Blooming
Working Things Out
~Lily~
I instinctively pushed my hand forward, slamming the door shut in Calum’s face before I could even realise what I was doing. He thinks he loves me. Calum thinks he loves me. How could Calum think he loves me?
“Lily… Lily please open up. We can talk about this.” He sounded slightly defeated and hurt and I knew I had to do something, I had to repair our friendship. For the second time in the past five minutes I opened the front door to my sister’s house. Cowering slightly behind the door I opened it wide enough for Calum to enter before closing it shut.
“I’m so-” I cut him off quickly, remembering that I still had Mandy on video chat.
“I’ll be right back, I’m on the phone with someone and I just need to end that with them. We need to talk after I do that.” He nodded understandingly and waved me off, shoving his hands into his pockets afterwards.
I quickly rushed up stairs, desperate to get out of the room and the awkward tension flooding it. By the time I was back in Mandy’s eye line I was completely frazzled. How was I going to deal with this?
“So I talked to-” Mandy became another person I cut off today.
“Mandy, not now please. Calum is here and we desperately need to have a conversation about something he just told me so I can’t hang around and discuss this, as much as I would prefer to.” Taking in my state, Mandy nodded in dismissal.
“Okay, call me after this if you have it in you. I’ll let you deal with this and I’ll email through the information you’re going to need in the time you’re gone. I hope everything works out, and if not don’t be disheartened, you’ll get there in the end.”
“Thanks Mandy, I’ll talk to you when I can.” She nodded sending me a thumbs up before her face flashed of the screen.
I spent the next few minutes pacing around wondering what I was going to say to Calum. I didn’t love him… at least not like that. As much as I didn’t like to admit it, my heart belonged to someone else.
How are we supposed to figure this out? Where do we go from here? I don’t think I can deal with this situation that I’ve gotten myself into. I just keep digging myself deeper and deeper into this whole I’ve somehow found myself in and I’ve got to get out before it is too late. I shook my head in an attempt to clear it of the conflicting thoughts, and made my way back into the room I had left Calum in, praying for the best.
His eyes were observing my every movement, obviously more certain about what he wanted to say than I was. My attention was focussed on a family photo Sarah had up on the wall off to the side of where Calum stood as I tried to collect my thoughts.
“Lily, I’m really sorry.” Calum started and my eyes darted from the picture to him and back to the picture.
“You don’t need to apologise about anything Calum.”
“Yes I do, I just charged in here and thrust my feelings onto you when you don’t even want to talk to me. Why am I not good enough for you Lily? I try so hard to get you to look at me like you look at Luke but none of my attempts have ever changed your mind, or your heart. It took me so long to actually acknowledge my feelings for you, you were just supposed to be my best friend, nothing more. But it’s you Lily, I can’t get you out of my head, I don’t want to get you out of my head. You just have that effect on people. Look at how far you got in the public eye, everyone loves you. You have this air around you, it’s as if breathing it puts you into a spell. A spell that I tried so hard to not be possessed by but there was nothing I could do about it when it came to the crunch.”
I had to sit down. What was so special about me? These boys have met models, have countless attractive fans dying to be in this kind of position yet he chooses me, a boring girl who he grew up with in Australia. My ‘fame’ as everyone likes to call it has no impact on the way the boys see me, I’m still the same girl they used to know, nothing has really changed but my schedule and the size of my bank account.
“Please say something,” this whisper of desperation drew me back to the present moment.
“I’m sorry Cal, I’m so sorry. I want to be able to tell you that I feel the same, I want to make you happy but I can’t. I can’t see you as more than my best friend. I’m really sorry.” The room was filled with silence before Calum moved to sit right by my side. I felt bad for dragging him along like I had in relation to the Luke thing. I felt awkward and I also really wanted to cry. I didn’t deserve Calum, I’m a complete mess and I don’t understand how he sees all these things in me. He deserves a beautiful girl who loves him for him, he shouldn’t be wasting him time chasing after someone like me.
Before I could comprehend what I was doing I was pressing my index fingers to the bridge of my nose, squeezing my eyes shut so he wouldn’t see me tearing up. I had been crying so much recently, and I was so over it. A strong arm wrapped over my shoulder and I was pulled into Calum’s broad frame.
“Don’t be sorry. I knew that my feelings weren’t mutual and in time I’ll get over it. I just had to get it off my chest, I had to let you know because it’s been driving me insane. I can’t comprehend how in the world Luke has lasted so long in this position.” I think the last sentence was meant for his ears only, but our close proximity allowed me to hear it loud and clear. What did he mean? I didn’t want to ask him though, I didn’t want to cause any problems between us or make anything else awkward so I just let it go.
A wave of silence rolled through the room before another question formed in my head. “What are we now?” I mumbled, knowing he would hear me.
“What do you mean?” I turned to look at his confused face, chuckling slightly in a nervous way.
“Well like, we were fake-dating, if we can even call it that anymore. Where does that leave us now? Do we go back to being best friends or do you want to continue whatever this is?”
“I don’t think it would be smart for us to keep this going. I don’t want to keep holding you back from being with other people just because I have strong feelings for you, and us being apart would help me to move on quicker so you wouldn’t have to worry about me any more. I just want the best for you, like the rest of the boys. They really want you back on tour, we all miss you and I hate that something I created pushed you away. I hate that so much, Bill.”
“Calum, no. I agreed to this. It’s not your fault, don’t beat yourself up about it. We all need space sometimes. It just happened to be now that I need it. I’ve gotten to spend some really great time with my family though, so I’m grateful for that. I miss you all as well, but this has been really good.” I really didn’t want him to feel bad about this. Yeah, our decisions weren’t exactly the smartest but he shouldn’t feel like he needs to take the blame for it.
“I still feel bad about what happened. Please tell me you’re coming back on tour soon. We need you there. We haven’t been functioning correctly with you gone.” He paused for a second as I raised an eyebrow at him. “Shit, shitshitshitshitshit. God Lily, I’m so sorry. I have to go like right now, I’ve done something really stupid. Please promise me that I’ll be seeing you back on tour really soon.”
Confused, I nodded, following a very rushed Calum to the door. He pulled me into a very quick hug, pressing his lips to my cheek before pulling away. “Thanks for listening, and look, I’m really sorry about everything and I’m sorry that I have to run off like this but-”
I laughed, cutting him off. “It’s alright, Cal, I’ll see you soon. Go do whatever it is that you have to do.”
“Thanks Billy, you’re the best.” He called as he climbed into a car that he must’ve obtained from somewhere, before he pulled out of Sarah’s driveway and was off to wherever he had to be.
I retreated back inside the house and headed to my makeshift room, calling Mandy on the way there. While I was packing we discussed the way in which management was handling the situation and the things I had to do when I got back on tour with the boys. They wanted me to spend more time with some of the other girls on tour and to be seen out in group situations more to disperse any rumours. They didn’t think they’d hang around long anyway, there’s always someone new to move on to.
I also decided that it would be best to let everyone know that I was coming back on tour, sending out a group message informing them of my return and briefly apologising for my abrupt departure. Of course I would have to apologise to them in more depth once I got back to them tonight or tomorrow, but it would be much better for me to do it in person.
Sometime later I was finished packing and was watching Netflix on Sarah’s couch, completely neglecting the work I was going to do and waiting for her to come home so I could tell her the news. I was a little sad to be leaving them so soon into my stay but I knew I had to go. At least they’d be moving much closer to me in the next few months.
The click of the door opening drew my attention away from Orange is the New Black. I watched as Sarah came in, followed by Craig who was carrying Kat. They paused in the doorway, Sarah blowing a raspberry on Kat’s stomach as Craig smiled fondly at his two girls. I watched on in envy, wishing that that could be me. I wish someone looked at me the way Craig did Sarah, and there are days when all I want is a family of my own. Sarah is so lucky and she doesn’t even realise it.
My attention flickered back to the TV when Craig looked up to see me watching them. I had lost interest in the show playing, I’d probably re-watch it later when I get bored on tour. Sarah announced that she was taking Kat to play on the swing outside after she greeted me but I was very aware of Craig’s presence after she left the room.
“Hey, how’s everything going?” He asked as he approached me, taking a seat next to me on the couch.
“It’s… intense. But I’m going back on tour tomorrow so I’ll be out of your hair.”
“Don’t say that like you think we don’t want you here, Sarah, Kat and I love having you around. You’re so good with Kat and you make our job as her parents so much easier by keeping her entertained. Don’t ever feel like you’re intruding here, and if you want to stay longer you’re more than welcome.” The sincerity in his voice was so clear and true. Sarah was so lucky to have someone like Craig, someone who cares so much about everything surrounding her life.
“I just... you’re so close nit as a family. I’d hate to screw up your schedule or bring unneeded drama into your life. Which is exactly what I’ve done. I’m really sorry.”
“There’s nothing to apologise for Lily. You’re basically my little sister already, and sooner or later you will be, legally. No matter how much you try to deny it, we love having you here, we’re pretty isolated out here. And these so called ‘problems’ that you bring with you are refreshing. When you have your own children you’ll understand that life gets pretty boring. I love Kat to pieces but with her arrival Sarah and I did lose certain parts of our lives. You being here reminds us of how far we’ve come, and I hope that we can help you recognise that life gets better and that everything works out.”
“It’s just, it’s hard, you know.” I said, my voice weak from the effect his kind words were having on me.
“Of course I do, but never feel unwelcome or intrusive in this house. If you ever need to have a break you’re more than welcome here, and please don’t feel pressured to leave if you don’t want to yet.”
“That’s very kind of you, Craig, but I really do have to get back on tour. Management wants me to get back to clear up some of the rumours that have been created since I left, and I need to work things out with Ashton, Michael and the rest of them. I saw Calum today and he’s expecting me back on tour since we worked everything out.”
“And Luke?” Why does everyone keep asking about him? “You didn’t mention him.”
“Oh right, I saw him when Sarah, Kat and I went out this morning.”
“Yeah, I saw the headlines.” Shit.
“Are they bad?”
“They could be worse but you can check them out later. I just wanted to check that you worked stuff out between the two of you.”
“Yeah, yeah we did. Luke’s great, he’s really accepting and supportive of everything.” I smiled fondly, thinking about the tall blonde.
“Just... check out those articles, okay. You may have more to talk to him about.”
“Ok, and thanks for everything Craig.”
“It’s what I’m here for.”
I instinctively pushed my hand forward, slamming the door shut in Calum’s face before I could even realise what I was doing. He thinks he loves me. Calum thinks he loves me. How could Calum think he loves me?
“Lily… Lily please open up. We can talk about this.” He sounded slightly defeated and hurt and I knew I had to do something, I had to repair our friendship. For the second time in the past five minutes I opened the front door to my sister’s house. Cowering slightly behind the door I opened it wide enough for Calum to enter before closing it shut.
“I’m so-” I cut him off quickly, remembering that I still had Mandy on video chat.
“I’ll be right back, I’m on the phone with someone and I just need to end that with them. We need to talk after I do that.” He nodded understandingly and waved me off, shoving his hands into his pockets afterwards.
I quickly rushed up stairs, desperate to get out of the room and the awkward tension flooding it. By the time I was back in Mandy’s eye line I was completely frazzled. How was I going to deal with this?
“So I talked to-” Mandy became another person I cut off today.
“Mandy, not now please. Calum is here and we desperately need to have a conversation about something he just told me so I can’t hang around and discuss this, as much as I would prefer to.” Taking in my state, Mandy nodded in dismissal.
“Okay, call me after this if you have it in you. I’ll let you deal with this and I’ll email through the information you’re going to need in the time you’re gone. I hope everything works out, and if not don’t be disheartened, you’ll get there in the end.”
“Thanks Mandy, I’ll talk to you when I can.” She nodded sending me a thumbs up before her face flashed of the screen.
I spent the next few minutes pacing around wondering what I was going to say to Calum. I didn’t love him… at least not like that. As much as I didn’t like to admit it, my heart belonged to someone else.
How are we supposed to figure this out? Where do we go from here? I don’t think I can deal with this situation that I’ve gotten myself into. I just keep digging myself deeper and deeper into this whole I’ve somehow found myself in and I’ve got to get out before it is too late. I shook my head in an attempt to clear it of the conflicting thoughts, and made my way back into the room I had left Calum in, praying for the best.
His eyes were observing my every movement, obviously more certain about what he wanted to say than I was. My attention was focussed on a family photo Sarah had up on the wall off to the side of where Calum stood as I tried to collect my thoughts.
“Lily, I’m really sorry.” Calum started and my eyes darted from the picture to him and back to the picture.
“You don’t need to apologise about anything Calum.”
“Yes I do, I just charged in here and thrust my feelings onto you when you don’t even want to talk to me. Why am I not good enough for you Lily? I try so hard to get you to look at me like you look at Luke but none of my attempts have ever changed your mind, or your heart. It took me so long to actually acknowledge my feelings for you, you were just supposed to be my best friend, nothing more. But it’s you Lily, I can’t get you out of my head, I don’t want to get you out of my head. You just have that effect on people. Look at how far you got in the public eye, everyone loves you. You have this air around you, it’s as if breathing it puts you into a spell. A spell that I tried so hard to not be possessed by but there was nothing I could do about it when it came to the crunch.”
I had to sit down. What was so special about me? These boys have met models, have countless attractive fans dying to be in this kind of position yet he chooses me, a boring girl who he grew up with in Australia. My ‘fame’ as everyone likes to call it has no impact on the way the boys see me, I’m still the same girl they used to know, nothing has really changed but my schedule and the size of my bank account.
“Please say something,” this whisper of desperation drew me back to the present moment.
“I’m sorry Cal, I’m so sorry. I want to be able to tell you that I feel the same, I want to make you happy but I can’t. I can’t see you as more than my best friend. I’m really sorry.” The room was filled with silence before Calum moved to sit right by my side. I felt bad for dragging him along like I had in relation to the Luke thing. I felt awkward and I also really wanted to cry. I didn’t deserve Calum, I’m a complete mess and I don’t understand how he sees all these things in me. He deserves a beautiful girl who loves him for him, he shouldn’t be wasting him time chasing after someone like me.
Before I could comprehend what I was doing I was pressing my index fingers to the bridge of my nose, squeezing my eyes shut so he wouldn’t see me tearing up. I had been crying so much recently, and I was so over it. A strong arm wrapped over my shoulder and I was pulled into Calum’s broad frame.
“Don’t be sorry. I knew that my feelings weren’t mutual and in time I’ll get over it. I just had to get it off my chest, I had to let you know because it’s been driving me insane. I can’t comprehend how in the world Luke has lasted so long in this position.” I think the last sentence was meant for his ears only, but our close proximity allowed me to hear it loud and clear. What did he mean? I didn’t want to ask him though, I didn’t want to cause any problems between us or make anything else awkward so I just let it go.
A wave of silence rolled through the room before another question formed in my head. “What are we now?” I mumbled, knowing he would hear me.
“What do you mean?” I turned to look at his confused face, chuckling slightly in a nervous way.
“Well like, we were fake-dating, if we can even call it that anymore. Where does that leave us now? Do we go back to being best friends or do you want to continue whatever this is?”
“I don’t think it would be smart for us to keep this going. I don’t want to keep holding you back from being with other people just because I have strong feelings for you, and us being apart would help me to move on quicker so you wouldn’t have to worry about me any more. I just want the best for you, like the rest of the boys. They really want you back on tour, we all miss you and I hate that something I created pushed you away. I hate that so much, Bill.”
“Calum, no. I agreed to this. It’s not your fault, don’t beat yourself up about it. We all need space sometimes. It just happened to be now that I need it. I’ve gotten to spend some really great time with my family though, so I’m grateful for that. I miss you all as well, but this has been really good.” I really didn’t want him to feel bad about this. Yeah, our decisions weren’t exactly the smartest but he shouldn’t feel like he needs to take the blame for it.
“I still feel bad about what happened. Please tell me you’re coming back on tour soon. We need you there. We haven’t been functioning correctly with you gone.” He paused for a second as I raised an eyebrow at him. “Shit, shitshitshitshitshit. God Lily, I’m so sorry. I have to go like right now, I’ve done something really stupid. Please promise me that I’ll be seeing you back on tour really soon.”
Confused, I nodded, following a very rushed Calum to the door. He pulled me into a very quick hug, pressing his lips to my cheek before pulling away. “Thanks for listening, and look, I’m really sorry about everything and I’m sorry that I have to run off like this but-”
I laughed, cutting him off. “It’s alright, Cal, I’ll see you soon. Go do whatever it is that you have to do.”
“Thanks Billy, you’re the best.” He called as he climbed into a car that he must’ve obtained from somewhere, before he pulled out of Sarah’s driveway and was off to wherever he had to be.
I retreated back inside the house and headed to my makeshift room, calling Mandy on the way there. While I was packing we discussed the way in which management was handling the situation and the things I had to do when I got back on tour with the boys. They wanted me to spend more time with some of the other girls on tour and to be seen out in group situations more to disperse any rumours. They didn’t think they’d hang around long anyway, there’s always someone new to move on to.
I also decided that it would be best to let everyone know that I was coming back on tour, sending out a group message informing them of my return and briefly apologising for my abrupt departure. Of course I would have to apologise to them in more depth once I got back to them tonight or tomorrow, but it would be much better for me to do it in person.
Sometime later I was finished packing and was watching Netflix on Sarah’s couch, completely neglecting the work I was going to do and waiting for her to come home so I could tell her the news. I was a little sad to be leaving them so soon into my stay but I knew I had to go. At least they’d be moving much closer to me in the next few months.
The click of the door opening drew my attention away from Orange is the New Black. I watched as Sarah came in, followed by Craig who was carrying Kat. They paused in the doorway, Sarah blowing a raspberry on Kat’s stomach as Craig smiled fondly at his two girls. I watched on in envy, wishing that that could be me. I wish someone looked at me the way Craig did Sarah, and there are days when all I want is a family of my own. Sarah is so lucky and she doesn’t even realise it.
My attention flickered back to the TV when Craig looked up to see me watching them. I had lost interest in the show playing, I’d probably re-watch it later when I get bored on tour. Sarah announced that she was taking Kat to play on the swing outside after she greeted me but I was very aware of Craig’s presence after she left the room.
“Hey, how’s everything going?” He asked as he approached me, taking a seat next to me on the couch.
“It’s… intense. But I’m going back on tour tomorrow so I’ll be out of your hair.”
“Don’t say that like you think we don’t want you here, Sarah, Kat and I love having you around. You’re so good with Kat and you make our job as her parents so much easier by keeping her entertained. Don’t ever feel like you’re intruding here, and if you want to stay longer you’re more than welcome.” The sincerity in his voice was so clear and true. Sarah was so lucky to have someone like Craig, someone who cares so much about everything surrounding her life.
“I just... you’re so close nit as a family. I’d hate to screw up your schedule or bring unneeded drama into your life. Which is exactly what I’ve done. I’m really sorry.”
“There’s nothing to apologise for Lily. You’re basically my little sister already, and sooner or later you will be, legally. No matter how much you try to deny it, we love having you here, we’re pretty isolated out here. And these so called ‘problems’ that you bring with you are refreshing. When you have your own children you’ll understand that life gets pretty boring. I love Kat to pieces but with her arrival Sarah and I did lose certain parts of our lives. You being here reminds us of how far we’ve come, and I hope that we can help you recognise that life gets better and that everything works out.”
“It’s just, it’s hard, you know.” I said, my voice weak from the effect his kind words were having on me.
“Of course I do, but never feel unwelcome or intrusive in this house. If you ever need to have a break you’re more than welcome here, and please don’t feel pressured to leave if you don’t want to yet.”
“That’s very kind of you, Craig, but I really do have to get back on tour. Management wants me to get back to clear up some of the rumours that have been created since I left, and I need to work things out with Ashton, Michael and the rest of them. I saw Calum today and he’s expecting me back on tour since we worked everything out.”
“And Luke?” Why does everyone keep asking about him? “You didn’t mention him.”
“Oh right, I saw him when Sarah, Kat and I went out this morning.”
“Yeah, I saw the headlines.” Shit.
“Are they bad?”
“They could be worse but you can check them out later. I just wanted to check that you worked stuff out between the two of you.”
“Yeah, yeah we did. Luke’s great, he’s really accepting and supportive of everything.” I smiled fondly, thinking about the tall blonde.
“Just... check out those articles, okay. You may have more to talk to him about.”
“Ok, and thanks for everything Craig.”
“It’s what I’m here for.”
Notes
Hey y'all!
I'm so sorry this took so long - especially since I left it on a cliffhanger
I had written two chapters that I really didn't like so I had to think a little longer to come up with this so I hope you like it
Side note - I'M GOING TO 5SOS TOMORROW I'm very exited to see my boys lol keen af
Anyways, please remember to comment - I didn't get any feedback on the last chapter :( and vote/subscribe
Until Next Update
ILY <3
xxg
Please update! I just started the book(and finished it) and love it! Update as soon as you can please. :) <3
1/11/17