It Never Ends

*illianna’s POV*

I wasn’t in attendance for the game against Grand Oaks. Zayn was less than pleased for me not going to watch him and the girls easily picked up what happened between Louis and I.

The boys won the game with a score of 3-1. The All-Star of the game was Louis, and the rumor circulating was that he won to win me back. But I wasn’t at the game, I couldn’t be there. Not after the way we ended.

I was so over Nathan and completely forgot about him. It’s as if he never existed as soon as I began dating Louis, or in the process.

I see myself as a walking travesty, but I’m smiling at everything. Love was never a friend to me, and it could keep all its misery.

My lungs would always give out when I faced Louis. I think that keeping it up could be dangerous. I’m only flesh and bone, but there’s so much to it.

I have to love myself so no one has too, they’re better off without me. I caused a scene like I was supposed to, and I’m lucky if my memory will remain in Louis’s mind.

It’s been two days since our breakup, and I’m fighting this for what has felt like a long time, while drowning in a river of denial. I tried to wash up, pick up, and fix all our broken things. But there is nothing that I can do to replace what I said.

I fear that I will return to my old days. What my life used to be like after I broke up with Nathan. The emptiness I felt because I was all alone. Nothing would be able to take it away. Until I met Louis.

He said things that would make it all okay and took away all of the emptiness I felt. I was never able to find myself, and I know I will never find another man like him.

“I can’t see you do this to yourself again.” Zayn spoke, entering my room pointing at my supplement shakes.

“It’s better than not eating anything at all.” I mumble, burying myself under my duvet hiding myself.

I haven’t’ showered, ate, or got out of bed since Friday when I came home from school. I hid in my room and hadn’t bothered to talk to Zayn or keep in contact with Ariana.

“What the hell Lily, you can’t keep beating yourself up every time you end a relationship.” Zayn sighs.

I sit up and dart him angry eyes. He has some nerve.

“Well I’m sorry that I can’t have a perfect relationship like you have. Hera’s a round of applause for you.” I smirk sarcastically, clapping my hands.

“That’s not what I meant.” Zayn soothes.

“Just leave me alone.” I whisper, lying back down pulling my duvet over me.

Zayn doesn’t leave and instead, lies down next to me covering himself with the blanket.

“You want to talk about it?” he questions.

I look at him crookedly wondering if he’s serious. He looks at me with a face he has never given me before, and I know that he will never let me down or has yet to.

“Tell me how it ended between you two?” Zayn demands.

“Because of Nathan.” I answer. Here it goes, here it all goes.

Zayn’s jaw clenches. He knows what Nathan did to me. He saw all the bruises Nathan gave me and it nearly killed him when I had to be put in the hospital.

“Did Lou get jealous of Nathan? He wonders.

I nodded. “I slipped out all of the memories that happened between me and Nathan. I guess he felt that I truly loved Nathan.”

“You did, didn’t you?” Zayn clarifies.

“I always thought I would be number one for him. But now I feel as if I would never be good enough for anyone.” I stutter.

Zayn sighs and pulls me close to him. He wipes my stray tears away and makes me look at him.

“You are my sister Lily, and I love you so much. There are no women alive that can ever take the place of you, not even Ariana.” Zayn begins. “You are a remarkable young women, and I don’t think people tell you that a lot. But you changed my life for the better, and I cannot see you hurt yourself again. You’re all I have left.” He sobs.

I see the tears start to form in the corners of his eyes. Seeing me start to cry makes me bawl. No one has ever said that to me before, and I know that I have to stay strong for myself and for Zayn. Because he’s right, all we have is each other.

“I didn’t think I was that cool to change someone’s life.” I joke, wiping my puffy eyes.

“You changed mine, and I’m glad to call you my little sister. I love you Lily.” Zayn says, kissing my hair.

“Love you to the moon and back brother, times infinity.”

“Infinity times one.” Zayn corrects.

“Yeah, that much.”

Zayn and I remained in my bed sharing our childhood memories we always endured. We remembered our parents and held each other tightly when we brought up the day that changed our lives forever.

But I really don’t remember my parents. I try to remember my mother of my father but every time I do, Zayn’s face pops up. Every time I try to think on what they looked like, Zayn is I the picture. He has basically raised me.

“Do you remember the time when Mom’s friend got married and she wanted the two of us to hold on to the gown when she walked down the aisle?” Zayn reminded me.

I began to laugh, remembering the event clearly.

Zayn and I were given instructions to hold onto the dress tightly and to not let go.

So as the bride was walking across the aisle, instead of Zayn and I walking with her holding the dress, we were pulling it backwards.

Everyone was laughing at us and we didn’t know why. Our mother ran up behind us and told us to stop pulling and to just walk. We didn’t know what we did wrong. Zayn and I were the delights for that night.

As the sun began to set, Zayn got our form my bed to get ready for school the next day.

“What do I do about Louis?” I ask as Zayn was walking out. He stops in the doorframe and looks back at me with positive eyes.

“If he misses you, he’ll call you. If he wants you, he’ll say it. And if he care’s, he’ll show it.” He assures me.

“But what if he doesn’t” I frown.

“If he doesn’t, he can’t be worth your time because you’re obviously not worth his.”

I smile at his advice.

Notes

Sorry for not updating sooner. But here you go, hope you all enjoy it. I'll be updating whenever I can. There is plenty more to come.

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