Zayn's P.O.V.

As soon as the cold air hits me, I feel relieved. I didn't realize how suffocated I felt inside until I got out. I asked Michelle for another cigarette, and she took out two, lit them both, and handed one to me.
"Wanna go for a bite?"
She nodded, and we began making our way toward the diner I always go to when I can't sleep, which is at least a couple nights per week.
I want to touch her.
I really want to touch her, but I'm not sure if there will be any paps around. I decide it's worth the risk and doubt there will be anyone of interest out at 3 in the morning.
I grab her hand, and when I do, I feel her hesitate. I can see her weight the pros and cons, but she apparently decides it's fine because she doesn't move away from me.
We move in silence for what seems like a long time, both letting our highs enjoy the outside. It's a whole new world outside, and my senses are enjoying the adjustment. I look over at her, and she seems to be feeling the same thing based on the look of contentment on her face.

"So, where are you from?"
She doesn't answer me or acknowledge my question for so long that I begin to think she didn't even hear me.
"Doncaster. But I've lived pretty much everywhere. You?"
"Bradford." It's refreshing that she doesn't acknowledge my fame. I'm not sure if she just doesn't really know who I am or what I do or if she just doesn't care. I'm leaning toward the latter because it would be a breath of fresh air to meet someone who isn't obsessed with my level of fame.
I'm thinking that she doesn't seem like the type to care about popularity when we reach the diner.
The shitty neon sign reads, "ANNIE'S DINER"
As soon as we walk through the door I am met with a warm welcome from a large American woman with a horribly fake British accent.
"Zayn! My darling! How are you?!"
"I'm doing well, Annie. And yourself?"
"I'm fabulous now that you're here! And who is this?"
"Oh, Annie, this is-"
"Cassidy. So nice to meet you." Michelle replies sweetly as she extends her hand to Annie.
I shoot her a questioning look, but she completely ignores me.
"Well! Any friend of Zayn's is a friend of mine! Come! Pancakes all around!"

We sit at a corner table near the back of small cafe.
"Cassidy? Why did you lie?"
She shrugs and acts like it's something she does often.
"I like to keep things interesting."
I start to wonder if she did the same thing to me, but just as I'm about to ask, Annie rushes up with a huge stack of pancakes.
"Enjoy, loves!" She shouts as she scurries back to the kitchen.
We both pick at our food because there's nothing else to do.
I want to know so much about this girl, but I can tell she's a closed book.
She's a tease. And not in a sexual way so much. But more in an emotional way. She let you get so close to thinking you're worming your way in, and then she shuts you out completely. I know this because I do the exact same thing. If you never let anyone in, no one can ever hurt you. But I'm willing to risk that for this girl, and I so badly want her to feel the same. It actually stings a little that she doesn't.
"Well, I better get home."
"Oh.. I can walk you back!"
"No. It's okay. I'm just gonna take a cab. Thanks for the pancakes. I had a nice time tonight. I'll see you around, Zayn."
And with that, she leans over, kisses me on the cheek, and walks toward the exit.
I wanted to stop her. I wanted her to come home with me. I wanted to know all of her secrets and why she's so painfully guarded. But mostly I wanted to never have to witness her walking away from me again.
But her leaving was so abrupt that I didn't even know what to say to make her stay, so I just watched her go. She caught a cab, and just like that, she was gone.
I didn't know whether to cry or swear, so I grabbed my coat, said bye to Annie, and headed home.

***

I woke up to the sound of Harry's voice over me. My head was pounding like it never had before so I could only catch bits and pieces of what he was saying.
"WHAT THE FUCK ZAYN........WORRIED SICK.........OUT ALL NIGHT..........GET HOME?......ARE YOU EVEN LISTENING TO ME?"
Sometimes Harry does this. He goes into mom mode, and all you can do is apologize and ride it out.
I sleepily and painfully open one eye to look at him. My head hurts too badly to move so I settle with just apologizing from where I am.
"Harry, I'm so sorry. Things got a little.. out of hand last night. I should've answered your calls. I'm really really sorry."
"Whatever, Zayn. You should know better by now. After what happened to Louis this summer, you know how I get when you don't respond."
Louis got in a fight over the summer in a bar and ended up breaking 4 ribs, tearing a rotator cuff, and getting a pretty terrible concussion. He was in the hospital for a couple days, and ever since then, Harry's always worried that the worst has happened when one of us goes AWOL. He didn't talk to Louis for weeks after he healed, but it was only because unconscious and beaten Louis legitimately scared him.
I never understood this incessant need to worry that Harry has. When Louis got out of the hospital, I simply congratulated him because the guy he fought had to have surgery, and I figured that was a pretty significant win. I will never forget the look Harry gave me when I said that. The iciness in his glare could never be colder. Until now.
"Harry, I know. I really am sorry. I just... I did some stupid shit, okay? Please forgive me?"
He stared at me for a few moments, and when he realized I really was in pain, his sympathy overcame his anger.
"Fine. I'll get you some medicine and water. And then you have to tell me what the hell happened last night."
Should I tell Harry about Michelle? If that even was her name. I can't decide. I know he'll scold me because of Perrie and about how careless I was in public with another girl. But he's Harry. He'll give me good advice, and I really needed my best friend right now.
He came back carrying a large glass of ice water and two little pills.
"Drink up. You'll feel better afterward, I promise."
I take a huge swig and already feel a small bit of relief in my pounding head.
"So. What happened?"
"Well....I sort of... met someone."
"Met someone? Like..a girl? What about Perrie?"
"Yes. A girl. Ugh, you know how it is with Perrie. She's an amazing person and such a good friend, but I don't love her. I never have, and I never will. Management just wants us to stay together because it looks good and you know it."
I'm surprised with how blatant I'm being. I know all the boys have had suspicions about how I feel toward Perrie, but I've never come right out and told them. It's probably the aftermath of the drugs and the aching I feel for Michelle. Already.
"Oh. I mean...I kind of knew that. I just didn't know it was that bad. You know Perrie loves you. Have you told her you don't feel the same? And who is this girl, Zayn? Did anyone see you with her?"
Leave it to Harry to always be worrying about others.
"No, Harry, no one saw us. And I haven't talked to Perrie yet. I haven't had a reason to until now, but I'm going to. I'm just not exactly sure what to say... And this girl. Oh, Harry, this girl. She's so...enticing. I've never met someone that I couldn't look away from. I've never met someone that I needed, literally needed, to talk to. I just...I have to see her again."
"Well, did she feel the same?"
"I don't know. She was a closed book."
"Okay then. It's settled. You have to find out."
He was right. If I was ever going to get her off my mind, I had to see her again. I had to know what she was thinking. But I didn't even know her name.
But I knew she liked drugs and she liked partying.
"Harry, I'm going out again tonight. I need to find her. I won't drink or anything. I just need to know how she feels."
"Okay then. I'll come and help you. How many clubs can there be?"
I knew the chance of finding her was slim to none. But I also knew I had to try.

Notes