I found her .

Through out the day everyone stopped by , Perrie and Zayn , Liam , Louis and Harry were already here and having a blast with themselves while I couldn't stop thinking about what me and Louis talked about . I know he's right though , I know I should use this time to just be on my own and try remembering things . I don't know how understanding Harry will be thought because I kept doing things to because I think that's what people want me to do but they aren't making me happy .

"Harry , can I talk to you for a sec ?" I said as I watched him put his beer down .

"Yeah . What's up love ?"

"I'm sorry , but I just , I think it's best if what ever happened last night , stays there because I don't think it's a good idea ." I said looking at the baby monitor to avoid eye contact .

"What do you mean ? What happened to all that 'I feel it Harry , I get butterflies .' bullshit from last night ?" he said , angry clear in his voice .

"I know what I said but to be fair , I'm only doing what I thought everyone wanted but I realized it's not what I want . I'm not saying I don't want you , believe me , I'm very much attracted .. but .. look at us , you're Niall's best friend , I'm the mother of his kids . I don't think it would ever be possible ." I said quickly trying to finish the sentence fast . "Please don't hate me .."

"Come here ." he said arms extended . "I don't hate you , I could never hate you . I do very much love you though ." he said putting his fingers under my chin and tilting my head up . "Let me tell you something , I will always love you . And I'm also always going to be here , for you , for them."

"God I wish I remembered you !" I said causing us both to laugh . "I am happy that you understand ."

"Janette , I was your best friend . I always understand ."

"Now I just have to talk to Niall and hope he doesn't hate me either ."

"Oh let me tell , you guys hate each other all the time , but you loved each other more than you know ." he smiled looking down at me .

"You are an amazing human being .."

"I know ." he said smiling widely .

The night went on and grew cold . All the boys were sound asleep and the rest of us sat around a fire drinking beers . We talked about the randomest things and they brought up a bunch of stories that I obviously can't remember . By the sound of it , we all had an amazing time , we were careless and young . I finally learned how to live with these people . I wasn't just stuck in a the middle of novels anymore , I was living them .

"Oh what about that time that we all went out for Janette's birthday and Perrie and her got into fist fights !" Louis yelled across the fire laughing

"That wasn't our fault !! She was raping Harry !" Perrie laughed sitting on Zayns lap .

"I'm assuming it was a great birthday ." I laughed with them .

"Absolutely ." Harry laughed as well . "Alright guys well I'm going to go to sleep ."

"Yeah me too , I'm pretty tired ." Perrie said looking at Zayn .

"Well all you guys can sleep here , it's really late and extremely cold , besides you guys drank a ton so just crash in the rooms and stuff just don't be loud ."

"Well do mum ." Louis said standing up and putting the fire out .

"Hey !! I'm a cool mom alright ." I said throwing a beer can at him and walking inside . I would stay and help them settle down but I'm sure they know exactly where everything is and where to sleep . It wouldn't surprise me if they've slept here before .

I walked upstairs and decided against cleaning on the spot because I was tired and my head was killing me . I walked down the hall and checked on the boys and sure enough , sound asleep . Perrie put Theo to sleep and Zayn put Ben to sleep while I carried James . I can't wait to get into my bed . I washed my face and made sure I took all my make up off and put my blue pjs on , it was a nice tank top and blue short shorts , I love that it had polka dots . I put my hair into a bun and finally went to sleep and 2:45 a.m. .

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