London, England

Dahlia's Point of View

I sit in the back of the familiar church where Louis and I would go to mass with his family on every holiday. Only, this is no holiday. I sit alone, refusing to sit in front with Johannah and the girls. My tears have finally subsided, and now I just feel empty.

I wait for the service to begin as I mentally pray that no one comes up to talk to me. I have nothing to say to anyone. Once the service finally starts, it is long and you can hear the cries and quiet sobs coming from multiple people around the filled up church. At this point, I’m numb to the sound; I've been listening to my own cries for days now.

The service ends and the people begin to file out in order to get to the cemetery for the burial on time. I hang back, waiting for everyone to leave before me. I was usually the one to be social and go out of my way to talk to the people I haven’t seen in awhile, but today, I needed to be by myself. I was too confused, too upset to even say hi to anyone.

I just wanted this day to be over.

The burial was much of the same; I stood behind everyone while my boyfriend of ten years was buried. Although I had thought I’d cried all of my tears over the past few days, I was sadly mistaken. The second they had lowered him into the ground, I couldn’t hold it back.

I couldn’t believe he’d really be gone forever.

I startled when I felt a warm hand engulf my own. I looked up to see Liam smiling sadly at me. I hadn’t seen him in five years, but seeing him just now gave me the comfort he’d always seem to give me all those years ago.

I tried to smile at my old friend, but that only triggered more tears. Liam wrapped his arms around me, quietly telling me it was okay to let it all out. I felt like I sobbed into his shoulder for days before someone clapped him on the back, causing Liam to pull away from our embrace.

“Niall, man, it’s good to see you,” Liam said. The two briefly hugged before Niall gave me a knowing look.

“Hey, Dahl,” he sighed before hugging me. “How are you?”

“I’ve seen better days,” I tell him sadly. “What about you? It’s been too long.”

“I know, I miss you girl. But I’ve been okay… I don’t know.”

Apparently I wasn’t the only one having a hard time with this whole situation.

Next, Zayn joined our little reunion, and I actually felt much better than I had in the last few days. These guys were like my brothers up until the day the band broke apart, then I never saw them again. But seeing them again today, it felt as if there hadn’t been five years since our last meeting.

I even accepted Liam’s offer to drive with him back to Johannah’s house where she was holding a reception in honor of Louis. I didn’t plan on going, on a count of it being too hard to face, but I relented.

The four of us sat on the back porch of Louis’ mother’s home for hours and caught up on the past five years. Each of us fell back into our easy relationship, and I truly began to feel much better. I had smiled and even laughed for the first time in days, and I was beginning to feel like maybe I wasn’t so alone. Sure, there were a lot of things I still needed to figure out, but for tonight, being here with Liam, Niall and Zayn seemed to lighten the load of my burdens from my shoulders.

That was until he showed up. He threatened to make things even more complicated than they already were, whether I realized that or not.

“Woah. Harry fucking Styles. Mate, how you living?” Niall spoke in surprise. None of us had expected to see him here tonight.

“Hey, Niall. Zayn, Liam.” He greeted each of them, but his eyes had been on me since he walked out here. “Hey, Lia.”

“Hi,” I spoke quietly. I couldn’t even begin to explain the feelings I was having, or what I was thinking.

For now, I was caught on how good he looked, and how my heart raced when he called me by the nickname only he used so many years ago.

We both were looking at each other until Zayn spoke up. “I didn’t see you earlier, you just get here?”

I noticed the way the rest of the guys seemed so at ease like they had back in the days of the band, but how Harry didn’t fit in with them anymore. There was a certain distance between the three of them and Harry, but I was probably just being delusional. I knew the guys weren’t on the closest terms when they broke up, so maybe it’s just part of that.

“Yeah, my flight got in late, but I was there. I got there just as the service started,” he explained.

“That’s right, you’re living in the states now… how’s that treatin’ ya?” Niall asked.

I wasn’t the type of girl that read those gossip magazines or kept up on celebrity news, but I knew Harry was still in the headlines every now and then. I’m pretty sure he owns some record label, but that’s about all I know.

“Pretty good,” he said as he invited himself to sit in the last open chair on the patio. The chair that was directly across from mine. “You guys still living here?”

“I’m back in Dublin,” Niall announced as Zayn and Liam nodded their confirmation that they still live in London.

“Excuse me,” Liam said as his phone began to ring. He got up and went back into the house.

I noticed Harry was still looking at me when Zayn and Niall begin talking about one of their memories with Louis. I blushed at the attention, but even when he knew I had caught him staring, he didn’t look away. I blushed even harder.

Liam reentered the porch a few minutes later to announce he had to leave.

“I should probably get going too,” I announced as he said his goodbyes. “I have to be back here early to help Johannah sort out Louis’ stuff.”

“I can take you home,” Liam offered. “It’s no problem.”

“I’d like that, thank you.” I had left my car at the church after the service, and I really didn’t want to bother Louis’ step father for a ride home.

Liam nodded and lead me to his car out front. Just as he was opening the door for me to get in, we were interrupted. “I can take her home,” Harry offered. I guess he had followed us out here.

“It’s no problem, I’ve got it,” Liam told him, ushering me into the car. He shut the door once I was settled in my seat, but remained outside to talk to Harry for a minute.

I had watched them converse through the window, but I couldn’t make out what they were saying. Thankfully Liam put my curiosity to rest once he opened my door five minutes later. “You don’t mind if Harry takes you home, do you? Something’s come up for me, and it’s on the other side of town.”

I didn’t want Harry bringing me home for many reasons, but I didn’t want to be rude by making Liam late to whatever he had to get to. So I nodded and let him help me get out of his car.

“It’s been good seeing you again, Dahlia. We should grab lunch some time.”

“You too,” I agreed. “And yes, we should. I’ll call you sometime.”

He nodded before pulling me into a friendly hug. “Hang in there, Dahl. I’m here if you ever need to talk.”

I felt myself tearing up at his kind words. “Goodnight, Liam.”

I watched as he got into his car and pulled away from the house before I turned to see Harry still standing there. He looked angry about something, but I decided not to ask why.

“I can just ask Louis’ step-father to drop me off, you don’t need to,” I told him. All I knew was I had a strong feeling that getting in a car with Harry alone was not a good idea.

“Lia, it’s no problem,” he said. “My car’s over there.” He nodded his head down the street and held his hand out to me.

I didn’t take it, but I followed his in his direction. He placed the hand to the small of my back and guided me towards his small, yellow sports car.

“My car's in the shop,” he smiled as he opened the passenger door for me. “And this was all the rental place had.”

“It’s nice,” I said politely.

“For a clown. I can barely fit in this damn thing,” he joked. I surprised myself by giggling.

“Buckle up, Lia,” he said before shutting the door. He rounded the front of the car and got into the driver’s seat, proving he was much too big for this little car.

“You do know my name is Dahlia…” I said. I can’t remember how many times we had this argument back when the band was still together.

“Yeah, but everyone calls you that. I bet I’m the only one who calls you Lia," he explained with the same argument he always had.

“True,” I conceded.

“And I’m special because only I call you that.”

I laughed. “You’re very special,” I teased.

It was a little nerving at how comfortable I still felt with Harry after all of these years. But it felt good to laugh again with my old friend.

“Do you want to grab something to eat?” Harry asked after a few minutes.

I hesistated for a second, unsure of what to say. “I should get some sleep… Like I said, I have to be back there tomorrow to help Jo—“

“C’mon. Right after I landed I had to head to the church; I’m starving. Split a burger with me?”

“It’s getting late…”

“There’s a Nandos right there, and I’m buying. You can get a chocolate shaaaaaake...”

“Fine,” I agreed. “But I’m getting my own burger.” It felt like I hadn’t eaten in weeks. Honestly, I’d hardly even looked at food since Louis passed, but I was finally gaining my appetite back.

Harry laughed at that.

We pulled into the Nandos parking lot a minute later. Harry got out and opened my door before I even had my seatbelt undone. “Careful there, Lia, those shoes look scary.”

I looked down at my black heels and mentally agreed as I took his hand. “They’re cute though, right?” I teased.

“Very,” he said in his best female voice.

We both laughed as we walked inside and found a table near the back. My stomach started to do flips on me as we sat down, and Harry ordered for me. The fact that he remembered how I didn’t like pickles on my burger and how I ate it with extra cheese did funny things to my heart. It also made me fear how fast we’d fallen back into our friendship. It was like those five years since we’d seen each other had only lasted five minutes.

“You know, I like pickles now,” I said.

“Shit, sorry. It was just out of habit, I’ll—“

I couldn’t keep my face serious, and I burst out laughing. “I’m kidding. They’re still disgusting.”

Harry shook his head but chuckled. “Always the little jokester… How have you been, Lia?” His tone got serious.

I shrugged as the smile left my face; the question having a sobering effect. “I’m dealing. It’s been hard…” Harry took my hand on the table and began tracing circles with his thumb along the back of it. “I just still can’t believe he’s gone…” I began to choke up as I remembered receiving the call saying Louis had been in a car accident, and he died almost instantly.

“Me either,” Harry sighed. “I know you probably think I’m a shit friend for not talking to him since the band broke up, but I really do regret everything. I wish I things didn’t happen like this. You have no idea.”

“Why didn’t you? Why didn’t any of you stay in touch?” I ask, my curiosity getting the better of me. You’d think I know because I was dating one of the members, but it’s a mystery to me and everyone else why none of them continued their friendship beyond the band.

"You don't know? Lou never told you?"


I shook my head.


“We just grew apart,” I’d heard that one many times… “Shit happened, and it just worked out that way. Although I wish it hadn’t.”

Our food arrived just then, and I was grateful. I didn’t want to talk about Louis anymore. I just wanted to forget everything for one night.

“So what are you doing now?” He asked as I dove into my burger. Yep, appetite was back in full force.

“Nothing,” I admitted. I had modeled a little up until a few years ago, then I was basically Louis’ manager slash personal assistant for everything, which I didn’t mind doing, but now I was left with no job. “I need to figure out what I’m going to do now.”

“What do you want to do?” He pressed.

I shrugged. “I’d like to do something with my photography.”

“You’re still doing that? You always had a knack for that, huh?”

“Yeah but it was always for fun. I don’t know if I could ever make a career out of it. And now that I’m too old for modeling, I honestly don’t know what I’m going to do."

“You were good at it, you’ll find something. I’m sure of it,” Harry said before shoving fries into his mouth.

“So what are you doing these days?” I ask to turn the focus on him.

“You don’t know?”

I shook my head. “Am I supposed to?” I knew he had his own label, but that was about it.

He laughed. “God, that’s refreshing. You really don’t stalk my every move in those damn magazines?”

I shook my head again.

“Well after the band split I rode out a solo career for a couple of years, then I started a record label back in the states. I’m actually managing some pretty big names right now that you probably know of.”

“Do you like it? I mean, are you happy?” I don’t know why I asked him that, but I was curious.

“Yeah. I love my job, don’t get me wrong, but it gets hard being not being able to hide from the paparazzi or press. I thought all that’d end after the band, but since I’ve started the label, and it’s become pretty popular, it’s only gotten worse.”

“I’m sorry…”

“It’s not your fault. Anyways, it’s nice to come back here every now and then to see my mum and Gem.”

I had a feeling he really didn’t want to talk more about his career. “I bet. How are they?”

“They’re good. Gem’s got a boyfriend now, supposedly. Meeting him tomorrow.”

“That’s nice. Tell she and your mom I say hi.”

“Do you want to come with me?”

I take a long sip from my chocolate shake to buy myself some time. “I have to help with Louis’ stuff…” I remind him.

“Oh, right. Of course. Well then yeah, I’ll tell ‘em you say hi.”

“Excuse me.” Harry and I both look up to see two teenaged girls standing next to the table with nervous smiles on their faces. “Can we get a picture with you?” They ask Harry.

Harry gives me an apologetic look before turning to the girls. “Sure, have you got a camera?”

One of the girls pulls out her phone and holds it out to me. “Do you mind?”

I shake my head and take the device from her. I take a picture of the three and hand the phone back over to the girl.

“It was nice meeting you girls,” Harry says before sitting back down. The girls giggle as they walk away. “Sorry, Lia, I thought we’d be safe being it so late…”

“It’s fine,” I tell him, meaning it. I wasn't a stranger to the fans or even the paps since I dated Louis for so long. “Don’t worry about it.”

“Well we should probably get out of here before word of my location spreads,” he laughs, although I know he means every word.

---

“It’s fine, I can manage,” I tease as Harry removes his seatbelt once he pulls up to my house.

“Just stay there, Lia,” he says and gets out of the car so he can open my door.

He walks with me up to my door, and it gets awkward once we reach it. “Thanks for dinner and the ride,” I tell him as I fish through my purse to find my keys.

“It was my pleasure,” he smiles. I unlock my door, but suddenly, Harry grabs my wrist gently. “Are you going to be okay?”

I nod. Truly, tonight really helped me. I’d missed the guys, and it was great finally seeing them again. “Yeah. I think I will be.”

“Good…” We both stand there on my front stop, neither of us speaking. His hand moves to rub the nape of his neck before he breaks the silence. “I’m here if you ever need someone to talk… I know I haven’t been around, but I still care about you Lia. We used to be best friends, and I hope you still consider us at least friends.”

“I do,” I tell him. “Thank you.” I lean up on my toes to press a kiss to his cheek.

“Have a good night, Lia.”

“You too, Harry.”

We smile at each other before I go inside. My mood decreases as I enter the home Louis and I once shared. I used to love it here, but now, with his absence, it just makes me feel empty. Talking to Harry tonight made me realize I need to focus on how I’m going to move forward from this, and I think as I start, I need to move out of here.

My talk with Harry also has me looking through all of the old photos I took years ago. I know if I want to pursue photography, it won’t be something I can do here. Maybe it’s time for a change—an even bigger change than simply moving to a new house.


For once since Louis’ accident, I feel the weight on my heart begin to become lighter. I’ll always carry Louis in my heart, but for once I’m starting to believe I’ll feel better with each passing day. I know if I move forward with my life, it will be a welcome distraction from the hurt I carry.

Notes

Hey guys, so here's the first chapter! I hope you like it so far, but I promise it'll get better!

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