“Because you’re so beautiful when you sleep. I got a picture too,” he smirked.

“Jerk,” you muttered.

“You’re cute, Babe,” he kissed your cheek.

“Hmmmm,” you answered.

“Judith, I’m sorry,” he whispered.

“I’m not mad. Now I’m not as tired,” you looked at him.

“And what did you have in mind?” he asked

“Wanna watch a movie?” you asked

“Sure,” he responded.

“Thanks for a wonderful day Niall,” you kissed his cheek.

“There is more of these days to come,” he commented as he walked out of the elevator with you trailing behind.

“I’m sure,” you whispered as you stood behind him as he opened the door.

He was everything. He was just so perfect. You were falling for him and you don’t know if you could stop. Judith, enjoy this now because you won’t have this very long. You won’t be able to keep him. You push everyone away. You always do. Please don’t tell me this. I really just want to enjoy this. I want to make him happy. I don’t want him to get hurt. But he will, Judith. We both know this. Please stop! Just be happy for me for once please. I’m finally happy. I’m finally fixed. Oh so you think. It will all come crumbling down. It always does. Nothing is perfect in this world Judith. Shut up and leave it be. You know that this isn’t going to last. It’s only a matter of time. So what do you want me to do? Just break up with him now? Make him feel pain now instead of later? No enjoy it. He’ll understand when the time comes. How do you know? Have I ever been wrong, Judith? Yes.