You Have My Heart
Disorienting
December 13th, 2013
King Edward VII Hospital, London, England
12:42 pm
Harry Edward
Waking up was disorienting. My throat was sore and my vision was slightly blurry. I licked my dry lips and looked around the room. “Louis?” I croaked, my voice not even recognizable. Louis’ head snapped up from its spot on the bed space next to me.
“Thank god you’re awake,” He whispered, his aqua eyes rimmed with tears. “Water, I need water.” Niall appeared by my side with a cup full of water. He held the back of my head and guided the straw to my mouth.
The feeling of cool water rushing down my throat was a great feeling. “How long have I been out?” I asked after finished the water.
“Only about 2 hours,” Liam added. “But we were still worried,” Zayn said. I smiled slightly and opened my mouth to speak but a nurse came in, “Ah Mr. Styles, it’s a pleasure to see you’re awake. I just need to run a few tests. It shouldn’t take long but I do ask that you step out to the waiting room,” She said to the boys. They all hesitated but left the room.
I followed them out the door with my eyes, they were definitely acting weird. I sat patiently and did as I was told as the nurse ran some routine tests. “Where’s Tatum? The girl that came with us?” I asked urgently.
The nurse looked up at me with wide eyes, “You mean they didn’t tell you?” She asked, almost astounded. “Tell me what?”
She hesitated, clearly uncomfortable with the situation, “I think that’s something your friends should tell you, I’m sorry.”
As she left the room in a hurry I laid there in complete confusion. The boys shuffled in and stood around the bed awkwardly. “What are you not telling me?” I demanded.
They shifted their weight, not answering my question. “I just woke up from open heart surgery, where I literally got my heart taken out of my body and replaced with someone else’s. What else could possibly be worse than that? Where is my girlfriend?”
Louis took a deep breath, “So you know how you have a really rare blood type? AB negative?” I nodded silently urging him to continue. “Well, the only heart that would have been a match was in Australia, and although you were top priority, you were still second inline or the heart.”
“What does any of this have to do with Tatum?” I asked. Louis took another deep breath and Liam rested a hand on his shoulder encouragingly. “Do you remember that time early this year when Tatum fell and lost a lot of blood and needed a transfusion? And you gave her blood because you were the only match in the whole hospital... I-I-She…” Louis broke off in tears. After composing himself he spoke again, “She donated her heart Harry. She was your donor.”
I stared in wide eyed disbelief before laughing, “Oh Louis! You are so funny. But seriously, is she like getting food or something? You know how much she loves to eat and how….” I let the sentence drop. I stared at my boys and saw nothing but anguish and pain. “Oh my god, you’re not joking…” I whispered.
“She, uh, she wanted us to give you this,” Zayn held out a letter and I took it, afraid of what it held. “We’ll just give you a minute alone,” Niall said. He walked out of the room followed by Louis and Zayn. “I’m really sorry, Haz,” Liam’s voice cracked and not once did his brown eyes leave the ground.
As he left the room I stared down at the letter in my hand. Finally, after 5 minutes of intense staring, I opened up the envelope. The heart shaped necklace that was always around her neck fell out and landed on my stomach, a sound that resembled a strangled sob came from my throat.
I looked down at the perfect handwriting on a sheet of stationary paper with the hospital’s insignia on the lower right corner.
My Dearest Harry,
Do you remember the first time we met? You thought I was the model for What Makes You Beautiful when I was really just the water girl. I never forgot that day; the look on your face when I said that I wasn’t a model was absolutely priceless. That was the first time that I ever felt confident in myself. But it certainly wasn’t the last time. Whenever I was with you, I’d feel like the most beautiful girl in the world and I never thanked you for that, so, thank you.
You’re probably wondering why I did this, and why I didn’t even second guess my decision, in fact you’re probably thinking that I’m the stupidest person in the world, but there is absolutely nothing I wouldn’t do for you.
The choice wasn’t a hard one. I don’t have family that would miss me, there are only 5 people in this world who love me, and a part of me will still be with them. You have a whole family and millions of people who would miss you and love you.
The thought of Harry Styles not being in this world was too frightening. You are a bright, talented, sweet, funny person. You’re…perfect and you deserve to live a full life. A life with happiness and love and success.
I want you to promise me some things, please. I want you to move on from this. I know it’ll be hard because it’s not too easy for me either. I just want you to be happy and find love. I want you to find a girl who makes you happy, and makes you laugh, someone who you trust, and like to spend time with. I want you to find love again. But I also don’t want you to forget me. Too many people have left and forgotten me, and I’d hate it if you were one.
There was something that I never told you, something that I never told anyone, something that’d I’d never let myself admit. Although you probably knew, I still feel like I should tell you. You are the only person I’ve ever trusted. I have given you every piece of me. Every time I’d see you, my heart would race, my stomach would flutter, and I’d get nervous, you’d think that after 2 years of being together that that feeling would have gone away or faded, but it never did. And for that, I’m grateful because it would just remind me of how much I love you. But it also reminded that I was a person capable of love.
I realize that this letter is all over the place, there’s just…so much to say. Harry, just remember that I’ll always be with you, watching over you. I was going to quote Winnie the Pooh…you know “If there ever comes a time where we can’t be together, keep me in your heart, and I’ll stay there forever.” But you have my heart so…I’m not sure how appropriate that is.
I want you to keep my necklace, kind of as a symbol for what lies beneath. Keep it around your neck, and whenever you’re missing me, lonely, or just want to smile, look down, and open up the locket, and I’ll be there.
I love you Harry Edward Styles. To the sun and back, a million, billion, zillion, infinite number of times. You have my heart. Now and forever.
Love always,
Tatum
I stared down at the letter in disbelief. With tears streaming down my face, I looked down at the locket, opening it with shaky hands. There sat a picture of Tatum and I in Paris, as much as I wanted to smile at the sight, I couldn’t. I was too angry.
“Hey Harry, how are you?” Niall asked, as the boys shuffled in the door.
“How dare you?” I demanded. Their eyes widened with surprise. “Harry, it was the only way you would have survived. We were desperate, especially Tatum,” Zayn said. I was furious and sad and tired and in pain and I couldn’t think clearly. Tears were stinging in my eyes and I couldn’t hold them back. “She’s so stupid and impulsive and stubborn. I cannot believe she did this,” I choked out. “She was also a nineteen year old girl who was crazy in love with you,” Liam replied.
I shut my mouth and threw my head down on the pillow. My chest felt tight and tingly and my heart rate increased. My heart rate increased even more when I realized it wasn’t even my heart that was beating. It was Tatum’s.
King Edward VII Hospital, London, England
12:42 pm
Harry Edward
Waking up was disorienting. My throat was sore and my vision was slightly blurry. I licked my dry lips and looked around the room. “Louis?” I croaked, my voice not even recognizable. Louis’ head snapped up from its spot on the bed space next to me.
“Thank god you’re awake,” He whispered, his aqua eyes rimmed with tears. “Water, I need water.” Niall appeared by my side with a cup full of water. He held the back of my head and guided the straw to my mouth.
The feeling of cool water rushing down my throat was a great feeling. “How long have I been out?” I asked after finished the water.
“Only about 2 hours,” Liam added. “But we were still worried,” Zayn said. I smiled slightly and opened my mouth to speak but a nurse came in, “Ah Mr. Styles, it’s a pleasure to see you’re awake. I just need to run a few tests. It shouldn’t take long but I do ask that you step out to the waiting room,” She said to the boys. They all hesitated but left the room.
I followed them out the door with my eyes, they were definitely acting weird. I sat patiently and did as I was told as the nurse ran some routine tests. “Where’s Tatum? The girl that came with us?” I asked urgently.
The nurse looked up at me with wide eyes, “You mean they didn’t tell you?” She asked, almost astounded. “Tell me what?”
She hesitated, clearly uncomfortable with the situation, “I think that’s something your friends should tell you, I’m sorry.”
As she left the room in a hurry I laid there in complete confusion. The boys shuffled in and stood around the bed awkwardly. “What are you not telling me?” I demanded.
They shifted their weight, not answering my question. “I just woke up from open heart surgery, where I literally got my heart taken out of my body and replaced with someone else’s. What else could possibly be worse than that? Where is my girlfriend?”
Louis took a deep breath, “So you know how you have a really rare blood type? AB negative?” I nodded silently urging him to continue. “Well, the only heart that would have been a match was in Australia, and although you were top priority, you were still second inline or the heart.”
“What does any of this have to do with Tatum?” I asked. Louis took another deep breath and Liam rested a hand on his shoulder encouragingly. “Do you remember that time early this year when Tatum fell and lost a lot of blood and needed a transfusion? And you gave her blood because you were the only match in the whole hospital... I-I-She…” Louis broke off in tears. After composing himself he spoke again, “She donated her heart Harry. She was your donor.”
I stared in wide eyed disbelief before laughing, “Oh Louis! You are so funny. But seriously, is she like getting food or something? You know how much she loves to eat and how….” I let the sentence drop. I stared at my boys and saw nothing but anguish and pain. “Oh my god, you’re not joking…” I whispered.
“She, uh, she wanted us to give you this,” Zayn held out a letter and I took it, afraid of what it held. “We’ll just give you a minute alone,” Niall said. He walked out of the room followed by Louis and Zayn. “I’m really sorry, Haz,” Liam’s voice cracked and not once did his brown eyes leave the ground.
As he left the room I stared down at the letter in my hand. Finally, after 5 minutes of intense staring, I opened up the envelope. The heart shaped necklace that was always around her neck fell out and landed on my stomach, a sound that resembled a strangled sob came from my throat.
I looked down at the perfect handwriting on a sheet of stationary paper with the hospital’s insignia on the lower right corner.
My Dearest Harry,
Do you remember the first time we met? You thought I was the model for What Makes You Beautiful when I was really just the water girl. I never forgot that day; the look on your face when I said that I wasn’t a model was absolutely priceless. That was the first time that I ever felt confident in myself. But it certainly wasn’t the last time. Whenever I was with you, I’d feel like the most beautiful girl in the world and I never thanked you for that, so, thank you.
You’re probably wondering why I did this, and why I didn’t even second guess my decision, in fact you’re probably thinking that I’m the stupidest person in the world, but there is absolutely nothing I wouldn’t do for you.
The choice wasn’t a hard one. I don’t have family that would miss me, there are only 5 people in this world who love me, and a part of me will still be with them. You have a whole family and millions of people who would miss you and love you.
The thought of Harry Styles not being in this world was too frightening. You are a bright, talented, sweet, funny person. You’re…perfect and you deserve to live a full life. A life with happiness and love and success.
I want you to promise me some things, please. I want you to move on from this. I know it’ll be hard because it’s not too easy for me either. I just want you to be happy and find love. I want you to find a girl who makes you happy, and makes you laugh, someone who you trust, and like to spend time with. I want you to find love again. But I also don’t want you to forget me. Too many people have left and forgotten me, and I’d hate it if you were one.
There was something that I never told you, something that I never told anyone, something that’d I’d never let myself admit. Although you probably knew, I still feel like I should tell you. You are the only person I’ve ever trusted. I have given you every piece of me. Every time I’d see you, my heart would race, my stomach would flutter, and I’d get nervous, you’d think that after 2 years of being together that that feeling would have gone away or faded, but it never did. And for that, I’m grateful because it would just remind me of how much I love you. But it also reminded that I was a person capable of love.
I realize that this letter is all over the place, there’s just…so much to say. Harry, just remember that I’ll always be with you, watching over you. I was going to quote Winnie the Pooh…you know “If there ever comes a time where we can’t be together, keep me in your heart, and I’ll stay there forever.” But you have my heart so…I’m not sure how appropriate that is.
I want you to keep my necklace, kind of as a symbol for what lies beneath. Keep it around your neck, and whenever you’re missing me, lonely, or just want to smile, look down, and open up the locket, and I’ll be there.
I love you Harry Edward Styles. To the sun and back, a million, billion, zillion, infinite number of times. You have my heart. Now and forever.
Love always,
Tatum
I stared down at the letter in disbelief. With tears streaming down my face, I looked down at the locket, opening it with shaky hands. There sat a picture of Tatum and I in Paris, as much as I wanted to smile at the sight, I couldn’t. I was too angry.
“Hey Harry, how are you?” Niall asked, as the boys shuffled in the door.
“How dare you?” I demanded. Their eyes widened with surprise. “Harry, it was the only way you would have survived. We were desperate, especially Tatum,” Zayn said. I was furious and sad and tired and in pain and I couldn’t think clearly. Tears were stinging in my eyes and I couldn’t hold them back. “She’s so stupid and impulsive and stubborn. I cannot believe she did this,” I choked out. “She was also a nineteen year old girl who was crazy in love with you,” Liam replied.
I shut my mouth and threw my head down on the pillow. My chest felt tight and tingly and my heart rate increased. My heart rate increased even more when I realized it wasn’t even my heart that was beating. It was Tatum’s.
Notes
So, this story will be emotional, haha. I'm really excited about it though. I hope you all enjoy it. thank you SOOOOO much for reading.
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~Alex
Oh God!!! I am crying like so hard right now. Gosh, update.
5/27/15