I lay wide awake in my bed, contemplating this whole situation. I left Harry’s room an a few hours after he fell asleep because I just couldn’t lay there. It’s not that I don’t love him, it’s the fact that this is all overwhelming me, and I feel too young and unready to be feeling this way about someone. The things I’m feeling are too much for me to make sense of.

I must’ve eventually drifted of, because I’m woken by the familiar feeling of Harry’s lips on mine. I slowly open my eyes to adjust to the light, and confirm that it is Harry laying next to me.

“I was worried when I woke up and you weren’t there. Why did you leave me?” He asks immediately.

“I couldn’t sleep and I didn’t want to wake you. I came in here to read my book and I must’ve fell asleep.” I lie. Just tell him the truth, Chloe. He’ll never slow down if you don’t tell him he’s moving to fast.

“Oh.”

I nod and move to get out of bed. It’s already ten in the morning, and I’m not spending my whole Sunday in bed.

“Where are you going?”

“I’m just going to take a shower.” I explain to him and continue towards the bathroom. Moments after turning the water on, I hear Harry’s room door shut.

Don’t push him away.

---

“Morning kiddo, sleep well?” My dad asks as soon as I get into the kitchen.

I nod as I grab a banana from the fruit bowl on the counter and sit across from him at the table. “Is it okay if I sleep over at my friend Brynn’s house tonight? We have a project we need to work on, and it’ll probably take all day.”

Dad looks up from the newspaper he’s reading and looks at me. “You’ll be at school on time tomorrow?”

“Yeah.” I nod.

“Okay then, I don’t see why not. When are you heading out?”

“Soon.” I inform him. “We have a lot of work to do.”

“Sounds good.” He nods. “Oh, and it’s Anne’s birthday on Wednesday, but I want to have a family dinner tomorrow for her because I’m surprising her on her actual birthday and taking her to Paris. You’ll be back to join us?”

“Yeah, I’ll be there.”

“Great. I have reservations at her favorite place downtown at seven.”

“Okay. Well I’m just gonna go grab my stuff then head out. I’ll see you tomorrow.” I inform Dad and return to my room to grab my bag that I’ve already packed.

Once I get into my car and pull out my phone to type find directions, I jump when someone taps on my window. My hand grips at my chest over my heart, but to my relief, it’s only Harry standing there in the garage.

I roll down the window. “Where are you going?” He frowns.

“Sorry.. I uh, I thought you went back to bed so I was just going to text you. I’m going to Brynn’s to work on a project.”

Stop, Chloe. Tell him the truth.

“When will you be back?”

“I’m sleeping over. I’ll see you tomorrow.”

“Do you have to sleep over?”

“Yes.” I don’t offer an elaboration.

He sighs and searches my eyes for more information. “You weren’t going to say goodbye?”

I sigh myself and look away from him. I already feel guilty enough. “I’m sorry, like I said, I thought you were sleeping and I need to go.”

“Okay.” Harry nods. “Will you at least say goodbye to me know?” He smiles weakly and begins to open my door.

I get out of the car and he immediately wraps his arms around my waist. “I’ll miss you.” Harry says into my hair.

“It’s only one night.”

“Exactly.”

“I’ll text you.” I offer. “I should get going. We have a lot of work to do.”

“Chloe,” Harry grabs my arm, preventing me from getting into my car. “You okay? You seem.. distant. Did I do something?”

Yes. No.

“No, I’m just a little tired. Sorry.” I force a smile and kiss him briefly. “I’ll see you tomorrow.”

“I love you, Chloe.” Harry tells me sadly, and I know my mood is rubbing off on him.

“I love you, too.” With that, I put on my seatbelt and slowly reverse out of the garage and away from Harry.

I turn on the navigation system and begin the long drive. I feel guilty for lying to everyone, but now, more than ever, I need to see Cassidy. I’ll drive the six hours back to Tempe if it means I can have a night to vent to Cass. She’ll give me advice on what to do.

---

The whole drive consists of a silent car, only my thoughts to listen to. I’m not lying to Harry or anyone when I say I love him, but lately, and especially last night, I’ve felt far too overwhelmed with this all, and I need to figure out what I need to do.

I pull up to Cassidy’s house around four in the evening and text her to tell her I’m here. I didn’t think I’d be this emotional coming back here, but I’m starting to feel a little uneasy.

Just as I wipe away a stubborn tear from my eye, Cassidy comes running out of her house toward my car.

“Chloe!” She yells and opens my door for me to get out. She’s quick to pull me into the tightest embrace. “I’ve missed you so much. You have no idea how much I wish you still lived here.” She sighs before holding me at arms-length to look at me. “God, you look so good though. San Diego definitely agrees with you.”

“Hey, Cass.” I force a smile. “Thanks.”

“Come on, let’s go inside.”

She leads me into her house where I greet her parents. That alone elicits more tears from me. Her parents had always been like my second parents. Why did I think it would be a good idea to come back here?

“So what’s going on, Hayes?” Cassidy asks as soon as we get into the confines of her room. “When you called and said you were coming, I was super excited, but I know there’s something going on. Talk to me, girl.”

I sigh and lay back on her bed. Just tell her everything, don’t hold back. It’ll be good to let it all out.

“Harry.” And another tear falls. Cassidy knows me well enough and I’ve told her just enough about Harry that she pulls me into a hug without further question.

“Shh, it’s okay, Chloe.” She says soothingly as I sob into her shoulder. “Whatever it is, we’ll work through it tonight, all right?”

I nod against her shoulder and try to pull myself together. I don’t even know why I’m so emotional. It’s not like we broke up or anything!

“I’m sorry, I shouldn’t be crying.” I shake my head and pull away from our embrace so I can wipe my wet eyes.

“It’s fine, Chlo. Tonight’s all about you. When you called, I knew something was bothering you, so I decided we’d stay in tonight and just talk. I’m sure that’s all you need.”

This is why she’s my best friend. “That’s exactly what I need, thanks, Cass.”

“Of course. Now tell me about your man.”

I smile just thinking about him. “I don’t even know why I’m crying. We’re fine, really, it’s just… a lot to deal with. He’s… intense, Cass.”

“Intense? What does that mean? Does he hurt you?” Cassidy jumps to conclusions with a terrified look on her face.

“God no! The opposite, really.” I shake my head. “He loves me, Cass, and I love him, I just feel a little overwhelmed. The things he says and does are just a lot to take in… I don’t even know if that makes sense.”

“Go on…” She prompts.

“Okay, I’m just going to start from the beginning.” I decide and take a deep breath, going back to when we first met. “I told you how he was an ass to me at first, and about that night when wekissed… Well, ever since that day, things have just kind of… come together.”

“What does that mean? Did you guys like, start dating after that kiss? How does that even work? Weren’t your parents a little against that?”

“No, we didn’t start dating. I said the same thing to him. I told him we couldn’t hook up again, and he agreed. We both obviously didn’t want to, though. So basically we just kind of flirted for a couple weeks, then we had sex…”

Cassidy gasps.

“I know. But after that, we knew we couldn’t hide our feelings anymore. Ever since then, we’ve kind of been having a ‘secret’ relationship. Only a few of his friends know.”

“Holy shit, Chlo.” Cassidy gapes at me. “Wait, so what’s the problem?” She wearily asks.

“The problem is me, honestly.” I admit. “He’s perfect, really. He loves me, and he cares about me more than anyone else. He’s sweet, funny, helpful, loving… but he says these things to me like he’s scared I’m going to leave him, and that I’m the one who made his heart start beating again… It just scares me. I don’t know if I’m even making sense, but basically I just feel like we’re moving too fast, or he’s moving too fast.”

Cassidy takes a moment to ponder what I’ve just said before giving me her opinion on the matter. “Look, I obviously don’t know him or everything about your relationship, but I honestly think you just need to tell him everything you’re telling me. I get why you’d feel as if you two are moving too fast, but you’ll never slow down if you don’t tell him that.”

Just as she finishes, I feel my phone vibrate in my pocket. “Speaking of, that’s probably him. He’s been calling me for an hour now for some reason, I should answer.”

I pull out my phone to confirm that it is in fact Harry. I reluctantly accept the call and hold it to my ear.

“Hey.” I say into the phone.

“Fuck, Chloe.” Harry sighs. “Why didn’t you answer your phone? I’ve been trying to call you.” He says more angrily. Shit.

“Sorry, we got busy working on the project.” I lie, adding to my guilt.

“Bullshit!” He yells harshly. “You’re not at Brynn’s Chloe, where the hell are you?!”

I hold the phone away from my ear until he’s done yelling. My heart races knowing I’ve been caught. I shouldn’t have lied to him, I’m only making this worse.

Cassidy shoots me a look of concern and mouths: ‘Everything okay?’

I nod to her and bring the phone back to my ear. “I’m sorry, Harry.” I apologize. “I’m in Arizona, at Cassidy’s house. I didn’t want to worry you. I’m okay.”

I hear him exhale heavily over the phone. “Why would you lie to me?” He asks quietly. “Why, Chloe? I was so worried about you. I called Brynn because you wouldn’t answer your phone all day, and when she said she hasn’t seen you since Friday, I thought I was going to lose it.”

“I just needed to leave, and I needed to go alone. I’m sorry Harry, can we just talk about this tomorrow? I’ll be home after school.”

“Are we okay, Chloe? Did I do something? What’s going on?” He asks in that voice that breaks my heart. I know he’s hurt about this, and he’s blaming himself for it.

“Harry, stop. We’re okay. I just wanted to see Cassidy.” I tell him. I don’t want to discuss my anxieties over the phone. “I promise.”

“Okay.” Harry says quietly. “Well, I’ll let you go then.”

“Harry,” I stop him before he hangs up. “I love you.”

He sighs over the phone and I hear him sniff. “I love you too, baby. Drive home safe tomorrow. Please.”

“I will. Bye, Harry.”

Once he hangs up, I find Cassidy looking at me. I don’t know what look she’s giving me, but I know she’s going to have something to say about what she just hear.

“You’ve got it bad, my friend.” She says and moves from the chair she’s sitting on the sit next to me on her bed.

“Tell me about it.” I sigh.

“Why didn’t you tell him you were coming here?”

“That’s another thing… He’s really protective and possessive. If I told him I was coming, he’d either convince me not to or demand that he go with. He doesn’t like spending time away from me. And it’s not that I want to be away from him either, but it just scares me how much he says he needs me.
I just feel like I’m going to mess something up and break his heart. He’s been through so much, and I don’t want to hurt him, so I spend as much time with him that’s possible. I just don’t think it’s healthy. I haven’t been able to hang out with my other friends, spend time with my dad, or get to know Anne.”

“Chloe,” Cassidy sighs and pulls me into her arms. “I can only imagine what you’re going through, but like I said, I think a good conversation with Harry is what’s needed. Tell him all of this, and maybe it’ll open his eyes a little. Tell him you need some space to do your own thing, maybe.”

“I love him so much, I just don’t know how to handle all of this.”



Cassidy spends the rest of the night trying to get my mind off of Harry by telling me what’s going on here with everyone and forcing me to help her make brownies (which we end up not baking and eating the batter while we watch Bridesmaids).

She’s fast asleep at two in the morning when I decide to text Harry.


To: Harry
I’m sorry I lied to you, I just didn’t want you to worry. I miss you, and I love you. xo



I already told him all of that, but I felt the need to say it again. Thankfully, he texts me back a few minutes later.


From: Harry
If yuo loved me you wood have told me you were leavign cchloe



What the hell? I don’t know what confused/worries me more: what he said, or the way he’s typing. Is he drunk?

I immediately dial his number only for it to go straight to voicemail.

Notes

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