Can a Person like me ever find love?

Sam-
a wonderful smell fully woke me out of my sleep, i blinked my eyes and squinted from the sunlight seeping in trough the window.

i ssat up sluggishly rubbing the sleep out of my eyes, i looked around to see that i was harry's room still, i swung my legs and laced my feet on the warm carpet glad that it wasnt cold like the other room.
i trudged down the halls and down the pair of stairs finding him in the kitchen.

"harry" i called out seeing him standing infront of what looks like a stove.

"mm" he mumbled not looking at me.

"im going to go" i said once agian, it feels like i have said this sentence so much over the past 3 days, but it wouldn't feel right staying here last night when i blew off harry after leading him on, sleeping at his house unwelcomed.

"but ive made blueberry pancakes" he smiled sowing me the pan with the blue dotted pancake and my mouth instantly watered, those were my favourite i love anything blueberry and its been forever since i had some.

"ok" i sheepishly shuffeled to the kitchen island sitting at one of the high bar stools, as he chucked 3 on my plate and drizzeled maple syrup over the top and placed some misxed berries.

"wow someone knows how to cook dont they" i smirked at him seeing him being all cool about it.

"they dont call me master chef harry for nothing" he joked

"do people actually call you that" i joked back with him.

"well they should" he said casually shrugging his shoulders making me laugh and he started laughing too.
he sat down and we talked about alot of stuff about the club and my other job as a waitress but he didnt bring up anything on his job, i alays wondered what it was that could pay for such a large house.

"what do you do for a living?" i asked placing my fork down on my plate making a clink sound looking back up at him.

"how bout i tell you over dinner" he asked in all seriousness glacing up from his plate to me seeing my reaction, which that caught me by surprise
.
could i really go out with another man just after ryan, it seemed to soon, i felt uncomfertable about it but my heart was jumping around dancing in my chest and butterflies couldn't stop swarming in my stomach.

"y-yes" i choked out making my brain surprised but making my heart beat out of its mind almost seeming if it was a real person they would be so happy.

"great, do you want me to pick you up at 6 and we can go on from there" he smiled making me half smile.
"where will you take me" i leaned forward curious to know the answer.

"ah now thats a surpise" he smirked at me hopping up from the stool and grabbing he plates.

"thats not far how am i ment to know how to dress" i said baffeled, i hate surprises ive always been curious about alot of things and i didnt like things to be kept from me.

"dressy cas" he said with his back towards me washing the plates, i leaned back down on the island looking at his bare back, it was very muscular but not the disgusting type of muscely type it was a good one showing the lines of muscles he tensed when moving around it made me want to go up to him and start tracing my fing- WOAH don't get off track sam you are not like this, you do not get gigglely from some boy and you dont get all soft keep up your guard at all time you dont know what type of man he is.

i kept talking to myself trying to convince myself to keep myslef composed that thinking like that was disgusting but yet i couldnt stop taking glances at his strong back.

*Flashback*

i sobbed quietly as this strange man about me did these horrible things he was roughly grabbing my breasts taking the nipple and biting to hard causing blood to be draw making my cries a bit louder.

"Mum please" I sobbed loudly because I could hear her trying to drag my brother away from the door that he was beating on trying to get in to help me.

"Sammy I'm going to get you out of there" he yelled through the door.

"I'm getting help right now" he voice started to get quieter resulting in what I heard a smash out side.
"JA-" I started to scream out to him worried for my brother when I got a harsh slap across my face stinging it making my eye tingle with more tears.

"Shut up, fucking shut up I paid 300 dollars for a good fuck not some teenage worried bitch" he screamed at my face making me whimper hiding my face in the rumpled sheets not looking at his face.

After another 9 minutes in hell the man finally finished zipping up his pants and walking out of the room, my 'mother' if you could even call her that walked in the room looking at me saying to clean up and bring my brother in coldly and walked into the different room that she had to herself.

I stumbled out of bed falling down straight away from the radiating pain and burn from my legs making a whimper fall from my mouth I had a 3 minute cold shower not bothering to look at my appearance I couldn't stand the sight of me I felt disgusting.

After my quick shower I put on my other pair of clothes that I had lying in a cheap bag walking out expecting my brother to be sitting against the pole but I was in shock horror when I saw him collapsed on the floor blood clear on his head.

"Jac-" I couldn't finish my sentence because a hoarse sob racked through my body, I ran back inside taking my shitty 50 dollar phone running into my mums room to see she's already passed out seeing coke in a plastic bag next to her head on the bed side table and luckily lying next to it was the 300 dolled she got from selling.. Me.

I snatched up the money not worried she was going to wake up since I know she was out of it, and I ran back to him not caring about the burning fire between my legs.

"It's okay your going to be okay" I struggled to pick him up putting one of his shoulders around me dragging him to the front of the motel calling the emergency services telling them that I need help for my brother and that we were in front of Holmes homey motel and to hurry.

It didn't take long for me to hear the ambulance I was stroking his cold sweat beaded head when they pulled I front of us taking him out of my hold, I jumped into the ambulance riding with him to the hospital.

-------------------------

I sat in the white long hallway seeing a boy with curly hair run past me I didn't look at his face and I know he didn't look at me since he was running so fast, the door opened when a doctor came out with a look on his face asking me to tell him how that happened.

I explained fully just not the bit where my mum sold me I just told him that my mother him him over the head which was true because when I found him I saw shattered shards of the plant pot sprayed across the ground.

"Ms. I think you need a check up to" he put a hand on my shoulder which I quickly darted away from him giving me a look and that scared me.

"Why do I need to be check on" my voice was horse as I was looking at my ratty shoes twirling them into the ground.

"It's because your bleeding a lot" he said bluntly not trying to hide the truth at all which I kind of liked but when I looked at the ground I was sitting on I saw red smeared across the floor some patches darker than the others I then looked at my own pants seeing that they were covered in blood at the back.

I gasped covering my mouth with both hands chocking on soundless sobs, the doctor led me to a examination room which i did not hesitate to follow him.

"I'm going to have to ask you to take off your clothes" he said putting his click broad down looking at me straight in the eyes me refusing.

"No!" I yelled at him " if I need to take my clothes off I-I want a female." I chocked out and I think he under stood what had actually happened that all the pieces finally clicked together because when I looked at him his eyes were wide.

"Of course dear, I'm so sorry I didn't see it before" he didn't try to touch me to time which I was thankful for and he left through the door and came back with a blonde lady in a white over coat, brown pants and a green top smiling at me.

"Hi Sam my names Jill I'm going to check up on you everywhere to see if your fine" she said coming closer to me looking me in the eyes.
"A simple check up isn't going to make everything fine" my voice was bored and horse as I looked up to her face.
"I know it's not, which is why we are going to put you through some sessions to talk to a professional that will help and we'll make sure it's a female, now can you please remove your clothes and we can start to see if you have caught anything" she told me what to do and I didn't hesitate doing it I was just following her order and I didnt care what happened now.

Notes

Okay here is the 'complete' version I'm going to make the next few chapter about Harry so stay tuned