Day Dreams (Louis Tomlinson)

~*Crystal's POV*~


It's been a week since then.. and my chest aches. It feels like it's being ripped apart each time Louis tries to talk to me. I've been avoiding him for the past week, and my heart breaks... and my wrist is scarred. I feel too stupid, and worthless. Every night, I cry myself to sleep, with at least 5 new cuts. I'm very surprised I haven't gotten figured out yet, and by that, I'm surprised nobody has asked me why I wear gloves nearly every day. Then again, I'm very good at masking my real feelings. I'm just glad my room is kinda separated from the others, but still closest to Louis's. It break my heart, seeing his try to talk to me every day, but I just can't confess.. so I don't talk. I feel so stupid, though.. so I can't help it. I get my anger out, by taking it out on myself. Like I said, I'm surprised that nobody has questioned my new "trend" of gloves. Like right now. I'm changing into a new outfit with gloves, but its super hot out. Nobody has really suspected anything yet, so I think I'm pretty safe. But I has this weird feeling in my gut, where I knew something bad was going to happen. I sighed, and walked down stairs, planting a fake smile on my face, again.

"Hey!" I said, and waved at the boys.

I got smiles and waves in return from everybody, but Louis. My heart cracked, if it even could anymore, and I just wanted to run upstairs. But, I just bottled it all up, and kept the fake smile on my face.

"So, what are we gonna do today?" I asked them.

"Probably just do whatever today." Niall answered.

They all shrugged, and continued talking.

I sighed. I tried to get something out of Louis, but he seems perfectly fine without me. I honestly regret what I've done. If I go and try to talk to him, he walks away.. and it makes my heart shatter even more, if that's possible. I felt invisible. I felt unwanted. I felt.. replaced. I feel worthless. I fought back the tears that were fighting their way out of my eyes. I quickly walked upstairs as casually as possible. All these horrible feelings washed over me.

I bet Louis felt like this... My "good part" of my brain said in my head.

But, as I figured, the "bad side" came in, and overpowered it. It was weird, being like me. I had a good part of the brain, where it would tell you to keep going and move forward, but I also had a bad side. It would always make situations worse, by insulting me, and torturing me. It would tell me that I'm worthless, that I'm a whore, and all that stuff.

Yeah, Louis felt like that. You made him sad. You're really not worth it, Crystal. Face it, a true friend doesn't ignore their best friend for a week. You're just being a stubborn, stuck up bitch. Louis will never like you, not in a trillion years. What's wrong with you anyways? Ignoring him like that? No wonder he doesn't want to talk to a slut like you. You're just a toy. A tool. Get over it. You're just a stray homeless girl who got beat up by her dad because she was stupid, worthless, and a whore; which is still what you are.

By now, I had tears streaming down my eyes, and I was sitting on my floor, thinking about this. I was so.. angry. But, I was also sad, and depressed. Deep down, under every fake emotion I make up, I know there's a girl, lost in the game of life, looking for a way out. She searched, and searched, but couldn't find a thing. Nothing was right anymore. Everything lead to a dead end, and no matter how many times I roll the dice, I just can't get what I really, truly need. Love.

You know what? Fuck you, and your little game called 'Life'. It's just a game. A game where people come to play, but they never win. There's never a winner, Crystal. If you think you can win over something you 'truly need', think again. The last five years haven't exactly been good for us, or you. I have a thought. A very interesting thought, Crystal. One just for you.

What is it, Dark.

Yeah.. I called it Dark, because it would always bring back dark memories whenever I let it consume my mind.

Are you sure you want to know?

Just fucking tell me. My life can't get any worse..

Fine. I bet the boys would be happy-- no, over joyed, if you DIED.

That was the final string. Inside me, I felt something snap. Not my sanity, but, the rope that keeps you going, that keeps you motivated, the rope that was connected to my decision on life or death. For years, I have desperately tried to climb the rope leading towards life, but now, it snapped, dropping me back at the bottom, leaving me to die. Die. The word seemed so appealing now, and all I wanted was death. There was no medication in the house that I know of, so I would have to do something else. I knew just what to use. I dragged my body off the floor, and I stood up. Determination was sparking in my eyes, but not for a way you would ever see anybody determined to do. I was silent, quiet as a mouse, and I walked down stairs. The boys were in the living room, so I got into the kitchen easily. I looked around, and I spotted what I was looking for. I grabbed it's plastic handle, and admired the sharp blade in my palm. I grinned, and walked back upstairs, careful to hide the knife. I ran into my room, and sat on the floor. I still had tears staining my cheeks, and my sobs were very audible to my ears. But not loud enough for anybody in the living room or kitchen to hear. I grabbed the handle with both my hands, and aimed at my heard with the blade. I was ready. I was ready for the bolt of pain, if I stabbed my chest. I was ready for the darkness to overcome me. I didn't want to dirty my gloves, so I slid off the gloves, revealing my scarred arm.

"Goodbye.." I whispered to myself, barely audible.

Just then and there, I heard my door open, and a silhouette was in my doorway. I looked up, and saw the blue eyes of nonetheless, Louis.

"C-Crystal! What are you doing?" He asked me.

I dropped the knife, leaving it to clatter on my wooden floor. I broke down, allowing the tears to run freely. It sobbed into my hand, causing the tears to roll over my scars, making them sting slightly. I heard light footsteps, and I was suddenly embraced in a hug by Louis. I could tell he was looking at my scarred wrist. I sat there, and cried into Louis's shirt. I could feel his hand caress my cut up wrist, making it sting, but feel better.

"Crystal.. why did you do this?" He asked me.

I looked up at him, my eyes probably red and puffy. I blinked away the tears, as I began...


~*Louis's POV*~


I sat with the boys, just quietly talking about random stuff.

"Hey!" I heard a cheery feminine voice say.

I recognized it instantly, and didn't bother looking up.

"What are we gonna do today?" She asked.

I could hear the forced cheer in her voice, and it made my heart crack, knowing she was forcing herself to be happy. But I can't stand being around her. Not in a bad way, in a good way. I'm just scared I'll spill my secret to her, if I'm near her. I've been avoiding her for a little now, and she's suddenly started wearing long sleeves and long gloves, even in the warming weather. Nobody else has really seemed to notice, but I have. It's weird, since we're mainly wearing tee shirts.

"Probably just do whatever today." Niall told her.

I could tell she wanted a reaction from me, but I didn't give notice that she was there. I heard her sigh, and her light footsteps walk away, and up to the stairs. I felt prick at me a bit, and I wanted to follow her. I knew better. I'd probably end up spilling everything to her anyways. We talked for a few more minutes, and out of the corner of my eye, I saw her run into the kitchen. My curiosity was starting to get the better of me, and I wanted to know what she was doing. A few seconds later, she ran out of the kitchen, and something was hidden out of sight from us. I was the only one to notice her.

"I'm gonna go real fast." I said, standing up.

"Mmk." The boys said, in unison.

I walked up the stairs, and I stood outside of Crystal's door. I heard her sobbing uncontrollably, and muttering things under her breath. I pressed my ear against her door, to try and hear clearer, and I heard one word that scared me out of my wits, knowing her terrible background.

"Goodbye.." She murmured to herself.

I couldn't take it, so I swung the door open. I gasped at what I saw. Crystal was on her knees, bawling her eyes out, with a knife pressed up against her chest where her heart would be. I noticed the massive scars on her arm.

"C-Crystal! What are you doing?" I asked her.

She looked up. Her eyes were red from crying, and her cheeks were stained from mascara lines. Her nose was slightly red, too, and her forest green eyes were filled with determination, and something else I couldn't make out. Anger? Sorrow? Regret? A clatter on her floor snapped me out of my thoughts, and she broke down, and started crying into her lap. I quietly walked over, and embraced her in a hug. She was sobbing on to my shirt, staining it with her tears, but I didn't care. She was obviously hurt, and I couldn't help but think part of it was because of me. I scanned the scars on her arms, and I started caressing them with my thumb. She winced a bit, but sunk into me a bit more.

"Crystal... why did you do this?" I asked her.

She looked up at me, and blinked away the tears in her glassy eyes.

"I.. I thought you would be better off without me. I f-felt unneeded, unwanted, worthless, and... most of all, I f-felt r-replaced... I never meant t-to hurt anybody... b-but when you started ignoring m-me I thought you d-didn't need me. You s-seemed perfectly fine, with t-the boys. My heart is shattered into a million pieces, and I don't know if I can replace it. I-I've been replaced too m-many times, I felt l-like it would be better w-without me," A single tear fell from her eyes, and I wiped it away, "I'm j-just so s-sorry. I t-thought you would hate m-me after the indecent at t-the beach. When you started ignoring me, I-I felt the pain I probably gave you, and I hated m-myself for it. I wanted to disappear from existence, and I thought it would be better if I died.." She murmured to me.

I re-positioned both of us, so I could look straight into her dazzling green eyes.

"It's okay Crystal. I could never hate you. Never. Not in a trillion years." I said to her, my voice as sincere as I could get it.

Her eyes started tearing up again, and I embraced her in a hug again.

"Thank you." She murmured to me.

"Promise me you'll never do this again." I said.

She smiled up at me.

"I promise."

Notes