Delilah
June 6, 2014

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I sat down on the edge of the cold and uncomfortable hospital bed as I swung my feet back and fourth. I gawked at my right wrist that was enfolded up in a black wrist brace. Turns out from how much force drunk Conner used to pin me up ended up spraining my wrist. Luckily it’s not as bad as it could have been so, I get to take it off in two weeks on June 20, the day right before prom.

“Delilah,” My mother said, making me glance up at her. Her face was pale as she hugged her legs against her chest, “I’m sorry…” She apologized.

I shook my head as well as looking down at the cold hard ground before speaking “It’s not your fault… You didn’t know”

“But I should have been there,” She began, “I shouldn’t have taken that stupid job, I could have been there to discontinue what happened” She whimpered.

“No, Mom. Taking the job was a good thing I was just being a brat about it.” I admitted.

My mother gaped her mouth to reply back but the sound of the door opening intermittent her. When the door swung open in walked in Sophia, Megan, and Harry. I greeted them with a diminutive nod before a soft smile played on my lips.

My mother quickly stood up from where she was sitting prior to rubbing her soft hands onto her jeans and work blouse, demanding to look as decent as she could achieve. Her bare feet walked along the glossy floor before she reached my friends “I’ll give you guys sometime…”
She crocked, leaving the room as she ran her hands through her hair, needing some air.

We all watched the door slowly close previous to hearing a click when it fully closed. We all stood there in hush before Megan spoke up “What happened?” She questioned me, wanting the answer everyone else wanted from me tonight.

“I sprained my wrist” I minimally said as I lifted up my brace covers wrist, waving it at them.
“No” Sophia shook her head, “How did it happen?” Sophia interrogated.

I heaved a sigh before looking at them. I guess they have a right to know, and if I don’t they would make a even bigger deal about it then It really should be. I have to tell them, because keeping things from them hasn’t been going too well “Well, after you and Megan left my house Conner broke in, because I left the front door open. He ran into my room while I was changing and tried to… you know” I was saying before I felt a lump in my throat “I broke away from him and ran down stairs but he caught up to me and pinned me harshly against a wall and by the force he used it sprained my wrist” I informed, settling on telling them the whole story but not go into detail with reference to it.

Silence fell over us once again as I gained concerned looks from each of them, besides Harry who was giving the impression like he was going to explode with irritation and rage. I sat in my spot speculating if I should give harry some air. Seems like most people who care want some time to their self or come visit me. It’s not really a surprise that Tanner didn’t show up, we aren’t that great of friends. yes we do sit with each other and hang out because of our mutual friend but we aren’t close. More like associates or links.

But it’s funny… We are not close what so ever. We don’t tell each others our secrets or text all the time, But he was the only one who could see behind the fake smile or the I’m Fine’s when I really wanted to say was

I’m sad, I’m angry, Help me, I’m broken, I’m depressed, I’m worthless, I’m Tired.

And yes, Some times I do say ‘I’m tired’, but what really wants to spew out of me is

I’m TIRED of being bitched about behind my back.
I’m TIRED of being laughed at.
I’m TIRED of being made fun of.
I’m TIRED feeling ugly.
I’m TIRED of being ignored.
I’m TIRED of feeling unloved.
I’m TIRED of no one caring
I’m TIRED of pretending to be happy when all I want to do is cry.
I’m TIRED or breathing…

Tanner could see that when no one else could. He could see the real me that was hurting deep inside. The girl who wanted it all to be over, I was slowly giving up. The girl who wondered what it felt like to wake up and love yourself. To look in the mirror and not want to cry. To weigh yourself, see the number, and not want to puke. To be with friends and not feel ugly. To go out in public and not be insecure. To go shopping for clothes and not feel fat. The girl who wondered.. what it was like to love yourself.

I snapped out of my insignificant daydreaming to the sound of someone clearing their throat. I looked up at them once again and shrugged. “This isn’t something to shrug about!” Sophia almost screamed, the tone of her voice stunned me as she continued “This is a serious matter and all you can do is shrug?!”

I clenched my jaw and tugged on the blue stripped bed sheets that were crumbled underneath me “What do you want me to say?” I replied in almost a whisper.

“Anything but dont you dare shrug!” She demanded.

“Do you want me to say I’m fine? Will that give you any sort of relief so you can go one with your perfect little life with your perfect little body and your perfect little boyfriend!” I bit back at her, Not able to control what came out of me.

Harry then tried to but in and say something but Megan shook her head at him, giving him a sign that that wasn’t a grand idea at the moment. Maybe Megan knew that this was going to be good for us, or maybe she wanted us to fight. I don’t know. Maybe she thought this would get things off our chest and feel more at peace. “Listen, Delilah. I understand..” Sophia tried to say but I cut her off

“No you fucking don’t!” I yelled, Because it was the truth. How could they? They don’t know what I’m going through, none of them do. They can pretend like they can understand what it feels like to help them sleep at night but that is only helping them. Not me. Its never whats good for me, just them.

We stood there in complete and utter silence for a while before I spoke out again “You guys don’t. Do you really honestly think you do?” I looked at all of them and let out a remote scoff “Nobody knows” I finished.

“Because you wont let us in…” Sophia uttered.

“because if I let you in then you would see the real me, and that’s my biggest fear…” I said, feeling the lump in my throat appear once again as I felt a tear run down my cheek, I quickly looked down not wanting to look weak, i wanted to stand my ground “T-That eventually people will see me the way I see myself”

I indicated the sound of the door opening , the sound of feet clicking against the tile before the door shut again. I gazed up expecting to see my room vacant but I met the emerald eyes that belonged to Harry. A sympathetic smile engaged on his lips as he crept towards me, being careful as if I was a ticking time bomb, like he was earlier. I guess Sophia said everything he wanted to say. I guess he was relived he wasn’t the one who had to confess it.

“Hi...” He said before sitting next to me on the bed, sinking it in. Making me scoot closer to him.

“I’m sorry you had to hear that…” I apologized, resting my head on his shoulder as I felt myself getting a bit tired.

“It’s okay” Harry sighed before we sat there in silence, hearing each other breath and move around. It felt like hours passed us by before Harry took my good hand in his. My hand felt and looked small wrapped around his fingers. I started to get a bit nervous but I didn’t think anything of it, he was being comforting... people do that. “I would never hurt you” He told me as I felt this thumb play with mine before he brought it up to his soft pink lips and laid a gentle kiss on them. “I care about you…” he mumbled against my fingers. I could feel his hot breath warming my cold hand up prior to him looking at me.

I was speechless, I couldn’t think of any word to say or any topic to talk of. All I could think about was how much I wanted to feel his tender lips against mine. “I really care about you…” Harry repeated with more meaning before he quickly leaned in and pressed his lips on mine. His touch was soft, almost in a shy way as I felt goose bumps simmer through my skin. His hand skinned through my hair as I felt him smile into it. I could taste my cherry lip balm that was rubbing off. The smell of hand sanitizer and Harry’s beautiful cologne filled my senses. I wanted the kiss to carry on but Harry pulled away and placed his forehead against mine. We sat there facing each other for a while before he laid a small peck against my lips again. “Don’t forget that..”

I shyly shook my head “I wont…”

Because I wouldn’t. How could I forget that Harry Styles cared for me in such a way. The boy who hugged me when I needed a hug the most. The boy who stood up for me against Conner when he could. The one who called me beautiful when I tried the prom dress on and felt insecure. The one who I called an dick the first day he got here. The one who we both had the same pair of shoes. The one who laid with me in the hospital bed for the rest of that night before the nurse told him he could go home but he said it was okay, because It was okay. Everything was going to be okay…

or so I thought.

Notes

So yeah! x You guys like it?

I'm about to update again in a bit!

SHIT ABOUT TO GO DOWN.

i feel like i am rushing this story, which i am. my bad. people say its too slow. i dont know x lol so yeah! PLEASE comment!


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