Behind The Backstage Doors

Alison didn't know how long she had been lying there in Harry's arms listening to his calm breathing. He had dozed off almost right away after they had got comfortable on the bed.

She reached for the alarm clock that was standing on the bed side table to look at the time. They had half an hour before they needed to be in the cab to head in the airport. So she gently took Harry's hand that was around her and tried to move it. But he just took a better hold of her.

"Harry," she called his name and he stirred a little. When he stretched his hands and rubbed his eyes she took it as her chance to slide out of his arms.

"What time is it?" he still seemed to be half asleep as he wrapped the blanket tighter around himself. Alison let out a laugh at how cute he looked and it seemed to make him realize where he was. His eyes flew open and he looked at her with confusion written over his face before his expression changed into a wide grin. She smiled back at him and for a while they were just staring at each other.

"We need to get in the airport," his face dropped after her words but she ignored him and tried to get up.

"Heyyy! We can just catch a later flight 'cos I don't wanna get up," Harry said, grabbing her hand and pulling her back next to him. He kissed her temple before snuggling his face against her neck.

"Are you sure you're alright?" he asked her gently.

"Yeah, it was just... a lot. And I don't think this was a mistake," she said. He raised his head to look at her eyes with a grin on his face again. "Good. Me neither," he stated and then buried his head to her hair again.

"But if we're gonna miss the flight. We're also gonna talk," Alison said sternly, pushing Harry away. "Noooo, you're such a kill joy."

"But I'm serious, Harry. We can't keep doing this," she told him.

"Yeah, you're right," he sighed and turned to his back. "What did you come here to talk about?" he asked curiously. She felt her heart skipping a beat. She needed to tell him now.

"Or actually first I just want to know if... if there was something between you and Josh," he asked and she swallowed the lump in her throat.

"No there wasn't! As you thought too I think he has some feelings for me and I have to talk to him about it," she told him honestly. The silence settled between them while Alison was trying to come up how to tell him about the thing he needed to know.

"But I have something else to tell you," she said with a small voice. Her tone seemed to surprise him and he sat up to look at her with a frown. She knew she had to be honest know.

"I don't know how to tell you this," she started.

"Hey it's okay. Whatever it is I promise not to be mad or anything," he assured her. He started to play with her long blonde hair because he knew it'd calm her down. Taking a few deep breaths she opened her mouth again.

"You know after... After the miscarriage," she heard his breath hitch in his throat before he cleared it out but she continued. "I wasn't really myself. I mean... Who would be? But there's something I left untold," he stopped playing with her hair and she had to look at him to make sure he was okay. His face didn't hold any expression really but he nodded and continued doing little braids in her hair.

"I mean I didn't tell this even to Brianna not until after a year because it was just so hard," Alison explained while trying to swallow the lump in her throat again. She didn't want to cry. She had cried countless times already so she shouldn't even be able to cry anymore because of it.

"Just tell me. I'm getting really worried," Harry said impatiently, trying to keep his voice calm still. Alison took a few deep breaths, trying to gather her thoughts but her mind was telling her to just get it out.

"I can't have children anymore, Harry. It... it was because of the miscarriage," she blurted out. He stopped playing with her hair again and she was too afraid to look at him. To see his reaction.

"I couldn't... It was the main reason why I blocked you out because... 'cos I knew how much you wanted to have kids. I thought it was for the best," she tried so hard to keep her feelings in check but her voice cracked in the end. The tears started to stream down her face and she closed her eyes when a sob escaped from her lips.

Alison was waiting for Harry to start yelling at her but he didn't. She felt him picking her hand and kissing her knuckles while he caressed her hair with his other hand. It wasn't what she had expected and she opened her eyes confused to meet his sad ones.

"I'm so sorry," he whispered, his breath fanning over the skin of her arm. She wiped her face with her hand and gave him a weak smile.

"You don't need to say that. It wasn't your fault."

"No. I'm sorry for acting stupid at that time. I should've stayed with you no matter how hard you were trying to push me away. I should've known there was something up with you," Harry explained gently. He lay down next to her and put his arm around her stomach which made her wince. She could still remember all those times she had woken up next to him when she was pregnant and the first thing he had done was to kiss her bump. He noticed her tensing so he moved his hand away and kissed her temple.

For a while they just lay there next to each other. Alison thought Harry had gone back to sleep when his breathing started to even so she raised her head to look at his face but was met with his sad eyes. She smiled gently trying to tell him she was okay.

"But this have been nice," she told him and his expression changed into confusion.

"The tour. That we've been having fun together again," she winked at him making him laugh.
But his laughter died pretty guickly and his face was serious again.

"You said it like if we were saying good bye," his voice was small. She looked at him and his wide eyes were staring at her almost pleadingly.

"Y-yeah?"

"I don't want it to be good bye. I'm not gonna let you go again," this time his voice sounded sure. She hadn't thought about them getting back together like really and now all the things why they couldn't hit her mind.

"But-"

"I don't care what the others will say. All I care about is you," he said and leaned on his elbows to look at her. "I still love you nothing has changed that. If I'd be with someone else and I'd have kids with her I wouldn't be happy because it wouldn't be you. I think I've matured so much in these few years we've been apart and this time we'll take things slowly. I want to make sure you'll be okay," he explained, the look in his eyes telling how sure and sincere he was about everything he was saying.

"Yeah? You won't realize after a year that you've made a huge mistake and that you just really want a family but I can't give that to you," her voice broke a little at the end of her sentence.
"You'll be my family. And we can adopt or something. All I care about is you and me getting back together."

She wanted to believe him she really did but she had seen him with kids. The way his whole face would light up when he was interacting with tiny people. And kids loved him too.

"Just please give me a chance," he was now begging her but he didn't care how desperate he would sound.

"Okay," she breathed out after a moment. He smiled with his whole face, the dimples she so loved showing.

"Okay," he sighed, before cupping her cheek with his hand and kissing her with all he had. She pushed her fingers in his soft hair, deepening the kiss. She opened her mouth to let his tongue tangle with hers but didn't let herself get lost in the kiss. She didn't want to miss the flight. So she leaned away from him but he kept kissing her neck so she had to shove him off of her.

"Harry," she chuckled when he tickled her side and didn't seem to want to let her go of his arms. "I don't wanna miss the flight," she stated and pushed him with more force.

Alison managed to get out of the bed, leaving Harry pouting his lips in the sheets. She could feel his eyes on her naked body when she gathered her clothes and started to dress.

"Just one thing," she started and pulled her shirt over her head. "Let's not tell anyone yet that we sorted things out."

"Yeah, I want to take it slow so let's give it a few days," he agreed sighing out when the last piece of bare skin was hidden when she pulled her jeans up.

"And also," she looked at the mirror to fix her hair before looking back at him. "We are not gonna do it in a while," she grinned while his face dropped completely.

"Whyyyy?" he whined.

"No sex, no kisses, no touching. As you said, we're going to take things slow," Alison stated before she turned on her heels. She guickly checked the hallway from the peephole to make sure the coast was clear before opening the door and stepping out. She heard Harry's groan before she closed the door after her, smiling at herself.

She hadn't felt so good in a very long time. A huge weight was lifted off her shoulders and she felt like there was some hope for the future.

Notes