Love & Betrayal

HELLO READERS! GUESS WHAT! I'M BACK! YAY!

Life is kind of settled down for a couple weeks so I'm going to post as much as possible. Thank you to everyone who has been patient and stuck by my story, even in this month lag. You all mean so much to me! I love each one of you. Happy reading! Don't forget to check out my authors note, this one is important!






3 months after Japan



“I can’t do this anymore!” I yelled at no one in particular.

“Are you losing your mind again?” Kasi peaked her head into my room.

“YES!” I sighed, slumping down the wall onto the floor.

“It looks like sex is going to happen in here tonight.” She laughed, taking in Harry and mine room.

“That’s the plan.” I smirked, looking up at her.

“Babe, calm down. Everything looks perfect, you look perfect, he’s going to look perfect, everything will be perfect.” Kasi hugged me.

“What if it’s not though?” I felt my lip begin to quiver. I wasn’t going to cry. I wasn’t going to let myself.

After what seemed like a perfect trip to Japan filled with love and happiness with Harry, things sort of fell apart again. The distance between Harry and I was proving to be a problem. The tabloids had us fighting more than not. We both knew that we shouldn’t listen to them, but being so far apart was taking its toll on us.

There were rumors that Harry was back together with Ella, and she wasn’t helping the situation at all. Harry and the guys had gone out partying one night while in Amsterdam and happened to bump into Ella.

I had finally talked to Rachel about Ella. She said that one of her mutual friends with Ella told her that Ella wanted Harry back and would stop at nothing to get him back. From then on out, Ella was basically seen out with Harry everywhere he went. Harry insisted that she would simply just show up uninvited but I was having my doubts.

To make things worse, I had been so busy setting up my new business, Harry and I rarely had quality time to talk or skype. I just felt like everything was falling apart. Maybe it was, maybe I was over reacting, I had no idea.

With starting my own line came the challenge of promoting it was well. Igor thought it was a great idea for Zac Efron to come back as the new face of my men’s line. That stirred up a lot of rumors and fights with Harry. While I rarely even saw Zac, I still had to do a couple promotional shoots with him.

Other than the fighting and drama surrounding Harry, my life was honestly going great. The hype around my outing as a designer was keeping me busy. I was asked to come onto talk shows to promote and everything. The schedule got so crazy, I even hired a manager to keep my priorities straight.

Harry had been staying positive on his end and I had been trying as well. It was easy to do in the public eye, but when I was alone, I broke down. I wasn’t the strong person everyone thought I was on the outside. My friends had been keeping me together as much as possible, but for some reason, I felt like Harry and my relationship was nearing its end.

The band was finally in their US leg of their tour. They had two shows in New York coming up this week. They had a few down days for promotions and what not so Harry would be in town for a while. Tonight was the first time I’d see him in over 3 months. I was nervous. After everything that we had gone through in the past few months, I knew seeing him would ease my worries or confirm them. I had a couple short hours left until he walked through our front door and I couldn’t be more terrified.

Normally, after not seeing your fiancé in months would mean you’d be more than excited and happy to see him. It seemed like in our relationship though, we always had something or someone to talk about. I want nothing more than for everything to be okay.

Kasi pulled me from my long day dream by tightening her hug.

“You okay?” she whispered, pulling me in closer.

“No. I’m scared to death.” I sighed.

“He isn’t cheating.”

“I know, but what if he thinks I am?” I felt the first tear fall.

“You aren’t either. Spenc, you guys are engaged. You know he isn’t going to let rumors and gossip break you apart. And neither are you.”

“I’m over reacting, huh?” I sighed, wiping a falling tear.

“You always do, that just means you love the boy.” Kasi snuggled into my side. “Can we talk about this room though? If you guys don’t ripe each other’s clothes off and go at it all night, can I bring Tim over and use it?”

“EW! Get out!” I laughed. “I have a good feeling that we will be using it. So I did a good job?”

“It looks like something straight out of a rom com, Spencer.” she giggled. “It’s perfect.”

“I would have lost my mind for real without you here the past couple of months.” I hugged her tighter.

“I’m here for you, no matter what.” She smiled.

“I love you.” I kissed her temple.

“I love you too.” she kissed me back. “Now I’m going to head out, do you need anything before I go?”

“Nah, I think we got it all.” I stood up with her.

“I put the champagne in the refrigerator and made sure the living room is spotless.”

I nodded, unsure at her. I was so nervous that I was doing all of this to have everything end. I didn’t want to look like a fool in front of Harry.

“Babe, everything is going to be okay!” Kasi hugged me again, after she finished putting on her shoes. “All you have to do is light the candles, pour the champagne, and make sweet love to your husband.”

“Fiancé.” I rolled my eyes.

“Not for long.” She wiggled her eyebrows but turned serious when I sighed. “Are you doubting saying yes again?”

“All the time.” I sat down on the couch. “I’m so young. Why do I want to get married?”

“Um maybe because Harry is the greatest guy I’ve ever met, and I have my own boyfriend, and you are madly in love with him!” she sat down next to me. So much for her leaving.

I’ve been doing this a lot lately, worrying about getting married. I mean I love Harry with everything inside of me, but I’m only 21. Sure, I want to be with him forever, but why rush it?

“Kas, I don’t know.”

“Yes, you do. Harry is the love of your life and you are his. He is so happy to make you his wife!”

Kasi was one of the greatest people I had ever met. She was a true best friend. She would calm me down no matter what. She always knew what to say.

“What if I’m honestly not ready to be a wife though?” I felt the tears welling up again.

“That’s something you have to talk to Harry about. I can’t help you there. You know whether you are or not. Babe, you are the only person who can make this decision.”

“I can’t change my mind now.” I sighed. “I can’t break his heart.”

“Well maybe you don’t have too. Talk to him about it, maybe explain why you’re nervous. This doesn’t mean it’s all over, Spencer. It’s just another speed bump.” She smiled at me. “Let me ask you something. Is Harry the guy you want to be with forever?”

“Yes.” I nodded.

“But you’re worried you’re jumping into things too fast and too young?”

“Yes.” I answered again.

“Then tell him that. Tell him that he’s the only person in the world for you, but you just aren’t ready.” Kasi hugged me. “Everything will be okay.”

“Thank you, I love you.” I hugged her tighter.

“I love you! Now I really gotta run. Harry should be here within the next couple hours. Don’t take too many pills after I leave, okay?”

“I know.” I closed my eyes.

“I’m serious.”

“I got it!” I opened my eyes again, to look at her.

“Have fun tonight, call me tomorrow!”

“Promise.”

I slumped down further into the couch as Kasi closed the door behind her. This was probably going to be the worsts couple hours of my life. I tore myself from the couch so I wouldn’t sit and sulk the entire time. I made my way to the bathroom, digging in the cabinet for the pills Kasi told me not take. I wasn’t going to take too many, just enough. I took two and looked at myself in the mirror.

I looked horrible. I looked worn down, tired, awful, just horrible. All of this promoting and long distance fighting with Harry was wearing me down. I hate been taking more pills than anyone knew to keep up. I was taking Adderall to stay focused during the day, popping Xanax to take off the edge randomly, like I just did, and when I got home I’d smoke a bunch of weed to calm myself out mixed with a few more Xanax. It wasn’t healthy but it was what I needed. I wouldn’t be able to do what I do without it.

I was falling back into my old ways and I was scared for myself. But I couldn’t tell anyone. If I did, I wouldn’t be able to keep doing what I’m doing. I promised Harry that I would tell him if I couldn’t what I was getting into, but this is different. The drugs are aiding me this time. They are helping me get everything done on time.

I would tell him when I needed too. I slammed my fists down on the sink as a sob shuddered through me violently. I was overwhelmed. My life was overwhelming. How did Harry do this? I was finally getting a taste of his life. I was being asked on talk shows to promote my company opening which was something I would have never expected to happen in my lifetime.

In fact, I had a show this week and I was going to ask Harry to tag along. It was on one of his free days. I had already checked with Jack. I knew if everything went well when he got here, he’d be happy to come. It would be weird being on the other side of things, but it’s something I needed to start getting used too.

I looked at myself in the mirror one more time before deciding I needed one more pill for safe measures. I sat down on the toilet and thought hard about everything. Was this the life I wanted? Was Harry the man I wanted to marry? Was everything I was putting myself through worth it? I sighed, knowing exactly what I needed. Sex and a nice long hot bath and some wine. Sex would have until Harry got here, but I’d figure a bath and wine would relax me until he got here.

I started the hot water, adding some suds before I left the bathroom. I padded out to the kitchen pouring myself a healthy, okay way too much, glass of wine. I took a large sip instantly refilling what I had drank. I took another sip deciding I should just bring the bottle with me to refill as my bath went on. Maybe I wouldn’t even use the glass. I lit all of the candles in the living and bedroom just in case Harry came back while I was in the tub. I made sure everything was in place as a smiled settled across my face. I did well, this was my best romantic work yet!

I headed back to the bathroom just in time to stop the water from overflowing. I set my glass and bottle of wine down next to the over luxurious tub that practically sold me on the entire apartment. I took my sweats off followed by my tank top. I studied my barely clothed body in the mirror this time. I was thin. I had lost a lot of weight in the last couple months. My body looked frail. Well, I suppose I wasn’t eating right and doing more drugs than an already skinny person should be doing. I’d figured it out. It would get better after all this promoting and getting the business ready was done and over with.

I stripped my underwear and bra from my body and stepped into the warm tub. I snuggled into the water, letting it rush over my body. The mixture of the warmth and bubbles made me smile. It was the simple things in life. I sunk all the way under and sipped my wine. For once, I actually felt relaxed. I closed my eyes after taking another long, healthy sip from my glass, emptying it. Yeah, I’ll just move onto the bottle. I sighed in relief as I felt the tension from my body slowly fade. I’m sure it was a mixture of the drugs, alcohol and warm water. It wasn’t long before I drifted into a peaceful nap. It was really overdue.




A few hours later

“What? What’s going on?” I blinked a few times before everything came into clear sight.

“Are you okay? Spencer talk to me.” I looked up at Harry then down to the freezing cold tub water I was still in. “How long have you been in there babe? And how much have you drank?”

“I…I…uh, I don’t know.” I looked quickly at the pill bottle on the sink behind me nervously, hoping he hadn’t seen them yet.

“I saw them.” He nodded towards the sink. “Spencer, what is happening?”

“I don’t know.” I repeated myself.

“Well we’re getting you out of here first of all.” He said, wrapping his arms around my waist, pulling me out.

“You’re getting all wet.” I mumbled.

“I’ll dry.” He snapped, helping me into my robe.

He guided me into our bedroom and helped me on top of the bed. He eyed me sternly before stripping his wet clothes from his body. He sat down next to me in only his underwear, still staring at me.

“Stop staring at me.” I closed the robe tighter around my body, getting self-conscious.

“What’s going on?” he asked, calmly.

“Nothing, just a little stressed with you coming home and all.” I shrugged.

“Why babe? Why would me coming home stress you out of all things?” he scooted closer on the bed to me.

“Because we haven’t been on the best terms lately. We’re fighting a lot and I’m overwhelmed here at home doing everything for my line and what not. I’ve just been stressed out.” I poured it all out, not even meaning too.

“Baby, I’m not cheating on you with Ella. I’ve told you this many, many times.” He wrapped an arm around my waist, pulling me into him.

“Harry.” I didn’t want to fight. “It just looks like so much more.”

“And you going out and gallivanting with Zac Efron is any different?” he raised an eyebrow.

“I’m doing business with him. He’s the face of my new men’s line. Do you even know how much publicity he’s brought for me?”

“I know, I trust it’s strictly business. So why can’t you trust me?” he played with my wet hair.

“I do trust you, I just get insecure.” I admitted.

“You’re the most beautiful woman I have ever seen. No one is going to replace that, or you.” Harry kissed my shaking lips. “I love you.”

“I love you too.” I smiled up at him.

“Now can we talk about how amazing our house looks right now?” he laughed, snuggling his head into the crook of my neck. “Did you do all this yourself?”

I knew I had so much more to talk to him about, but I couldn’t bring myself to do it. He seemed to be in a good mood, despite finding me passed out in the tub. I didn’t want to ruin that. We’d have a couple of days to finally talk about everything. I just wanted to be happy right now.

“Kasi may have helped.” I smiled.

“So she knows what’s about to happen then, yeah?” He smirked, rolling on top of me.

“She encourages it actually.” I smirked back.

“Well we better not let her down.” He kissed me again, but this time with a little more passion than the first. “God, I’ve missed you, love.”

“And I’ve missed you. Three months is an awfully long time to be apart.”

“That’s why I’m about to show you how much you truly mean to me. Three months’ worth of how much you mean to me.”

“Then shut up and do it.” I pulled his lips down to mine, ending any further conversation.

And he did as he said. He showed me, every inch of me, just how much I meant to him. I knew I was avoiding important topics, some of which he didn’t even know existed right now, but I couldn’t do it. I just wanted to be happy. When I’m with Harry, I’m so happy. I know it’s selfish but I hate being apart from him. I know we can’t be together all the time due to our conflicting careers but I wanted to be. Every time we were together, I felt like nothing else mattered but us. Coming to this realization makes me believe my worst fears are finally coming true. I can’t be with Harry if he wasn’t around more.

Notes

Hey all! As I said, you're going to want to read this!

So just to update you, this story is nearing it's end. But fear not! There is a second part, or "sequel" if you will. Just be patient once more and you'll see how it all comes together.

I don't want to promise anything but I'm thinking within the next 5-10 chapters, this is going to be over and the next part will start. I'm very excited for the next part, I've already started to write it!

Keep on reading! Much love to each and every one of you!

xx