Can a Person like me ever find love?

Sam-

I woke up with birds tweeting outside of Harry's guest bedroom, last night after I finished crying I didn't have any energy and I passed out.
I flipped the sheets off me and setting my feet on the cold floor feeling the chilly London air coming through the window.

"Harry" I called walking out of the room and down the halls wanting to say thankyou and sorry but having no luck in the second floor I went down to first and still didn't see him anywhere.

"Harry!" I yelled a bit louder hearing cheering from what I presume to be the back yard, I slid open the door seeing the boys playing basket ball 3 to 2 seeing Harry and Liam work together and Niall, Zayn and Louis failing trying their best against them even though they had more people.

I walked down the garden stairs leading closer to the court.

"Harry" I quietly yelled on the other side of the fence him looking up to me smiling putting down his water bottle that he was drinking from jogging over to me, the other boys weren't paying any attention to me and kept playing on with their game.

"What's up" he leaned against the fence one arm above his head looking down on me, how could he be this calm around me the person who last night invaded his home again, yelled at him and started crying in front of him.

"I'm going to go" I said again hoping that to time he wouldn't follow me.

"I'm going to my friends place this time for real and I just wanted to say thankyou and sorry for the trouble I've caused" we just stood their looking at each other and all he said was okay and see you soon and turned away.

It was kind of odd one moment he was kind the next cold, I just walked back up the garden steps back into the house and grabbed my things walking out the door making the long walk to my friends apartment.

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I sat down I front of her door singing 500 miles being stupid waiting for her to get back from university.

"But I would walk five hundred miles
And I would walk five hundred more
Just to be the man who walked a thousand miles
To fall down at your door
Da lat da (Da lat da), da lat da" I had my eyes closed and I didn't have to open to know that she was here because her singing told me she was coming up the stairs singing the rest of my verse.

"Hi slut why're you at my door" she smiled adjusting her back on her shoulder.

"Something's happened hoe and I needed my number one bitch to talk to" I said getting up off the floor so she could unlock her very cozy apartment.

"Tea" she asked

"Of course" I smiled while she had her back towards me filling up the kettle.

"So what happened between you and Ryan" she asked me knowing full well what I wanted to talk about.
"He nearly killed me" I said bluntly and it was true his only started hitting me after 3 months of us living together, one time he nearly beat me to a pulp because I talked back to him, and yesterday he might've actually done it from the different way he was hitting me.

"WHAT PLEASE TELL ME THAT YOURE LEAVING HIM THIS TIME PLEASE SAMANTHA" she slammed her hands down on the counter making me jump a little and wincing.

"It would kind of hard to go back after stabbing him in the leg with a piece of glass" my lip trembled and she walked on the other side of the counter and hugged me.

We sat down with our tea and I told her everything from start from meeting Harry and having to buy him another coffee, to going home and getting the shit beat out if me twice and so on, Brooke looked into my eyes the whole time and we were crying together she bear hugged me after and rocked us back and forth.

"I'm sorry Samantha I never knew it was that bad you should've told me and I would've gone to the police and I would of let you stay here" she mumbled stroking my hair.

"I couldn't let you go to the police Ryan or his friends would've hurt you if you'd done that, plus your land lord doesn't let you let others live with you if they don't pay rent and I couldn't live here anyway I know how busy you are and how cramped you get" removed her arms from me getting up from the couch.

"Can I borrow your shower I need one I feel gross" I said walking to the cupboard and pulling out a thin towel.

"Sure ill order Thai and we can watch some movies" she smiled that's one of the things I lime about our friend ship we cry but she doesn't give me that mega pity party or the sympathy I can show my true self around her and I don't need any walls around her because I know that I can trust her.

I turned on the shower waiting it to heat up and peeling off my stinky clothes that I've been in for 2 days seeing the healing cuts and bruises all over my body,I ripped my eyes away from the mirror grabbing Brooke's hair brush and working it through my very messy knotted hair.

I stepped into the scolding shower feeling the sting all over my sore body sliding down the shower wall sitting in there for a good 20 minutes thinking Bout what my next moves were.

I got up off the floor finally washing my hair with shampoo and conditioner washing the suds out then soaping my body with her goats milk soap it was weird but she said it made the skin so soft that it was like butter.

I wrapped the towel around me stepping out of the bathroom feeling the chilly air nip at my skin.
"Brooke I need some clothes" I yelled at her and she came walking through the hallway practically giggling holding my phone, uh oh.

"Who's Harry" she sung running her finger across the screen scrolling through the messages he has been sending me.
"How do you even know what his name was he put it in as sexy muffin" I dried off my hand grabbing the phone from her.

"He referred to himself as Harry from the first message" she giggled then stopped immediately seeing the cuts on my body.

"Sam, you said you were going to stop" she said almost disappointed grabbing my arm then dropping it again, walking into her room coming back with pyjamas plopping them into my hand and walking away.
I quickly got changed slipping everything on and coming out to her sitting on her phone.

"I'm sorry Brooke I'm not strong like you, sometimes I get so weak that I think I'm pathetic I've tried stopping but it's not that easy" I said agitated but what right do I have to be yelling at her I'm such a shitty friend.

"I know it's hard for you to stop, but you might end up like your brother" she said with pleading eyes and it hurt, my brother was in an institution which is partly why I had to work to help him.
"Okay" I said not looking up and sitting on the couch.

"Maybe you should go visit him" she put in a horror movie and I just nodded I missed him so much that it hurt maybe if I can take time off work I'll go to the institution.

*ring*

"Thai is here" she sung loudly grabbing her wallet and paying for it.
"Do you know how much I love you" I smiled at her grabbing my satay chicken noodles out of her Hands grabbing the chopsticks.

"I know you love me" she put a blanket over us and we watched a bad horror movie laughing at the stupid bits eventually falling asleep on the couch.

Notes