Always.

I’ve been thinking about love quite a bit this week. I can’t help but remember when my Aunty Annabelle told me she used to now believe in love and that she was afraid of feeling it. It kind of impacted me, I guess. I mean I didn’t really understand how people couldn’t believe in love at first, but just because people don’t believe in it, doesn’t mean it’s not there. It’s kind of a confusing emotion isn’t it? How can you feel so much for one person and with the emotions comes trust and giving them the power to potentially destroy you on the inside?

To be fair, if I was going to pick anyone I could be in love with this young I would have picked Harry, or Liam. Just because they are both so sweet but ultimately Harry anyway because I know him. I know that he wouldn’t do anything to intentionally hurt me because he’s Harry and lord knows that boy wouldn’t even hurt a fly, or a gnat and those things are irritating as fuck.

Harry and I’s presentation is kind of one we haven’t seen yet. We are the first ones to go today and I’m nervous as hell. We came in early and set down cookies on everyone’s desk and we came into the hall to help create the full impact. Everyone is in the classroom because the tardy bell has rang and waiting for Mitchell to begin.

“You’ll be fine, okay? We’ve practiced it.” Harry says from next to me.

I take a deep breathe. “You’ve got my back if I mess up?” I sigh.

“Of course.”

“Happy Friday!” Mitchell’s voice cheers from inside of the class room and I feel like I’m going to throw up. Harry rubs my back though and it’s quite comforting. “So is everyone who is going today ready?” Yes’s are heard, they are faint but they’re there. “Our first today is love; you guys can eat the cookies. The reason they are on your desk is because.” He clears his throat and I know he’s looking at what we wrote on the marker board. “Chocolate induces pleasurable sensations that occur when people fall in love. Also, food is the way to a man’s heart.”

“That’s genius.” Someone says and Harry and I exchange a glance with sly smiles.

“You look beautiful today.” He whispers.

“And you look really handsome.” I say, and he smiles a dimpled grin and mumbles a thanks.

We’re actually dressed close to the same. He wears black dress pants and a nice deep red button up shirt. I tried to convince him to wear a bowtie, but he wouldn’t. I don’t know why, bow ties are nice.

I have on black dress pants as well that don’t flare out at the bottom, but hug my ankles. Some black heels are on my feet and my top is a deep read like Harry’s and is tucked into my pants. The sleeves are rolled up a quarter of the sleeve in length and I have some mascara on my lashes. My hair is down in its natural kinky curls.

Maybe I should have worn a bowtie.

“Ready?” he whispers, and I nod.

The lights in Mitchell’s room go off and Harry grabs my hand and squeezes it before he walks in. I knew it was more for me and less for him and I was okay with that.

“Some people think,” he begins, “That men have it easier. That we just do whatever we want and we throw on whatever clothes are the first things we grab from our closets. Some people think we don’t watch what we eat or we don’t need to but, that isn’t true.” I watch through the window in the door as Harry sits on one of the stools in the front of the room. “My name is Harry Styles. I wake up every morning and look at myself in the mirror and point out my flaws that don’t matter to anyone around me. I look and the mirror and dislike what I see, how the hell could somebody love me?” He asks. His voice was so powerful and overwhelming, I almost found it hard to begin my lines.

I take a deep breath and walk through the door. “Some people think that love does not exist. Therefore we can live without it. Without the feeling of someone being there for you… without believing in that feeling you get when you’re with someone else. My name is Kelly Ericson and I know the truth about love. It doesn’t matter if you believe in it or not it is going to be felt. People are going to feel that way about you and there is nothing you can do about it? Why can’t he see that he is loved?” I sit on my stool and cross my legs waiting for Harry to begin.

“How terrible life can be when I can’t even be me because who am I and why would I deserve to be felt so strongly by another person. Why?” he says.

“Why? Why would someone want to be with someone who can’t even be themselves?” I say, and look opposite of Harry.

“Why? Why can’t we admit that we all feel it?” his stool squeaks as he stands from behind me.

“Why?” I turn to look at him. “Why do we try to hide the way we feel?” I stand from my stool and look towards him.

“At the end of the day.”

“At the end of the day,” I repeat after him.

Our eye contact is so strong and intense as we say the next bit together. “This is what we need. We need to feel like we belong. No matter how much we pick out our flaws, there will be someone there to find the ways we are flawless and only see the good.”

“I know,” he says and steps toward me. “That she will look at me and tell me I have the cutest dimples she has ever seen.” He smiles. “And I will smile at her and believe her. I will believe that those dimples that I once hated are good because of her.”

“I know,” I step towards him. “That when he looks at me and tells me I’m beautiful and there’s no trace of a lie in his voice that he indeed does think I am beautiful and then it’s as if nothing else… nothing else matters in the world to me.”

“Accept, give, and receive.” He says.

“You have huge biceps.” I take a step closer.

“You have a good heart.”

“I like to look at you.”

“I love hearing what you have to say.”

“Lust.” I whisper.

“Love.”

“We have a fear of being alone and unwanted.” I turn towards the class, a foot away from Harry.

“Of not being perfect or socially acceptable.” He turns toward them as well.

“Being liked for all the wrong reasons.”

“Or being disliked for all the wrong reasons.”

“There is a saying about love from a book I’ve read, that it demands to be felt.” Harry grabs my hand in his and I turn to him.

“No matter how much it hurts.” He says and turns.

“And damn can it hurt.” I say.

“Anger, Depression, Happiness.” He squeezes my hand.

“Fear, Anxiety, Love.” I breathe.

“They’ll all be felt in this one, seemingly simple emotion.”

“It doesn’t matter where or when, it will be felt.”

The last line we say together and I look into Harry’s green eyes and let the word fall from my lips and I watch it come from his. “Always.”

The whole class room claps for us and we turn to look at them all standing from their seats. It’s quite weird actually, but it is very exciting.

Harry hugs me lightly and chuckles into my ear, “You did amazing.” He says before pulling away from me.

“Thanks, so did you.” I smile at him.

“Wow, you two. I am impressed. I expected something good but not, that good. Incredible, thank you.” He says to Harry and I. We nod and walk to our seats, sitting closer together than usual.

“Glad I went yesterday.” Zayn coughs from behind us and I roll my eyes. It wasn’t that good.

“Told you we were going to kick ass.” Harry whispers in my ear.

I turn and smile at him as the next group set up. “I never doubted you.”

He silently laughs and we turn out attention toward the rest of the groups that are presenting today. As soon as the last group ends, Mitchell hands out slips of paper and tells us to write down our top two and our names.

I debated on writing ours for number one, but I decided against it since he would know so I wrote down Michelle and Brandon, who had anger and there’s was interesting to watch and participate in about things that make people angry. Then I voted for Liam’s because his was fear and anxiety and although he popped balloons in his, and it freaked the hell out of me, it was still really good.

Once everyone was finished, Mitchell collected the little slips of paper and told us he would count them up and tell us soon. For the mean time we could just talk.

“You want to come over tonight and have dinner with us?” Harry asks in a hushed tone. I try to think if anything was happening tonight before I remember that it is an away game tonight and I don’t need to go.

“Yea, I’d love too.” I smile, part of me wants to decline his offer, but I know he’ll think I’m being distant again. If anything that’s what I least want to be, despite what I may be feeling for him.

Despite how much I want to kiss him. And I’m honestly glad we didn’t kiss before because instead of just thinking about how his lips would feel on mine, I’d actually know.

“Kel,” he says, his tone serious now. “You did really well earlier. I’m very proud. I know you haven’t done anything like that since your mom. I just want you to know how incredible you are, really.”

I take a deep breath and cross my legs under the table. “Thanks Harry.” I nod.

“Wow.” Mitchell says from his desk. He looks at us, as in the students, and stand. “So, to be honest I’ve never had this happen before. Only two people didn’t vote for the same person as there number one like the rest of you. Everyone had the same number one and the ones who took the class by storm were.” The boys in the back begin a drumroll pounding louder and louder. “Kelly and Harry.” He announces and everyone cheers.

Me and Harry smile at each other. “Uh, thank you guys.” I mutter.

“Yea, thank you. We’re glad, and Kelly is relieved, that you enjoyed it.” He says.

“Alright, the next two are, Liam and Matt.” The class claps or him and I smile cause I voted for him. “And then, Mary and Heather.” Everyone finishes clapping and I look to the clock to see that the bell is about to ring. “Thank you guys for your participation and being creative. Uh, the bells about to ring so, have a good rest of your day.”

We all begin standing and getting our stuff together to leave the class room and then the bell rings. Harry and I walk out the door side by side and he turns to me before continuing down the hall. “I’ll see you in A plus…” And don’t ignore me this time!” he winks before turning and walking down the hall.

I shake my head and look at the ground and begin walking toward my next class before I bump into someone.

“Can’t get enough of me, huh?” Liam jokes.

“Just can’t seem to help myself.” I answer with a smile.

“Your ‘presentation’ was really good. Did you write it?”

“Uh, no actually. We did it together.” We stop outside of Wagner’s classroom to continue talking.

“Wow, that’s crazy. I liked the end.” He says. “You’re very good at things like that, you know?”

“No, I don’t.” I laugh, honestly not sure what he’s talking about.

“Your endings. You always manage to make it powerful, but in a subtle way.”

I nod, “Really, you think so?”

“Yea, like always.” He says, leaning against the wall.

“I figured it kind of summed things up.” I admit.

“It did, we should get in.” He says, motioning for me to go ahead of him.

I guess it kind of summed things up in more than one way, doesn’t it? And I’m sure Liam was the only one who caught it.

What an emotion love is.

Notes