Lilas' Laws
Filling an Empty Hole.
Harry gave me some sweats and shirt to put on while he put the rest of my drenched clothes into the dryer. He didn’t ask me any questions, something I appreciated as he left me to change into the oversized garments. I stared at my reflection in the bathroom mirror.
My hair was wet and stringy, strands plastered against my pale face. My cheeks were red, my lips were purple and my eyes looked puffy. No wonder Harry knew I was crying. I twisted my hair in an attempt to get the extra moisture out and flipped it a few times to try and make my appearance a smidge better.
It didn’t really help.
I convinced myself it wasn’t even worth it, I was right back to where I started this morning and the fact that I was in Harry Styles clothes and now had to go out in the living room to face him made it even worse. I tried not to think about that though as I grasped the doorknob in my hand and pushed myself though the door.
As it was when I first walked in, Harry had music playing in the background, his laptop and some papers set up on the coffee table, and the TV on mute. I heard humming from the kitchen and looked to find Harry adding a spoonful of sugar to one of two mugs.
He looked up as I came into view, eyes racking over me in his clothes before he looked back down at the mug, “Made you some tea,” he said, pushing the other mug over to the edge of the island, “Wasn’t sure if you liked cream or sugar.”
I cupped my hands around the warm ceramic, enjoying the way the heat felt on my near frozen fingers, “Both,” I said, and Harry slid over the sugar bowl and the small bottle of cream.
We tinkered with our mugs until the liquid inside was to our liking. As I lifted the mug toward my lips I couldn’t help but inhale the warmth. The sweet scent swirled into my nostrils, making my head feel a bit more at ease. I relished in the way the warm liquid seemed to heat up my entire body. It was just what I needed.
“The couch is comfy,” Harry said then, “Have a seat and I’ll grab you a blanket.”
I didn’t protest as he disappeared into the hallway and took a seat in the corner of the sofa, opposite of where Harry’s things were, still grateful he wasn’t asking any questions. He emerged from the hall with a navy blue blanket I remembered waking up to the morning after going to the pub with Niall, Zayn and Liam, and gave it to me.
He switched off the radio and turned the telly to a Disney Channel cartoon called Gravity Falls before taking his seat on the other end of the couch. Harry didn’t say anything as we both tuned our attention to the show. After a while he started doing something on his laptop, but I just continued to watch.
The show was cute and funny, lighthearted and nice to get lost in. I was almost happy I had made the impulsive decision to drop in on Harry like this, it was nice just not being alone. It was as if he understood that, that, sometimes people would rather just have company as opposed to talking about what was going on.
It made me think about what it might have been like if Louis was here, oh goodness what a fiasco that would have been. The thought alone made me so anxious during a commercial break I asked Harry, “Where’s Lou?”
He was typing something up on his laptop and bit his lip as he acknowledged my question, his eyes focusing slightly as he finished a word, before dropping the expression, turning, and answering with a “Uhh, I think he’s at Eleanor’s for the night.”
I stared at him. He was stupid cute. It was irritating.
“What?” He asked.
“Nothing.”
He paused then asked, “Are you hungry?”
“No.”
“Yes you are,” he said as he set his laptop back on the coffee table and stood. He raised his hands above his head and gave a yawn as he stretched, “And so am I.”
He disappeared behind me and into the kitchen but I made no attempt to argue, follow or question him. I continued to watch the show, which was about a brother and sister who were sent off to live with their great uncle Stan for the summer. They called him gruncle Stan, he owned a tourist trap called the Mystery Shack and one day the kids find a book in the woods that tells them about all these magical creatures around town.
It reminded me of the Spiderwick chronicles but it was funny. The sister, Mabel, she was great. Silly. Goofy. She made me laugh. Which was ironic because the last thing I felt like doing was laughing, and yet I was.
I sat snuggled into the corner of the couch with my knees tucked up close to me, the blanket wrapped around me and kept me in a nice pocket of warmth. Harry was bustling around the kitchen but now I had my attention turned out the window.
It was still raining, droplets running down the glass, making the world outside seem like it was under water. The window was fogged, and before I realized it I was standing up, blanket still wrapped around me and walking toward the window. I hesitantly raised my hand and let my fingers drag across the glass, leaving lines as fog was removed.
I tilted my head slightly as I drew a circle in my direct line of sight, then wiped the inside so I created a sort of port hole which I was now peering out of. Outside the window was a fire escape with just one flower pot sitting out in the rain. The hypnotic sound of the rain falling onto the metal keep me there.
Drip. Drop. Drip. Drop. Drip. Drop.
“Lilas?” Harry’s voice came from behind me suddenly.
I must have zoned out.
I tilted my head down slightly but didn’t turn around to face him. The blanket around me suddenly felt like it weighed twenty pounds.
Peter was on a train right now. Vooming to fucking Spain. He showed qualities of management material so now he was off, soon to be headed to bigger and better things. It would only be a matter of time before he was gone permanently too. Just like my parents. Just like Luke. And what would I have left? Nothing.
No job. No friends. No family.
And who fucking knows how long this One Direction run is going to last. They’re fucking celebrities. International. Fucking headlining across the world. Millions of fans. It was only a matter of time before they left too. The world at their finger tips and I would be nothing more than another guest star in the fabulous movie that was their life.
That wasn’t fair of me to say, I know. But I couldn’t help it as the thought of being eternally, inevitably, undeniably, alone consumed me. I felt like a heavy weight was attaching my veins. I let out a soft sigh, and before I even realized what I was doing, I turned around to face Harry.
He stood a few feet away, he’d set down two bowls of chicken noodle soup on the coffee table, napkins and spoons all ready to go. It was so sweet I grimaced internally, but by then I couldn’t control myself.
My lips crashed into Harry’s with such need I don’t think he could have stopped me if he tried.
Which he didn’t, of course.
He was surprised, but it didn’t take long before his lips were working against mine. They were soft, familiar almost. I didn’t remember anything about our first encounter which made this even more interesting. His fingers had found their way to my hair, working them into a firm grip as he kissed my lips harder.
His other hand was now on my lower back, guiding me closer to him. He put pressure there that made my entire back tingle; it was like pressure being released from a tense spot., like the feeling of cracking your back or letting out a big yawn. It felt good.
It felt really good.
It wasn’t long until he had me backed up against a wall, kissing me vigorously. My hands were caught deep in his curly brown locks, something I’d thought about doing probably since the first time I saw him. He let out a growl as I pulled lightly at his roots, causing him to suddenly grab my legs and hook them around his sides.
I was lifted into the air momentarily before he again pressed me against the wall. One hand on my lower back, the other on my butt as his lips moved from my mouth and down to my neck. I felt him bite and nibble at the sensitive skin, he started sucking but I moved my head in order to stop him.
Hickeys were a no.
That didn’t deter him for long, for now he was pulling me away from the wall and working his way toward the hallway. I stayed clinging to him; there was an indescribable feeling as he held me close to him. Even more as his lips ravished my mouth, the way his eyes displayed so much longing every time they locked with mine.
I felt, wanted… needed….desired.
And I sure as hell didn’t feel alone.
My hair was wet and stringy, strands plastered against my pale face. My cheeks were red, my lips were purple and my eyes looked puffy. No wonder Harry knew I was crying. I twisted my hair in an attempt to get the extra moisture out and flipped it a few times to try and make my appearance a smidge better.
It didn’t really help.
I convinced myself it wasn’t even worth it, I was right back to where I started this morning and the fact that I was in Harry Styles clothes and now had to go out in the living room to face him made it even worse. I tried not to think about that though as I grasped the doorknob in my hand and pushed myself though the door.
As it was when I first walked in, Harry had music playing in the background, his laptop and some papers set up on the coffee table, and the TV on mute. I heard humming from the kitchen and looked to find Harry adding a spoonful of sugar to one of two mugs.
He looked up as I came into view, eyes racking over me in his clothes before he looked back down at the mug, “Made you some tea,” he said, pushing the other mug over to the edge of the island, “Wasn’t sure if you liked cream or sugar.”
I cupped my hands around the warm ceramic, enjoying the way the heat felt on my near frozen fingers, “Both,” I said, and Harry slid over the sugar bowl and the small bottle of cream.
We tinkered with our mugs until the liquid inside was to our liking. As I lifted the mug toward my lips I couldn’t help but inhale the warmth. The sweet scent swirled into my nostrils, making my head feel a bit more at ease. I relished in the way the warm liquid seemed to heat up my entire body. It was just what I needed.
“The couch is comfy,” Harry said then, “Have a seat and I’ll grab you a blanket.”
I didn’t protest as he disappeared into the hallway and took a seat in the corner of the sofa, opposite of where Harry’s things were, still grateful he wasn’t asking any questions. He emerged from the hall with a navy blue blanket I remembered waking up to the morning after going to the pub with Niall, Zayn and Liam, and gave it to me.
He switched off the radio and turned the telly to a Disney Channel cartoon called Gravity Falls before taking his seat on the other end of the couch. Harry didn’t say anything as we both tuned our attention to the show. After a while he started doing something on his laptop, but I just continued to watch.
The show was cute and funny, lighthearted and nice to get lost in. I was almost happy I had made the impulsive decision to drop in on Harry like this, it was nice just not being alone. It was as if he understood that, that, sometimes people would rather just have company as opposed to talking about what was going on.
It made me think about what it might have been like if Louis was here, oh goodness what a fiasco that would have been. The thought alone made me so anxious during a commercial break I asked Harry, “Where’s Lou?”
He was typing something up on his laptop and bit his lip as he acknowledged my question, his eyes focusing slightly as he finished a word, before dropping the expression, turning, and answering with a “Uhh, I think he’s at Eleanor’s for the night.”
I stared at him. He was stupid cute. It was irritating.
“What?” He asked.
“Nothing.”
He paused then asked, “Are you hungry?”
“No.”
“Yes you are,” he said as he set his laptop back on the coffee table and stood. He raised his hands above his head and gave a yawn as he stretched, “And so am I.”
He disappeared behind me and into the kitchen but I made no attempt to argue, follow or question him. I continued to watch the show, which was about a brother and sister who were sent off to live with their great uncle Stan for the summer. They called him gruncle Stan, he owned a tourist trap called the Mystery Shack and one day the kids find a book in the woods that tells them about all these magical creatures around town.
It reminded me of the Spiderwick chronicles but it was funny. The sister, Mabel, she was great. Silly. Goofy. She made me laugh. Which was ironic because the last thing I felt like doing was laughing, and yet I was.
I sat snuggled into the corner of the couch with my knees tucked up close to me, the blanket wrapped around me and kept me in a nice pocket of warmth. Harry was bustling around the kitchen but now I had my attention turned out the window.
It was still raining, droplets running down the glass, making the world outside seem like it was under water. The window was fogged, and before I realized it I was standing up, blanket still wrapped around me and walking toward the window. I hesitantly raised my hand and let my fingers drag across the glass, leaving lines as fog was removed.
I tilted my head slightly as I drew a circle in my direct line of sight, then wiped the inside so I created a sort of port hole which I was now peering out of. Outside the window was a fire escape with just one flower pot sitting out in the rain. The hypnotic sound of the rain falling onto the metal keep me there.
Drip. Drop. Drip. Drop. Drip. Drop.
“Lilas?” Harry’s voice came from behind me suddenly.
I must have zoned out.
I tilted my head down slightly but didn’t turn around to face him. The blanket around me suddenly felt like it weighed twenty pounds.
Peter was on a train right now. Vooming to fucking Spain. He showed qualities of management material so now he was off, soon to be headed to bigger and better things. It would only be a matter of time before he was gone permanently too. Just like my parents. Just like Luke. And what would I have left? Nothing.
No job. No friends. No family.
And who fucking knows how long this One Direction run is going to last. They’re fucking celebrities. International. Fucking headlining across the world. Millions of fans. It was only a matter of time before they left too. The world at their finger tips and I would be nothing more than another guest star in the fabulous movie that was their life.
That wasn’t fair of me to say, I know. But I couldn’t help it as the thought of being eternally, inevitably, undeniably, alone consumed me. I felt like a heavy weight was attaching my veins. I let out a soft sigh, and before I even realized what I was doing, I turned around to face Harry.
He stood a few feet away, he’d set down two bowls of chicken noodle soup on the coffee table, napkins and spoons all ready to go. It was so sweet I grimaced internally, but by then I couldn’t control myself.
My lips crashed into Harry’s with such need I don’t think he could have stopped me if he tried.
Which he didn’t, of course.
He was surprised, but it didn’t take long before his lips were working against mine. They were soft, familiar almost. I didn’t remember anything about our first encounter which made this even more interesting. His fingers had found their way to my hair, working them into a firm grip as he kissed my lips harder.
His other hand was now on my lower back, guiding me closer to him. He put pressure there that made my entire back tingle; it was like pressure being released from a tense spot., like the feeling of cracking your back or letting out a big yawn. It felt good.
It felt really good.
It wasn’t long until he had me backed up against a wall, kissing me vigorously. My hands were caught deep in his curly brown locks, something I’d thought about doing probably since the first time I saw him. He let out a growl as I pulled lightly at his roots, causing him to suddenly grab my legs and hook them around his sides.
I was lifted into the air momentarily before he again pressed me against the wall. One hand on my lower back, the other on my butt as his lips moved from my mouth and down to my neck. I felt him bite and nibble at the sensitive skin, he started sucking but I moved my head in order to stop him.
Hickeys were a no.
That didn’t deter him for long, for now he was pulling me away from the wall and working his way toward the hallway. I stayed clinging to him; there was an indescribable feeling as he held me close to him. Even more as his lips ravished my mouth, the way his eyes displayed so much longing every time they locked with mine.
I felt, wanted… needed….desired.
And I sure as hell didn’t feel alone.
2/21/13