I'm clare

I'm 18, heres my story...

I'm from england so are school system is different. So I don't really understand the america school system, like what 6th and 7th grade is?

From a young age I was diagnosed with dyslexia. Not really a big problem I know but its how my life started to take a turn downwards. You see in my primary school, before secondary school. I was different because I was dyslexic, it took me a longer time to grasp certain concepts than other children and as you know children can be cruel. They noticed how slow compared to everyone else I was.

The fact I could't tell the time. It took me longer to learn to read and to learn the basic maths. I didn't know I was dyslexic then as my parents hadn't told me so I got so angry and frustrated. Watching everyone else learning and excelling while I was left behind, I used to stare at a maths problem, watching my other class mates solve it easily while I didn't understand why I didn't understand it! Why couldn't I be just as good as them? Why? What was I doing wrong?

I was pushed around my two kids in particular, they often laughed at me behind my back and pushed me a lot, getting me into trouble when I retaliated. My mother was ever called into school once to be told I was bullying other children! I was lucky my mum knew me so well and stood up for me.

When kids bullied me and called me names, I used to do it back to them, then the teacher used to see me doing it instead of the other children. It amazed me how blind some of them are.

But all in all compared to my secondary primary school wasn't so bad. I had three or four good friends I hanged out with. They were mostly boys, apart from one girl. So they went to boys school and we lost contact.

I thought secondary school would be a new start, I was wrong. I was bullied every single day. People who I thought were my friends turned on me. I was nervous walking into classrooms, waiting for the snide remarks that I heard behind my backs. I used to be loud and out going but the start of secondary school and my experience with primary school had reduced me to a shy, quite girl, who was extremely clumsy and socially awkward.

I just ignored the remarks every day, hoping one day they would stop, one day the remarks would end. It never did. I think the one person who helped me through it all was Mrs Williamson. My english and drama teacher. She was my first english teacher in year 7 and in later years my tutor in year 11 and 10.

I never really got to thank her though.

After secondary school I went to college and the change was amazing. Sure I still had a bunch of girls there that disliked me but they just ignored me instead of bullying me. It was amazing for me! I finally could walk from class to class without a single stupid remark said behind my back. In college it was less strict. I could wear what I wanted. All the boys and girls seemed more mature and less likely to bully over silly things I was bullied at secondary school, like my looks and how I could be slightly slow sometimes in solving a problem.

Though I should have known my happiness wasn't to last, when I was finally happy. This happened to me in all a couple on months....

1. I thought I had a tumour but it turns out I just have extra pressure in my head that shouldn't be there and I may need to have surgery that there is a slight chance I may not wake up from, ever. But there is also a big chance that if I don't have surgery then the same thing will happen. But because what I've got is rare, my doctors aren't sure...

2. My sister was diagnosed with severe anxiety and often cries at night with me not sure how to help her.

3 My mum was diagnosed with breast cancer which she had to have surgery to get rid of it but luckily they caught it in time.

4 My uncle was diagnosed with depression

5 My grandfather died from cancer and we went to his funeral

7 and my minor problem is I'm trying to get into University at the moment, thats adding a small amount of pressure on.

8 another more minor problem, One of my friends asked me out and I have no idea if I have feelings for him or not

So yeah thats my life, I've missed a few bits out but thats overall it. My message is what someone said to me, maybe it was my parents or my best and favourite teacher Mrs Williamson, is these simple words "It'll get better"

And for a couple of months at college, it DID get better, even if it was only for a little while. And it has gotten better before when I've gone on amazing holidays with my family. At the moment my life kind of sucks but I believe, I have to believe It'll get better.

Maybe in the summer when I hopefully get my grades to see if I've made it into Uni. I can't wait for them.

So for everyone here IT WILL GET BETTER!

If you're lives rubbish and you think it won't then question you're self. How do you know if won't get better?
Maybe you're saviour will be in the form of you're friends. Mine stuck by me to my surprise, even when I told them all my problems and they comforted me.
Maybe'll be in the form of a teacher with a heart of gold? Like my teacher Mrs Williamson, who was willing to spend her free time with me and help me feel good about myself and help me with my bullies when she could.
Or maybe you're saviour will be you're family, you're siblings where my sister can always make me laugh and smile.
And my father and mother usually are a good shoulder to cry on and they'll cry with me when things get rough.

Or even a stranger who smiles at you in the street will make you fill good about you're self.

So remember what ever it is IT WILL GET BETTER! and if you don't think it will then HOW DO YOU KNOW IT WON'T? thats the thing, we don't...So thats why we always have our hope :)

ONE Direction was and still is my escape from reality.

They helped me when times were rough and made me laugh when I was down. I will always, forever support one direction and I am proud to be in this fandom. :D

Notes

I have no words today...

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