Clarity

-

"No. No. No. NO!" I shouted, my voice similiar to the way it sounded in the dream as I jolted awake; a terrifying image of my Louis being shot planted in my head.
Immediately I began shaking, a cold sweat pouring down my heated skin as I dug the heels of my hands into my eyes, blocking out the void of darkness in our room.
I knew it wasn't real, I knew it wasn't ever going to happen, but just the image of it was beyond upsetting. He hadn't even screamed in the dream, only looked at the guy with a pure description of terror.
The dream had started off beautiful actually. Louis sweeping in and taking me away from a life of pain, torture, heart ache, and fear. When my seventeen year old self had seen him in the dream all of that disappeared, just as it did every time I looked at him in reality.
Then my eyes drifted to him, barely able to see him from how dark the room, but I could hear him breathing a little faster, my outburst of terror obviously arrousing him from his sleep slightly. Sighing softly, needing to feel his arms around me, just saying my name at least, I shook him gently.
"Louis. Louis. Louis." I whispered, then shook him a little harder as he stirred. "Hmmm?" He hummed, shifting positions as he dug his face into the pillow. Very cute.
"Louis. Please get up." I begged, pressing kisses to the back of his neck, the skin soft and delicate. "What's wrong?" He grumbled, pushing my head away which made me smile slightly. He was always difficult to get up, a heavy sleeper.
"I h-had a b-bad dream." I say, my throat closing up slightly as I tried to force the image of his blood splattered out of my head, my body starting to shake again. Instantly he then sat up, nearly falling off the bed as he flicked on the lamp.
"Are you okay?" He asks, concern crossing his face as it did in the dream and I started to sob, unable to contain my emotions. I was quite the emotional guy. "N-No. Y-You got shot." I whimper, embarassed that I had started to break down over a stupid, vivid night terror in front of my younger boyfriend.
Why couldn't I just be strong for my precious Louis?
"Oh Harry!" He coo's, wrapping his arms around me the best he could, and pulled me down with him so we were laying side by side. "I-It w-was so real." I gasp, wrapping my arms around him tightly as he nodded, kissing my head in his sweet Louis way. He was actually much nicer then I had first precieved.
"Shhh..but it's not. I'm right here Harry." He mumbles, his voice still an octive deeper from the conditon, morning voice.
Sighing I laid my head on his shoulder. I wanted to tell him about the dream, give an elite description, but I knew I'd only cry harder, and I honestly didn't want to relieve that nightmare. "A-Are you sure?" I ask, reaching up and running a hand through his hair as he laughed.
"Yeah pretty sure." He said, kissing my forehead as he slipped a leg through mine, his eyes fluttering shut again.
"I'll always be here, unless I need to go wee." He yawns, wrapping an arm around my head so he could stroke my cheek. "What? I can't watch you w-wee?" I whine, loving the feeling of him half holding me as he scoffed. "Not unless you want to know what else comes out." He snickers.
Little arse. He had a nice big one actually.
"Cheeky Tomlinson." I sigh, feeling my body begin to settle as I listened to his breathing.
He had this strange calming effect on people, or at least me. It was as if the simplest thing he did settled my wildest demon's, soothed my worst fears, and stopped the heaviest of tears. Even if he didn't express words of comfort, a simple touch was more then enough. I wonder if he felt the same way? Comforted at merely my presence's? I mean, I knew he felt safe with me, and secure, but was he comforted?
"If anyone is cheeky it's you, I won the sassy oscar. Beat out Leonardo Decrapio." He chuckled, those beautiful blue eyes hidden from my veiw at the moment because he was drifting back off. "That went to far.'' I teased, wrapping my arms around his waist and pulled his small body into mine.
He was also really nice to cuddle with. His body was warm, soft, and a bit squishy in all the right places so it made holding him a pleasure.
"Like you do." He shot back, his tone fading, but playful. It made that dominent streak in me turn on though.
He had a talent for making it blaze with temptation. I mean, how could I resist touching his body? It was perfect. He had curves in all the right places, things to grab, his moans alone brought pleasure to the ears, and just overall I loved dominating him. Also I was impressed he could handle the kinky stuff so well.
Most of my ex's couldn't, he did.
Though he was always exhausted afterwards.
Sighing, then sucking a breath back in that with held his scent, I kissed his chin since it was the nearest thing to my lips.
"I love you." I said softly, wanting to hear those three words that made my heart dance in return. "And I love you Harry. My little- big broken angel." He breathed back, his body relaxed under my grip as I felt my eyes burn with rising tears.
That was another thing about Louis that made me so unbelievably happy, so happy that anywhere with him was heaven.
He didn't run when I told him about my depression; He did't run when I told him about my dad; He didn't run when I told him I had killed two men; He didn't run. I'm sure there were times when he was scared, terrfied perhaps, but he didn't bat an eyelash. That was what was so impressive about him, he was strong willed, and would stick up for himself if nessicary.
He had given multiple demonstrations of this in our past quarrels in class. Quarrels where at the time he had been highly insulted to be subjected to my willy. Now he would probably let me touch him anytime I pleased. Yet then again; knowing Louis he probably would give me the hand if I asked at random times. That was why I had to get him turned on first.
He was just, so, eccentric. That was the only word I could think of to describe him in full; besides the word angel. I would honestly rather die a thousand death's, recive hundreds of beatings, and hear thousands of hateful things then have him cower in my shadow like others. He had given me a chance, and fell for me. I just feared it wasn't as strong and vibrant as mine.
I saw it in his face, I saw that soft look he'd give me, but it didn't seem completely there yet. An 'I love you' can stretch many lengths; some short, others long. I could only pray his wasn't a short one, because heartbreak wasn't my favorite activity.
My thoughts were then interupted by him snoring softly, his warm body limp against mine as he held me in a loose grip. "Oh Louis!" I cooed, not wanting him to go back to sleep, because right now would be the perfect time to go get breakfest before seeing my mum.
"Mmm." He moaned softly, and I giggled as I tickled his nose with the tip of my finger.
That was another thing about him, he made me feel comfortable enough to giggle, and act like myself. In one of my other relationships it didn't go that way in the slightest.
"Louis. Louis. Louis! You have to get up!" I sing song, feeling much better now as I squirmed out of his grip then sat on my knee's before tickling his sides. "Harry stop!" He squealed, instantly snapping awake as he smacked my hands away, and pulled the pillow over his head. Cutie.
"C'mon Louis! You have to get up!" I shout, pressing kisses to his bare back, making him squirm as he tried to push my head away, but wasn't capable of reaching back that far. "Come on baby!" I pout, loving the taste of his skin on my lips as I stop near his bum, eyeing it for a moment then kissed back up to the backside of his neck.
"Harry..please.." He whined, evidently annoyed by me persistenting him to rise from slumber. "Please Louis!" I said in reply, mimicking his voice as I saw his eyes crinkle from smiling, a smile concealed by the pillow. "Leave me alone." He grumbled, immediately pushing the smile away as I groaned in frustration and pinched his bum as I slid off the bed.
"Ow!" He yelped, even though we both knew very well that didn't hurt in the slighest. Silly boy. "I can make that a ow! Of pleasure if you get up." I retorted with a smirk and he threw a pillow in my direction as I ducked out of the bedroom area laughing, swiping a pair of sweats out of my draw on the way.
I really loved that boy.
Yawning with an obnoxious stretch I scratched my head as I began to walk over to the kitchen, but then my gaze fell upon the connecting room, and temptation stirred in my bones. Biting my lip I walked into the room, before sitting down at the piano. I loved playing the piano.
The piano, guitar, and drums. All fun instruments that made good music.
Clearing my throat, some acess saliva in my mouth, I moistened my lips then began to tap on the keys softly as I hummed in perfect rhythm.
Heart beats fast
Colors and promises
How to be brave
How can I love when I'm afraid
To fall
But watching you stand alone
All of my doubt
Suddenly goes away somehow
These lyrics perfectly described how I felt when I first started to fall for Louis. I was scared to like him, because at the time I had been convinced he was going to break my poor heart. But one day he said he loved me and I felt my doubt fade.
One step closer
How I had been afraid to approach him, or even say his name once I confessed I loved him.

I have died every day
waiting for you
Darlin' don't be afraid
I have loved you for a
Thousand years
I'll love you for a
Thousand more
This formation of lyrics put into music how much my soul and heart has been searching for him. Waiting for someone like him to waltz into my life, and I was going to love him for so much more then a thousand years.

Time stands still
beauty in all he is
I will be brave
I will not let anything
Take away
What's standing in front of me
Every breath,
Every hour has come to this
These made me think of the way I would literally kill anyone who tried to take away my first sprout of happiness in years. Every painful breath, every hour of agony had been worth it because he was in my life now.
One step closer

I have died every day
Waiting for you
Darlin' don't be afraid
I have loved you for a
Thousand years
I'll love you for a
Thousand more
And all along I believed
I would find you
Time has brought
Your heart to me
I have loved you for a
Thousand years
I'll love you for a
Thousand more
Though those lyrics weren't always true, how I had doubted I would ever find my prince or princess I believed in them now, and with each note that passed under my fingers, and word that left my mouth I felt my being fall deeper in the pit of love that could leave you in despair if the one that made you feel like a person walked away from your shit.
One step closer
One step closer
I have died every day
Waiting for you
Darlin' don't be afraid,
I have loved you for a
Thousand years
I'll love you for a
Thousand more
And all along I believed
I would find you
Time has brought
Your heart to me
I have loved you for a
Thousand years
I'll love you for a
Thousand more
By the end of the song I felt happiness swirl within me as I tapped the last key then heard the sound of two hands slapping each other.
Or in less literate terms, clapping.
Furrowing my brows I glanced over my shoulder to see Louis standing in the doorway, clad in a pair of boxers, as he clapped with a wide grin. "That sounded beautiful Harry!" He exclaims, making me turn beat red as I slipped the piano lid back over the keys and stood to bow slightly with a proud smile.
I loved impressing Louis. Even though I had fucked up on with holding my ability to use colorful language, language my mum called halarious because I had a wide vocubularay, and interesting way of expressing myself.
Some of those ways not so pleasent though.
"Thank you." I said, biting my lip as I walked over and pulled my warm Louis into my arms.
I loved holding him, I loved feeling his skin pressed against mine as his breath fanned my chest. Yet my chest clenched at the thought that he might not enjoy these pleasures as much as I did. I could only hope all of this wasn't to good to be true for I felt strongly about him, stronger then I had felt towards anyone before. It was just hard to put into the proper words.
Perhaps that was one flaw we both had strongly in common, we didn't know the proper expressions to define our feelings. At least I didn't, he may have been to shy to speak up.
"Did you write that?" He mumbled, wrapping both arms tightly around my waist. "No, Christina Perri did, but I sang it." I chuckled, kissing his head as I sighed.
"I want to go to Starbucks for breakfest." I admit, loving their egg sandwhiches, and Louis snorted."White girl." He teases, kissing the center of my chest, dangerously close to my scar as he nuzzled into it.
It was little bits of affection such as this that made me wonder if he truly did feel the same towards me, and I was just insecure. Oh but I was definately going to turn that pretty little arse red for that comment.
"I'm not a white girl." I grumbled, and he laughed. "Yes you are! Lets go to a breakfest buffet instead." He protested, resting his chin on my chest as he looked up at me and I pecked his lips.
"No." I say, totally in the mood for Starbucks, and trying to purposely start banter so I had an excuse to use one of my toys on him later.
I was an ass like that.
"Nope. We're going to Starbucks sweet heart." I confirm, pecking his lips again as I detangled myself from him, and walked back into the room to get fully dressed. "But that's not fair." His whine carried out as he entered the bedroom area, tossing his back on the bed so he could pull out a black scarf, dark green t-shirt, and jeans.
Oh the things I would've done last night if I had known he had a scarf.
"You brought a scarf?" I snorted. "Who's the white girl now?" I pointed out, earning another pillow being thrown in my direction.
"Still you. I'm just sofisicated enough to wear a scarf." He huffed, pulling the clothes on then wandering over to the mirror to put on the scarf properly.
It actually was a good outfit honestly, Louis always had appealing style, whether it be trash worthy clothes or top shop. If he knew what that was.
"I'm sofisicated." I stated, though instantly contridicting myself as I pulled on light blue skinny jeans, a pink polo, and a red blazer. "You look even more like a white girl now." He teased, fixing his mane with my comb as I growled softly, then slipped behind him before wrapping my arms around his waist.
"Your mean." I grumbled, pulling his back to my front as I pressed my lips to the fading love bites on his neck. I'd have to fix those later. I liked people seeing those so everyone knew he was mine.
"I'm not mean, I'm truthful. There's a difference." He points out, and I couldn't held but nod slightly in agreement for those words were some of the truest I'd heard come out of his mouth.
Louis was a bit of a blunt person, though sometimes he held his tongue in specific situations. Such as the Carson one.
Just the thought of the name made chills crawl up my spine, I had ALWAYS hated that kid. He was just one of those people that were hard to like, so I was shocked when I learned how close him and Louis were.
Also a bit angry, but I didn't show it for Louis' sake.
My angel then sighed as he put the comb down and laced his fingers through mine.
"You know, now that I think about it, Starbucks sound's marvelous." He admits, and I laughed as I kissed his ear. "White girl."

-Louis' P.O.V-

"So I'm trying to decide between being Magic Mike or a Vampire for Halloween." Harry said, turning on the heat as he lowered the volume on the radio so it would be easier to hear him.
"Who's Magic Mike?" I ask, the name sounding familiar, but not familiar enough to reconize or place a face to. Me and Harry were in the steady stream of morning traffic now, Imagine Dragons playing softly in the background as the cold window began to warm up from the heat.
It was really cold this morning. No surprise though for the UK.
Which also brought me back around to the thought of Harry waking me up because he had a bad dream. I felt bad after he left the room because I had been to tired to deliever the proper comfort, and I felt as if the little tid bit I did give was crap. Absolute crap.
He did seem really upset meaning it must've been a really bad dream. Just him waking me up alone indicated it had a strong effect on him.
After he left the room, I did began to drift off, but then he began to sing, and I couldn't help but marvel at how well the lyrics suited his voice. Interested in hearing it a little clearer, I had recluently rolled out of bed and pulled on boxers before standing in the doorway and listening. Harry truly sounded like a chorus of angels when he sang.
His voice was so soothing, and rough just in the right places. I was actually convinced he had written that one, but wasn't to surprised when he told me he didn't.
Upon hearing him sing those lyrics though the feeling of something trying to expload returned to my chest and stomach, only larger. He was stirring something inside of me that might've been an emotional one or physical one. Either way when he did something that could be declared as an act of love the feeling stirred.
Combine that with butterflies, a quick paced heart, and a slight blush and you feel blazing.
"He's a stripper my love." Harry informs, snapping me back to reality as I gave him a horrified expression, instantly deciding I didn't like the idea of people seeing my Harry half naked.
That was MY privalge as the BOYFRIEND.
"I think the vampire is a better choice." I mumble, and he raises an eyebrow. "Strange, I would've thought you of all people to be thrilled." "That's the thing, the other people." I admit, feeling a little embarassed at my jealous thought, but hey! I was a guy and we got jealous. Some easier then others.
Cough. Harry.
For a moment he frowned deeper then smirked. "Oh. So your jealous eh?" He asked, and I smacked his arm. "Shut up." I warn, holding up a warning index finger as he laughed. "Well I suppose if it will make you happy I'll settle for a vampire." He said. "Really? Well then I guess I'll have to be a hunter." I said, and he laughed.
"I would gobble you up before you had time to pull out the stake! And anyways doesn't the innocent hunter always fall for the strikingly handsome vampire who kidnaps them?" He asked and I laughed, resting a hand on his knee. "Only in Twilight sweet heart." I say, making him laugh as he pulled into the parking lot of Starbucks.
"That story ruined vampires for me." He admitted, and I shrugged. "It gave me awesome costume idea's." I say, earning a horrified look. "You didn't-" He started but I cut him off. "Yes, I dressed like Edward once from Twilight and bit Shailene and my sister." I said, and he then pulled out his phone.
"I'm calling the asylum. You need serious help." He said, shaking his head as I huffed. "Give me that twinkle toes!" I shouted, unbuckling myself and reaching over the seats before grabbing his phone and sitting back. "Hey! Give it back." He whined, reaching for it but I held it out of his reach.
"Nope." I said, grinning deviously as he pursed his lips. "Louis." He warns. "Harry." I mimick. He then sighed. "My dearest Cinderella, may I have back my phone? I believe it goes in my other pocket, for it is a perfect fit." He said, his tone a Shakesperian one.
Impressive actually.
"Well said Hamlet, but I'm your Cindelou." I remind, handing him back the phone, and gave him a kiss on the cheek as we both hopped out of the car. "Cindelou!" Harry whistled, walking around the front of the car as he drapped an arm over me and kissed my temple.
"Harryyyy.." I cooed, both of us sharing a grin as we walked inside the warm aired Starbucks, leaving the cold one outside. "What would you like? Oh and I'm paying." Harry says, making sure to emphasize the part about him paying. "I would like an egg sandwhich and Strawberry frape." I say, those being some of my favorites.
"Typical." He mutters, smiling as we walked up to the counter. "Hello sir, how can I help you this morning?" A clean cut man asks as he rests against the counter, wiping his hands on his apron. "An egg sandwhich, cranberrymuffin, Strawberry frape, and a White Choclate latte. The name is Harry Styles." He says, not missing a beat as I pinched his bum. "Look who know's their Starbucks language." I state, earning a light smack upside the head.
"It'll be right up sir. Please feel free to get comfortable in our seating area." He says, gesturing to the two booths and three small tables, all simple, and homely as my mum would call it. "Thank you!" Harry chirped, grabbing my wrist gently and dragging me over to one of the booths before we both sat down on opposite ends so we could face each other.
"It smells nice in here." I comment, resting my elbows on the table as I sucked in a deep breath of coffee beans and baking goodies.
"It does, but you smell nicer." Harry said, sitting back as he looked at me with that goofy grin of his. "When I shower that is." I point out, even though I did smell a bit more decent then most people because I believed in deorderent being nessicary, unlike some pin heads who believed it was optional.
Harry then sighed, sucking in a long breath before exhaling.
"A little over a month." He says, and I frown. "Of what?" He then glances away from the giant window near us that had frost from our breaths on it. "Us being together. Isn't that marvelous? That we've single handedly managed to go from hating each other, to sorta friends, to better friends, then to lovers." He said, biting his lip as he blushed softly, and I let it process.
It had seemed like so much longer though! I guess time stops when your with someone you love. Or maybe it was because so much has happened in such a short space of time.
"It is a bit of a wonder. Especially considering I was straight less then three months ago." I said, feeling my stomach bubble with excitement over the fact Halloween was near and that meant awesome parties, and free candy. "It's extrodinarry." He implied, running a hand through his hair as he took a shaky breath.
"Louis I was-" He started but the counter man interupted him.
"Harry Styles?" He called out, and Harry held up his index finger as he slid out of the booth, then returned a moment later with a tray of steaming food that made my mouth water as I grabbed mine eagerly.
"Now you were saying?" I ask, tearing off the paper on my sandwhich and ripping a bite out of it. I really needed to keep up with my eating. I did need to loose a few though so maybe it wasn't that big of a deal. "Oh yeah!" He said, wiping the whip cream off his upper lip as he placed his drink down.
"I was wondering if you'd be willing to move in with me? I mean, you already are there pretty much all of your free time, and I don't want you to be lonely in your apartment." He says quickly, biting the tips of his thumb, me giving him a surprised look as I swallowed.
That was a pretty serious question he was asking here. I mean yes I really liked him, and yes I did feel as if day by day this was quickly becoming serious, but I didn't feel ready to take a step that big no matter how much it excited me. The thought was tempting, but I was worried it was to soon.
"I'm afraid I'm going to have to hesitate on that." I say, feeling guilty as his face dropped slightly. "Why?" He asked, a twinge of betrayal in his tone. "Because it's to soon. What if something goes wrong? I wouldn't want to put myself or you in a hard to get out of situation." I point out, taking a sip of my sweet cool drink. He pondered my words for a moment then nodded.
"True. But I really want you to. I wouldn't have asked if I didn't like you enough." He points out, making my heart skip a beat, yet stomach control my will. "And I'm happy your offering." I sigh. "How about we make a propersition?" I ask, in hopes of lightening his mood. "Which is?" He inquired, chewing on his nails as he avoided eye contact.
"How about we wait for another month? Then if we're still together and if everything is well I'll ditch the apartment and move it?" I said, praying nothing would go wrong. I honestly would've loved to move in with him on the spot, but I knew it was to soon. I had to use some logic here.
"Deal." He says, sititng back up straight and spitting out a piece of his finger nail before taking a long sip out of his latte.
"Good." I say, sighing in relief that my idea had cheered him up.
Then we both became silent as we munch on our food, and peacefully sipped on our drinks; enjoying the dreary scenery outside. He then took a deep breath.
"So you like my sister and mum?" He asked, crumbling his muffin wrapper as he slurped up the rest of his drink. "Yes! Their both really nice. Though, Gemma is a bit of a tattle tail." I shrug, turning away from the window to look at him as he nodded.
"True. She has a tendency to tell on people." He said, a bit of annoyence on his features as he began playing with his wrapper, spilling crumbs over his jeans.
"So when do I get to meet your family?" He asked and I literally choked on my frappe because I hadn't been expecting him to ask that. "Sorry?" I coughed, and he raised an eyebrow. "When do I get to meet the Tomlinson clan?" He asks, sitting up a little straighter.
At this I became speechless because I didn't know how to answer. I hadn't exactly slipped the note under their door yet that I was engaged in a relationship with my University Professor that was good in bed. Oh heck no.
Just the thought alone made me sick to my stomach.
"Um. I don't know." I admit, placing my drink down as he nodded. "You haven't told them yet?" He asked and I shook my head. "No. I haven't talked to them recently, I've been busy." I say, suddenly feeling a bit homesick for my dad's burnt pancakes, my mum's overwhelming perfume, and the girls hollering their heads off.
"Oh." He simply said, gatheirng up his trash. "Well I suppose that's a matter we should just brush aside for now?" He asks, and I nod in agreement as I stand up and stretch.
Gulping down the last of my latte.
"That would be preferable, because I don't know what to do about all that yet." I admit, both of us throwing our trash away as he grabbed my hand and placed a sweet kiss on the palm.
"Take all the time you need." He said, then intertwined our fingers. "Where to now?" I asked, giggling slightly as he pulled me towards the door. "To see my mum, and maybe go costume shopping since it'll be Halloween by the time we get home." He said, opening the door and allowing cool air to blast us as we rushed over to the car.
"But I don't know what I'm going to be yet." I whined, and he laughed kissing my nose as he brushed past me to unlock the car and hold open my door.
"I'm sure once we're there you'll see something you'll like." He assures, smiling at me as I slipped in and put my feet up on the dashboard.
"Maybe." I sigh, buckling in as he then poked his head in and pressed kisses to my cheek.
"Harry!" I giggled again, the sound becoming more natural as he kissed my cheek again.
"I love you."
"I love you more."
"Impossible."

Notes

Hi guys! So I particulary liked writing this chapter it was so sweet and funny in my opinion (:
QOTD: Have you read The Fault In Our Stars or Divergent?
I haven't read Divergent but I have read TFIOS, and I have to say it was exceptionally well written and made me ponder on the concept that sickness is never glorified! Cancer people, and Depression people are some of the strongest around and deserve reconition for fighting internal battles.