Can a Person like me ever find love?

Sam --

I was searching my brain for something when the picture on the wall when I got freaked out on the wall it said Holmes chapel, it sounded so familiar I knew that my mother dragged us from home, well I should say house to house in different towns looking for her next fuck buddy or should I say 'client' and Holmes chapel sounded familiar I just wouldn't know because I never gave a shit about anything the only thing that mattered to me was Ryan.

"Holmes chapel of course" I blurted it out but I think it sounded confident though I really wanted to cry
Louis went back into his chair sinking deeper.
"Ok" is all he said.
"Well I'm zayn" the tanned one said and I know know him as zayn.
"I'm Liam" is all he simply said and gave me a smile, he seems kind.
"And I'm niall" he sung with an Irish accent.

"My name is Samantha Ackerson" I shook everyone's hand except Harry's.

"Um how about we go play some video games" Harry said standing up.

All the boys scuttled up and went up the stairs to the right.
"I BAGS THE MASSAGER CHAIR" I heard niall echo through the halls and all the other boys groan.
"Do you want me to get you something to eat" Harry turned to me.
The word eat made my stomach rumble really loudly, I haven't had something proper to eat in a while .
"I'll take that as a yes" he chuckled Turing into what I presume is the kitchen.

I looked up at the clock to see it was 6:25

"Uh if you want I'll cook something for all you guys" I said shyly and to be honest it wasn't like me to be this relaxed with someone.
"That's great I haven't had a home cooked meal in for ages, I just hope you can cook" he winked at me and showed me where all the equipment is.
I started to get to work looking through the cupboards to see they were fully stocked making my mouth water.

I grabbed a muffin from a pack and munched on it.

"Okay so it looks like it's going to be honey chilli chicken with fried rice" I smiled as I put a pot of water on I forgot how much I liked to cook, I always cooked when I was at home but then I lost that luxury when we got evicted several times.

I has a frown on my face thinking about my Past.

"Samantha, don't think about it the future only matters only the future" I convinced myself and start to cut up the chicken.

---------------.

Everything was ready and I even made dessert which was blueberry, raspberry and lemon muffins with powered sugar decorating the top.

I set up the table and went up the stairs to call the boys for dinner, it didn't take long for me to find them because of the noise.

I looked at them and giggled to myself they were all so intense.
I cleared my throat making them look up at me.
"Dinner is done" I smiled and walked back down the stairs into the very fancy dining room.

I went into the kitchen bringing out the food already seeing them sitting down Liam at one end of the table, zayn on the other, Niall and Louis play fighting hitting each other and Harry with a spare seat beside him.

"This looks amazing" Liam said as I put it in front of him.
"It smells amazing" zayn said
"It tastes amazing" Niall said mouth already stuffed.

"Thankyou" I smiled and say down, we all stated making small talk when I could still feel eyes burning into my head, I turned around to see Louis looking at me almost trying to figure me out.
"Why do you have that bruise in your face" Niall said.

"Niall" Liam scolded.

"Well you see I wasn't looking where I was going and I ran into something and was unconscious that's why Harry brought me here because I was lying on the ground" I made up a lie very quickly hoping there were no flaws.

A couple of hours later the boys went back to there homes and I found out that everyone has a girlfriend except Harry and Niall.

I sat down on the couch, thinking about my next choices.

There was no way I was going back to Ryan's and I couldn't stay at my best friends because she had a very tiny apartment I think my only place to go is the streets or homeless shelter.

"Harry" I poked my head into the kitchen where he was on his laptop.

"Mm" he mumbled looking up at me

"I'm heading out" I pointed to the door
"Bye and thankyou for taking me here" I was walking through the lounge room to get to the door when my hand was on the handle I heard Harry.

"Where are you going to go it's very late" .

"My friends place I'm going to crash there, me and my boyfriend just had a fight so I don't feel like going back there tonight" I lied he looked at me with the same look Louis had just less judgemental.

"I'll walk you down the driveway" he put on some shoes near his front door and I thanked him.

We were down at the big gates and he opened them and I slipped out.
"Bye" I mumbled and he returned it we were both giving off an aura of sadness so I just left.
A couple minutes after I walked away I found an quite alleyway and lied down in it, it's so embarrassing doing this again but it's my only place to go since the homeless shelters are full.

It was a very cold autumn night and it didn't help with my still wet clothes from the rain it just resulted in me shivering even my fingers were blue.

"Samantha what the hell are you doing" I heard Harry's voice coming closer towards me and I turned away from him this is too embarrassing.

"Go away Harry I'm fine" my back was towards him.

"I thought you were staying at a friends place"
"I'm waiting for her to pick me up"
"Liar, you've been here for 10 minutes now I've seen you from the supermarket there trying to sleep"

GOD DAMNIT ITS LIKE THE UNIVERSE HATES ME.


"Harry I'm fine" i lied through when really I'm not.

"Just come back to my place and we can talk" he continued.

"No Harry please you've done enough for me" I kept my stubbornness to the end.

"Fine that's it" I thought he was going to leave but he picked me up and threw me over his shoulder.

"God dammit Harry I'm fine don't manhandle me like this" I was kicking and hitting his back properly not doing much effort because it seemed like he was very muscular.

After a couple of minutes I gave up a few tears sliding down my face, I truly felt pathetic

We entered a warm place which I'm guessing we're back at his place.
"Look at you you fingers and lips are blue" he grabbed a blanket draping over The couch.

"Why were you looking at my lips sir Harry" I joked but his face was all serious which made me shut up and frown.

"Do you want to talk about today" he said after a couple minutes of silence.

"What about today nothing special happened other then meeting a very generous stranger" I said narrowing my eyes at the floor.

"Sam I saw you at your window crying also being ripped away from that window by a man and bye the screams and that bruise I see it doesn't look like you just had a fight" he stated and made me look at him in shock.

"You followed me?!" I said a bit agitated.

"I didn't follow you I just happen to be lost and I saw you crying so I followed you and yeah" he trailed off.
I can't believe it some one saw me at my lowest point, or should I say points of today's really shitty day.

"I'm not a person who likes to have a pity party I'm strong enough to handle myself I just need to get out on my own I don't need people feeling sympathy to me I don't need it I've never needed it" I ranted looking at him dead in the eye trying to show that I am strong and I hoped I looked as strong as I think I sounded.

"Don't bull shit me" he said angrily back to me rising up from the couch.
"I saw you scare those ladies, I saw the bruises on your body when your coat showed off a bit of your stomach the makeup wearing off, I saw you bawling your eyes out after getting hit, and I saw all of those cuts over your wrists" he wasn't screaming at me but he defiantly wasn't trying his hardest to be quite.

But it shocked me he saw the bits I hate of me they made me look ugly and pathetic and it just wasn't on my wrist it was on upper thy near thy bits on my stomach everywhere it disgusted me and I couldn't stop myself from doing it.

"I don't need pity" I gasped in air holding back the tears stinging my eyes horribly failing feeling tiny droplets running down my face and my bottom lip trembling.

"I don't want to give you any pity" he said coming towards her wrapping a blanket around her than his arms.

"I just want to help you" she rested his head in his chest.

"Why're you being so nice to me" i sobbed.

"Because I know you need some sort of affection that you haven't had in a while.
Kind people have always terrified me.
And this man scares me the most because I've never met anyone this kind

Notes

I think of this as a really sad chapter I was very sad dafter finishing a fanfic bawling my eyes and decided I needed to write something down and so I gave another fanfic.

seriously don't read anything sad p, ever you'll only ,make yourself cry
(well I don't know if you cry easily or not but I'm some where in between).

but I just want to say and don't judge me it was a David Bowie fanfic and she had parents who were billionaires and she thought she had to be perfect and she was like practising for a fancy school orchestra audition for first chair trying to be perfect for her parents cause second wasn't good enough but she always messed it up that's when he came in and he's like 65 and that's kind of gross but still at the end he cut her off because he was accused of being a rapist because he was failing a 'popular girl' and she wanted money and to fire him so yeah she did that at prom but people went to burn down his house at Christmas when they were both cuddling when they went upstairs nearly asleep people burnt down the house trying to kill the 'rapist' when she tried to escape with him but an explosion from the kitchen blew her into something when later she woke in hospital she got told she was saved but the man was in a coma after saving her.
when she was better she saw him seeing him in a coma for a week and when he woke he told her to go because he loved her and he wasn't right and that he shouldn't of pursued it and then three years went by with her being emotionally wrecked becoming a bdsm worker in France when she had an appointment and it was him he turned pathetic not knowing it was her that he broke and he kept saying that he was sorry to Leila and then she saw his eyes were yellow from slowly poisoning himself by alcohol then at the hospital she wanted to give some liver to him so they could have more time to resolve things and not leave it the way it was but her and her friend weren't matches and he slowly was dying when she forgave him for lying to her and it was soo frecking sad that I was crying because a sad song came on aswell while I was listening to it and yeah I told you one I start these things I don't stop but I was sad and I wanted to tell someone.

if you happen to want and watch it I'll link it next time but be warned I was surprised of how R! Rated it was I just kind I of skipped over those nasty bits but other wise it's a well written story so you should check it out