It Takes Patience III: Stripped
Chapter 14: Afraid
Harry’s POV
It took me all of two seconds to clean off the table and our dishes after Reagan went upstairs, but I stayed down close to the foot of the stairs to make sure that she wouldn’t be coming back down any time soon. When I hadn’t heard any movement for a couple of minutes, I walked into the family room and took her phone out of my pocket. It was easy for me to snatch from the table while she was preoccupied with my lips. I sat down and began to scroll through her list of contacts only stopping when I landed on Channel’s name.
I’m reluctant to text her. Glasses and I just got farther than I thought that she would be able to go and only two days after her breakdown. Maybe this is a mistake? Just as I start to doubt my actions, I get a text from Laurie.
From: Niall’s Bird
Did you do it yet?
I look at the text instantly getting annoyed. I don’t know how Niall can deal with Laurie sometimes. She’s so goddamn pushy and bossy, especially about some shit that’s not really her fucking business in the first place! This is the most I’ve heard from her and this is the most I ever want to hear from her again.
To: Niall’s Bird
No.
I look at Reagan’s phone again and then lock it, putting it back in my pocket. She doesn’t need this. I don’t need this either. I need her here with me. Plain and simple.
From: Niall’s Bird
What are you stalling for Harry?!
To: Niall’s Bird
If you’re so concerned then why don’t you do it?! She’s fine! She talked to me. She opened up about it!
I read and re-read the text message knowing that what I said is wrong but hoping that somehow my words will become reality. It feels as if when something negative is said the universe decides to have a sense of humor and hold your weak moment against you. My mum used to tell me when she would come to visit me at Maudsley that if I say positive things and think positively then positive things would happen. She’s fine. I’ll say it and think it a thousand times if it will help to change anything.
From: Niall’s Bird
She had a breakdown today Harry! How many more of them does she have to have before you open your eyes? How much more hurt does she have to go through? SHE NEEDS HELP AND YOU CAN’T DO IT! One conversation doesn’t fix anything.
I didn’t bother to text her back. As far as I was concerned the conversation was over because there was no argument to be had. Deep down, though I don’t want to admit it, I know that she’s right. I took Reagan’s phone out of my pocket and quickly copied the numbers down into my keypad before I sent out the message that I’ve been trying to hold off from doing. Its half three in the afternoon in Los Angeles now so I know she’ll be awake and quick to respond.
As soon as I sent it out, she started to call Reagan’s phone. The volume wasn’t off and for a moment my heart stopped. I heard shifting from upstairs, so I quickly turned the device off.
Just when I thought that I was out of the woods, my phone started to vibrate uncontrollably and one missed call quickly turned into six. I looked at the screen in deep thought as the number kept appearing, contemplating if I should answer or not. Deciding against it, I shut down my phone as well sitting in the dark family room as my thoughts started to race and get the best of me.
I didn’t realize how long I stared into the dark until I heard Reagan make her way back down the stairs snapping me out of my trance. She went to the kitchen first to look for me. Seeing how the lights are on in there it made sense that she thought that that’s where I would be.
“Harry?”
She called me and I didn't answer, but she found me anyway.
“H, what are you doing down here with the lights off?” I could see her there clearly, standing in the doorway as the light from the kitchen set a glow to her olive skin. She hesitated before she came into the dark of the family room to be with me, and something about it was emblematic in a way that made me cringe internally.
“It’s almost one in the morning. I thought you said you would come to bed with me.”
“Yeah I am. I’ll be up in a minute.” Reagan switched the lights on, but it only shut the darkness out of the room, not out of my head.
I grinned at her but she saw right through it like she always does. Rubbing the sleep out of her eyes she slowly started to approach me. She stopped in front of me, running a hand through my hair. I wrapped my arms around her waist and I could feel her tense under my touch before finally relaxing into me. I swallow down the anger that I feel from her reaction. I know that she can’t help it, but I hate that I can feel her repel from my touch even if it is only for a second.
“Harry you said that two hours ago. Are you okay?” I scoff slightly at her question. She’s always concerned about me unnecessarily. I could write a book on all of the issues that I have, but right now she’s my first priority and always will be.
“Harry-”
“I’m fine.” I cut her off quickly before her prying eyes draw something unwillingly out of me. She’ll know eventually, but it’s nothing to discuss right now not at this hour of the night.
Reagan pulls my head back gently by my hair so that her gold flecked hazel eyes make contact with my fear filled green ones. I try to push away the feeling and I hope that I’m successful in doing so. She examines me closely and then kneels down so that she’s level with me. When Dr. Baker looks at me this way it makes me uncomfortable and when Reagan does it it’s no different. I move my eyes away from her not wanting her to see what’s behind them and put more stress on her than necessary.
“Your eyes are so red. I can barely see the white in them. You need to sleep Harry.” I nod my head in agreement even though I know that sleep doesn’t bring me rest anymore, not unless some sort of substance is involved like it was a few nights ago. Shutting my eyes serves for nothing more than a playground for my nightmares.
“Do you need to talk to me about anything? I’m here for you just as much as you are for me.” I shake my head and prepare to stand from the couch assuring her that I’m okay.
“Come on lets go. Back to bed glasses.”
I kiss her forehead and she stands with me to walk back towards the stairs after turning off the light in the family room. I stop in the kitchen to grab my meds out of the cabinet and I notice Reagan glance back at me with a concerned look in her eyes. I ignore it and follow closely behind her, as I swallow two of the bitter tasting pills with nothing more than my own saliva to wash them down.
When we get into my room, I start to take off my clothes and then stop when I see Reagan out the corner of my eye watching my every move, wide eyed.
“Oh, um sorry. I’ll go in the-”
“You don’t have to leave. This is your room.” Her eyes stay on me and she begins to stand from the bed.
“I know it’s my room, but you don’t have to leave either, its fine.” Reagan is now standing directly in front of me and she nervously chews on her bottom lip before darts her tongue out to wet them.
The innocent action is turned into something less than platonic in my mind and I picture her quivering above me with each of her thighs on either side of my head as she bites her lips to suppress her loud moans of my name. Her fingertips trace the hem of my shirt, lightly brushing the skin below my navel sending a chill through every single bone in my body, before I grab her hands and back away.
“Why do you keep doing that? Just stop. I’m not pressuring you to do anything but you keep teasing me!” I didn’t mean to snap off at her, but this is just as hard for me as it is for her, especially right now.
I would love to be lost in her, to cut off the world around me and drown out every fear that has been building inside that’s desperate to come out, but not when I know that she’s trying to force herself into something that she’s not ready for in order to make me feel better.
“I wasn’t trying to tease you. I’m sorry, I was just-”
“Well you are Reagan! Just please go get back in the bed. I’ll change in another room.”
I could see her eyes glaze over with tears before she turned away from me abruptly, and I mentally kick myself for not being a bit gentler with her. She buries herself under the covers as I walk over to my closet to grab a pair of joggers.
As I change out of my clothes, Reagan’s phone falls out of my pocket reminding me of what I did a few minutes ago down stairs and when I go back in my room I quickly place the device down along with my own on my night stand without Reagan noticing.
The sheets are pulled back for me, and I get into the bed to go with the motions, but I know that I’m not the only one awake. Reagan turns to face me and I can just make out her eyes glistening with moisture.
“I didn’t mean to tease you Harry. I just wanted to see if I could,” she stops and takes a deep breath, “ugh I don’t know what I was trying to do.”
“I didn’t mean to yell at you. I’m sorry. It’s just that I do need you in that way and I know that I can’t have you so it’s frustrating. It’s not your fault though so don’t apologize anymore to me, I’m serious. You’re not a tease; I was just being a dick.” I stay lying on my back and slowly turn my head to face her but instead of a look of understanding on her face I see anger.
“So you’re upset because right now I can’t physically-”
“No!” I cut her off knowing already where the conversation was going, “That’s not why! Why are you taking my words and twisting them?”
“I’m not twisting anything!”
“Seriously?! Your mood swings are worse than mine! Reagan I don’t feel like doing this now. Let’s just go to sleep please.” I breathe out exhaustedly not wanting this to turn into a blow out at damn near two in the morning.
“This is not about-”
“It’s not about me or what I want I know! Nothing is and it never has been! But fuck if it’s not affecting me just as much as it' is you! One minute I can barely look at you without you feeling uncomfortable, the next you’re trying to undress me! I don’t know what the fuck you want or how to deal with it and it confuses me.”
I speak harshly and I can see Reagan flinch even in the dark room. We were fine a few hours ago and now more flames are added to the fire of this situation causing it to grow into a deeper problem. Reagan and I go from one extreme to the next. We’re either all over each other or at each other’s throats. There’s no middle ground for us and it takes its toll on me more than I let on. I highly doubt that people in other relationships go through this and I know it’s not normal or healthy for either of us.
I can feel one of my many fears stirring in my vocal cords, wanting to be unleashed like the demons of Pandora’s Box so that the universe can use it against me, but I refuse for it to be let out, literally biting my tongue to keep it inside.
Reagan scoffs and turns over in the bed not saying another word to me and my body tenses as I begin to stress and fall into a fitful sleep full of old and new fears.
It took me all of two seconds to clean off the table and our dishes after Reagan went upstairs, but I stayed down close to the foot of the stairs to make sure that she wouldn’t be coming back down any time soon. When I hadn’t heard any movement for a couple of minutes, I walked into the family room and took her phone out of my pocket. It was easy for me to snatch from the table while she was preoccupied with my lips. I sat down and began to scroll through her list of contacts only stopping when I landed on Channel’s name.
I’m reluctant to text her. Glasses and I just got farther than I thought that she would be able to go and only two days after her breakdown. Maybe this is a mistake? Just as I start to doubt my actions, I get a text from Laurie.
From: Niall’s Bird
Did you do it yet?
I look at the text instantly getting annoyed. I don’t know how Niall can deal with Laurie sometimes. She’s so goddamn pushy and bossy, especially about some shit that’s not really her fucking business in the first place! This is the most I’ve heard from her and this is the most I ever want to hear from her again.
To: Niall’s Bird
No.
I look at Reagan’s phone again and then lock it, putting it back in my pocket. She doesn’t need this. I don’t need this either. I need her here with me. Plain and simple.
From: Niall’s Bird
What are you stalling for Harry?!
To: Niall’s Bird
If you’re so concerned then why don’t you do it?! She’s fine! She talked to me. She opened up about it!
I read and re-read the text message knowing that what I said is wrong but hoping that somehow my words will become reality. It feels as if when something negative is said the universe decides to have a sense of humor and hold your weak moment against you. My mum used to tell me when she would come to visit me at Maudsley that if I say positive things and think positively then positive things would happen. She’s fine. I’ll say it and think it a thousand times if it will help to change anything.
From: Niall’s Bird
She had a breakdown today Harry! How many more of them does she have to have before you open your eyes? How much more hurt does she have to go through? SHE NEEDS HELP AND YOU CAN’T DO IT! One conversation doesn’t fix anything.
I didn’t bother to text her back. As far as I was concerned the conversation was over because there was no argument to be had. Deep down, though I don’t want to admit it, I know that she’s right. I took Reagan’s phone out of my pocket and quickly copied the numbers down into my keypad before I sent out the message that I’ve been trying to hold off from doing. Its half three in the afternoon in Los Angeles now so I know she’ll be awake and quick to respond.
As soon as I sent it out, she started to call Reagan’s phone. The volume wasn’t off and for a moment my heart stopped. I heard shifting from upstairs, so I quickly turned the device off.
Just when I thought that I was out of the woods, my phone started to vibrate uncontrollably and one missed call quickly turned into six. I looked at the screen in deep thought as the number kept appearing, contemplating if I should answer or not. Deciding against it, I shut down my phone as well sitting in the dark family room as my thoughts started to race and get the best of me.
I didn’t realize how long I stared into the dark until I heard Reagan make her way back down the stairs snapping me out of my trance. She went to the kitchen first to look for me. Seeing how the lights are on in there it made sense that she thought that that’s where I would be.
“Harry?”
She called me and I didn't answer, but she found me anyway.
“H, what are you doing down here with the lights off?” I could see her there clearly, standing in the doorway as the light from the kitchen set a glow to her olive skin. She hesitated before she came into the dark of the family room to be with me, and something about it was emblematic in a way that made me cringe internally.
“It’s almost one in the morning. I thought you said you would come to bed with me.”
“Yeah I am. I’ll be up in a minute.” Reagan switched the lights on, but it only shut the darkness out of the room, not out of my head.
I grinned at her but she saw right through it like she always does. Rubbing the sleep out of her eyes she slowly started to approach me. She stopped in front of me, running a hand through my hair. I wrapped my arms around her waist and I could feel her tense under my touch before finally relaxing into me. I swallow down the anger that I feel from her reaction. I know that she can’t help it, but I hate that I can feel her repel from my touch even if it is only for a second.
“Harry you said that two hours ago. Are you okay?” I scoff slightly at her question. She’s always concerned about me unnecessarily. I could write a book on all of the issues that I have, but right now she’s my first priority and always will be.
“Harry-”
“I’m fine.” I cut her off quickly before her prying eyes draw something unwillingly out of me. She’ll know eventually, but it’s nothing to discuss right now not at this hour of the night.
Reagan pulls my head back gently by my hair so that her gold flecked hazel eyes make contact with my fear filled green ones. I try to push away the feeling and I hope that I’m successful in doing so. She examines me closely and then kneels down so that she’s level with me. When Dr. Baker looks at me this way it makes me uncomfortable and when Reagan does it it’s no different. I move my eyes away from her not wanting her to see what’s behind them and put more stress on her than necessary.
“Your eyes are so red. I can barely see the white in them. You need to sleep Harry.” I nod my head in agreement even though I know that sleep doesn’t bring me rest anymore, not unless some sort of substance is involved like it was a few nights ago. Shutting my eyes serves for nothing more than a playground for my nightmares.
“Do you need to talk to me about anything? I’m here for you just as much as you are for me.” I shake my head and prepare to stand from the couch assuring her that I’m okay.
“Come on lets go. Back to bed glasses.”
I kiss her forehead and she stands with me to walk back towards the stairs after turning off the light in the family room. I stop in the kitchen to grab my meds out of the cabinet and I notice Reagan glance back at me with a concerned look in her eyes. I ignore it and follow closely behind her, as I swallow two of the bitter tasting pills with nothing more than my own saliva to wash them down.
When we get into my room, I start to take off my clothes and then stop when I see Reagan out the corner of my eye watching my every move, wide eyed.
“Oh, um sorry. I’ll go in the-”
“You don’t have to leave. This is your room.” Her eyes stay on me and she begins to stand from the bed.
“I know it’s my room, but you don’t have to leave either, its fine.” Reagan is now standing directly in front of me and she nervously chews on her bottom lip before darts her tongue out to wet them.
The innocent action is turned into something less than platonic in my mind and I picture her quivering above me with each of her thighs on either side of my head as she bites her lips to suppress her loud moans of my name. Her fingertips trace the hem of my shirt, lightly brushing the skin below my navel sending a chill through every single bone in my body, before I grab her hands and back away.
“Why do you keep doing that? Just stop. I’m not pressuring you to do anything but you keep teasing me!” I didn’t mean to snap off at her, but this is just as hard for me as it is for her, especially right now.
I would love to be lost in her, to cut off the world around me and drown out every fear that has been building inside that’s desperate to come out, but not when I know that she’s trying to force herself into something that she’s not ready for in order to make me feel better.
“I wasn’t trying to tease you. I’m sorry, I was just-”
“Well you are Reagan! Just please go get back in the bed. I’ll change in another room.”
I could see her eyes glaze over with tears before she turned away from me abruptly, and I mentally kick myself for not being a bit gentler with her. She buries herself under the covers as I walk over to my closet to grab a pair of joggers.
As I change out of my clothes, Reagan’s phone falls out of my pocket reminding me of what I did a few minutes ago down stairs and when I go back in my room I quickly place the device down along with my own on my night stand without Reagan noticing.
The sheets are pulled back for me, and I get into the bed to go with the motions, but I know that I’m not the only one awake. Reagan turns to face me and I can just make out her eyes glistening with moisture.
“I didn’t mean to tease you Harry. I just wanted to see if I could,” she stops and takes a deep breath, “ugh I don’t know what I was trying to do.”
“I didn’t mean to yell at you. I’m sorry. It’s just that I do need you in that way and I know that I can’t have you so it’s frustrating. It’s not your fault though so don’t apologize anymore to me, I’m serious. You’re not a tease; I was just being a dick.” I stay lying on my back and slowly turn my head to face her but instead of a look of understanding on her face I see anger.
“So you’re upset because right now I can’t physically-”
“No!” I cut her off knowing already where the conversation was going, “That’s not why! Why are you taking my words and twisting them?”
“I’m not twisting anything!”
“Seriously?! Your mood swings are worse than mine! Reagan I don’t feel like doing this now. Let’s just go to sleep please.” I breathe out exhaustedly not wanting this to turn into a blow out at damn near two in the morning.
“This is not about-”
“It’s not about me or what I want I know! Nothing is and it never has been! But fuck if it’s not affecting me just as much as it' is you! One minute I can barely look at you without you feeling uncomfortable, the next you’re trying to undress me! I don’t know what the fuck you want or how to deal with it and it confuses me.”
I speak harshly and I can see Reagan flinch even in the dark room. We were fine a few hours ago and now more flames are added to the fire of this situation causing it to grow into a deeper problem. Reagan and I go from one extreme to the next. We’re either all over each other or at each other’s throats. There’s no middle ground for us and it takes its toll on me more than I let on. I highly doubt that people in other relationships go through this and I know it’s not normal or healthy for either of us.
I can feel one of my many fears stirring in my vocal cords, wanting to be unleashed like the demons of Pandora’s Box so that the universe can use it against me, but I refuse for it to be let out, literally biting my tongue to keep it inside.
Reagan scoffs and turns over in the bed not saying another word to me and my body tenses as I begin to stress and fall into a fitful sleep full of old and new fears.
Notes
HI LOVESSS!!! Oh my gosh this is the longest I've gone without doing an update and I absolutely hated it!! I'm so sorry. School has been a monster lately. Anyway, what did you think of this chapter? Please leave me loads of comments!! I missed you all so much! I hope its become more obvious what Laurie convinced Harry to do. Wrote this chapter while listening to "Afraid" by The Neighborhood hence the title name. I would have had a double update for you all tonight, but the second part got deleted :(. I'm rewriting it now so expect the next update as soon as tomorrow! I have to keep up with @Wonderful and her beautiful well written out speedy updates!!! LOVE YOU ALL FOR READING!!!
Oh and please vote and sub and comment if you haven't done so already! I love interacting with you guys! I won't bite!!!...unless you want me to? Xx
@XOXOH
Hi there lovely, I am a big fan of your books and you don't know how happy I am to see you back here. I LOVE THIS TRIOLOGY so dam much......so let me get this straight....you are not updating this story anymore on here? You are only going to continue this story on wattpad?? .....despite what decision you make I will be waiting for you because I want to know what will HAPPEN ....sorry I am weird xxx
8/22/15