Forever Alone

He led you into his room and it looked like his room from home. He had made himself at home like he normally does. That’s what you love about him. Everywhere he goes he makes himself at home. There was only one bed and a couch. Were you going to sleep on the couch or in the bed? You prefer the bed yet that probably isn’t going to happen. He had your bags off to the side near the bed. He had lined them up in height order. He was such a neat freak. He laid on his bed turning on the TV. What were you supposed to do? Just stand there?

You walked over to the bed and sat on your butt. What were you supposed to do? Lay down next to him? Make it even more comfortable? You know that you’re in love with him? Why not lay down next to him and take in his wonderful scent of Niallness? Why not Judith? Why not?

Why not you ask? I don’t think he likes me like that. Plus I haven’t seen him in forever and why would I want to jinx what I have. Wouldn’t he think I was moving too fast? Wouldn’t he want me to be awkward and not sit next to him? Maybe he found someone else since he has been on tour. Maybe he is over me. Maybe he doesn’t love me anymore. Maybe he doesn’t want me to be his girlfriend. Maybe he is going to leave me like everyone else. Maybe he isn’t going to fall in love with me. Maybe I will be forever alone like I was supposed to be. Maybe all of this is such some crazy dream and I have to wake up from it. Maybe I should just stop and quit while I am ahead. Why should I get my hopes up when I know this is never going to happen. I’m never going to make him love me. It’s too good to be true.

Judith, he likes you. He wouldn’t have invited you here if he didn’t care about you. He likes you. Just take chances, Judith. He is good for you whether he is your boyfriend or not. You need him Judith. You have been through a lot these past couple of years. You have dealt with a lot and he chose you to come and visit him. The question is: Can you handle his tough lifestyle? I think I can. I hope so. I really hope so.

Niall looked at you confused. He wanted you to lay down with him. He turned on his back looking up at the ceiling. He let out a deep breath with echoed throughout the room. If that wasn’t obvious then I don’t know what is. He’s over reacting. He’s trying to be all cool but he isn’t that cool. He’s acting like a child. But you like when he acts like a child. You really do Judith. You really do.

You laid down next to him facing the ceiling. You started to look at the bland ceiling that laid in front of you. The white colored ceiling was like your life. Bland, boring, and pointless. Your eyes started to wander along the ceiling getting lots in the made up shapes you made on the ceiling. It was really stupid and pointless but your head was spinning from all the noise you had experienced outside. You couldn’t take the terrorizing screams of the teenage fangirl. You couldn’t endure the agony they made you feel. You wanted just to cover your ears but that wouldn’t work. The screams seemed to find their way through the creases of your fingers enveloping your ears with that horrible noise. Once you escaped them you had a horrible ringing in your ear. It was just horrible. You were hoping you wouldn’t get hearing loss.

You then felt a warm hand in yours. His fingers tickled yours as the slid in between your fingers one by one. You felt yourself tense up from the sudden movement of the finger touching. His palm rested against yours ever so slightly making the distance between them just a few millimeters away. It was so close yet so far away. You rested your head in the crook of his neck. He flinched once the top of your head reached his shoulder but he soon relaxed telling you that was okay. You guys may have looked awkward but it felt right to you. You were comfortable and that’s all that mattered. You were with him and you have nothing to worry about. You could hear him breathing next to you. You could hear soft snores coming out of his mouths minutes after. He must be falling asleep. You lifted your head off his shoulder and looked at him. He looked like an angel as he slept. You then rested your head back on his shoulder and you too fell instantly asleep.

You woke up in the middle of the night to your head pounding. Did you get sick from flying? Was it the aftershock of flying that was finally setting in? You ran to your bag and grabbed your aspirin. You went into the bathroom and filled the glass on the sink with water and took two aspirins. You then left the bathroom and sat on the couch. You listened to Niall snoring as you sat on the couch. Your eyes started to get heavy so you laid on the couch. Your headache was started to subside and you instantly fell asleep again. You had a nice dream. You dreamt about kissing Niall.

You were suddenly woken up by cursing and someone mumbling underneath their breath. You forgot where you were for a second but then you saw Niall emerge from the bathroom in just his shorts. Did that make your heart flutter? He must have forgotten you were there because once he saw you looking at him he smiled at you then quickly looked at himself ashamed of the way he looked.

“Sorry, I forgot,” he whispered.

“It’s fine,” you answered.

“You like the view?” he asked

“No,” you bluntly replied.

“What!?!” he exclaimed

“What view are you talking about? Because I don’t see anything,” you smiled.

He walked over, “You got to be kidding me Judith?”

“I’m not kidding,” you replied.

“You mean I don’t turn you on?” he asked

“Nope,” you popped the p when you said nope.

“Judith, you mean to tell me that you don’t like all this?” he pointed to his body

“Nope,” you answered.

“Judith,” he replied.

“Niall,” you smiled at him.

“I’m gone for a few months and I am forgotten by you,” he told you.

You sat up on the couch and looked into his eyes, “I haven’t forgotten about you. I missed you.”

He walked over to you and put his hand in yours, “I missed you too.”

“So what are we going to do today?” you asked

“What do you want to do since you’re the guest?” he asked

“Hmmmmm….something fun,” you replied.

“How about we just see where the day takes us?” he asked

“Sure, sounds great!” you smiled

“Well, first you need to get dressed,” he replied.

“Oh yeah I should get dress,” you ran to where your bag was and got your outfit out.

You then walked into the bathroom and locked the door behind you. You started to take your clothes from yesterday off and put on your new outfit. You looked at yourself in the mirror. You were smiling. Why were you smiling? Why did he always make you smile? He made you happy and you wanted nothing more to do then spend time with him.

You exited the bathroom and he took your hand in his. You guys then exited the room passing the boys’ rooms. They were all out. Rachel and Bridgette had texted you saying that they would meet you for dinner later. All the boys and their girlfriends were coming out to dinner tonight. You couldn’t wait. You were finally happy and he wasn’t even your boyfriend. He was going to be your boyfriend; just give it time. I highly doubt it. Judith, he missed you. Just enjoy your day with him okay? Fine I will.