Shattered

Angelica's P.O.V-

Lately, I've been able to describe my life in one word, and one word only: Drama. From the beginning, that's all it was, and now is no different...

When I was with that man, that monster, life was hell. Then there was school. A second hell. I'd get bullied everyday. I still remember the words, the horrible threats, the rumors spread like fire on dry wood. I can still picture the beatings, the abuse, everything. It still haunts me. But I was sure I had learned to move on, get over all of that. I accepted that the bruises and scars would stain my skin and my mind forever, but I decided they would remind me of being stronger and wiser.

Drama. It was also a subject in school. I remember Mrs. Thirwall and her pointy nose and round glasses. She wasn't very patient, but she was so passionate about arts and acting, she made you love it and anticipate it. I often found myself waiting anxiously for her classes. Not just because I loved acting and being on stage, but because it was the only teacher that didn't judge me or give me sideway glances. She actually stayed after classes sometimes to talk to me about a new play or about her own life. She died in a car accident on my Junior year, and the school got a new teacher. Let's just say, the new teacher wasn't different from the other teachers.

The reason I'm telling you all this? Simple. Harry is right in front of me. Asking to talk to me. And he doesn't look happy, at all! He looks rather angry. I don't see any sign of mischief in his eyes. I'm honestly scare. I know he's here to talk about the kiss. And I'm sure it wont be good, at all...

"Uh... Angelica?" He asked, waving a hand in front of my face, bringing me back down to earth.

"Yeah! Sure! Come in!" I said, my voice a bit too cheerful as I open the door a bit wider for him to step in, not making any eye contact, just gazing down at the ground. I was a bit taken back he didn't call me by my nickname, Angel. But, that can't matter, can it?

"Jake, Mathew, Sammy? Can you go to Jake's room?" I asked, smiling kindly at them. Jake noticed the weary-ness in my voice, and pulled the twin with him upstairs. I sighed gladly and asked Laura to stay in the kitchen. She nodded, eying Harry suspiciously.

"So, what is it you wanted to talk about?" I asked, pretending to be excited and happy. Honestly, the whole 'I'm your father' fiasco, that looked like the Star Wars thing, completely ruined my mood. I wasn't exactly happy I had lived a lie my whole life, and I wasn't at all keen that Harry was extremely off.

"Well, uh, I, uh, wanted to talk about... The kiss..." He stammered a bit then trailed off waiting for my reaction. I didn't know how to react, so I kept an expressionless face and nodded. He continued talking, much to my dismay.

"I, uh" He cleared his throat, as if talking about this was forbidden or pained him physically.

"I, we" He tried mouthing the words, but he looked like he was choking and at the same time pretending to be a fish, if that even makes sense.

"Can we pretend it never happened?" He blurted out, his eyes a bit wide and surprised he managed to get something out. I kept mute, static, not daring to move an inch, in fear I'd start crying.

"I mean, it was clearly a mistake, I didn't mean it, you didn't meant it and-" H began ranting, not meeting my eyes.

"Get to the point, Harry" I cut him off, forcing him to look me in the eyes. His eyes were cold, almost cruel, but behind the icy wall, I saw regret, fear and sadness, but I didn't care. If he was going to act as if it was all a big mistake, I'd be twice as bad.

"Right, the point" He looked down, mumbling to himself.

"I met someone, during Christmas in my hometown and-" I cut him off again.

"That's great! How is she like?" I asked, giving him my best fake smile. On the inside, I was crumbling. You never were good enough! The evil voice I used to fight when I was younger hissed. Great! Just great!

"Well, she's great!" He smiled at me. I nodded and stood up, him following my actions. I began walking towards the door.

"I see, well it's time you got going right? Why don't you call her? I bet she's missing you just as much as you're missing her" I encouraged, when in reality I wanted to punch him and yell: I LOVE YOU! WHY CAN'T YOU SEE THAT?!

"Actually, she moved in with me" He said, putting his lips into a tight, thin line. I nodded. So soon? Wow, he sure moved fast...

"Wow! That's great! I hope you guys are happy! Goodbye!" I smiled and pushed him out, shutting the door and locking it. I leaned in slightly, waiting for him to walk away. When I heard the elevator ding, I slid down the door, and began crying. Laura and the kids appeared and I just sniffled and stood up, wiping the tears furiously and pretending nothing happened.

"I'm sorry, just a bit emotional" I said, a few tears still falling down my already damp cheeks.

"Kids, got back to Jake's room, please?" Laura pleaded them. They all just left, glancing back at me a few times, Jake almost crying.

"What did he say?" She asked, helping me sit back down on the couch. I remembered the whole conversation and burst into tears again. I hiccuped out the whole conversation, which took some time, considering I was crying my eyes out.

"He's blind, honey, he doesn't see what he's missing" She kept saying, trying to sooth me as she had her arms around me, rocking us back and worth. I just stayed there crying.

"Maybe I'm just not good enough" I sniffled after a few minutes of nothing but my hiccups and sobs.

"Never, and I mean NEVER, think like that again? Got it?" She said sternly, scaring me a bit. I nodded, still hiccuping.

"I just, I don't want the voices to come back, the need to cut, the depression, I just got over that" I sniffled, hugging her back finally.

"They wont come back" She stated, kissing the top of my head.

"Let's start packing, yeah? We'll go house hunting tomorrow" She smiled softly at me. I smiled a tiny bit and nodded, a new idea popping.

"You know how I meant to take Jake to the therapist? I think I might go see one too" I said. She smiled widely and nodded approving my idea. I sighed shakily, my nose running a bit. I rubbed the bags under my eyes, causing them to sting considering they were almost raw from how much I had already rubbed and wiped them. I stood up and Laura helped me finish cleaning up the house.

By the time she left with the twins, it was already 8.m. I was still replaying the whole Harry and I dialogue. Every time I did, I noticed how I had felt empty, stupid and alone. I decided I was going to read something comforting, so I picked up my Bible from my nightstand and began going through a phew Pslams. (A/N: In case you don't know, Psalms in a book in the Bible written in poetry form, with worship verses, agonizing verses, sad and depressed ones, all calling for God, it's one of my favorite books)

"Lord, please help me, I don't know what to do! I don't know if moving away from this madness is the best, I don't know if facing it is better either" I prayed, my eyes closed and heavy. I was laying down on my bed, the Bible resting open on my chest.

"Please show me the way, in the name of Jesus, Amen" I finished, reopening my eyes. Jake was at my door, rubbing his eyes and yawning.

"Hey there, big guy" I smiled weakly at him. He walked over to my bed, jumping on it and facing me.

"I know it hurts mommy" He said sleepily. I kissed his forehead and took in a shaky long breath.

"God doesn't want you to be sad" He continued. I was almost crying again.

"We'll move away and I'll go to the therapist" He said. I chuckled lightly as his misspelling.

"We'll both go to the therapist" I said. He smiled and fell asleep, me following soon after.

This is what school doesn't teach you. It doesn't teach you how to get over heart aches and breaks. It doesn't teach you what to do when you feel like vanishing. And it certainly doesn't teach you about growing up. All these things life teaches you, and it is one mean teacher, so learn your lessons, do your homework, and maybe you'll get through another year...

Notes