Blooming
Running
~Lily~
“Fuck,” I cursed under my breathe and turned on my heel, sprinting the best that I could with a baby in my arms. A baby who kept wailing ‘Loot! No Loot!’. That’s what she must have been getting at.
My name was called followed by a patter of footsteps but I ignored him the best I could. I couldn’t face him, at least not yet. The bags under his eyes and the dishevelled hair was enough to make me sick to the stomach with guilt. I had caused that to the man I lo- the man I really cared about. Well either it was me or he was having trouble with his lovely girlfriend.
Just as his footsteps were slowing and fading I heard another voice call my name.
“There you are Lily. Oh and you got Kat. Why are you puffing?” My sister bombarded me, taking her daughter out of my arms.
“Lily, wait up.” Luke came to a stop beside me but I ignored his pleading eyes.
“Oh,” Sarah said as she looked between the two of us. Kat was squirming in her arms reaching for Luke and chanting Loot’s incessantly. “Hey Luke, would you like to nurse Kat? She looks pretty determined to get to you.” She smiled sweetly at him.
I reached out to stop the interaction. “I’m sure Luke would love to but we have to go to that super important thing I was telling you about before, it’s imperative we leave now if we want to make it.”
“Nonsense, we don’t have anywhere to be. I just wanted to have a look in a few of the stores around here for some new clothes for Kat. In fact, I’ll go do that and you two can catch up on the past few days that you’ve had apart. I’m sure you can play with her later Luke, I just need to make sure the things I buy fit her so I’ll have to the her with me.” If looks could kill… She’s serious going to pay for this later. I watched as she discretely winked at me before turning and sauntering off in the opposite direction, leaving me alone with Luke and my guilty conscience.
“Can we talk?” Luke asked in his usual timid voice. I bit the inside of my cheek and finally turned to face him. I resisted the urge to say no and make a run for it, instead I hesitantly nodded my head in agreement.
Luke gestured to a bench located not far from us and we agreed to take a seat at it. We both took a moment to collect our thoughts before I opened my mouth, not being able to control myself.
“Are you okay?” Luke turned to me, a confused look on his face.
“You’re asking me if I’m ok? I should be asking you that. I can’t express to you how sorry I am and how bad I feel for not being able to stop and comfort you when I found you and Harry outside, I feel horrible that I didn’t get a chance to see what was bothering you.” He talked without breathing.
“Luke please don’t worry about that. I was just overwhelmed and nothing you could have said would have made me stay. It’s been really hard to be away from you all these past few days and I miss you like crazy but this was a really, really good idea. I’ve reconnected with my family so much and it’s been amazing to spend time with them. And I’ve been able to recollect my thoughts and sort through a few things a whole lot better now that everyone is not surrounding me. I just wish Calum would make it easier on me, he won’t leave me alone. It’s beginning to feel suffocating. Exactly how I felt before I left you guys that night.”
Luke’s eyebrows creased. “What’s he been doing? You’ve seen me, Calum’s a whole new level worse.” He confirmed my worse fears. I had caused this to him, and now he’s telling me that Cal’s worse? How do I end up in these messes?
I showed Luke my phone. “I understand that it’s hard for him to be away from me but I specifically asked for him to leave me alone just for this period of time, if anything it’s pushing me away more.” I informed him with a regretful sigh.
“You did just break up with him, basically,” Luke pointed out. “You can understand where he is coming from. I also understand why you’re annoyed about it and that’s fine as well. Just turn your phone off or something until you’re ready to work things out with him.”
“I shouldn’t have to do that, you know?” I ran my fingers through my hair, slightly tugging on the tips. “How is he coping with the whole ‘break’ thing?” I asked nervously. Calum isn’t supposed to like me, it was never part of the plan. I don’t like him like that and I don’t think there’s anything he can do to change my mind. I just can’t see him in that way. He’s always been my best friend and that’s how he will always stay to me. I can’t seem to see anyone as more than a friend anymore but Luke. It’s driving me insane. Why am I so mentally challenged?
“He’s… distant. I think that’s the best way to put it. He comes out to perform, eat and use the bathroom, but that’s all we see of him. He won’t talk to us when he comes out of his room either. Ashton’s been the only one to talk to him but he’s barely been able to get anything to come out of his mouth since you left. He’s not himself.” What did I do to deserve this?
I let out a deep sigh, Luke wrapping his arm around me comfortingly, allowing me to nestle my face into his neck. “I’m sorry, I’m so, so sorry that I’ve done this to you all. I didn’t know what else to do.” I whimpered into his neck like the broken girl I am. I focussed all my energy on holding back my tears but I’m not sure if any amount of energy would hold the strength to control them.
Luke’s other arm wrapped around my small form, drawing me closer to him as he buried his face in my hair. “Shhhh, I understand that you need a break from everything. It’s alright to need a break sometimes.”
“I feel like such a fuck up Luke. I’m blocking all of you out because of certain choices I’ve made, mistakes I’ve made. I’m fucking you all over. I’m such a bitch to you all – I have no idea how you’ve put up with me all these years. I’m so infinitely sorry for all the trouble and pain I’ve caused. I’m such a mess.” I blubbered into his neck and he pulled me even closer if that was possible, tightening his grip on me as I let it all out on his shoulder.
“Calm down, Lily. It’s going to be alright babe. It’s all going to be okay, you don’t have to apologise. We all make mistakes and we all need to take a break from each other sometimes, it’s alright. Shhh.” He comforted me as he stroked his hand up and down my back. I just wish I could believe his sweet nothings.
~Luke~
Broken. That’s the first word that comes to mind to describe Lily right now. The sobs that racked her body shook my arms that cocooned her petite frame. I couldn’t see her face as it was still buried into the crook of my neck but I was sure her mascara was streaked down her pretty little face. Seeing her like this hurt me more than I could have ever imagined. I wanted to cry it was that bad. Manly tears of course. I just could not wrap my head around how she could have been feeling the horrible and not one of us picked up on it. What kind of friends are we if we can’t even see when she’s upset, in pain, broken?It just doesn’t sit right with me at all. I really just want to punch myself in the face for not seeing this earlier. I love her and here she is crying in my arms, it’s just not right.
“Shhhh,” I cooed as I rocked us back and forth slightly, like I was trying to calm a baby. “We’ll get through this together alright. I lo- We all love you, you have nothing to worry about. We’re the bigger idiots, you should know that.” I felt proud when she tried to stifle a small giggle into my neck but was more focussed on how fucking daft I am. I almost told her that I love her, which isn’t untrue but she’d never want to hear that someone like me loves a girl as amazing as her. I’m just a screw up. This situation just proves that. I’m just an idiot.
“I love you all too,” I heard her murmur causing me to look down at her with a sad smile, brushing some of her hair back into place and continuing the rubbing of my hand up and down her back.
We sat quietly for a few minutes. I was humming softly to her as she calmed herself down. The feeling of content that overcame me, sitting here with Lily in my arms, was so intense and amazing and I almost wanted for her to never feel better just so I could continue to hold her like this, to allow me the few minutes to believe that we had something with each other, that she just might want me like I need her. It was just false hope, of course, but I could let my thoughts take me there for a few minutes every once in a while. To imagine what it could be like, and what I’ve missed out on so far.
I was torn from my thoughts as Lily began to pull away from me, peering up at me with a small smile on her tears stained face. I rubbed the black from under her eyes and on her cheeks, wiping the residue onto my jeans. She took a hold of my hand causing my heart to race like the love-struck idiot I am, and fiddled with my calloused finger tips before she slid her fingers between mine.
“I’m sorry,” she whispered but I shook my head. “I’m serious, Luke.”
“You don’t have to be sorry, stop apologising.” She rolled her eyes at me.
“But I need to, I’m being such an-”
“Stop talking, I don’t want to here it.” I said with a smirk, the mood lightening with each passing moment.
“But Luke…”
“No.”
I turned away from her pouty face to watch the passing crowds with a smile on my face. Shortly after Lily joined me after releasing a sigh, resting her head on my shoulder.
“Sorry for ruining your shirt.” she apologised at a rushed speed so I couldn’t object quick enough.
“It’s not ruined, and stop apologising or I’m going to have to make you stop talking.” I didn’t realise how suggestive that sounded until after the words slipped past my lips and a quiet gasp sounded from Lily. “Fuck, not like that, you’re still kind of dating my best friend and I have a girlfriend and that would be too weird. Far out, I’m sorry, I should just stop talking.” Idiot. Complete and utter idiot.
The whole mood changed drastically and yet again I was overcome with the feeling of wanting to punch myself in the face multiple times. Luckily Sarah and Kat appeared in front of us, Sarah asking if we were done. We both stood and Lily turned to face with me with sad eyes again before she wrapped her arms around me. I was shocked for a moment before my arms moved around her waist, holding her close to me.
“I’m sorry.” I told her hating myself for upsetting her again.
“Don’t worry, Luke, I’m fine. I should be the one sorry. I’ll see you in a bit okay. Good luck with all the concerts and you can say hi to everyone from me if you want to, if you think it might help improve the way everyone has been acting.”
“Stop saying sorry,” I told her as I pulled away from her a bit. “And please come back soon. We all miss you like crazy, I miss you like crazy,” I told her the last bit in a quieter voice.
“Bye Luke,” she told me pulling me into another quick hug before she completely removed herself from my arms.
“I’ll see you soon.” I told her looking her directly in the eyes before I said a quick goodbye to Kat and Sarah, who invited me to come around any time especially because Kat seemed to really like me. I sent them all another quick wave and then I was on my way again, alone with my thoughts spinning around in my head like a tornado.
I entered the main room of our spacious hotel and shut the door behind me, turning around to be slammed into it by a furious looking Calum. What was going on here?
“Fuck,” I cursed under my breathe and turned on my heel, sprinting the best that I could with a baby in my arms. A baby who kept wailing ‘Loot! No Loot!’. That’s what she must have been getting at.
My name was called followed by a patter of footsteps but I ignored him the best I could. I couldn’t face him, at least not yet. The bags under his eyes and the dishevelled hair was enough to make me sick to the stomach with guilt. I had caused that to the man I lo- the man I really cared about. Well either it was me or he was having trouble with his lovely girlfriend.
Just as his footsteps were slowing and fading I heard another voice call my name.
“There you are Lily. Oh and you got Kat. Why are you puffing?” My sister bombarded me, taking her daughter out of my arms.
“Lily, wait up.” Luke came to a stop beside me but I ignored his pleading eyes.
“Oh,” Sarah said as she looked between the two of us. Kat was squirming in her arms reaching for Luke and chanting Loot’s incessantly. “Hey Luke, would you like to nurse Kat? She looks pretty determined to get to you.” She smiled sweetly at him.
I reached out to stop the interaction. “I’m sure Luke would love to but we have to go to that super important thing I was telling you about before, it’s imperative we leave now if we want to make it.”
“Nonsense, we don’t have anywhere to be. I just wanted to have a look in a few of the stores around here for some new clothes for Kat. In fact, I’ll go do that and you two can catch up on the past few days that you’ve had apart. I’m sure you can play with her later Luke, I just need to make sure the things I buy fit her so I’ll have to the her with me.” If looks could kill… She’s serious going to pay for this later. I watched as she discretely winked at me before turning and sauntering off in the opposite direction, leaving me alone with Luke and my guilty conscience.
“Can we talk?” Luke asked in his usual timid voice. I bit the inside of my cheek and finally turned to face him. I resisted the urge to say no and make a run for it, instead I hesitantly nodded my head in agreement.
Luke gestured to a bench located not far from us and we agreed to take a seat at it. We both took a moment to collect our thoughts before I opened my mouth, not being able to control myself.
“Are you okay?” Luke turned to me, a confused look on his face.
“You’re asking me if I’m ok? I should be asking you that. I can’t express to you how sorry I am and how bad I feel for not being able to stop and comfort you when I found you and Harry outside, I feel horrible that I didn’t get a chance to see what was bothering you.” He talked without breathing.
“Luke please don’t worry about that. I was just overwhelmed and nothing you could have said would have made me stay. It’s been really hard to be away from you all these past few days and I miss you like crazy but this was a really, really good idea. I’ve reconnected with my family so much and it’s been amazing to spend time with them. And I’ve been able to recollect my thoughts and sort through a few things a whole lot better now that everyone is not surrounding me. I just wish Calum would make it easier on me, he won’t leave me alone. It’s beginning to feel suffocating. Exactly how I felt before I left you guys that night.”
Luke’s eyebrows creased. “What’s he been doing? You’ve seen me, Calum’s a whole new level worse.” He confirmed my worse fears. I had caused this to him, and now he’s telling me that Cal’s worse? How do I end up in these messes?
I showed Luke my phone. “I understand that it’s hard for him to be away from me but I specifically asked for him to leave me alone just for this period of time, if anything it’s pushing me away more.” I informed him with a regretful sigh.
“You did just break up with him, basically,” Luke pointed out. “You can understand where he is coming from. I also understand why you’re annoyed about it and that’s fine as well. Just turn your phone off or something until you’re ready to work things out with him.”
“I shouldn’t have to do that, you know?” I ran my fingers through my hair, slightly tugging on the tips. “How is he coping with the whole ‘break’ thing?” I asked nervously. Calum isn’t supposed to like me, it was never part of the plan. I don’t like him like that and I don’t think there’s anything he can do to change my mind. I just can’t see him in that way. He’s always been my best friend and that’s how he will always stay to me. I can’t seem to see anyone as more than a friend anymore but Luke. It’s driving me insane. Why am I so mentally challenged?
“He’s… distant. I think that’s the best way to put it. He comes out to perform, eat and use the bathroom, but that’s all we see of him. He won’t talk to us when he comes out of his room either. Ashton’s been the only one to talk to him but he’s barely been able to get anything to come out of his mouth since you left. He’s not himself.” What did I do to deserve this?
I let out a deep sigh, Luke wrapping his arm around me comfortingly, allowing me to nestle my face into his neck. “I’m sorry, I’m so, so sorry that I’ve done this to you all. I didn’t know what else to do.” I whimpered into his neck like the broken girl I am. I focussed all my energy on holding back my tears but I’m not sure if any amount of energy would hold the strength to control them.
Luke’s other arm wrapped around my small form, drawing me closer to him as he buried his face in my hair. “Shhhh, I understand that you need a break from everything. It’s alright to need a break sometimes.”
“I feel like such a fuck up Luke. I’m blocking all of you out because of certain choices I’ve made, mistakes I’ve made. I’m fucking you all over. I’m such a bitch to you all – I have no idea how you’ve put up with me all these years. I’m so infinitely sorry for all the trouble and pain I’ve caused. I’m such a mess.” I blubbered into his neck and he pulled me even closer if that was possible, tightening his grip on me as I let it all out on his shoulder.
“Calm down, Lily. It’s going to be alright babe. It’s all going to be okay, you don’t have to apologise. We all make mistakes and we all need to take a break from each other sometimes, it’s alright. Shhh.” He comforted me as he stroked his hand up and down my back. I just wish I could believe his sweet nothings.
~Luke~
Broken. That’s the first word that comes to mind to describe Lily right now. The sobs that racked her body shook my arms that cocooned her petite frame. I couldn’t see her face as it was still buried into the crook of my neck but I was sure her mascara was streaked down her pretty little face. Seeing her like this hurt me more than I could have ever imagined. I wanted to cry it was that bad. Manly tears of course. I just could not wrap my head around how she could have been feeling the horrible and not one of us picked up on it. What kind of friends are we if we can’t even see when she’s upset, in pain, broken?It just doesn’t sit right with me at all. I really just want to punch myself in the face for not seeing this earlier. I love her and here she is crying in my arms, it’s just not right.
“Shhhh,” I cooed as I rocked us back and forth slightly, like I was trying to calm a baby. “We’ll get through this together alright. I lo- We all love you, you have nothing to worry about. We’re the bigger idiots, you should know that.” I felt proud when she tried to stifle a small giggle into my neck but was more focussed on how fucking daft I am. I almost told her that I love her, which isn’t untrue but she’d never want to hear that someone like me loves a girl as amazing as her. I’m just a screw up. This situation just proves that. I’m just an idiot.
“I love you all too,” I heard her murmur causing me to look down at her with a sad smile, brushing some of her hair back into place and continuing the rubbing of my hand up and down her back.
We sat quietly for a few minutes. I was humming softly to her as she calmed herself down. The feeling of content that overcame me, sitting here with Lily in my arms, was so intense and amazing and I almost wanted for her to never feel better just so I could continue to hold her like this, to allow me the few minutes to believe that we had something with each other, that she just might want me like I need her. It was just false hope, of course, but I could let my thoughts take me there for a few minutes every once in a while. To imagine what it could be like, and what I’ve missed out on so far.
I was torn from my thoughts as Lily began to pull away from me, peering up at me with a small smile on her tears stained face. I rubbed the black from under her eyes and on her cheeks, wiping the residue onto my jeans. She took a hold of my hand causing my heart to race like the love-struck idiot I am, and fiddled with my calloused finger tips before she slid her fingers between mine.
“I’m sorry,” she whispered but I shook my head. “I’m serious, Luke.”
“You don’t have to be sorry, stop apologising.” She rolled her eyes at me.
“But I need to, I’m being such an-”
“Stop talking, I don’t want to here it.” I said with a smirk, the mood lightening with each passing moment.
“But Luke…”
“No.”
I turned away from her pouty face to watch the passing crowds with a smile on my face. Shortly after Lily joined me after releasing a sigh, resting her head on my shoulder.
“Sorry for ruining your shirt.” she apologised at a rushed speed so I couldn’t object quick enough.
“It’s not ruined, and stop apologising or I’m going to have to make you stop talking.” I didn’t realise how suggestive that sounded until after the words slipped past my lips and a quiet gasp sounded from Lily. “Fuck, not like that, you’re still kind of dating my best friend and I have a girlfriend and that would be too weird. Far out, I’m sorry, I should just stop talking.” Idiot. Complete and utter idiot.
The whole mood changed drastically and yet again I was overcome with the feeling of wanting to punch myself in the face multiple times. Luckily Sarah and Kat appeared in front of us, Sarah asking if we were done. We both stood and Lily turned to face with me with sad eyes again before she wrapped her arms around me. I was shocked for a moment before my arms moved around her waist, holding her close to me.
“I’m sorry.” I told her hating myself for upsetting her again.
“Don’t worry, Luke, I’m fine. I should be the one sorry. I’ll see you in a bit okay. Good luck with all the concerts and you can say hi to everyone from me if you want to, if you think it might help improve the way everyone has been acting.”
“Stop saying sorry,” I told her as I pulled away from her a bit. “And please come back soon. We all miss you like crazy, I miss you like crazy,” I told her the last bit in a quieter voice.
“Bye Luke,” she told me pulling me into another quick hug before she completely removed herself from my arms.
“I’ll see you soon.” I told her looking her directly in the eyes before I said a quick goodbye to Kat and Sarah, who invited me to come around any time especially because Kat seemed to really like me. I sent them all another quick wave and then I was on my way again, alone with my thoughts spinning around in my head like a tornado.
I entered the main room of our spacious hotel and shut the door behind me, turning around to be slammed into it by a furious looking Calum. What was going on here?
Notes
Hi everyone :)
I'm sorry it's been a while - I've been back at school and this year is a really big year so I've just been trying to get my head around everything that's been going on there. This year has many more commitments than previous ones so updates may be a bit more spacious depending on my time management.
This chapter took a bit of a different turn than even I was expecting but I'm just letting it flow and I hope you like it
Let me know what you think - I love hearing your feedback so chuck me a comment, vote and subscription if you feel like it :)
I hope you're all doing well - just remember that there is always someone who loves you for you
Thanks for all of your support and I hope to be back soon with an update
Oh and Happy Valentine's Day for like a week (because I doubt I can update during that time) :) you're can all my valentine's because I love you guys and I'm alone like usual lol <3
Until Next Update,
Much Love,
xxg
Please update! I just started the book(and finished it) and love it! Update as soon as you can please. :) <3
1/11/17