It’s past midnight by the time I get to Tempe. I pull into Cassidy’s driveway and call her to tell her I’ve finally arrived. She meets me at my car in less than a minute, and the tears are back just as fast. I’ve missed my best friend, and I’m eager to catch up with her, and vent to her about everything that’s been going on in my life lately.

She ushers me to her room so we can talk. I’m grateful she knows me well enough to tell that what I need is to vent, and sleep is the last thing on my mind.

I tell her all about my current drama, leaving nothing out. She listens to me without interrupting, and I’m practically out of breath by the time I finish. Life should not be this complicated, I think to myself.

“Wow, Chlo… I’m sorry.” Cassidy moves to pull me into a hug. “You can stay here as long as you need to, you know that.”

“Thanks, Cass,” I sniffle.

“I’m sorry for asking, but what about Harry? Did you guys break up… or what?”

I cringe at the mention of his name. “I don’t really know. He got so angry when I told him I wanted to come back here. He was yelling and breaking things… I ended up telling him I’d only stay a week. I’m an idiot Cass. I can’t go back there.”

She takes a deep breath. I’m sure she thinks I’m selfish for lying to him, but she knows better than to call me out on that right now. “Do you still love him?”

“Yes,” I say without hesitation. “I always will, but right now, I can’t be what he needs. I need to figure my shit out and get past this all.”

My sore throat becomes dry from all of the talking, and I cough. Why must I be sick on top of all of this? Harry was right, I probably made myself sick from the lack of sleep.

“I understand… Well honestly I don’t. Chloe I’m so sorry you have to go through all this, and I wish I could be more help, but I’ve never been through any of this. If there’s anything I can do, tell me. I’m here for you.”

“You’re doing more than you know, Cass, so thank you. I just think it was best for me to get out of there. For now, at least.”



We fall asleep around four in the morning, and I don’t wake up until my phone begins ringing over and over again. I finally look at the clock on Cassidy’s room to see that it’s two in the afternoon. I probably should be getting up anyway.

Miraculously, Cassidy is still out cold. God, that girl has always been a heavy sleeper. Figuring that if my ringing phone hadn’t woken her up, then my voice won’t, so I answer my cell, not even thinking to check and see who it is.

“Hello?” I answer. My voice sounds shot from my cold.

“Chloe, it’s me Anne,” her voice is frantic and full of panic. “I’m sorry for calling you like this, but it’s Harry—“

“What is it, Anne?” I ask, forcing myself not to jump to any conclusions.

Just as Anne begins babbling on incoherently, Cassidy starts to wake up. She rubs her eyes and gives me a questioning look as if to ask, who’s on the phone.

I put my hand over the speaker of my cellphone to tell Cassidy who’s calling, but then I hear the five words that make my world begin to crash down.

“Harry’s been in an accident,”

Anne’s cries take over, but my hearing and sight feels like it’s vanishing. The phone falls to my lap. My mind and body goes numb. I should ask her if he’s okay… what happened… when it happened… if she’s okay… but I can’t move. I can’t speak.

I’m vaguely aware of Cassidy taking the phone from my lap and speaking into it. I’m unsure of what she says, but she begins to rub my back while she talks to Anne.

Once she finally hangs up, she gets up and begins packing all of my things back into my bag.

“Chloe, we’re going to go to San Diego. Can you get up?” She asks me, making sure I’m okay.

I shake my head. I’m in shock. It has to be bad if Cass is telling me we have to go back.

“You have to get up, Chlo. Come on, put this on. I’ll drive.” She hands me a sweatshirt before continuing to pack for me and herself.

“Cassidy, you don’t have to do this. You’ll miss school.” Ask her what happened…

“I’ll be fine,” she promises me. “Let’s get in the car, it’s a long drive.”

I nod and with the motion, tears spill from my eyes and trail down my cheeks. I think I’ve cried more in the past week than I have in my entire life.

“He’s going to be okay,” Cassidy whispers and pulls me into a hug when she notices my cries.

“Wait, he’s okay?” I look at her, eagerly awaiting her response.

Cassidy cringes. “The accident was bad, Chloe. He’s in critical condition, but I know he’ll get through this. He needs you.”

---

The drive back to California is torture. Cassidy tells me that it was another motorcycle accident. Harry’s in a coma, and the doctors are uncertain about when or if he’ll wake up. She didn’t want to tell me that part, but I forced her to. The whole drive I was a crying, anxious mess. I’m stupid for leaving Harry. I’m stupid for ever moving to San Diego with my asshole father, getting involved with him, and allowing myself to depend so much on him. If I had just stuck to myself like I had planned, I wouldn’t be hurting this badly right now.

But I love him, I scold myself. I could never see myself without Harry, and I’m ashamed of myself for wishing I never got involved with him. Because that’s just not true. It was the best decision of my life to risk it.

Cassidy drives straight to the hospital where Anne told her Harry was at. I’m shaking by the time we’re standing outside his room. What is going to be on the other side of this door?

The door opens, and Anne comes out. She doesn’t say anything, but suddenly begins crying and wraps her arms around me. We cry together for an unknown amount of time.

“He’s not awake yet, but I know he probably wants to see you,” Anne sniffles. “I’m going to go grab a coffee in the cafeteria.”

“I’ll come with you,” Cassidy announces.

Once they leave, I finally enter the room where Harry’s comatose body is laying still on the hospital bed. All of his body is covered with a blanket, except for his head and one arm that is covered in a cast. His face is cut up and bruised.

I move to sit on the chair next to the bed where Anne must’ve been sitting. I grab Harry’s cast-clad hand and begin to cry again. I can’t lose him too.

“Hi baby,” I laugh through my sobs thinking how pathetic it must be talking to him when he can’t hear me. Besides the point, I continue. “I’m sorry I left. I should’ve stayed with you, but I was stubborn as always…”

I look away from him and pray that he’ll wake up. Pray that he’ll come back to me.

“I need you, Harry. Please don’t leave me.” I lean over the bed and rest my forehead on his stomach, still holding his hand. “I love you, Harry. Come back to me. I’m not running anymore. It’s me and you, remember? It’ll just be us when you wake up.”

My sobs rack through my body, and my head aches from crying. I forgot to take my antibiotics today just because of everything going on, so I feel sick on top of everything else.

I remove myself from Harry’s side to grab a tissue to wipe my nose. That’s when I hear him.

He’s okay.

Harry groans, and as soon as he does, I drop the box of tissues to look at him. His eyes slowly flutter open and closed, and his arms, all hooked up with IV’s slowly move.

“Oh, Harry,” I cry. I rush to the side of the bed, press the call button so a nurse or doctor comes in, then kiss Harry’s forehead. “I’m here, baby, it’s me. Please wake up.”

Harry thrashes around a little more, but his eyes still haven’t opened all the way yet.

A young, African-American nurse comes in seconds later and checks his vitals among other things. I stay on the other side of the room to give her space.

Once she’s done, she turns to me and smiles. “You must be his good luck charm; I think he’s going to be just fine.”

“Is he awake?” I ask, noticing his eyes are still closed.

She nods. “He slipped out of the coma, but he’s still going to be exhausted. I’ve upped his dosage on his pain killers because he’ll be very sore for awhile. Mr. Styles’ accident was very serious so we’ll have to keep him here for awhile, but you’re welcome to stay with him. If he wakes while you’re still here though, just know that because of all of the medication he’s on, he may be a little incoherent. It’s normal, but he will be a bit… loopy,” she smiles.

“Thank you,” I nod. She smiles again before leaving the room.

I decide I should go get Anne to tell her the good news, but then Harry says my name in a low, whisper. “Chloe,”

I turn toward him to see his eyes open, the green orbs beautiful as ever.

“Harry,” I counter. Happy tears now fall from my eyes as I rush to his side and take his face in my hands to kiss his dry lips. “Oh, Harry, please get rid of that stupid bike. I won’t let you keep doing this to yourself.”

I pull away from him and sit on the edge of the bed, still holding his hand. Harry looks at me with a serious expression, and I can tells he’s a little out of it already.

He looks away from me and picks at the cast on his arm. “I should’ve died. That was the point, anyway. Just like the last time.”

My breath catches in my throat, and I become speechless. Please let that be the drugs talking.

“Harry, don’t say that.”

He shakes his head before his eyelids fall, and he’s out again. I remain in my position, crying until I’ve run out of tears. I’m surprised it’s taken this long for them to run out.

I leave Harry sleeping in the room and wander around the hospital in order to find Anne and Cassidy. I finally find them in the gift shop, somberly looking through all of the overpriced trinkets.

“He woke up.” I state blandly.

Anne hugs me tightly, and Cassidy joins in. “Did you talk to him?” Cass asks.

I nod. That’s all I have to say about that. “He fell back asleep Anne,” I tell her so she doesn’t feel rushed on getting up to see him.

“But he’s okay?”

“Yeah, he will be.” Hopefully.

She exhales in relief.

“Can I talk to you, Anne?” I ask her. She nods, and Cassidy tells us she’ll be waiting in the gift shop if we need her.

Anne and I walk outside, and I take a deep breath.

“I know you guys are together,” Anne starts before I can say anything.

I look at her in shock. How does she know?

“I’ve always noticed how he’s been different about you since day one, but this whole week, seeing him help you and stick up for you, I finally realized.” Anne answers my unasked question.

“I—“

“It’s okay, Chloe. I’m not mad at you two for keeping it a secret. I probably would’ve done the same, honestly. But you need to know it’s okay. You don’t need to hide it anymore, especially now that your father and I are no longer… together.”

“Thank you,” I whisper. “I love him.”

“I know. And he loves you too.”

“He needs help,” I blurt out.

Anne turns to me and frowns. “What do you mean?”

I take another deep breath, this time, it’s to buy myself some time. How do I tell Anne that her son is suicidal? That he’s crashed his bike multiple times on purpose?

“The crash wasn’t an accident, Anne.”

---

Three weeks later


“How are you feeling today?” I ask Harry. Today we are taking a walk outside.

“Fine,” he shrugs. “How’s school?”

“Boring,” I laugh. I stop walking and look at him. “But really Harry, how are you feeling?”

He stops too and looks at me briefly before diverting his eyes. “I just want to come home, Chloe. I’m better now, haven’t you noticed?”

I smile a sad smile and nod. “I know Harry, but I don’t think you’re ready yet. Dr. Nelson think you still need a few more weeks here too.”

Harry sighs. “Do you think that when I get out of this nut house… that maybe we’ll have another chance? Will you give me another chance?”

I look away from him when my eyes begin to water. “Let’s just get you through this, okay? I’ll always be here for you, but let’s not think about that. You need to focus on getting better; working on yourself.”

He nods and we begin walking again. After a stroll around the pond, we return inside and I walk Harry up to his room. We hug goodbye, just like we do everyday, but it doesn’t go further.

“Goodnight, Harry,” I smile.

Harry takes me hand and kisses the back of it. “I still love you, Chloe. Goodnight.”

I turn and head out the door, ignoring his words like I do every time I leave him here.

As I drive back home, I really think about the progress Harry has made since the day of the accident. A few days after he woke from his coma, the hospital released him, but Anne and I decided it was best for him to get help. He was admitted into a rehabilitation clinic for suicidal teenagers, and has been living there for about two weeks.

Anne and I visit him everyday, she in the morning, and me in the evenings. Harry has gone through extensive therapy to work on his problems, and I’ve even accompanied him to a few sessions. I’ve learned through his doctors that he had become dependent on me, and when I left him to go back to Tempe, that’s what had pushed him to feeling suicidal. The doctor told me it wasn’t my fault, but all of the events in Harry's life (losing Gemma and the whole situation with his father) has made him this way. The day he told me I was the reason, I cried myself to sleep.

I hate that Harry has become so dependent on me, and I worried that maybe he only loved me because I was there, but as the days go by, I know Harry still truly loves me. He’s most definitely getting better, but he has a lot of work on himself that needs to be done.

We are officially broken up, as I’ve told him since I found out the reason he tried to take his life, but we both know our hearts still belong to each other. I still love him, but I need him to work on himself before we start anything back up. It’s been a relief to find out his obsessive ways have a reason to them, but it upsets me that he has to go through this.

Once I get home from the visit, Anne and I eat dinner together as we do every night. We talk about Harry mostly, but she also asks me about how school is going, and what not. Anne has been incredibly strong through this all, and I commend her for that. She’s also gone through so much, and I’m proud of her for staying strong.

Through the weeks since I moved back in and Anne found out Harry and I were dating, we’ve become much closer. We’re both having a hard time with it all, but we’re going through it together.




After dinner, I go up to Harry’s room, sit on his bed, and write to him. Each night, I write my favorite memories with him, what’s going on in my life, what I’m excited to do when he gets out of the rehab center, and how much I’ll always love him. I write how I wish he was better, and how I wish things hadn’t turned out this way. I apologize for pushing him to feel like his only option was to take his own life.

But he’ll never see it.

I fold the notebook paper and put it into my dresser drawer before I go to bed that night.

It feels good to let my thoughts out, although it’s hard.

As I slip under the covers of my bed, I look at the clock and see that it’s only eight. My life has become school and Harry. Everything revolves around those things. Brynn has reached out to me several times, but I decline every time. I tell her I’m studying or busy with something els.

Harry’s friends have also tried to contact me. I’ve seen them once, and I told them the shortened version of what’s going on with Harry. They have since respected my privacy.

It would probably be good for me to get out and be with other people, but I simply can’t. I don’t breathe or rest easily knowing Harry is still in this state of mind. Once he’s out, maybe things will change. But for now I wrap myself in my favorite flannel shirt of Harry’s, tuck myself into bed, and try to think of life when Harry gets out.

My phone rings as I drift off, an unknown number is calling me. I let it go to voice mail. The caller leaves a message, and I listen to it with confusion, only to have yet another bomb dropped on my already-deteriorating life.










“Hello, Ms. Hayes. This is Doctor Greenway calling. You came in with flu-like symptoms about a month ago, and I’ve just gotten your blood work results back. I apologize for the time it took, but we had to retest it a few times.

I’m sorry to have to tell you this over the phone, but I think you should know. Your blood work came back showing the early signs of Osteosarcoma. You mentioned this type of bone cancer was in your family history, so we would like to get you back in as soon as possible to seek further treatment.

Please call me back at this number, and we’ll set something up. The sooner the better.”

Notes

........... Another emotional chapter, sorry lol

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