LOUIS’ P.O.V.


The next morning, Harry and I are sat in the doctor’s office, in front of a dark mahogany desk. I’m so thankful that he accepted our last minute walk-in. Harry was reluctant to bother the man; but, I called the minute his office opened this morning. In fact, I called about four times before they officially answered.

His receptionist was very understanding, though- at least after I persisted and throated enough.
So, here we are... In a private room waiting.

It’s the first time we’ve gone out openly alone together and it’s a bit upsetting how exciting it’s been. Despite the reason we’re here, it feels good to do something without a thought as to who would see us. Harry and I haven’t decided when or how we’ll come out; but, for now, just doing something normal for once, is great.

“Lou,” my mind focuses back on the present, and I immediately reach over to grasp his hand, noticing the uneasy tone of his voice, “I’m-“

He chokes and intertwines our fingers. I feel my throat constrict, and I take a deep breath. I need to be brave for him, but I don’t know if I can, “I’m scared too, Harry. I’m scared, too.”

We sit silently for a few moments, and I can’t help but to think of the worst scenarios possible.
If Harry has a cancerous brain tumor, he’ll have to undergo Chemo and probably multiple surgeries. If it’s bad enough, we’ll have to cancel our tour and that would lose us a lot of money, as well as upset our fans. Not only that, but I might have to worry about losing Harry before we even have the chance to get married. What if he dies? I can’t fathom that. The second I start to think about the possibility, my heart feels heavy and my mouth goes dry. I’ve even felt close to passing out in the past 24 hours because of these thoughts.

We didn’t sleep last night, not a wink. Instead, we laid there in each other’s arms. After a few hours, we watched some telly in an attempt to distract ourselves, knowing that sleep was an impossible feat. It was too much time to think, though, and every time Harry moved even the slightest, I held on to him tighter. He got sick in the middle of the night and I held his hair while he puked into the toilet. I never want to let him out of my sight again.

We’re both snapped out of our trances when the door opens behind us. Instinctively, Harry pulls his hand away from mine and I feel sick to my stomach that this is a natural reaction. We turn around as the doctor enters the room.

“Mr. Styles,” he shakes Harry’s hand and then turns to me, “And you must be Mr. Tomlinson; pleased to meet you. I’m Dr. Zimmer.”

I shake his hand with a tight smile before he walks around his desk to sit down. He reaches for a file and pulls a small pair of glasses out of his lab coat pocket.

He’s an older man, probably in his sixties; but, he’s sort of attractive in a daddy kind of way. His hair isn’t completely grey yet, kind of salt and pepper.

Harry reaches over after a minute or so passes and holds my hand again. I turn to face him and grin softly to try to reassure him, when really my mind is racing.

“So, how are you feeling, Mr. Styles?”

Harry sits up in his seat, “You can call me Harry. I’m, uh- I feel alright. I’ve been nauseous still, and a bit dizzy.”

The doctor nods as Harry talks, writing something down in a folder, “Well, there’s not much we can do before we find out more about this tumor. It’s definitely there, but that doesn’t mean that it’s harmful per se. Here’s what’s going on; whether or not the tumor is cancerous, we will need to remove it, since it’s obviously causing you physical pain and disturbances. However; due to your demanding career, I’ll give you a few options: we can either just remove the tumor now, but it would require a few weeks of intense recovery and probably even more time before you’re entirely ready to perform and travel. It’s a demanding surgery on your body.”

He glances between Harry and I, waiting for any questions we might have. We don’t say anything and I can’t bring myself to look at Harry yet.

“The other option is to see exactly what we’re dealing with before rushing the surgery. We can do a biopsy and test the sample to see if it’s necessary to remove it immediately. This would allow you to tour as normal if your tumor is benign. However, like I said before, you will need it removed either way at some point. If it is benign, we can put the surgery off until there is a longer break. Now, you will need to go through some Chemotherapy either way, as well. If your tumor is not cancerous, it will only be preventative; but, it is necessary.”

I swallow thickly and finally brave up enough to look at Harry and I immediately wish I hadn’t. He’s tearing up and his cheeks are cherry red, as he nods slowly.

“Doc,” I squeak, “Can you give us a mo?”

Dr. Zimmer removes his glasses and places them on his desk, “Absolutely; I’ll be in the next room over so just holler when you’re ready for me to come back or have any questions.”

I nod as he stands up and swiftly leaves the room, gently patting Harry’s shoulder on his way out. Once the door is shut, I pull my hand away and grab under my chair so that I can turn it to face Harry better. Then, I lean over and pull his chair to do the same. His head hangs low and he begins to fully cry. Really, that’s all I want to do right now; but, I know that I already scared him enough by my reaction last night.

“Harry,” I gather both of his hands in mine, our knees knocking together, but he’s still looking down, “Baby, look at me, please.”

He looks up slowly, meeting my eyes with his lips parted and breathing faltering.

“C’mere, love,” I pat my thighs and reach over to tug at Harry’s forearms.

He sniffs and finally stands up, sitting sideways on my lap, “I don’t know what to do, Louis. Tell me what to do. I’m so scared; so so scared.”

He continues to cry and it breaks my heart right in two. I pull his head down to lay on my shoulder and kiss his forehead repeatedly, “Everything is going to be okay, babe. I know that’s so fucking cliché, but I’m serious. I’ll do whatever I have to to make sure you’re perfectly alright.”

He doesn’t say anything; just cuddles into my neck, so I squeeze his thigh, “Okay?”

He nods slowly, obviously just to make me happy. I see right through him, though. Just like always. I place my hands on either side of his face and press our foreheads together, “Harry, I mean it. We’re going to figure out the best thing for you. We’ll work this out and you’ll get better.”
He leans into my touch and sighs, “You don’t know that.”

He’s right; I don’t, “I have faith, though, and a lot of motivation.”

He barely grins and it quickly fades; but, I catch it, “There’s my fiancé; I knew you were in there somewhere.”

He scoffs quietly and surges froward to force our lips together. It’s a chaste, but emotional kiss. It ends fairly quickly, too. He nuzzles his nose against my cheek and breathes deeply, “I love you, Lou. Thanks for coming with me.”

I grin and kiss is cheek, “I love you, too, hon. You know I’ll be by your side no matter what.”
He nods more affirmatively than before, clutching the collar of my shirt, “So, I guess the practical thing is to see what’s in my head before making any rash decisions.”

I nod in agreement, “But, if it’s even slightly dangerous; it’s coming out. I’m not going to let you suffer through a tour like Niall had to with his knee last time. We’ve all decided not to deal with management’s shit anymore and this is one of those instances. We’re going to make sure you’re okay, babe.”

He nods again, sighing in defeat, “Well, let’s get the doctor in here and figure out the rest of it, yeah? Then, I want to go home and watch something really funny.”

I smile fondly, pecking his lips shortly, “Sounds like a plan. I’ll even make you lunch.”

He laughs and I roll my eyes, “Okay, maybe I’ll heat you up some leftovers from last night.”

He grins and bites his lip, approving of anything that doesn’t involve me cooking. After a few more seconds, he stands up and walks toward the door while I readjust our chairs to face Dr. Zimmer’s desk.

Harry sits back down after calling for the doctor and a minute later Dr. Zimmer returns, clipboard in hand. He sits down once more and repositions his papers.

“So,” Harry speaks confidently, “I’m going to do the biopsy first. I want to know more details, though. I’ll need time frames and side effects and everything.”

The doctor nods, pulling a sheet of paper from the clipboard and sliding it toward us, “Here is a sheet that discusses the procedure for the biopsy. We might keep you in the hospital overnight; but, chances are it will be outpatient. Now,” he pulls another few sheets of paper out, “For later on, this packet prepares you for Chemotherapy. Now, the risks and side effects of Chemo include fatigue, pain, nausea, hair loss, appetite loss, possible reproductive issues-“

“Wait,” Harry interrupts, “Reproductive issues? So, like... There’s the chance that I can’t have my own children?”

Knowing that the possibility of not fathering our children is his main concern, pulls at my heart strings. He’ll most likely lose his hair and he’s worried about our future children not being directly related to him. It hurts to think of our family being faltered before it begins.

“Well, yes; there is that chance. However, there are always other options. I presume you intend to impregnate a surrogate mother and if that is the case, your fiance can always be the donor,” Dr. Zimmer pauses, but notices Harry’s pained expression, “Also, you can store sperm for possible future before starting Chemo, in case it becomes an issue.”

Harry nods slowly, taking it all in. He’s too young and happy to have this weight on him. I know, of course, that if it were necessary, Harry would love our children even if they were all directly related to me, or if we had to adopt. But, I know it would always be in the back of his mind: that he could have had a little boy or girl that looked just like him, all green eyes and curls. It honestly hurts me as well to imagine it.

“All of this, though,” Dr. Zimmer continues, “Is nothing to worry about yet. Focus on the biopsy procedure first. I would like to schedule it as soon as possible, so that the results are back quickly.”

I reach over and squeeze Harry’s thigh just above his knee, speaking for him, “Yeah, when’s the first available time?”

He glances at the computer in front of him, clicking a few things, “I can be there early and take care of it tomorrow. Is that alright for you?”

I don’t dare to confirm that for Harry, looking to him for a response instead. He nods a bit, not actually speaking.

“So, be at the hospital at five o’clock. The address and floor number is all on this reminder sheet. Don’t eat anything past midnight and make sure not to have any metal, perfume or dyes on your skin.”

Harry simply nods sadly again, and I confirm that I’ll make sure all of that is done properly, taking the papers from Dr. Zimmer as he hands them to me.

“Don’t get yourself down, Harry. We’ll take care of this,” Dr. Zimmer stands and reaches over to shake our hands again, “I’ll see you both tomorrow.”

We stand and follow the doctor out of his office. He leads us back to the service elevator we had taken to be inconspicuous, and says his final goodbyes as we enter the lift. We’re silent most of the way down until Harry leans in a daze on my shoulder, “I guess it’s time to call our mum’s and the lads.”

I sigh softly, “S’up to you, babe. Don’t feel like you have to do anything you aren’t ready for.”
He pecks my neck and stands up as the lift comes to a stop, “Maybe it can just be me and you tomorrow.”

I nod and kiss his cheek before the doors open, revealing a small crowd that had formed in the lobby. We get through fairly quickly and climb into the back of the town car waiting for us out front.
Once inside, Harry immediately reaches for my hand and leans over to whisper in my ear, “Now take me home and distract me with your tongue, yeah? Don’t know how long it’ll be until we can truly fuck again. Better make it good.”

He winks and I gasp as he runs his hand along my pelvis slowly, grazing his fingertips over the fabric of my jeans. My mouth goes dry and I smack my lips, “Yeah; yeah, okay. Anything you want, love.”

When we get home, I eat him out slowly while his hands are pressed up against the back of our front door. He comes with his hand on his cock and his jeans at his knees, before I heat up last night’s dinner as promised. However, by the time we go upstairs to put something “really funny” on, Harry’s groping my ass and begging to be fucked. And really, who am I to deny him of that?
Everything’s going to be fine. At least, that’s what I tell myself that entire night when I’m lying awake as Harry sleeps soundly on my chest.

He’s going to be okay.

Notes

So, for those of you who read my other stories too... yes, i skipped a couple of those updates, but i will write them when i feel more inspired with them.
SO, for now, here's a quick update for Through Open Doors <3

Sorry if it's all sad and gloomy right now :( hope you aren't all too sad :*

LET ME KNOW WHAT YOU ALL THINK xx also, please subscribe and vote

also, i really love this artist and i'm sure you're all familiar with her work. she's great!