I found her .

I was a bet .. I was just a fucking bet . And to see who gets to fun Rachel ! Of all fucking people ! Rachel !! That explains why Harry had sex with her and why she hates me so damn much . This all makes since to me .

My phone starts to ring which snaps me out of my thoughts . Niall's name appears on the screen and i answer , i know i shouldn't but i have to .

"What ?" i ask coldly .

"Oh Janette , I'm surprised you answered . . "

"Did you call me just to fucking tell me that . . " I snap back .

"No , no of course not . Can we just talk , please . . " he says while i think . A big part of me wants to say no to him because he made me look stupid . But i can't , i love this man too much to throw everything away and the fact that we have babies on the way complicates everything so much more .

"Ok i just got home hurry before i fall asleep ." i simply reply hanging up .

I hurry and go into the house trying to avoid the rain and go straight upstairs and put my pajamas on . I wear my favorite pajamas that Niall says he hates but we all know he really likes them . They were pink fluffy shorts with white polka dots and matching fuzzy socks . I put a crew neck on because I'm still cold .

I grab a coffee to try and stay warm and awake and i start using my phone . "Memory card full . Delete pictures for more space ." I read on my notification bar . Damn it . I hate when that shit happens . As i plan on deleting the pictures i scroll up to see all of them . They are all full of Niall's face . One with him doing his homework with his binder on his laps and a pencil in between his lips . One with him and his guitar where the sun hits him perfectly . One with him picking my nose which makes me laugh . One with him kissing my cheek and one with him staring straight into my eyes and smiling at me like if i was the only person in the world with him . Tears brim my eyes at the memory of what we had . What he ruined . I loved him ! I actually loved him ! why would he do this to us , we were perfect for each other . But he really was perfect for Rachel .

The image of him thrusting in and out of her . As he holds her at night the way he holds me and hugs me . I can't , it disgusts me , having those images in my head . All the love i have for him turns into hate and disgust .

I immediately get up me and my pregnant self to try and relieve my anger but the more i think about letting it go , the more i get infuriated with the images and ideas .

"Fuck ! " i yell as i throw my coffee mug at the wall with full force and tug at my hair like a crazy pregnant person .

"Janette , what are you doing !?" i hear from behind me as Niall comes rushing in , moving quickly towards me because now I'm throwing picture frames at the floor . Crushing every picture of us in that damn house . Throwing lamps , pulling curtains , throwing dishes , reaching my arm out and knocking everything off the counters .

"Baby , baby please calm down … " he says trying to hold me back from breaking anything else .

"Don't touch me ! You did this ! You ruined everything ! " I say trying to realize that i failed miserably at trying to make him think i didn't care .

"I know , i know and I'm so-"

"You said that already but you don't mean it ! "

"I -"

"Did i say i was finished ? No! So let me finish ! I gave you everything . I actually loved you Niall , i have never ever in my life opened up to anyone like i opened up to you ! I have never been so close to someone like i have been close to you . I was infatuated with you , " i say calmly again ,"you were the person that i loved that i had left . I trusted you with my life , i got shot for you , I stood by you through all your demons and you go and do this shit ? You fucking wait for me to be fucking pregnant to fuck shit up ? Why Niall , just tell me why , why would you have bet over me ? What did i ever do to you ?"

He takes a minute to answer , i little bit of a shock takes over his far because i have never yelled at him this way . I have never cussed this much at him and i really didn't mind considering how mad i was . "Because , i .. i don't know why you . You were new to the school and you were just there , and a challenge . "

"So you had a bet with Harry , to see who gets to fuck me , to end up getting Rachel ? Am i correct ?"

"Yes . . but you have to realize , i wasn't the same back then ! I drank all the time and smoked all the time ! Waking up with a hangover was like a daily , i didn't love anyone or anything only myself so at the time it didn't matter who you were . The first date we had , i realized that you liked me for me and you were easy to talk to . Then at Harry's party when you walked away from me because i was treating you like shit , i knew i really and honestly liked you . When i saved you from your mom , i knew i you needed me as much as i needed you and i knew that i loved you . You have to realize i love you please . I have changed so much for you and i wanted to tell you about the bet all along but i was afraid you'd leave me . "

"Damn right i'd leave you .. " I say fist clenched to my side meaning every word . If we were in a different circumstance and with me not being pregnant with his children i would have left him in a heart beat . I would have thrown his shit on the grass and turned the sprinklers on . I would have driven his car into the lake he asked me to be his girlfriend in . But under these circumstances , right now , i can't think for myself , i have to think about my boys . They need their father as stupid and idiotic he can be , they need him . I hate to have to be so tied to him but i can't just let him go .

"…but I'm not going to . . " i say as he lifts his head up and looks straight into my eyes with a little bit of hope in them . "I'm not saying that i will forgive you , because I'm not . I need space and time because i can't just let you come back in . I don't trust you , you disgust me because your penis has been in someone else's body , but i still , sadly , deeply , love you . "

"Janette , i will do anything you want . . "

"Space . I just want space ."

"Space ?"

"Yes space , now , I'm going to sleep . "

"Just like that ? "

"What do you mean ?" i know exactly what he means . He means why so easy , and how am i just going to walk away .

"I mean , you're just going to go to sleep just like that ?"

"Yes , i am . You are old enough to know what you are doing . I told you what i want from you and i told you that i need space . If you can't deal with that the doors that way ," i say pointing at the door with a serious face ,"I'm not making you stay and i'm not making you leave , and I'm sure as hell not going to argue with you anymore . I expect you to clean the kitchen , give me space , and let me sleep . Goodnight . " i say turning around and walking right upstairs . To be honest the only reason i left is because the more i listen to him talk , the more i knew i would forgive him easily . I still wanted to be mad at him , and i know he can't stay away from be . The only way to hurt him is to keep him close yet so very far .

Notes

Hey , this chapter my not have been the best but i apologize , it's like a stepping stone for the next one that will be good . I was wondering , where are you guys form ? lol I'm from California .
Comment down below where you guys are form , i'm actually pretty curious to know . (:
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