Convergent
2†
Ain’t got no doctor or pill that can take the pain away
The pain’s inside and nobody frees you from your body
Is the soul, it’s the soul that needs surgery
Plastic smiles and denial can only take you so far
When you break and the fake façade leaves you in the dark
You left with shattered mirrors and the shards of a beautiful girl
-Pretty Hurts, Beyoncé Knowles
I looked at myself in the mirror once again. My make-up from early today was still on, a little bit smudged under my eyes, but that made me like it even more. It made me look like a devil, like a supernatural mean creature. That way, people kept away from me and I don’t need to take crap from them.
I was getting ready to go to that party Mason warned me about. I was full of energy, in school today, we only had a few lectures and in P.E. hour we just sat in a large bench doing nothing and blabbering nonstop. Not that I had participated in the blabbering part, but I managed to hide my earphones inside my shirt and behind my hair so the teacher wouldn’t saw them.
I need music, always. If I stay in silence for too long, my brain starts to overdrive and I over think stuff I don’t want neither do I need to over think.
My hair was falling over my chest. My pale skin is only covered with my black bra and matching panties. I grabbed a handful of my hair and pulled it back, turning my hair to the right and then to the left to see if I liked it. I took two deep breaths, not ignoring the fact that my collarbones were extremely prominent.
I grabbed a pair of hairpins and captured my bangs behind, putting the pins right in the middle of my head. I admired myself in the mirror once again and turned around, walking back to my room.
When I reached my room and was closing my door, I noticed my hands shivering and trembling, meaning I was soo nervous I needed to grab a cigarette before I collapsed. I feel extremely stressed and, I guess, wrong when I spend too much without cigarettes. I guess it’s addiction, yes! Swallowing, I walked to my bedside table and opened the first drawer, grabbing my pack of Marlboro Red cigarettes and my neon green lighter.
I pushed the windows opened and jumped, supporting in the windows frame. I pushed my legs out of the window, crossing them over each other. I put the cigarette between my teeth and lit it, the task being a bit more difficult hanks to my trembling hands, putting the lighter next to me in the windows frame. I pushed my back against one side of the frame, supporting my feet against the other side of it.
I leaned my head against the frame and just pulled the smoke inside. T uneasiness and the stress would go away by each time my nail hit the bottom of the cigar, making the ashes levitate away from me, wich meant the cigarette was getting smaller and smaller. Shame.
I was about to get out of the window when I heard someone whistling at me. I frowned and looked outside to find a guy starring at me, biting his lower lip. My frown disappeared to turn into a side smile and a roll of eyes. The guy laughed at me and I laughed back, throwing the tip of the cigarette away and turning my back at him, the cocky smile still present on my lips.
What? Sex is great! Especially when there are no strings attached and no lovey-dovey cuddling after. I’m not that type of person, I don’t like people caring about me, I don’t need that. I couldn’t correspond them even if I wanted to.
I feel nothing.
I can’t feel fear. I can’t feel love. I can’t feel any emotion what so ever. And that’s good. I mean, if I did feel anything, it meant that it would be difficult for me to end it when the time comes. It’s easier to be alone than surrounded by people, even though that surrounded by people, I still feel alone and empty.
They don’t appreciate what they have until they lose it. They don’t know how much of a blessing it is to feel. And they don’t even acknowledge people who don’t. They call us freaks, and guess I don’t mind that… but don’t fucking come here and try to give me speeches about how I am different and a freak and really weird. I don’t need that.
I jumped from the window frame to the ground of my room and closed it, walking to my wardrobe next. It’s lame to show up earlier, but it’s lame to show up too late too. Not that I care, especially when I’m not invited, but its common courtesy right?
I smiled demonically to myself. I will love to see the face of the guy who threw the party when he sees me there. I think it’s supposed to be someone’s birthday, but I don’t care about birthday’s now days, only Dennis’ and no one else’s, not even mine, even thought I keep track of it. I mean, how else would I know I’m legally permitted to drive, or to drink and smoke? I just don’t want presents and a cake. Either way, I’m awful with dates so I wouldn’t memorize anyone’s birthdate anyway.
I opened my wardrobe and grabbed a black top from there, pulling it over my chest and then grabbed a pair of denim shorts, wrapping a red squares shirt around my waist next. I grabbed my combat boots and slipped those on, tying the laces while sat on the edge of my bed.
Slowly putting down my leg, I raised my neck to look back at my bedside table. I smiled defiantly to myself and opened the second drawer, grabbing five of the black packages with the cannabis leaf printed. They’re the size of condom packages and inside… well… I think you can guess what’s inside these one’s by yourself. I feel like doing something crazy tonight, and what’s best than getting drunk and high?!
Laughing bitterly, I grabbed my old leather jacket from my wardrobe and slid the package’s inside one pocket. Why five? I have no idea if Mason will show up or not. He’s just as screwed up as me, plus, you never know who wants to join the party right?
I took a last look in the mirror of my wardrobe and realized I didn’t like my hair like that, so I let go of it and pulled it up in a messy bun as high as it could be in my head. I nodded to myself and closed every opened door in my room, in case someone came snooping, like our maid. She’s a good woman, and she wants the best for me. The problems is, I don’t want the best for me.
I exited my room and closed the door behind me, walking silently down the hallway. I knew Dennis was probably downstairs, pretending to have a normal life with our parents, who were probably getting ready to go out again.
Just as I expected, they were all in the kitchen. Dennis was only wearing a pair of blue squares pajama’s pants, my mom was wearing way too short shorts and a top that only covered her boobs, along with Christian Louboutin heels. My dad had a pair of large jeans on and a white t-shirt.
“Hey Sweetie!” Dad called boringly. Well, we’re in the mood to call me sweetie today… something’s up
“We’re going out Kaya!” She said, her words so full of venom that the closest living thing would die. Of course I’m already half dead, Dennis is used to this and my dad actually likes it so…
“Where? The strip club so yo can earn one dollar bills?” I asked.
Her face transformed immediately. She could look as the gorgeous mother she is when calm, she could even fake a little bit of interest in us here and then, bus she can never disguise it when she’s angry. She dared to take a step in my direction. And I, no matter how scared of her I am, (wich is shitless by the way) am not going to bow to the madam just because she wants to.
I’m stubborn like that!
Dennis immediately got himself in front of me when he saw her hand raised to slap me. She’s cruel and mean like that. I know what I said, but it’s not like it’s a lie. When she was younger she used to be a stripper. My dad knocked her up, she left the life behind to live a luxurious one. Of course they had boundaries they couldn’t cross with my granddad’s money. Dennis and I don’t have that problem. Grandpa Coleman knows we’re good kids, well Dennis is, I just fooled him, but still, I make better use to the money than they would anyway.
My mom… well, the woman who spread her legs to conceive me and then give birth to me, she ha always mistreated me and Dennis, more me than Dennis. He says she’s jealous of me, because I get to live the life she couldn’t. You know, party all the time, money, booze, laughs. She’s a frustrated person, and she could kick me around, that was until a year and two months ago when Dennis turned eighteen. He started standing up for the both of us the day he became an adult.
She’s the type of woman who punishes with violence, (extreme violence by the way) words and ‘luxuries’. She considered eating a luxury, so when I was ten I said something she didn’t like, she kicked the crap out of me, called me uncountable names I don’t want to remember and threw me into my room, saying I was forbidden to eat for the next two days. Luckily, Dennis and I both got our hands in the money when we became eleven. Wich means, Dennis had a black card already. We got into a cab, and eat so much, but so so much I thought we would blow off that day.
Good memories of good old days!
Dennis is bigger than her, way more muscular and the look on his face when she tries to hurt me is terrifying, so I feel safe now. I know it’s a coward thing to do, hide behind your brother, but he did it himself, I didn’t push him or anything. Dennis just liked to protect me from anything that could hurt me physically, mentally or emotionally. Oh dear brother, if you only knew!
“I swear Kaya, if you don’t cut it off I’m gonna…” I cut her off, by getting myself in front of Dennis so I could talk face to face with her
“What?! Take my money away?” I paused, faking a thinking face “Oh wait, my money comes from the trust fund granddad made for dad, but thing is…” I took a step in her direction, leaning forward. I perked my nose up and shook my head negatively while talking “…he didn’t really trust you did he?” I asked, bashing my lids innocently “And my car? Dennis gave it to me… and e all know where the money comes from don’t we?” I smiled devilishly
“Kaya…” My brother started, his words as caring as they could be
“Young lady!” She growled, scowling me with her tone as if I was going to care about anything she had to say
“Don’t ‘young lady’ me!” I said “ Let’s just keep to the common grounds, you don’t talk to me, I don’t talk to you. Ignore me and I’ll do the same, or I’ll flip on you! I don’t care if you gave birth to me or not, I’m eighteen now, wich means I’m responsible for my actions and I owe you nothing! Go fuck yourselves!”
“Kaya!” My dad asked, rubbing his forehead “Honey, just go where you wanna go, don’t piss off your mom or I’ll have to deal with her shrieking all the way to the club okay?” I almost laughed devilishly.
She was all alone, no one loved her, no one liked her! She’s a cold hearted bitch who deserved to die alone. She didn’t deserve a son like Dennis, and God help me, she didn’t deserve a daughter like me, no matter how crappy I am now. I used to love her… until… one day. I just snapped okay?! I realized she didn’t deserve my love, luckily for me Dennis had realized that too so we could both move on and hate both of our parents, although Dennis tried to hide it.
“Bye!” I said, kissing Dennis in the cheek and turning my back at the rest of the lowlifes present “I’ll be back soon I think!” I assured and Dennis nodded
I smiled as big as I could, that was a weird yellow smile, and walked to the door of my house, getting out as quickly as I could.
This is how you scorn your bitch of a mother!
I’m still behind her in the scoreboard, but we have time to get there, I hope. Seeing her suffer is something I will never, ever get tired of, and touching the ‘money’ subject is enough to make her calm down. Me and my brother were rich, not the both of them. They lived of a not so small amount of monthly money my grandpa transferred to my dad’s account every month. The money made in the firm went to him, only then to my dad. That was in the contract they had to sign to pass everything from one to the other.
In my granddad’s will said that when he dies, the company is my dad’s so he can finally be happily rich, Dennis get’s the car shops and I get the magazine he owned. He knew I wanted to be a journalist when little, so it was mine. But luckily, we still have a few years before that happened legally.
I got inside my car and drove to the address Mason texted me this morning. I noticed I was distancing from the ‘rich’ area of London more and more till I got to a friendly neighborhood. People sat at street benches, at the garden, over the sidewalk… the house was small, but it looked comfy. Something mine never did. Mine was big, cold and dead, this, no matter how small it is, looks alive and warm. It’s has an amazingly big front yard that was now the lounging place to everybody else. The grass was bright green, clearly it was took care of, the paint of the house was recent too, since it was perfectly white with no blurs of old age.
I jumped out of my car, amazed by the view of such a small and comfy place, and walked to the entrance of the house. I was the subject of whispers already, and I just got here. I rolled my eyes to them and kept walking through the grass that was full of used beer bottles and filters of cigarettes. It’s a shame to ruin this yard, I never had one, in my house we have one tree and nothing else, and it’s in the back yard where no one can see it. I used to go read there… used.
The door was opened, and the sound of music I didn’t even noticed before, was now hearable. The place was crowded inside too, not only outside. People talked to each other while holding beer bottles and red cups that were, clearly, filled with booze. I found my way around, walking to what I thought was the kitchen so I could pour myself something to get me numb.
The music was just a blur to my ears, thanks to my lack of attention on it. I thank God for having this ability of shutting down everything I want, when I want, because I don’t know if I ever could waste six hours of my life listening to boring teachers.
In the kitchen there was people two. A pair of guys that were clearly trying to bang a girl that was talking to them, two girls sat on top of the counter, drunk as hell, spilling their drinks all over the floor. I don’t judge, after all this is what High school and University mean right? Excess.
Excess of booze, excess of sex, excess of drugs. Everything. Although, some people are too much of pussy’s to get inside the ‘drug’ stuff. It’s amazing actually, it gets you numb and high, so you can’t think about anything else. I like drugs… but I’m not addicted or anything, I can do fine without them, they’re just a little boost to relax the always stressed me.
On top of the kitchen island were a stack of red cups and a few bottles of whiskey, vodka and some other drink that I didn’t even wasted time on looking because I was focused on Vodka already. I grabbed a cup and was pouring myself a drink when I heard a voice coming behind me.
“What are you doing here?”
Smiling devilishly, because I knew the guy behind me was the guy who threw the party, I turned around. I wasn’t expecting to see Styles behind me, but it only made my smile grow even bigger. He hates me, clearly, and I think he’s best friends with that Horan guy. They transferred to our school last year, I have no idea why, but I don’t really care so I’ll just acknowledge them as living beings and move one with my life.
“I told everyone specifically not to tell you about this!” He crossed his hands in front of his chest
“I guess your friends aren’t as loyal as you think Styles!” I smiled mockingly at him, before I circled his body to get out of his sight, or him to get out of mine.
It’s not that Styles isn’t cute, or handsome, because he is, but he’s a douche. He’s one of ‘those’ guys, and when I say those guys I mean, he hangs with the football players, wich also are disgusting players who fuck their way into popularity in our school. But, I heard Styles is a cuddler, so… no thanks!
I made my way outside, taking a huge sip out of my drink, thinking. I heard a lot about Styles, but nothing about Horan. No one ever talks about their sex life with him, although they say he’s great in bed, nothing more than that. He has that appeal, the player appeal. I mean, he’s gorgeous, young, a football stay between them, what else can he desire?
“Look who decided to show up?” I heard a rough and raspy voice sound behind me
I smiled, rolling my eyes angrily when I realized who easy taking. Mason. Yes, I talk to Mason, do I like him? Not a chance. There are those people who immediately transmit the message to stay away from them, even if you never even spoke to them. Mason I the kind of guy who pulls you in, and then spits you out like you were nothing more than a cigar. Not in the one night stand way, but if you lose your utility to him… Goodbye motherfucker.
That is why I never, ever asked him anything, or became of any use to him. I’m not desperate enough to get myself in the fire line randomly. He happens to like my smartness and my style, so he just stuck around.
He’s not the prettiest boy around, but he’s cute. I mean, he has brown eyes and chestnut brown hair, he’s tall and muscular, but he’s way too threatening. His eyes are colder than mine, and if I’m not a cold person than I don’t know who is. He’ someone who put fear in someone if he want to, if you get in his good graces, like I luckily have, you’re fine. If you’re in the black list, be extremely careful.
“How long have you been here?” He asked
“I just got here!” I said, looking at his hands to find a cigar between his middle and index finger. He smiled at me
“Want a bit?” He asked and I nodded
I leaned to grab the cigar from his hand and took it to my mouth, drawing the smoke to my mouth only to let it come out my nose. I handed him the cigar and took a deep breath, closing my eyes for a while.
“Stressed today are we?” He asked, sitting in front of me
“Yeah!” I sat next to him over the grass “I need something strong today!” I said, grabbing a package from my pocket and shaking it in front of his eyes.
Mason smiled coldly at me, grabbing the package from my hands and opening the zipper on the upper part, opening. He grabbed his wallet and took a fifty out, handing it to me. I rolled it up and saw how he grabbed his phone and carefully made a career of the delicious white dust over the black cover of his phone. I put the bill near my nose and was about to pull the cocaine in when someone caught my eye, making me frown.
Horan!
There he was in all his glory, holding his beer in one hand, he other one hidden inside his jeans pocket. He was taking to a group of guys that I recognized being the football players. He took a sip of his drink, and then he laughed, almost spitting out his drink. His laugh reached my ears. So loud, joyful and full of life.
Slowly, and without my consent, my position went back to normal, my back straightened as I felt Mason’s glare on me.
Horan smiled, his eyes gaining wrinkles as he did so. His perky and slightly pointy nose raising as he laughed. I found my frown softening till my expression was completely relaxed, my neck slightly stretched with surprise.
Suddenly, like he felt my glare upon him, he turned and faced me. His smile grew a bit bigger and I blinked, frowning and shaking my head negatively so I could wake up from my latest transe. But when I woke up, he was still looking at me, his eyes glimmering and sparkling. Why can’t mine be like that too? I bet he never had any type of problem in his life, not like mine anyway.
“What? You have a crush on Birthday boy too?” Mason asked, but I ignored him.
I just lowered my head and used the fifty to pull the drug inside. I inhale good shit and exhale bullshit! The corner of my mouth raised and I massaged my nose to make sure I had everything in. I ran my finger under my nose to clean any trace of my latest acquisition and looked at Mason.
“So, now it’s my turn … hold my phone!” He said, handing me his phone.
Skillfully, he made a career exactly alike mine. I held the phone steadily so he could do what he had to do and then we could go get drunk and wake up with a huge hangover next morning. That way I have an excuse to do it again.
I was holding the phone and Mason was holding the phone already when someone pulled me back. What is it with people getting behind my back and talking to me or doing stuff I don’t want to?!
The person pulled me up and spoke angrily at Mason:
“Don’t come near her again!” I stiffened once I recognized that voice.
He held my hand and pulled me inside the house, me being a bit too dizzy to even process what he was doing. Not because of the drugs, those hadn’t even had any effect yet, but because of him. He had never even talked to me before, and now he thinks he can boss me around and stick his nose in my stuff? I was there with Mason because I wanted to.
Before I knew it, I was being closed inside a room. People must think I’m a slut now, well… more than they did before. I was sat in a bed and his face appeared in front of mine immediately.
He separated my lids the maximum without hurting me, starring into my eye. I knew what he was doing. If my pupil was dilated, it meant I was under the effect of drugs already. I felt fine, a bit dizzy from all of this. What was he doing?
I palmed his chest and pushed him back, he fell on his bum
“Who the fuck do you think you are to come around and get into my business?” I yelled angrily
“That’s not good for you Kaya!” He said, sitting on the floor and then getting up
“I don’t care! It’s my fucking business!” I yelled
“Look, that guy isn’t good for you and…” I cut him off
“You think I don’t know he’s not good? I don’t want ‘good’ in my life, Horan!” I spat venomously.
Silence followed. It gave me time to look around his room distractedly. It wasn’t as big as mine, it was quite small actually. It had one blue wall and the other ones were white. A few posters were hanged, the wardrobe was small too, he had a double bed and two bedside tables. At first sight, and to normal people wich doesn’t include me, it’s a normal bedroom. To me, is such more. It’s comfy without having the amount of quality mine has, it’s warm and cozy.
“Why…?” He asked, sitting by my side on the bed.
I moved back a little bit. He was staring at me in the eye, his blue orbs sparkling as much as they could.
“I don’t know why you even care!” I spat again. Why is he being so nice to me? “You know what? I’ll just leave!” I said, getting up and starting to walk towards the door when he grabbed my arm, pulling me back.
I stood there, in front of him, frowning, not knowing why he pulled me back. He didn’t know too, I can tell by the look on his face. Until his hands flew to my neck and he pulled me to a kiss. I was astonished at first, his hands kept in my neck, pulling me closer and closer to him, his lips moving on top mine.
I, then, surrounded his neck with my hands and kissed him back. It was like and urge, like something I wanted to try to do, and now I got to do it.
There was a sweet taste to him, something like chocolate with something fresh, like mint. I lingered, enjoying the feeling of hi mouth overpowering mine, and when his tongue found mine, I heard a low moan escape form the back of my throat without my permission. But I didn’t care.
Horan was sweet and cute, really handsome. He was the first person, besides Dennis, that actually cared and pulled me out of perdition. Perdition being one of the best stuff I have ever tried, wich may or may not be having an effect on my actions right now. He cared, he was good. Only after that thought I realized what I was doing.
He was good!
I don’t want anything good in my life!
I pushed him back, astonished for corresponding him. He had a small smile on his lips, a new and improves sparkle in his eyes. I frowned at myself. Why would I even kiss him back? Sure, I never rejected a kiss from anyone before, but well, this was Horan we were talking about, the other guys were just random horny dudes who decided to kiss the nearest girl and I happened to be her. Or people I knew and decided to do it during a game or when were really drunk. But never like this… Horan is in the football team, he’s in the popular group, wich means he’s my archenemy.
“This was… hum…. Great but… hum … I don’t want this right now!” I said, watching how the sparkle in his eyes died.
I turned around to leave his room when he decided to speak
“I would never break your heart you know?” He asked and I stopped, the door opened for me to leave already.
I leaned my head the slightest bit to the side so I could see him without turning around. He was standing in his bedroom, perfectly still, his hands by the side of his body.
“You can’t break something that’s broken already!” I said, grabbing the handle of the door and pulling it behind me to close the door “And hey…” I called when he was looking at the floor, making him look at me “…happy birthday!” And then I closed the door.
I want to leave this God damned house as fast as I can, and so I did, walking out of the house and to my car, walking past Mason who called my name repeatedly, but I just ignored him. I’m not scared of him, and I have a lot to think about right now, but if I’m lucky, the drugs will take it away. Just when I was getting inside my car, I heard people starting to sing happy birthday to him.
I turned to look at him, and found his blue eyes staring at me, containing sparkle again. He wasn’t even paying attention to the people singing to him, he was just staring at me. I gave him a nod, and turned around to get inside my car, and drove away, knowing I just had one of the most weird night of my life.
The pain’s inside and nobody frees you from your body
Is the soul, it’s the soul that needs surgery
Plastic smiles and denial can only take you so far
When you break and the fake façade leaves you in the dark
You left with shattered mirrors and the shards of a beautiful girl
-Pretty Hurts, Beyoncé Knowles
I looked at myself in the mirror once again. My make-up from early today was still on, a little bit smudged under my eyes, but that made me like it even more. It made me look like a devil, like a supernatural mean creature. That way, people kept away from me and I don’t need to take crap from them.
I was getting ready to go to that party Mason warned me about. I was full of energy, in school today, we only had a few lectures and in P.E. hour we just sat in a large bench doing nothing and blabbering nonstop. Not that I had participated in the blabbering part, but I managed to hide my earphones inside my shirt and behind my hair so the teacher wouldn’t saw them.
I need music, always. If I stay in silence for too long, my brain starts to overdrive and I over think stuff I don’t want neither do I need to over think.
My hair was falling over my chest. My pale skin is only covered with my black bra and matching panties. I grabbed a handful of my hair and pulled it back, turning my hair to the right and then to the left to see if I liked it. I took two deep breaths, not ignoring the fact that my collarbones were extremely prominent.
I grabbed a pair of hairpins and captured my bangs behind, putting the pins right in the middle of my head. I admired myself in the mirror once again and turned around, walking back to my room.
When I reached my room and was closing my door, I noticed my hands shivering and trembling, meaning I was soo nervous I needed to grab a cigarette before I collapsed. I feel extremely stressed and, I guess, wrong when I spend too much without cigarettes. I guess it’s addiction, yes! Swallowing, I walked to my bedside table and opened the first drawer, grabbing my pack of Marlboro Red cigarettes and my neon green lighter.
I pushed the windows opened and jumped, supporting in the windows frame. I pushed my legs out of the window, crossing them over each other. I put the cigarette between my teeth and lit it, the task being a bit more difficult hanks to my trembling hands, putting the lighter next to me in the windows frame. I pushed my back against one side of the frame, supporting my feet against the other side of it.
I leaned my head against the frame and just pulled the smoke inside. T uneasiness and the stress would go away by each time my nail hit the bottom of the cigar, making the ashes levitate away from me, wich meant the cigarette was getting smaller and smaller. Shame.
I was about to get out of the window when I heard someone whistling at me. I frowned and looked outside to find a guy starring at me, biting his lower lip. My frown disappeared to turn into a side smile and a roll of eyes. The guy laughed at me and I laughed back, throwing the tip of the cigarette away and turning my back at him, the cocky smile still present on my lips.
What? Sex is great! Especially when there are no strings attached and no lovey-dovey cuddling after. I’m not that type of person, I don’t like people caring about me, I don’t need that. I couldn’t correspond them even if I wanted to.
I feel nothing.
I can’t feel fear. I can’t feel love. I can’t feel any emotion what so ever. And that’s good. I mean, if I did feel anything, it meant that it would be difficult for me to end it when the time comes. It’s easier to be alone than surrounded by people, even though that surrounded by people, I still feel alone and empty.
They don’t appreciate what they have until they lose it. They don’t know how much of a blessing it is to feel. And they don’t even acknowledge people who don’t. They call us freaks, and guess I don’t mind that… but don’t fucking come here and try to give me speeches about how I am different and a freak and really weird. I don’t need that.
I jumped from the window frame to the ground of my room and closed it, walking to my wardrobe next. It’s lame to show up earlier, but it’s lame to show up too late too. Not that I care, especially when I’m not invited, but its common courtesy right?
I smiled demonically to myself. I will love to see the face of the guy who threw the party when he sees me there. I think it’s supposed to be someone’s birthday, but I don’t care about birthday’s now days, only Dennis’ and no one else’s, not even mine, even thought I keep track of it. I mean, how else would I know I’m legally permitted to drive, or to drink and smoke? I just don’t want presents and a cake. Either way, I’m awful with dates so I wouldn’t memorize anyone’s birthdate anyway.
I opened my wardrobe and grabbed a black top from there, pulling it over my chest and then grabbed a pair of denim shorts, wrapping a red squares shirt around my waist next. I grabbed my combat boots and slipped those on, tying the laces while sat on the edge of my bed.
Slowly putting down my leg, I raised my neck to look back at my bedside table. I smiled defiantly to myself and opened the second drawer, grabbing five of the black packages with the cannabis leaf printed. They’re the size of condom packages and inside… well… I think you can guess what’s inside these one’s by yourself. I feel like doing something crazy tonight, and what’s best than getting drunk and high?!
Laughing bitterly, I grabbed my old leather jacket from my wardrobe and slid the package’s inside one pocket. Why five? I have no idea if Mason will show up or not. He’s just as screwed up as me, plus, you never know who wants to join the party right?
I took a last look in the mirror of my wardrobe and realized I didn’t like my hair like that, so I let go of it and pulled it up in a messy bun as high as it could be in my head. I nodded to myself and closed every opened door in my room, in case someone came snooping, like our maid. She’s a good woman, and she wants the best for me. The problems is, I don’t want the best for me.
I exited my room and closed the door behind me, walking silently down the hallway. I knew Dennis was probably downstairs, pretending to have a normal life with our parents, who were probably getting ready to go out again.
Just as I expected, they were all in the kitchen. Dennis was only wearing a pair of blue squares pajama’s pants, my mom was wearing way too short shorts and a top that only covered her boobs, along with Christian Louboutin heels. My dad had a pair of large jeans on and a white t-shirt.
“Hey Sweetie!” Dad called boringly. Well, we’re in the mood to call me sweetie today… something’s up
“We’re going out Kaya!” She said, her words so full of venom that the closest living thing would die. Of course I’m already half dead, Dennis is used to this and my dad actually likes it so…
“Where? The strip club so yo can earn one dollar bills?” I asked.
Her face transformed immediately. She could look as the gorgeous mother she is when calm, she could even fake a little bit of interest in us here and then, bus she can never disguise it when she’s angry. She dared to take a step in my direction. And I, no matter how scared of her I am, (wich is shitless by the way) am not going to bow to the madam just because she wants to.
I’m stubborn like that!
Dennis immediately got himself in front of me when he saw her hand raised to slap me. She’s cruel and mean like that. I know what I said, but it’s not like it’s a lie. When she was younger she used to be a stripper. My dad knocked her up, she left the life behind to live a luxurious one. Of course they had boundaries they couldn’t cross with my granddad’s money. Dennis and I don’t have that problem. Grandpa Coleman knows we’re good kids, well Dennis is, I just fooled him, but still, I make better use to the money than they would anyway.
My mom… well, the woman who spread her legs to conceive me and then give birth to me, she ha always mistreated me and Dennis, more me than Dennis. He says she’s jealous of me, because I get to live the life she couldn’t. You know, party all the time, money, booze, laughs. She’s a frustrated person, and she could kick me around, that was until a year and two months ago when Dennis turned eighteen. He started standing up for the both of us the day he became an adult.
She’s the type of woman who punishes with violence, (extreme violence by the way) words and ‘luxuries’. She considered eating a luxury, so when I was ten I said something she didn’t like, she kicked the crap out of me, called me uncountable names I don’t want to remember and threw me into my room, saying I was forbidden to eat for the next two days. Luckily, Dennis and I both got our hands in the money when we became eleven. Wich means, Dennis had a black card already. We got into a cab, and eat so much, but so so much I thought we would blow off that day.
Good memories of good old days!
Dennis is bigger than her, way more muscular and the look on his face when she tries to hurt me is terrifying, so I feel safe now. I know it’s a coward thing to do, hide behind your brother, but he did it himself, I didn’t push him or anything. Dennis just liked to protect me from anything that could hurt me physically, mentally or emotionally. Oh dear brother, if you only knew!
“I swear Kaya, if you don’t cut it off I’m gonna…” I cut her off, by getting myself in front of Dennis so I could talk face to face with her
“What?! Take my money away?” I paused, faking a thinking face “Oh wait, my money comes from the trust fund granddad made for dad, but thing is…” I took a step in her direction, leaning forward. I perked my nose up and shook my head negatively while talking “…he didn’t really trust you did he?” I asked, bashing my lids innocently “And my car? Dennis gave it to me… and e all know where the money comes from don’t we?” I smiled devilishly
“Kaya…” My brother started, his words as caring as they could be
“Young lady!” She growled, scowling me with her tone as if I was going to care about anything she had to say
“Don’t ‘young lady’ me!” I said “ Let’s just keep to the common grounds, you don’t talk to me, I don’t talk to you. Ignore me and I’ll do the same, or I’ll flip on you! I don’t care if you gave birth to me or not, I’m eighteen now, wich means I’m responsible for my actions and I owe you nothing! Go fuck yourselves!”
“Kaya!” My dad asked, rubbing his forehead “Honey, just go where you wanna go, don’t piss off your mom or I’ll have to deal with her shrieking all the way to the club okay?” I almost laughed devilishly.
She was all alone, no one loved her, no one liked her! She’s a cold hearted bitch who deserved to die alone. She didn’t deserve a son like Dennis, and God help me, she didn’t deserve a daughter like me, no matter how crappy I am now. I used to love her… until… one day. I just snapped okay?! I realized she didn’t deserve my love, luckily for me Dennis had realized that too so we could both move on and hate both of our parents, although Dennis tried to hide it.
“Bye!” I said, kissing Dennis in the cheek and turning my back at the rest of the lowlifes present “I’ll be back soon I think!” I assured and Dennis nodded
I smiled as big as I could, that was a weird yellow smile, and walked to the door of my house, getting out as quickly as I could.
This is how you scorn your bitch of a mother!
I’m still behind her in the scoreboard, but we have time to get there, I hope. Seeing her suffer is something I will never, ever get tired of, and touching the ‘money’ subject is enough to make her calm down. Me and my brother were rich, not the both of them. They lived of a not so small amount of monthly money my grandpa transferred to my dad’s account every month. The money made in the firm went to him, only then to my dad. That was in the contract they had to sign to pass everything from one to the other.
In my granddad’s will said that when he dies, the company is my dad’s so he can finally be happily rich, Dennis get’s the car shops and I get the magazine he owned. He knew I wanted to be a journalist when little, so it was mine. But luckily, we still have a few years before that happened legally.
I got inside my car and drove to the address Mason texted me this morning. I noticed I was distancing from the ‘rich’ area of London more and more till I got to a friendly neighborhood. People sat at street benches, at the garden, over the sidewalk… the house was small, but it looked comfy. Something mine never did. Mine was big, cold and dead, this, no matter how small it is, looks alive and warm. It’s has an amazingly big front yard that was now the lounging place to everybody else. The grass was bright green, clearly it was took care of, the paint of the house was recent too, since it was perfectly white with no blurs of old age.
I jumped out of my car, amazed by the view of such a small and comfy place, and walked to the entrance of the house. I was the subject of whispers already, and I just got here. I rolled my eyes to them and kept walking through the grass that was full of used beer bottles and filters of cigarettes. It’s a shame to ruin this yard, I never had one, in my house we have one tree and nothing else, and it’s in the back yard where no one can see it. I used to go read there… used.
The door was opened, and the sound of music I didn’t even noticed before, was now hearable. The place was crowded inside too, not only outside. People talked to each other while holding beer bottles and red cups that were, clearly, filled with booze. I found my way around, walking to what I thought was the kitchen so I could pour myself something to get me numb.
The music was just a blur to my ears, thanks to my lack of attention on it. I thank God for having this ability of shutting down everything I want, when I want, because I don’t know if I ever could waste six hours of my life listening to boring teachers.
In the kitchen there was people two. A pair of guys that were clearly trying to bang a girl that was talking to them, two girls sat on top of the counter, drunk as hell, spilling their drinks all over the floor. I don’t judge, after all this is what High school and University mean right? Excess.
Excess of booze, excess of sex, excess of drugs. Everything. Although, some people are too much of pussy’s to get inside the ‘drug’ stuff. It’s amazing actually, it gets you numb and high, so you can’t think about anything else. I like drugs… but I’m not addicted or anything, I can do fine without them, they’re just a little boost to relax the always stressed me.
On top of the kitchen island were a stack of red cups and a few bottles of whiskey, vodka and some other drink that I didn’t even wasted time on looking because I was focused on Vodka already. I grabbed a cup and was pouring myself a drink when I heard a voice coming behind me.
“What are you doing here?”
Smiling devilishly, because I knew the guy behind me was the guy who threw the party, I turned around. I wasn’t expecting to see Styles behind me, but it only made my smile grow even bigger. He hates me, clearly, and I think he’s best friends with that Horan guy. They transferred to our school last year, I have no idea why, but I don’t really care so I’ll just acknowledge them as living beings and move one with my life.
“I told everyone specifically not to tell you about this!” He crossed his hands in front of his chest
“I guess your friends aren’t as loyal as you think Styles!” I smiled mockingly at him, before I circled his body to get out of his sight, or him to get out of mine.
It’s not that Styles isn’t cute, or handsome, because he is, but he’s a douche. He’s one of ‘those’ guys, and when I say those guys I mean, he hangs with the football players, wich also are disgusting players who fuck their way into popularity in our school. But, I heard Styles is a cuddler, so… no thanks!
I made my way outside, taking a huge sip out of my drink, thinking. I heard a lot about Styles, but nothing about Horan. No one ever talks about their sex life with him, although they say he’s great in bed, nothing more than that. He has that appeal, the player appeal. I mean, he’s gorgeous, young, a football stay between them, what else can he desire?
“Look who decided to show up?” I heard a rough and raspy voice sound behind me
I smiled, rolling my eyes angrily when I realized who easy taking. Mason. Yes, I talk to Mason, do I like him? Not a chance. There are those people who immediately transmit the message to stay away from them, even if you never even spoke to them. Mason I the kind of guy who pulls you in, and then spits you out like you were nothing more than a cigar. Not in the one night stand way, but if you lose your utility to him… Goodbye motherfucker.
That is why I never, ever asked him anything, or became of any use to him. I’m not desperate enough to get myself in the fire line randomly. He happens to like my smartness and my style, so he just stuck around.
He’s not the prettiest boy around, but he’s cute. I mean, he has brown eyes and chestnut brown hair, he’s tall and muscular, but he’s way too threatening. His eyes are colder than mine, and if I’m not a cold person than I don’t know who is. He’ someone who put fear in someone if he want to, if you get in his good graces, like I luckily have, you’re fine. If you’re in the black list, be extremely careful.
“How long have you been here?” He asked
“I just got here!” I said, looking at his hands to find a cigar between his middle and index finger. He smiled at me
“Want a bit?” He asked and I nodded
I leaned to grab the cigar from his hand and took it to my mouth, drawing the smoke to my mouth only to let it come out my nose. I handed him the cigar and took a deep breath, closing my eyes for a while.
“Stressed today are we?” He asked, sitting in front of me
“Yeah!” I sat next to him over the grass “I need something strong today!” I said, grabbing a package from my pocket and shaking it in front of his eyes.
Mason smiled coldly at me, grabbing the package from my hands and opening the zipper on the upper part, opening. He grabbed his wallet and took a fifty out, handing it to me. I rolled it up and saw how he grabbed his phone and carefully made a career of the delicious white dust over the black cover of his phone. I put the bill near my nose and was about to pull the cocaine in when someone caught my eye, making me frown.
Horan!
There he was in all his glory, holding his beer in one hand, he other one hidden inside his jeans pocket. He was taking to a group of guys that I recognized being the football players. He took a sip of his drink, and then he laughed, almost spitting out his drink. His laugh reached my ears. So loud, joyful and full of life.
Slowly, and without my consent, my position went back to normal, my back straightened as I felt Mason’s glare on me.
Horan smiled, his eyes gaining wrinkles as he did so. His perky and slightly pointy nose raising as he laughed. I found my frown softening till my expression was completely relaxed, my neck slightly stretched with surprise.
Suddenly, like he felt my glare upon him, he turned and faced me. His smile grew a bit bigger and I blinked, frowning and shaking my head negatively so I could wake up from my latest transe. But when I woke up, he was still looking at me, his eyes glimmering and sparkling. Why can’t mine be like that too? I bet he never had any type of problem in his life, not like mine anyway.
“What? You have a crush on Birthday boy too?” Mason asked, but I ignored him.
I just lowered my head and used the fifty to pull the drug inside. I inhale good shit and exhale bullshit! The corner of my mouth raised and I massaged my nose to make sure I had everything in. I ran my finger under my nose to clean any trace of my latest acquisition and looked at Mason.
“So, now it’s my turn … hold my phone!” He said, handing me his phone.
Skillfully, he made a career exactly alike mine. I held the phone steadily so he could do what he had to do and then we could go get drunk and wake up with a huge hangover next morning. That way I have an excuse to do it again.
I was holding the phone and Mason was holding the phone already when someone pulled me back. What is it with people getting behind my back and talking to me or doing stuff I don’t want to?!
The person pulled me up and spoke angrily at Mason:
“Don’t come near her again!” I stiffened once I recognized that voice.
He held my hand and pulled me inside the house, me being a bit too dizzy to even process what he was doing. Not because of the drugs, those hadn’t even had any effect yet, but because of him. He had never even talked to me before, and now he thinks he can boss me around and stick his nose in my stuff? I was there with Mason because I wanted to.
Before I knew it, I was being closed inside a room. People must think I’m a slut now, well… more than they did before. I was sat in a bed and his face appeared in front of mine immediately.
He separated my lids the maximum without hurting me, starring into my eye. I knew what he was doing. If my pupil was dilated, it meant I was under the effect of drugs already. I felt fine, a bit dizzy from all of this. What was he doing?
I palmed his chest and pushed him back, he fell on his bum
“Who the fuck do you think you are to come around and get into my business?” I yelled angrily
“That’s not good for you Kaya!” He said, sitting on the floor and then getting up
“I don’t care! It’s my fucking business!” I yelled
“Look, that guy isn’t good for you and…” I cut him off
“You think I don’t know he’s not good? I don’t want ‘good’ in my life, Horan!” I spat venomously.
Silence followed. It gave me time to look around his room distractedly. It wasn’t as big as mine, it was quite small actually. It had one blue wall and the other ones were white. A few posters were hanged, the wardrobe was small too, he had a double bed and two bedside tables. At first sight, and to normal people wich doesn’t include me, it’s a normal bedroom. To me, is such more. It’s comfy without having the amount of quality mine has, it’s warm and cozy.
“Why…?” He asked, sitting by my side on the bed.
I moved back a little bit. He was staring at me in the eye, his blue orbs sparkling as much as they could.
“I don’t know why you even care!” I spat again. Why is he being so nice to me? “You know what? I’ll just leave!” I said, getting up and starting to walk towards the door when he grabbed my arm, pulling me back.
I stood there, in front of him, frowning, not knowing why he pulled me back. He didn’t know too, I can tell by the look on his face. Until his hands flew to my neck and he pulled me to a kiss. I was astonished at first, his hands kept in my neck, pulling me closer and closer to him, his lips moving on top mine.
I, then, surrounded his neck with my hands and kissed him back. It was like and urge, like something I wanted to try to do, and now I got to do it.
There was a sweet taste to him, something like chocolate with something fresh, like mint. I lingered, enjoying the feeling of hi mouth overpowering mine, and when his tongue found mine, I heard a low moan escape form the back of my throat without my permission. But I didn’t care.
Horan was sweet and cute, really handsome. He was the first person, besides Dennis, that actually cared and pulled me out of perdition. Perdition being one of the best stuff I have ever tried, wich may or may not be having an effect on my actions right now. He cared, he was good. Only after that thought I realized what I was doing.
He was good!
I don’t want anything good in my life!
I pushed him back, astonished for corresponding him. He had a small smile on his lips, a new and improves sparkle in his eyes. I frowned at myself. Why would I even kiss him back? Sure, I never rejected a kiss from anyone before, but well, this was Horan we were talking about, the other guys were just random horny dudes who decided to kiss the nearest girl and I happened to be her. Or people I knew and decided to do it during a game or when were really drunk. But never like this… Horan is in the football team, he’s in the popular group, wich means he’s my archenemy.
“This was… hum…. Great but… hum … I don’t want this right now!” I said, watching how the sparkle in his eyes died.
I turned around to leave his room when he decided to speak
“I would never break your heart you know?” He asked and I stopped, the door opened for me to leave already.
I leaned my head the slightest bit to the side so I could see him without turning around. He was standing in his bedroom, perfectly still, his hands by the side of his body.
“You can’t break something that’s broken already!” I said, grabbing the handle of the door and pulling it behind me to close the door “And hey…” I called when he was looking at the floor, making him look at me “…happy birthday!” And then I closed the door.
I want to leave this God damned house as fast as I can, and so I did, walking out of the house and to my car, walking past Mason who called my name repeatedly, but I just ignored him. I’m not scared of him, and I have a lot to think about right now, but if I’m lucky, the drugs will take it away. Just when I was getting inside my car, I heard people starting to sing happy birthday to him.
I turned to look at him, and found his blue eyes staring at me, containing sparkle again. He wasn’t even paying attention to the people singing to him, he was just staring at me. I gave him a nod, and turned around to get inside my car, and drove away, knowing I just had one of the most weird night of my life.
UpdAte soon!!
3/6/14