It Never Ends

Excitement flooded throughout my body as I watched from my seat, young people stepping into their second part of life.

Louis, Zayn, Niall, Liam, Harry, Reyza, and Elsa had smiles that shined so brightly that it was hard to resist the tears of pride for me.

I was sat in between Monse and Ariana, holding in my lap the graduation pamphlet that read all the names of the graduating seniors who were spread across our football field.

It was a cool and breezy night and me, with the rest of the other members of the soccer team who weren’t graduating sat in the middle section of the bleachers.

My purse was clutched against my empty stomach, where Louis and I once thought was an unplanned pregnancy. When the results came back negative, Louis was relieved. But for some reason, I was hurt.

Maybe it was because that I wanted Louis to stay was what made me upset for not becoming pregnant, but I knew I couldn’t be selfish and hold him back.

Louis and I never told Zayn or anyone about our pregnancy scare. Zayn would’ve kept us far away from each other and the whole school would’ve known if we told anyone on the team.

As soon as we learned of the results, we had the same talk about Spain. He was going away, but I knew I would be fine without him. We are still in a relationship, but part of me wanted to break up with him.

I was taken away from my thoughts as the team cheered and clapped for Elsa who was the first one of our friends to get her diploma.

Then it was Niall, number 12 and 15 from our graduating varsity team, Liam, Reyza, number 21, 4, Zayn, Harry, number 10, 24, and then lastly Louis.

We all stood as each one of teammates walked the stage and became inducted into their graduation year by turning their tassels.

When the ceremony was over, we all gave one last big time for old time’s sake, took our last team picture, and celebrated the graduation party at Louis’s house.

It was one of the last moments we were together.

-

Zayn, Niall, Liam, Harry, me, and the rest of the girls stood waiting in the lobby of the airport.

Louis was saying his farewells to his emotional parents and it stung too much to watch, knowing that my goodbye was coming.

I slumped down into a chair, looking at Louis’s school jersey – his jersey that he wanted me to keep.

Tears must’ve spilled from eyes without me noticing because Ariana wiped my eyes and pulled me tightly into her arms.

All I wanted to do was run away just like old times. Run away from everything I was ever afraid of, afraid of seeing, losing, and saying goodbye.

I watched as Louis said goodbye to all of his friends, the best friends he ever had.

Another emotional farewell between them and I stood up to walk away. I was pulled back and Louis held on tightly, no reaction of crying or pain.

His parents and our friends gave us our space to reconcile our feelings for the last time. I was now going to tell him how I feel.

“It ends here, doesn’t it?” Louis spoke first, what I was going to say.

I took a deep breath and cleared the lump in my throat.

“As much as it will hurt, it seems as the right thing to do.” I agreed, “You have your life to live, and I have to finish mine.”

He sighed. “So that’s it? We’re breaking up huh?”

“Let’s not think of it like that. We’re always going to be together.”

“Yeah, miles apart. But it’s going to hurt to be with you, but not with you.” Louis pleaded.

“We’re still going to be friends Louis. It’s not like we won’t ever talk to each other again.” I tried to persuade him.

“We tried to be friends and it didn’t work.” He justified.

I smirked, remembering all the memories that were created between us. This was a relationship that needed to last a lifetime.

“I know you’ll be fine, ilianna.” Louis laughed. “You’re technically a senior now. You’ll graduate with Monse and Ariana and besides, Zayn is still going to be with you.”

“Yeah, I’ll have to do a little adjusting with my life but I’ll be okay. It’s you I’m worried about.” I admitted.

That was enough to make him reach out for my hands and pull me closer.

“Who is going to be there to keep you out of trouble ilianna?” he giggled.

“Who’s going to get you into it? I joked.

We gave each other a hug, the ones where you have no room to breathe and you run short of oxygen.

Where your insides feel as if they are about to squish out from under you and your abdomen feels as if it is bruising every second you’re engaged into the hug.

We gave multiple pecks on the lips before giving our last, deep, passionate kiss.

“Final boarding call for Spain!” a lady’s voice echoed throughout the airport lobby.

I pulled away from Louis and we took our final stare at each other.

Just as I was about to say my goodbye, Louis cut me off.

“Let’s not say goodbye! Let’s just say ‘I love you’ and keep it as ‘I’ll see you later’.” Louis encouraged.

I grinned, letting my tears wash down and having Louis wipe them while he was having a few of his own fall.

“I love you too.” I whisper. “I always will.”

Our last hug was much more tearful and he soon pulled away to grab his duffel bag.

I walked him to his boarding gate. “Take care of yourself.” I whispered again.

“You’re a good person ilianna. Thank you for letting me have this opportunity.” He mentioned.

“I know how important this is.” I nodded, looking at his eyes, telling me the same thing.

He strapped his bag over his shoulder and walked through the boarding gate, handed his ticket to the ticket lady, and turned back for the last time.

I nodded, letting him know of my approval for him to go. And with the last wave, he walked away.

“Goodbye Louis.” I whispered, crying.

I watched as the lady shut the gate and walked over to the glass window, preparing to watch his flight take off.

And when it did, it reminded me of every little thing Louis would say. Every little thing he did.

All the little things we’ve done, the little fights we had, the petty shit that caused multiple cracks in our relationship.

Every little thing has made me realize that life is too short, especially in love.

I didn’t lose Louis, I had to let him go.

I would never get over him, I would just have to move on.

I’ve realized that when you truly love someone, you never lose them or let go of them, but that they would always mean something to you.

Notes