I Won't Let Go
chapter eleven
Niall P.O.V.
It has been almost a week since Jess went to the doctor. She has gotten better at texting me back but today I haven’t heard from her since 6 am Ireland time. I knew she had practice so that was fine but it just makes me worried because she has told me how bad her back is hurting her lately.
“HEY NIALL! EARTH TO NIALL!” Harry says while snapping his fingers in front of my face.
“Sorry, I was just thinking Haz.”
“We have a couple hours before our interview; wanna go grab some coffee or something?”
“Oh yeah, sounds good, let’s go.”
And with that we were off to go get coffee. I really just want to hear from Jess, it just isn’t like her now to not even reply with an ‘I’m okay’ text.
“Niall, are you freaking out about Jess not answering you still? Dude, you have to give her some space, she has a professional life too, maybe she just can’t get to her phone or maybe you told me she can be a klutz, maybe she dropped her phone and it broke or something.”
“I know Harry, I am just worried because her back pains have gotten worse and she was worried and I am worried and I just hope she is okay.”
“I’m sure she will text you back after our interviews, don’t you worry lad.”
Jess P.O.V.
Practice this morning was exhausting. It was fitness day and we did countless sprints but we are all training hard because we only have a couple more weeks before we fly to Canada for the world cup.
Since my back was still bothering me, I went to go grab my phone from my locker so I could text my babe. When I unlocked my phone I had a missed call and a voicemail from my doctor so I checked that before heading over the trainer.
“Good Morning Ms. Reilly, I am sure you are at practice but once you are done I am going to have to ask you to come to my office as soon as possible, no need to call back, just stop on by.”
Well shit, that doesn’t sound good at all, forget the trainer, I need to figure out what the hell is going on. I take a quick shower and change into some sweats and my waterproof wind breaker. It was a rainy chilly day in Dublin today, it suited the now mood. I grabbed my bags, say bye to everyone and head to my car.
I had some texts from Niall but I just spaced texting him back because there were a million and one things running through my head and I am sure he would understand, besides, I am sure he is busy.
Driving to my doctor’s I turn on some music. The first track to come on is Car Radio by Twenty One Pilots, one of my favorite songs. I speed my way through Dublin, traffic was light today so it took me little to no time to arrive to my destination. I pull into a parking space, turn off my car and just sit there for a second. I was shaking profusely and I had this awful feeling in my stomach, I didn’t know what to expect. I start running through everything that could possibly be wrong with me because honestly I thought I have been doing everything to live a healthy lifestyle. I take my vitamins, I drink a glass of milk every day, I drink about 8 gallons of water a day, I try and eat little junk food. After I tried to brace myself for whatever, I walk out into the rain and run into the office.
Donna is sitting at the desk like she always is. She smiles at me and then does a double look and realizes that it’s me and she phones Leslie I assume because in less than two second of hearing about my arrival, Leslie comes out of nowhere and asks here to follow me to her office.
Her office has a very modern look to it. All the furniture is white but the chairs and couch have blue and green accent pillows on it. On her desk are pictures of her and her husband, they are cute together.
“Jess, please take a seat and make yourself comfortable.”
The look on her face makes my heart drop in my stomach, bad news is coming. I take a seat in one of the overly fluffy chairs right by her desk.
“So we got all your test results back early this morning and I took a look at them.”
Cliff hanger, wonderful. She looks at me to see my blank expression, I don’t say anything.
“The test results came back with the worst possible outcome. It turns out you have Schwannoma, spinal Schwannoma which explains why you have been having back pains.”
She pulls up a picture on her computer before looking at me. Everything in my body just went numb, I couldn’t feel anything, quite honestly I was surprised I was still sitting up in the chair.
Leslie went on showing a picture of not one tumor but three little tumors that are clinging to my spine. I am pretty sure she said it was stage three, which isn’t the worst it could be but it wasn’t the easiest to fight. I still wasn’t really paying attention but finally I spoke.
“But is there any way I could still play soccer? Please tell me there is a way,” tears were on the brim of falling.
“I am going to say it is possible but your cancer is rare and I don’t think it will be easy. You’re going to have to go through chemotherapy which takes a lot out of people and you want to continue playing a physically demanding sport?”
“So I can still play?”
“Yes. We can further discuss everything when we make your appointments. I would like battling this thing as soon as possible. Would you like to come back Monday and we can figure everything out?”
“Yes that works perfectly. Can I ask you to do one more thing for me? Can you possibly call my coach and tell her exactly what is going on and tell her that I will call her later?”
“Absolutely. Jess, we are going to fight this, you’re going to get through it.”
I write down coach’s number, thank Leslie and walk out of the hospital. I go into my car and just break down. Tears streaming down my face uncontrollably. Cancer? Cancer?!? I sit in the parking lot, rain pouring, tears pouring for another 15 minutes before I figure out what I was going to do.
I drive home with no music playing, just the sound of rain falling. I park my car in the garage and sit in there for a couple minutes and read the texts once again from Niall. He told me he was in Chicago, Illinois for the next couple of days and that’s where I was going. I run inside and just sit on the floor to be showered with kisses by my dogs. I start crying again and they knew that all I really needed from them is to be snuggled up to and that’s exactly what they did. I ended up falling asleep snuggled up against all my babies for about an hour. I grab my phone and text Kate to see if she could take care of the puppies for a couple of days and I told her that I would explain later but I had to go somewhere for a couple of days.
I kiss all my dogs on the top of the head and go into my room and pack a couple of clothes. I just mainly needed to pack pants because I just feel like taking a whole bunch of Niall’s sweatshirts and plus I can always just buy something there if I desperately need it. The puppies were just sitting on my bed watching me, I hate leaving them but I really just need to go see Niall and think about what exactly I am to do.
After I pack a small backpack full of bare necessities I go to the ‘special cupboard’ and give all the puppies one of their special bones to keep them busy and I am back in the car driving to the airport. I hadn’t even bought a ticket yet but I was just planning on buying the next one out.
I park my car and take shuttle to the airport. Normally I can be in public and go unnoticed but now I get looks. The teens are checking their phones, realize who I am and ask to take a picture with me. I look like a bum and I am sure they are shitty pictures but I am just not in the mood.
We get to the airport and thankfully it wasn’t busy at all. I walk up to the next available person.
“Hello ma’am, how can I help you today?”
“Hi, this is really last minute but can I buy a ticket for the next flight to Chicago?”
“Lucky for you, the next flight is leaving in about 45 minutes. Would you like to fly first class Ms. Reilly? My girls are big fans of yours, you’re their role model” the lady smiles at me.
“ First class, yes please and thank you. Would you like me to sign something for your girls? I would be more than happy too.”
“Oh that would be lovely! Thank you Ms. Reilly, let me get you something to sign.”
She digs in a drawer and pulls out two Ireland postcards.
“What are their names?”
“June and Jamey” She says as she is printing out my ticket.
I write something similar but different for each other girls basically telling them to never give up, no matter what the cost was.
I get my ticket, thank the lady and she thanks me and I am off to my gate number. I stop by Starbucks and get a coffee and something little to hopefully try and eat. I sit down at my gate and check my phone once again.
There are five missed messages from Niall seeing if I was okay. I wasn’t. I space out and before I know it, it is time to board the plane. I text Niall before taking off that I will be in Chicago in about 8 hours and that I will text him when I land. With that I turn on my music and just decide to just sleep the whole flight, after I watch a movie I read about, 50/50.
It has been almost a week since Jess went to the doctor. She has gotten better at texting me back but today I haven’t heard from her since 6 am Ireland time. I knew she had practice so that was fine but it just makes me worried because she has told me how bad her back is hurting her lately.
“HEY NIALL! EARTH TO NIALL!” Harry says while snapping his fingers in front of my face.
“Sorry, I was just thinking Haz.”
“We have a couple hours before our interview; wanna go grab some coffee or something?”
“Oh yeah, sounds good, let’s go.”
And with that we were off to go get coffee. I really just want to hear from Jess, it just isn’t like her now to not even reply with an ‘I’m okay’ text.
“Niall, are you freaking out about Jess not answering you still? Dude, you have to give her some space, she has a professional life too, maybe she just can’t get to her phone or maybe you told me she can be a klutz, maybe she dropped her phone and it broke or something.”
“I know Harry, I am just worried because her back pains have gotten worse and she was worried and I am worried and I just hope she is okay.”
“I’m sure she will text you back after our interviews, don’t you worry lad.”
Jess P.O.V.
Practice this morning was exhausting. It was fitness day and we did countless sprints but we are all training hard because we only have a couple more weeks before we fly to Canada for the world cup.
Since my back was still bothering me, I went to go grab my phone from my locker so I could text my babe. When I unlocked my phone I had a missed call and a voicemail from my doctor so I checked that before heading over the trainer.
“Good Morning Ms. Reilly, I am sure you are at practice but once you are done I am going to have to ask you to come to my office as soon as possible, no need to call back, just stop on by.”
Well shit, that doesn’t sound good at all, forget the trainer, I need to figure out what the hell is going on. I take a quick shower and change into some sweats and my waterproof wind breaker. It was a rainy chilly day in Dublin today, it suited the now mood. I grabbed my bags, say bye to everyone and head to my car.
I had some texts from Niall but I just spaced texting him back because there were a million and one things running through my head and I am sure he would understand, besides, I am sure he is busy.
Driving to my doctor’s I turn on some music. The first track to come on is Car Radio by Twenty One Pilots, one of my favorite songs. I speed my way through Dublin, traffic was light today so it took me little to no time to arrive to my destination. I pull into a parking space, turn off my car and just sit there for a second. I was shaking profusely and I had this awful feeling in my stomach, I didn’t know what to expect. I start running through everything that could possibly be wrong with me because honestly I thought I have been doing everything to live a healthy lifestyle. I take my vitamins, I drink a glass of milk every day, I drink about 8 gallons of water a day, I try and eat little junk food. After I tried to brace myself for whatever, I walk out into the rain and run into the office.
Donna is sitting at the desk like she always is. She smiles at me and then does a double look and realizes that it’s me and she phones Leslie I assume because in less than two second of hearing about my arrival, Leslie comes out of nowhere and asks here to follow me to her office.
Her office has a very modern look to it. All the furniture is white but the chairs and couch have blue and green accent pillows on it. On her desk are pictures of her and her husband, they are cute together.
“Jess, please take a seat and make yourself comfortable.”
The look on her face makes my heart drop in my stomach, bad news is coming. I take a seat in one of the overly fluffy chairs right by her desk.
“So we got all your test results back early this morning and I took a look at them.”
Cliff hanger, wonderful. She looks at me to see my blank expression, I don’t say anything.
“The test results came back with the worst possible outcome. It turns out you have Schwannoma, spinal Schwannoma which explains why you have been having back pains.”
She pulls up a picture on her computer before looking at me. Everything in my body just went numb, I couldn’t feel anything, quite honestly I was surprised I was still sitting up in the chair.
Leslie went on showing a picture of not one tumor but three little tumors that are clinging to my spine. I am pretty sure she said it was stage three, which isn’t the worst it could be but it wasn’t the easiest to fight. I still wasn’t really paying attention but finally I spoke.
“But is there any way I could still play soccer? Please tell me there is a way,” tears were on the brim of falling.
“I am going to say it is possible but your cancer is rare and I don’t think it will be easy. You’re going to have to go through chemotherapy which takes a lot out of people and you want to continue playing a physically demanding sport?”
“So I can still play?”
“Yes. We can further discuss everything when we make your appointments. I would like battling this thing as soon as possible. Would you like to come back Monday and we can figure everything out?”
“Yes that works perfectly. Can I ask you to do one more thing for me? Can you possibly call my coach and tell her exactly what is going on and tell her that I will call her later?”
“Absolutely. Jess, we are going to fight this, you’re going to get through it.”
I write down coach’s number, thank Leslie and walk out of the hospital. I go into my car and just break down. Tears streaming down my face uncontrollably. Cancer? Cancer?!? I sit in the parking lot, rain pouring, tears pouring for another 15 minutes before I figure out what I was going to do.
I drive home with no music playing, just the sound of rain falling. I park my car in the garage and sit in there for a couple minutes and read the texts once again from Niall. He told me he was in Chicago, Illinois for the next couple of days and that’s where I was going. I run inside and just sit on the floor to be showered with kisses by my dogs. I start crying again and they knew that all I really needed from them is to be snuggled up to and that’s exactly what they did. I ended up falling asleep snuggled up against all my babies for about an hour. I grab my phone and text Kate to see if she could take care of the puppies for a couple of days and I told her that I would explain later but I had to go somewhere for a couple of days.
I kiss all my dogs on the top of the head and go into my room and pack a couple of clothes. I just mainly needed to pack pants because I just feel like taking a whole bunch of Niall’s sweatshirts and plus I can always just buy something there if I desperately need it. The puppies were just sitting on my bed watching me, I hate leaving them but I really just need to go see Niall and think about what exactly I am to do.
After I pack a small backpack full of bare necessities I go to the ‘special cupboard’ and give all the puppies one of their special bones to keep them busy and I am back in the car driving to the airport. I hadn’t even bought a ticket yet but I was just planning on buying the next one out.
I park my car and take shuttle to the airport. Normally I can be in public and go unnoticed but now I get looks. The teens are checking their phones, realize who I am and ask to take a picture with me. I look like a bum and I am sure they are shitty pictures but I am just not in the mood.
We get to the airport and thankfully it wasn’t busy at all. I walk up to the next available person.
“Hello ma’am, how can I help you today?”
“Hi, this is really last minute but can I buy a ticket for the next flight to Chicago?”
“Lucky for you, the next flight is leaving in about 45 minutes. Would you like to fly first class Ms. Reilly? My girls are big fans of yours, you’re their role model” the lady smiles at me.
“ First class, yes please and thank you. Would you like me to sign something for your girls? I would be more than happy too.”
“Oh that would be lovely! Thank you Ms. Reilly, let me get you something to sign.”
She digs in a drawer and pulls out two Ireland postcards.
“What are their names?”
“June and Jamey” She says as she is printing out my ticket.
I write something similar but different for each other girls basically telling them to never give up, no matter what the cost was.
I get my ticket, thank the lady and she thanks me and I am off to my gate number. I stop by Starbucks and get a coffee and something little to hopefully try and eat. I sit down at my gate and check my phone once again.
There are five missed messages from Niall seeing if I was okay. I wasn’t. I space out and before I know it, it is time to board the plane. I text Niall before taking off that I will be in Chicago in about 8 hours and that I will text him when I land. With that I turn on my music and just decide to just sleep the whole flight, after I watch a movie I read about, 50/50.
Notes
So I am currently working on another chapter so hopefully I will get that up tonight! Also I was thinking about starting another story along with continuing this one obviously. What does everyone think?
Please update! I fell in love with this story from the beginning.
7/3/15