You Gave Me Love

The room was warm. The walls a light beige, the couch a matching colour with soft pink and blue cushions. There was a desk in the corner but the counselor sat on the couch opposite me. Her eyes intent and focused on every action I made.

“Tell me a little about your parents?” She prompted, her voice honey smooth and almost musical. It floated with a practiced ease that meant to be comforting.

I eyed her, unsure. “Isn't counseling supposed to be about Harry and I?”

“Yes. But I asked you both to a separate session so I could better understand the both of you. You are both individual people that are joining together. And the problem that a lot of married couples have is joining these two completely different sets of people and lives together.

"You and Harry both have lives that neither one of you were part of at one point. There are things you don’t know about each other, that maybe didn't seem important to tell. I’m going to try and talk you through your individual lives together and see if we can get you both working on the same page.”

Her speech was without error, hey eyes only breaking from mine to blink. It was disconcerting and I shifted on the couch, her eyes snapped to where my hands moved.

“My parents died when I was six.” I said.

She nodded, her hands crossing to rest in her lap. “Would you like to tell me how they died?” She asked.

“A car crash.”

Her expression shifted and I knew she was looking for more information.

“We were driving home from the beach and I fell asleep in the back. The police said that my father lost control of the car. They still aren’t sure why, but their best guess was that he swerved to miss something that was on the road. They hit a tree and my mother died on impact, while my father died at the hospital. I hit my head but otherwise barely injured.” This story meant nothing to me, just a simple story of my past. What emotion was I supposed to show to something that I didn’t even remember?

“What were you parents like?” The counselor–Moira–asked.

“I don’t like talking about this.” I shifted on the couch and clutched the blue cushion leaning against my thigh.

“I think it might help.” Moira responded.

“I don’t remember what they were like okay?” I huffed out, my eyes wandering to the clock on the wall behind her. I had only been in here ten minutes of the hour-long session so far.

Moira stayed silent, pointedly staring at me while I stayed silent.

“I think this could be a good starter point at the troubles within you marriage.”

I rolled my eyes, unable to help myself. “I don’t have parent issues. I lost my parents when I was six; I never knew them. I was with my Grandparents for another ten years then they died. I learnt how to take care of myself. I moved out of my friend’s home when I was eighteen and I ran a business and studied. I don’t have issues with loss or whatever. My parents died and I dealt with that a long time ago.” I could feel the tension in my shoulders grow, my face heating up.

“Maybe,” Moira spoke softly trying not to stir my emotions any further, “it has created more problems then you think. Did you ever consider that maybe you have trouble not controlling everything. It's hard, after being so assertive and on your own for so long, to let other people come in and take over, to take control. Just like it’s been hard for you to let me take control of this session. You have been fighting back every question or comment I give you. It’s been hard for you to sit back and let me guide you.”

I frowned at Moira, not liking her tone.

“Do you find yourself having trouble letting people go? That you become afraid that people won’t come back. You’ve had a lot of loss early in your life Skye and that’s made your body and mind adapt and mature quickly. You started to believe that people would leave you if you let them. So you fought that too. And you fought against people who tried to leave you temporarily as well.”

I thought about Harry, our fights. How angry I got every time he left. How empty and alone I felt, like I believed he wouldn’t come back to me. After all the faraway trips he made I always worried that this would be the last goodbye, that this would be the last kiss.

“We all have these problems Skye. But knowing about it can help the issues between you and Harry. Knowing that you have trouble believing people will come back can change the way he talks about leaving. It can change the way you react to it. You aren’t afraid of your children leaving are you?”

I shook my head.

“Because they are your children and you won’t let them. That control issue coming back again. You take control of your family and everything that you can so you can make sure that you won’t lose them.”

When the twins first got sick, I panicked. I panicked and Harry was so good and calm while I felt like my whole world was collapsing down around me.

“What I want you to start remembering every time you have this panic is that Harry always comes back. I want you to remember how many times he's come back, count them if you have to, and understand that large number. Then I want you to look at your children and think of every time they’ve come back. Every time you took them to school, to a friend’s house, to anything where you weren’t by their side and then remember they came back. Sometimes leaving is just temporary and you need to train your body and your mind to understand that. Not all leaving is permanent.”

-

“Mumma!”

A squeal bombarded me the moment I opened the front door; small hands wrapping around my knee. I grinned and bent down to place Elizabeth onto my hip.

“What are you squealing for?” I tickled the young girl and she slapped my hands away, her expression serious.

“Daddy tried to eat me.” She fought the words out through her recently missing front tooth.

I gasped in mock horror. “He wouldn’t.”

She nodded her head, a serious frown etched into her skin.

I looked up at the creak of the first stair to see Harry leaning on the railing looking down on us with a sheepish smile. I grinned up at him.

“Look Lizzy, there’s Daddy! He doesn’t look like he will eat you.” I pointed up at Harry. Elizabeth looked unsure. Her eyes studying her father who walked halfway down the staircase while I walked closer.

“You pwomise Daddy?” She asked, her eyes wide and unsure when Harry held his arms out for her.

“I promise munchkin.” He grabbed her and pressed a raspberry to her cheek, her minute fists swung wildly at his head, before placing her on the ground. She ran up the stairs where I could hear Edward yelling in a pirate’s voice.

“Why on Earth were you going to eat her?” I asked Harry.

He grinned and shrugged his shoulders, digging his hands into the front pocket of his jeans. Ann had made him get a haircut yesterday and it look almost as curly as it did when I first met him. I couldn’t resist reaching a hand out and running my fingers through the small locks.

“S’long story.” He replied, a lazy smile spreading across his face. He caught my hand when I pulled it away, tugging me forward and up on to the step below him. His shoulders hunched when he reached down to press a small lingering kiss to my lips.

“How did the session go?” He murmured against my partially opened mouth, his nose rubbing against the tip of mine before pulling back.

I pushed my hands forward and placed them around his hips, holding onto the warmth.

“Good I think.” I murmured, leaning forward to rest my forehead against his chest. The highest part I reached when I stood on the step below him. His arms circled around my shoulders while mine spread out across his lower back and I pulled us closer together. Breathing in the smell of Harry and clothes and our house and our kids. A small bit of baby powder rested near my forehead.

“Let’s go play with out kids.” I murmured before pulling away and leading him up the stairs, my mind on a conscious repeat of ‘he’s here’, ‘he comes back’, ‘my family is here’, ‘I’m fine.’

Notes

So I updated today because Dreamalive asked and it's her birthday (could be tomorrow for you, not sure what your timezone is) I might try and do a double update for you, I'll see how my day goes! Hope you enjoy it and Happy Birthday! xx