Always.

I looked into his blue eyes, obviously confused about what was going on here. Then my eyes focus on the shaking gun that is held in his hand. Taking a moment, I finally build up the courage to make eye contact once more. It’s just Niall . . . it’s just Niall.

“Niall,” I whispered. “What are you doing?” I cautiously turn my body towards him more, my back now leaning against the double doors. It feels cold through my shirt, in fact the whole atmosphere does.

“What does it look like?” he spits, nearly screaming at me from across the hall.

His voice causes me to jump, but I do my best to pretend it didn’t happen. I try to stay calm as I cross my arms in front of my body. “Niall I-”

“SHUT UP!” he yells at me, causing me to jump back once more, and I am not so calm anymore. I’m terrified. “Why Kelly?!” his body shakes as he puts both hands on the gun. The veins pop out of his neck, and his face is such a deep shade of red he may faint. But as I pay closer attention I notice every inhale and exhale. With each deep breath he lets out, spit comes out with it.

“I don’t know…” I inhale and slowly let me breath release. “I don’t know what you’re talking about.” I look up at the ceiling while I answer, because frankly looking at him is terrifying. I have hope, the smallest bit of hope that he won’t end up pulling the trigger. But hope isn’t going to get me anywhere, so if he does end up pulling it, I’d rather not watch him.

“Fuck yes you do!” I jump again, and this time he takes a step toward me. “Why wasn’t I good enough? Why am I not good enough?!” he screams at me and I make eye contact once more.

“Niall, of course you’re good enough.” I say softly, trying to calm both him and myself down. I’m not good at this, handling these kinds of situations. God, look what I did with Harry and I don’t know what’s worse.

“No I’m not.” He scoffs. “Hell, you didn’t even know I existed until this year.”

“Yes I did!”

“No!” he cut me off. “Not like I knew you.” His hands were shaking more violently as he held the gun in them. He’s softened his voice now, it was frightening to listen to, now you can just hear the pain laced in his words. “I’ve had the biggest crush on you, Kelly. Since 8th grade when we had band and choir together and you never gave me the time of day.”

I stayed silent. He was right. I didn’t know him like that, I never even thought about him in that way at any time. I knew we had classes, but I wasn’t always a social butterfly, hell I’m not even one now… at least I don’t feel like one.

“Nothing to say now?” he smirked, and it terrified me like no other. It was worse than his scary and pained voice patched together. No trace of my Niall was there, it was all replaced by the guy who was stood in front of me. Never in a million years did I think something like this would happen. And honestly, I wouldn’t wish my greatest enemy to be in the position I am in now. Knowing that you could be taking your last breaths. Knowing that someone who was so friendly to you and there when you were at your lowest apparently isn’t who you think he is. It’s times like this where you can’t help but think about everything, all the mistakes you’ve made and haven’t…

“Please, don’t.” I whispered, shaking my head at him. The calmness was no longer there. I was gone, I was emotionally and I knew he could see it. I was breaking down in front of him, I was scared.

“Oh, Kelly.” He laughed loudly but pulls his gun down to his side.

“Hey!” No, this wasn’t happening. I thought, as another voice came from the hall. “What’s going on, Niall?” he asked in his beautiful accent, but even that couldn’t calm me down as he walked so close I could see him. “We’re in lock down and you two are just roaming the halls? I was in the bathroom but I could hear talking.”

He looked at me curiously and saw suddenly realization in his eyes. I knew I wasn’t alright, I don’t know how I’m even standing right now because now I’m scared for his life too.

“Kelly?” he said walking to me, and then put his arms on my shoulder. I looked into his eyes and wanted so bad to speak, to say so many things that I can’t because this is the worst possible timing. So instead of speaking, I just looked towards Niall and close the nonexistent space between me and the wall.

Harry turned around and Niall had a half smile on his face as he raised his gun once more.

“Isn’t this a sight to see.” He sighs. “Of course he would come to your rescue, right Kelly? Seeing that you’re so in love with him.”

I nearly choked on the small amount of oxygen I inhaled before looking at him and saying, “You don’t know what you’re talking about.” It was so believable I almost fooled myself.

“Oh, please.” He rolls his eyes. “He’s the reason.” He says, moving his aim to Harry, who was now right beside me glaring at Niall. “He’s the only reason you even talked to me in the first place! I get it, really I do. I’m just some freak! A kid who no one talks too, but is nice as a rebound.”

“Niall.” I try again, but no other words escape.

“Or did you pity me? Is that it?” I was quiet. “Tell me Kelly! Tell me! Why did you make it seem like you actually liked me!? Was it just a game to you?”

“Mate, calm down.” Harry tries a step forward.

“Shut the fuck up!” he yells at us, and I can’t handle it anymore. I look to him, then to Harry’s arm.

“I didn’t pity you.” I whisper. “I don’t like being pitied, so why would I pity you? You’re a nice guy. And I don’t know what is happening right now but, this isn’t you. This can’t be you.” I shake my head and keep my gaze on Harry’s tattooed arm. “Niall I… I don’t know what else to say. I just really don’t want you to do this. Think about it, think about what could happen to you.”

“Funny thing about me. You’ll never know the real me.” He says.

“What do you want, Niall? What are you trying to do?” Harry asks him, slowly stepping back but he was standing right in front of me.

“Maybe,” he says taking a step closer. “I could shoot you, mate.” He stops to think for a minute before speaking once more.” But then, Kelly would never forgive me. So I could shoot her, because if I can’t have her, no one should be able to.” The venom in his voice causes me to squeeze my eyes shut and Harry is close enough so that I can hold onto his black, loose fitting shirt. I do, and rest my head on his tense back.

It was quiet for a solid 2 minutes and 47 seconds. I could hear my short, intakes of breath. I could hear Harry’s pulse. I could hear Niall’s deep breaths slowly become slower and slower. But, all I could do was count to distract me from everything going on. But once I noticed the tamed breaths, I look from Harry’s back and over at Niall who makes eye contact with me.

“Or maybe, I could make this easy for all of us.” The sound of his voice sends chill up my spine and the he moves the gun up to his head.

I move from behind Harry before I can even think. “No! Niall don’t do this please, please! You can’t do this, please!” I begged, and tears were flowing from my eyes. “Nothing you said was true! You’re a great guy Niall, and I love being friends with you. I’m sorry, I’m so sorry. I wish I could like you right now like you like me, but it wouldn’t be fair! I don’t want to pretend, and I usually don’t have to around you and I’m sorry. I’m so sorry if I led you on!”

“Sir! Put the gun down!” I looked to my right and saw a line of police officers standing in the hall with their guns ready.

He looked at me again with those pain stricken eyes. “Please, Niall. I can’t let you do this to yourself.” I kept eye contact with him. “I wouldn’t be able to live with myself knowing I couldn’t stop you.”

He stares at me for what feels like an eternity, and like I am the only person he has ever seen and it absolutely breaks my heart. And before I can even make sense of what is going on.

Boom.

He slowly lowers the gun from his head and put it to his side.

“Place it on the ground.” The officer says to him.

He gave me one look, one apologetic look, before he put it down and quicker than anything everybody moved at once. The police went to Niall, and I turned around and ran into Harry who was already closing the space between us. I wrapped my arms around his waist and cried into his chest, I cried as hard as I could and he pulled me so close to him. It was to the point where I couldn’t even breathe, but I didn’t care.

I hadn’t touched him in so long, I hadn’t been able to hug him or anything. I hadn’t been able to focus on things like his scent, or how tightly his arms wrapped around me. He was all I needed right now. I started to notice how fast the beating of his heart was and how tense he still was.

He put his hand in my hair, pulling my head closer to his chest while his other arm was still wrapped around my body. I adjusted my hands on his back as I moved closer, as close as I could. And I knew that it would take everything to pull me away from him after what just happened. After I saw every mistake, and Harry wasn’t the mistake, the mistake was not telling him how I felt.

I thought that it would ruin our friendship if I told him that I wasn’t in love with him. But that’s what I’m doing now. I’m ruining our relationship by not doing anything, but not talking to him. By pushing him away.

“Harry.” I whispered, weakly. “I’m so glad you came.”

He messaged my scalp with the hand that was in my hair and gave me a small kiss on the forehead. “It’s okay, Kel. You’re okay. I’ll always be here for you.” He whispered to me.

~~~~

“That will be all for the questions.” The Chief of Police tells us as he takes me out of the principal’s office and into the main office where Harry is sitting. “Are you two okay?” he asks us sincerely. After interrogating us, he should be a little sympathetic.

Questions after questions about Niall. How long had I known him, were we close, did I see any signs of suicide? It was exhausting really, they ask me them after that had just happened? Did it look like I was in the mood to answer questions? And did they honestly think that I saw signs?

I THINK WE’VE COME TO TERMS WITH THE FACT THAT I’M UNOBSERVANT AS SHIT!

I rolled my eyes. “Fine.” I said. “Is that all?” I ask.

“For now, we might have to call you down to the station for further investigation if need be, but not as of right now.”

He walks to the entrance of the office and puts his hand on the door. “I’m really sorry you two. I know this can be traumatizing, just… Just try to go home and get some sleep, alright.”

“Yea.” I whisper, nodding at him. “We will.”

He nods and leaves us. The secretaries and the principal stood in silence.

“School is almost over. But Harry, your mom is coming, and Kelly, so is your dad.”

I nodded but didn’t feel like sitting. It was too quiet, and this room was suffocating. “Can I go sit in the commons?” I ask, and Principal Shepard stood there and nodded at me.

I walk out and to a round table and sit down, cautious of my surroundings. But obviously not cautious enough because Harry comes up and pulls out the chair beside me and takes a seat. Again, unobservant.

“You alright?” he says.

I take a deep breath and stare at the table. Harry gently takes my hand in his and rubs circles with his thumb on the back. I know he was holding me earlier, but I was even more distracted then than I am now. Now, I feel the similar fire-like touch of his hand on mine. Maybe it really is time to tell him. I mean, not at this exact moment but tonight, or tomorrow. Just soon, because I can’t do this any longer.

I flick my eyes to our hands, and he begins to play with my bracelet. I chance a look at him and he stares intently at the bracelet on my hand with a clenched jaw.

“Harry!” a voice calls out and he lets go of my hand as we both turn and see Caroline moving quickly toward us. “Oh my God!” she says as she reaches us.

I watch Harry stand up and hug her, right in front of me. I mean, he doesn’t know how it feel to see it, but I still feel it.

“I’m glad you’re okay! Was it true? He pointed a gun at you?” He just nodded, as if he didn’t want to make a big deal about it. “I was scared when I heard it was you.” She said into his neck, and when I felt the water wanting to build up I stood and tried to walk away. “Oh, Kelly!” she stops me. Oh, what luck I have. “You’re okay too! How? I don’t get what happened!” she says, hugging my quickly before going back to Harry’s side.

I wipe underneath my eyes with my right hand. “Hell, I’m not even sure.” I tell her, and then try to make eye contact when I see she is staring at the bracelet on my wrist. What’s with them staring at my bracelet? Harry’s seen it before, he wears the it every day-

“Kelly, that’s weird.” She said, interrupting me thoughts and holding out her wrist. “You and Harry have the same bracelet.”

And now I get it, I get it really. Why they both stared at it. My jaw dropped in realization. Hurt was all I felt at the moment, hurt that he would let her wear it. He let her wear his bracelet.

“Kelly!” My dad called from the entrance of the High School, but I had to look at Harry.

He looked different, like he just witnessed a kitten getting hit by a truck or something. His eyes were wide and full of annoyance, realization, anger, sorrow and so many other things.

I shook my head and went to my father as fast as I could. “Kelly, wait!” he said.

As soon as he did, his mom walked through the doors and I grabbed my dad. “Let’s go.” I said.

“Oh, Kelly dear.” Anne’s face was pained, but I couldn’t I just couldn’t. Not right now. She wanted a hug and I rejected her. I knew I’d feel shitty about that later.

“Sorry, I can’t stay. We need to go.” I said and walked out the door. I heard Harry’s struggles to get through but Anne apparently kept him there and told him to stay calm.

I couldn’t believe it. I mean, I know we weren’t talking but to give her his bracelet. The bracelet that he knew meant so much to me. I don’t really know what to feel right now.

I just want to go home after such a long day or afternoon, rather. Niall and Harry. Who would’ve guessed those two would find a way to be the most important and memorable people of my High School career. And right now, I don’t think I could mean that in a good way for either of them.

Notes