Three months later.


I sit at the bar of some run down pub that’s right off of the UCLA campus, and I could think of a million places I’d rather be.

I take a long sip from my margarita and swivel on the barstool to spot Colleen in the crowd of drunk college students. I groan when I notice how she is just as drunk as the rest of them, if not more.

That’ll be fun dragging back to our apartment.

“Long day?”

I turn to my right to see a man, or college student I should say, smiling at me. He must’ve heard my groan.

Long three months, I want to reply. But I smile and say, “No, just trying to think of how I’m going to get my roommate home.”

Mystery man gives me a knowing smile as he sits down on the barstool next to me. “Can I buy you another drink?”

I look down at my drained margarita glass and shake my head. “I really shouldn’t drink anymore.”

“Are you sure? I’m buying,” he raises his eyebrows in an adorable way. I must say, he is pretty hot. He must be at least six feet tall, dirty blonde hair that is just shaggy enough to be sexy, and big blue eyes.

“I’m sure, but thank you—“ and I don’t even know his name.

“Eric,” he smiles and holds his hand out.

“Chloe,” I reply and take his firm hand.

“Well it’s nice to meet you Chloe. You go to UCLA?”

I nod, suddenly wishing I had a drink that I could sip on to hide my blush. Why is this so awkward for me?

“Cool. Let me guess… sophomore?”

I shake my head and actually give myself a mental pat on the back. “I’m actually a freshman. Technically.”

“Technically?”

“I graduated high school early… I just started classes here for the spring semester.”

“So what is a girl like you doing sitting alone at a bar while your friend dances like a fool?” He smiles.

I shrug, because I really don’t have a good explanation. “I don’t have very many friends here,” I admit. “I just tagged along with Colleen tonight.”

“Ahh, I see. So you graduated early? You must be pretty smart.” He concludes.

Or eager to leave my life behind. “Something like that,” I tell this Eric guy.

“Hey Chlo! Ooh, who is this?”

I turn around where a very drunk Colleen is leaning against me whilst sipping on what has to be her tenth margarita. Damn this pub and it’s two dollar margarita mondays.

“I’m Eric,” he replies before I can answer.

“Hi Eric! Chloe here is my bestest roommate, and she happens to be very single. Just saying,” she giggles, I groan inwardly. “Anyway, I came to tell my dearest roomy that I’m going to Drew’s apartment, so you don’t need to wait up for me. Have fun, hot stuff,” she winks and trips over her feet as she stumbles away.

“Sorry about that,” I cringe. “Well, if she doesn’t need my help, I should get going. I have an early lecture tomorrow.”

“Come on, one drink?” He asks. “It’s on me…”

“No I really shouldn’t. But it was nice meeting you, Eric.”

“All right,” he sighs. “At least let me walk you home. I’m sure it’s on the way to my apartment.”

“Okay,” I agree. I get up from the stool and grab my denim jacket. “I just live down the block, on State Street.”

He nods and shrugs on his own coat. “After you,” he gestures towards the door.

We walk in a comfortable silence for a few minutes before Eric begins to ask me questions about where I’m from and what I’m majoring in. I dodge all of the questions that might expose my fucked up past, and he doesn’t seem to notice. Thankfully.

Once we reach my apartment building, I pull out my keys, and it gets awkward. Like first date, never kissed a boy, awkward.

“Thanks for walking me home,” I say and put the key in the door.

“It’s no problem, Chloe. Maybe we can hang out sometime.”

“Yeah,” I agree, having no intention of following through with the idea.

“Here, why don’t you add your number, and I’ll text you some time,” he suggests and pulls his iPhone from his pocket. He hands me the device, and I reluctantly tap my number into it. “Cool,” he smiles.

“I’ll see you around.”

“Yeah, goodnight Chloe.” Right before I’m able to get into the apartment building, Eric kisses my cheek. I’m glad he didn’t try to take it any further, but I still feel guilty about it.

I’m not unaccustomed to the chivalry, but that doesn’t mean I’ve ever let it go any further than that in the last months. This has happened many times in the last months, a guy trying to be polite so he can get into my pants easier, but it's never happened like they planned. I don’t think I could’ve let it go any further. He’s always on my mind.

He’s constantly on mind, I should say. 24/7, since the day I left San Diego three months and twelve days ago. I think about how much I miss him, about what I should’ve done differently, about how this is making us stronger. I wonder if he’s moved on. I wonder if we’ll ever be together.

I think about how much I love him, and how my love for him has only gone stronger during our separation.

I’m grateful that Colleen left the bar with her boyfriend, because tonight’s just one of those nights. I need to be alone to wallow. These nights are becoming much more frequent lately, and I don’t know why that is.

I plop myself down on the couch and don’t even bother turning on the TV. I torture myself and go through all of the pictures of Harry and I that still remain on my phone. I can’t help but think I’ve made a terrible decision leaving everything, including him, behind, but then I remind myself about the end and how bad things were. It was for the best.

But then I think I’ve the day I actually left, and all of the reasons that led me here seem to dissolve.

“Just don’t leave, Chloe,” Harry begs. I can tell he’s fighting to keep himself together, just as much as I am. “Please.”

“I have to,” I tell him. I can’t even look him in the eyes, because I know I’ll burst.

I’m doing this because my life is unhealthy. I need to remove myself from all of this before I go mad. This is the only way Harry and I will even have a chance, in the future of course. If I stay here, I’ll continue being a magnet for all things bad.

“Then let me come with you. We’ll find an apartment and it’ll just be the two of us. We’ll get away from it all, just me and you baby, remember?”

“Harry, I need to do this alone.” My eyes clench shut as I try not to break.

“No! Why are you doing this? Why don’t you want me anymore?”

It’s then when the tears finally spill. I knew this would be a trigger for Harry and his dependency on me, but there’s nothing I can do anymore. If I stayed, I’d just be feeding into his illness. He wants me to stay, and he’ll try to convince me by making me feel guilty, and saying things we both know aren’t true. I can’t go on with my life letting him be so dependent on me. This break will benefit him too. Maybe in the future, he’ll be stronger, and we can work things out. But for now, it’s time to go our separate ways while we both work on ourselves.

“I need to get going,” I ignore his question and move to grab my bags.

“So you’re just giving up? That’s it?” A tear slips from his eye, and I can't stand watching him like this anymore.

In a moment of weakness, I drop my suitcase and turn to him. I take his face in my hands and kiss him deep and tenderly. “I’m not giving up Harry. I’m making sure we have a chance in the future. I love you, that’s why I’m doing this.”

Harry looks at me astonished. “I’ll wait for you, Chloe. I’m not going to like any second of it, but I’m not giving up,” he finally says.

I simply nod and pick up my bags again. He yells out how much he loves me as I leave the house that was once my father’s. I load everything into my car, and head out onto the road, driving away from my old life and towards my new one.

---

The next morning, I wake up sore and cold on the couch. My eyelids are swollen and my throat is dry from the crying that must’ve put me to sleep last night.

I look at my phone to see that I’ve already slept through my biology lecture, and decide I’ll just take the day off. I’m not usually one to skip classes, especially now that I’m the one paying for my tuition, but it’s necessary today. I hardly slept, and I look like I’ve been crying for days. I feel like it too.

I force myself into the shower and make it quick so that I don’t pass out from exhaustion under the spray of the water.

I decide that I can’t win.

I’m not happy here, but going back is not an option.

Sure, ever since I’ve moved up to Los Angeles, the worst thing that’s happened to me was getting very drunk the first night in hopes to forget all of the pain in my heart, and having a terrible hangover the day of an English exam, but other than that, trouble has yet to find me. It’s been a necessary breath of fresh air to finally have time to think about everything without having another thing thrown my way.

Although I miss Harry and Anne, I’ve been able to work through almost everything. I’ve found peace about losing my mom after joining the local church. Call it cliche, but it truly helped. I’ve even learned a lot about myself, and at the moment, I’m working on forgiveness. Forgiving my dad, forgiving Grant, forgiving myself for what I put Harry through…

I feel like once the year is over, I might have enough strength to go back home to visit Harry. I’ve talked to him a few times here and there, but nothing more than a ‘how are you doing, I’m fine.’ I hope once we reunite, he’ll have used his time away from me like I did, and worked on himself.

There’s always the fear deep down inside me that he’s moved on, but I try not to think of that. I try to picture him telling me he’ll never give up, and that usually gets me through the day.

I’ll understand, but I don’t know what I’d do. I know it would be selfish not to allow him, but that doesn’t mean I'd like it or accept it.


The week goes on as it always does. I go to class, I do my homework, I work my shift at the Applebee's on campus. Eric texts me a few times, but I don't reply. My heart belongs to someone else, and I can't give anyone the effort. It's even hard for me to be a good friend, let alone a good roommate to Colleen. I'm thankful that she is never really around though, and doesn't mind me being the complete opposite as her; introverted and quiet. At least, that's the kind of person I am now.

I'm here to do what I said I was going to do: work on myself to become the person I need to be, the person Harry needs me to be. He may not have realized it, but I wasn't the girl he deserved. And while I'm here, I plan on working out my problems so that if, and when, we find our way back to each other, I'll have a clear, set mind, and I'll be able to give myself to him without anything holding me back.

Notes

Alright guys, I just wanted to address something really quick. Obviously, suicide is a topic in my story, and I would just like to say that it is something that is very serious. I'm not accusing anyone of making jokes about it or not taking it seriously, but just in general.

Personally, I've had two instances in my life where suicide was the case. I rarely tell anyone this because there are too many people out there who use or make up situations revolving suicide to get attention, but I'm telling you all because I want you to know that I take it very seriously. I would never put it in my story if I didn't recognize how serious of an issue it is.

I also want you guys to know that if you feel like you need to talk about having suicidal thoughts, or anything for that matter, that you can message or KIK me (EllieClaire2). I'm no therapist, but I've experienced a lot in my life and I know that even talking to someone can help.

Rant over lol. Please comment, rate & subscribe!

OH AND ANOTHER SIDE NOTE (sorry this is really long, but thank you for reading it!)

I'm sorry this chapter is so short, but the next chapter is the last, and I promise to make it extra long!

Also, many of you have asked or wondered if I'm doing a sequel, and the answer is no :( I will, however, be doing an epilogue. I'm not going to continue this story because as I've said before, I always feel like sequels end up dragging on. I will also be starting a new story, and I will be focusing on that :)