Even though we were somehow extremely exhausted when we got home, Em, Aida and I couldn’t resist the urge to do one last rehearsal for tomorrow’s gig at Dirty Dicks. We’d been practicing and writing new songs for weeks now, so it all went very well, which was one less thing to worry about in all this mess.

Niall, Harry and Liam all spent the night at our place, which made me really relieved, cause I would have someone close to me all night and calm me down whenever I would probably be haunted by nightmares again.
Despite the things that had happened it felt truly amazing to still be hearing the sound of my friends laughing, honest and sincere laughs that would light up even the darkest times. And to be laughing myself felt like loosening up some muscles that felt like they’d been tensed up for so long, waiting to be used. What a relief that was.



“Maja…” Niall mumbled once we’d closed the door to my room and started to get ready for bed. “I hate to ask you this… but it’s pretty much killing me…”

“What is it?” I asked when he didn’t continue his sentence for several seconds. I grabbed his hand and made him sit down next to me on the bed trying to comfort him.

“I… Can you… Do you think… you could possibly tell… exactly what happened… last night… in that bar?” he finally managed to get over his perfect lips.

“Uhm…” I stuttered not knowing how that would be for me. I had tried all day to not think about it and just the thought of going it through in my head was the most frightening thing ever. But I also knew that Niall hadn’t been told anything at all, there hadn’t been any time left for that. And if I’d been in his situation I would pretty much have gone insane by now, not knowing what terrible things that had been done to the person that meant so much to me. “I… Yes, I think I can.”

He looked both relieved and terrified when I agreed to tell him everything about last night, which were pretty much the same feelings that went through me at that point as well.


“So we’d finished our concert…” I began. “And as we were having a beer afterwards Em recognized the other one of her rapists from a few weeks ago at the door of the bar. And she got really scared, as well as the rest of us and she called Liam and Aida called the police. But then the rapist left the bar and instead Aida went to the bathroom. But she didn’t come back… for quite a long time…”

This was the stuff that started to really get hard for me to re-experience. All the images of me going to check up on her started scrolling behind my eyes as I desperately struggled to hold on to only the view of Niall’s beautiful face with the eyes that would keep everything bad away from me. But as my eyes also got filled with tears the job was much harder than I’d thought.

He brushed his thumb over the back of my hand which helped a bit.


“I went out there to check up on her… But I got attacked from behind by the other guy, I couldn’t see him but he had a knife, which he used to make me stay quiet. And then… he shoved me in to the men’s room, where I got knocked out for a few seconds. And when I came to my senses I saw Aida lying on the floor, knocked out as well. She was bleeding down at her white crop shirt, it was so beautiful before and now it’s destroyed… Uhm. In front of her was another man. The skinny one of Em’s rapists…”

At this point Niall’s eyes widened but they never left mine and they still had that same deep and sincere sparkle to them that was pretty much the only thing that made me capable of continuing to talk about this, the images that would get so much worse in my mind felt like they were coming to life quickly and out of my control.

“I hadn’t seen him get back in the bar, but he probably went through the back entrance that was in the same hall way as the toilets. Don’t know why that shit door wasn’t locked…”

I was now full on crying and the deep heaves that I had to take kept interrupting my voice, but Niall just waited patiently as his thumb didn’t stop its trailing up and down the back of my hand that was lying right between us on the bed.

“Apparently they’d wanted to rape Aida, I think. But she’d been fighting against them and so when they got me as well they instead decided to… make her… uhm… watch.”


The tears that had been on the verge of running down my dear boyfriend’s cheeks were now overflowing as he stutteringly mumbled: “Wh-what? Watch… uhm, you know… you? Getting… raped?”

I was somehow relieved that he finished that sentence for me, but as I heard the words coming out of his mouth it all suddenly felt even more heartbreaking than before. To see how he got so affected by it all was the thing that now made me tear up along with him.

I nodded.

He took a deep breath before asking his next question: “What did… she see then?”

I had to do the same breathing motion as he’d done it before I could even begin to answer. “I… The skinny man held a knife against Aida’s throat. And if I fought against the guy holding me… he would… kill… her.”

The last couple of words came out separately as rapid heaves which made Niall give in to the urge of pulling me quickly in to his chest that was moving up and down as well from his own struggles with controlling his breathing.

“What did he do?” he whispered in to my hair that he was brushing lightly with his one hand while the other kept me firmly in place around my waist.

“He…”

This was the most humiliating part, the part that I was so embarrassed of telling anyone, the part that had completely destroyed my self-esteem – not that there had been much to destroy. I don’t know what suddenly gave me the strength to keep on speaking, but I’m pretty sure it was the comforting friction between Niall’s skin and mine.

“He took off my shirt and bra. And kissed me. And… touched me…”

I could feel the muscles on his entire upper body tense up as word after word came across my lips. Even though his hand didn’t stop brushing over my hair it now felt a bit more forced as I sensed that he was concentrating on listening to every single hurtful word that I was telling him.

“And then… he wanted me to… go down… on… him…”

My head did a jump from the sudden movement in Niall’s chest caused by a deep sob he let out and I instantly tugged tightly on to his back and held on tightly, doing everything in my power to convince him how sure I was that he was the one that I wanted to be with unconditionally and never anyone else. I could only hope that I was able to express myself through my touch, I desperately wanted him to know that no matter what had happened I didn’t feel about him any differently, despite the fact that I almost ended things between us the day before.

“I only had to… do it… for a few seconds. But it felt… like ages… before Harry…”

“Ssh,” he then suddenly said to calm me down. We really must’ve looked pretty pathetic, both crying like crazy in to each other’s embrace and holding on to each other for dear life. He lifted my face by a hold under my chin and made me look up at him. His eyes were red and swollen and as he did a few sniffles while drying off my cheeks with his thumb something suddenly dawned on me, something that I’d probably known for longer than I thought, but at that point the realization was clear: That boy could really mean the world to me.

He had through the past five months gotten slowly but steady under my skin and had turned out to be a loyal, sincere, honest, sweet, funny, cute, hot and sexy boyfriend to me, he was everything I had ever wanted, dreamt, hoped and wished for. What on Earth did I do to deserve him?


He looked me straight in to the eyes and hesitatingly moved his face closer to mine, as if he was testing how I would react to what he was about to do. But I didn’t move away, I didn’t feel scared of him, the blue color in his eyes remained blue despite the fact that his lips were now only inches away from mine. When he still seemed a bit nervous of how I would feel, I decided to move forward and close the last tiny bit of space between us. I wasn’t capable of controlling my longing for him, the more I realized about his many great qualities, the more I wanted to get close to him, to give in to him completely.

Our lips met in the softest and loving way that we’d done it so far, or maybe it was just me who thought that because of having so much emotion going through my body and mind already. The kiss tasted salty from the tears that hadn’t stopped travelling slowly down my cheeks and blending together with Niall’s. I cupped his face in my hands and ran my thumbs over it, just like he’d done it with me a moment earlier. His arms wrapped, if possible, even tighter around my waist, so tight that I got lifted up on to his lap. I placed my legs on each side of his hips so that this way we literally couldn’t get closer to each other. I wrapped my arms around his neck and trailed my fingers through his hair as our kisses deepened.

I sensed that no matter what Niall did, how or where he touched me, he always did it with the same kind of hesitation as from before, like he was scared that I would back out any second, but the truth was that this felt just as incredible as all the other times, it was just much softer and loving this time, which was exactly what I needed. I needed to show how much I cared about him and to experience how he was feeling the same way really made it amazing.

His tongue traced my bottom lip and along with his breath against my face the shivers and goose bumps quickly started spreading around all over my body. His hands didn’t explore as much as they used to do it, but instead they were holding me firmly in place making me believe that I wasn’t going to leave, not now, or at any other time.

And for the first time in what seemed like eternity I felt… secure. And safe. So many terrible things had happened lately, there had been more drama in these past couple of months than in my entire life in Denmark; The problems with Niall, the car accident, Cara’s death, Em’s rape, Eric and his annoying behavior and Aida and my close-to-rape.

But sitting there on Niall’s lap and feeling his arms around me made me forget it all for a brief second and a huge weight was lifted off of my shoulders immediately. For each minute that went by the more grateful I felt for knowing him and being able to feel him embracing me which had stopped the tears falling from my closed eyes. I instinctively tugged on to his grey sweater that, despite what had happened, had made me go crazy for him, he looked so insanely handsome in that one.

At that point his pulled back to look at me.

“If you don’t want to do this, then we can just… sleep,” he whispered but with a slight smirk when he said the last word which made me smirk along with him.

“I want to,” I vigorously said and he clashed his mouth back on to mine.

The kisses we exchanged were still soft and tender and the ticklish feeling of his tongue brushing against mine was agonizingly teasing me. My hands found their way back to the bottom of the grey sweater and I pulled it off of him to reveal his trained torso. '

One of the best things about doing things like this with Niall was to feel his body move around; all his muscles tensed up on shifts, they welcomed my hands that were travelling around his back, which was one of my favorite parts of his body. It was just so hard and strong, like a shield protecting me against everything bad.


He turned us over, so that I was no longer sitting on top of his lap, but underneath him as he carefully put me down on the pillow without letting go of my lips. He laid down between my legs, holding himself up by his elbow next to my head while he let his other hand travel up my body. I wrapped my legs around his waist to pull him down close to me, the weight and warmth of his body against mine was so comforting.
He pulled back, but only enough to pull off my beloved red flannel shirt. As he then revealed my exposed upper body that now had multiple band aids covering my chest above my bra. The look in his eyes was the most caring I’d ever seen on him. And at the same time… hurt. The pain that he felt at the sight of my wounds was clearly written in the kisses that he placed on them.

He was careful not to hurt me, but even if he did, I don’t think I would notice it, physical pain could not get to me at this stage, my mind was only filled with one person and that was the one right in front of me.

Niall unclasped my bra and his hands brushed over my arching back send shivers down my body. He grabbed lightly on to my now completely naked breasts and for a brief moment just staring at his hands massaging them while biting down hungrily on his lower lip. I let out a quiet moan, that was more of a whisper, but I didn’t want to involve other people around the apartment than just the two of us.

He leaned down to softly kiss them and as both his lips and tongue brushed over me I closed my eyes in pleasure and to concentrate on only feeling him and his touches. My breath enhanced to a faster speed as his hand ran up my outer thigh and up to the top of my black skinny jeans which he started slowly pulling down my legs, his lips still firmly attached to my breasts.
When they were off me he kissed down my stomach but he didn’t let his mouth travel the way that it used to. Instead I was taken by surprise when he took a turn at my panties and went on kissing my inner thigh. He lifted my leg up so that he could kiss all the way up to my ankle. He pulled away from it and eyed it up for a few seconds, which made me blush heavily. I’d never been watched this way before and I’d never felt so vulnerable to another human being, and the fact that he looked at every inch of my body with such acceptance and love made me almost tear right then and there.

But I stopped myself as I didn’t want to ruin the hungry glare that he explored me with, which made the butterflies in my stomach go even crazier than already from the nervousness that I also felt at that point.
He probably noticed my innocent and insecure eyes upon him and held on to my gaze.

“God, Maja, you’re so beautiful…” he told me while letting his hands travel to my upper body again. He didn’t do anything except watching them caress me wherever they went. I still felt incredibly shy and nervous but the pleasure from his touch overshadowed all of that and I decided to let him watch as much as he wanted.


Turned out to be a few more amazing minutes before he pulled down my panties so that I was now lying completely naked in front of him as he towered up between my legs. I sat up to open up his black skinny jeans while kissing his ripped stomach. I eyed up the slight v-shape he had, it looked so sexy and the poking feeling in my lower stomach enhanced by the second when I felt the hard bulge behind the fabric.

Niall stepped out of the jeans, one knee at the time and pushed me back down on the bed before lying down on top of me. As his hard member were right outside the spot where I was most sensitive and if he only moved an inch forward he would enter me, but he hesitated.

I glanced up at him with a confused expression and he looked me straight in to the eyes.


“Are you sure you want to do this?” he asked once again but this time I let my actions speak for themselves as I crashed my lips to his and wrapped my legs back around his waist. A light push with my feet on his back slid him in to me.

He breathed deeply in to my mouth but immediately forgot all about his hesitation as he started moving in and out of me after taking a few seconds to just feel the two of us completely entwined, we couldn’t get closer than we were.

The pace he set was slow, but this way I could feel every single inch of him inside me and it was amazing. My hands grabbed on to his back in order to let out just a tiny bit of the fireworks that he built up inside of me, when I knew that I couldn’t moan too loudly. Instead I pulled away from his lips to take a deeper breath and looking in to his beautiful blue colored eyes that were only inches away from mine.
His chest was also moving up and down from the deep heaves that he let out as well. We were both struggling with keeping our voices down and as I was about to lose my control Niall quickly grabbed one of the pillows next to my head and placed it in front of my mouth.

“Let it out,” he whispered to me and I immediately did as I was told which was a huge relief. The pillow drowned my voice to just a small sound but according to the teeth that he used to bite down roughly on his lip, he enjoyed me showing him how incredible he felt.

As his hard and long member thrust inside me over and over again, hitting my g-spot every single time, I felt my climax building up second by second and I grabbed roughly on to the sheets on the bed with one hand while digging my fingers in to his back.

“Are you going to come?” he groaned quietly in my ear.

“Y-yes,” I said with a trembling voice.

“Go ahead,” he told me and I gave in. He pressed the pillow down on to my mouth while watching me rolling my eyes and arching my back from the tensions in my entire body. It seemed as that pushed him over the edge as well as he released himself inside me with a few last hard thrusts before collapsing down on top of me.

His shoulders were lightly shaking the same way as I was and he kissed my neck a few times before moving off of me to lay right next to me. I brushed away a drop of sweat trailing down his still rapidly moving chest and he looked at me while taking my hand in his. He also kissed that before tangling his fingers in to it.


I watched him fall asleep with our entwined hands placed right in front of his face. He looked so peaceful and beautiful. But at the same time exhausted. It was now clear to me how all these things had affected him just as much as me. He’d been letting out just as many sobs as I, brushing away just as many tears and feeling the same kind of injustice. And yet he’d still been there for me, no matter what kind of sick situation we were put in. He somehow still managed to be the one bringing up my mood, making me feel special and insanely lucky and insuring me that everything would be okay, he always put aside his own needs for me. Why did he do that? Why did I deserve him? Would he ever get enough of all this? Would he ever leave?

God, just the thought was heartbreaking. It kept me awake almost all night. Cause what on Earth would I do, if I couldn’t be with him? I didn’t want to be with anyone else. I didn’t want anyone else to touch me, to tell me bad jokes or to make me smile just by the sight of them. No, I didn’t. I wanted to be with Niall. Niall was the one for me. Niall was the one who... who I loved.

Notes