I think I stared for about five seconds too long, obviously not believing my own eyes.


“Hello there,” the voice that I’d been longing to hear constantly since I left it yesterday finally said.

“Em…” I just mumbled walking over to the blonde ponytail like a zombie, the same way that I’d been walking around all day. I didn’t let go of her on the way, afraid that she would disappear if I looked somewhere else. I wrapped my arms around her neck with a huge sigh of relief as I discovered that she wasn’t a result of the imagining that I’d been doing that day about her getting out of that hospital. “You’re here,” I breathed in to her shoulder.

“I am,” she replied in the same relieving tone that I was using.


It took us quite a few moments to let go of each other and that was only because several paparazzi photographers were chasing the poor girl wherever she went. Luckily it was time for me to get off, they’d come to pick me up from work.


I changed in to my normal clothes that that day consisted of my black skinny jeans, – or as skinny as they could be – one of Niall’s soft hoodies and my black and white Nike Free.
We ventured outside to get past all the people and get to the car that was parked a bit away in a more private street like the one that Niall would always use whenever he would pick me up. Luckily we were escorted by two of the boys’ bodyguards, probably arranged by Liam, to make it easier and less suffocating to walk anywhere outside.


They were asking all sorts of questions, the news about Em’s accident had quickly spread quite heavily and so the rest of us had been used to the rude questions that were thrown in our direction whenever we would be recognized, but I couldn’t help but get a little angry that they were actually capable of being so ruthless and vile to the person that had actually been going through all this, since they were openly asking her if she had been raped, how she felt now and what Liam was saying.


Em did amazingly though. Just kept on her sunglasses not letting go of the ground as we were pushing our way through with the help from the two bodyguards that I was feeling very thankful for. We jumped inside Perrie’s car and started driving towards our home.


“It’s weird,” Em suddenly began thoughtfully, “the journalists and paparazzi’s are always acting to terribly thoughtless, but the fans and even haters have been incredibly nice so far.”

“Really?” I asked smiling. “That’s great! Have you checked your Twitter? It has probably gone completely bonkers…”

“Yeah, I have. Loads of messages and tweets for me to get better and so on. Not much else actually,” she answered.

“Exactly, I checked recently and you’re actually trending worldwide, girl,” Eleanor smiled which made the rest of do as well.

“Wow, I guess you really are the couple that people just love,” Perrie gushed.

“What?” Em suddenly asked in a confused tone.

“Yeah, it’s quite easy to tell actually. You don’t get that much hate, do you?” Eleanor asked.

“Well, no. But that is probably only until I’m no longer in this situation…”

“After getting engaged to Louis it’s almost like it was in the beginning, it’s hard to understand what I’ve ever done to piss some people off as much as they claim,” Eleanor interrupted. “And just as you thought that they might believe that he probably was truly happy, but no, and some just never will. It’s the same with you and Zayn, right Perrie?”

“Definitely, some now even see it as their mission to get the two of us divorced as fast as possible, but it’s not nearly as much after we got married, which is quite nice,” she answered.

“Wow, is it really that bad for you guys?” Em asked.

“I don’t know why, but somehow you and Liam have become the couple that everybody loves,” Eleanor said with a smile and the thought of the whole scenario made Em chuckle a bit.

“Weird,” she mumbled looking down but I could tell that she was blushing slightly, that cute girl.



“Want to come up for some coffee?” I asked El and Perrie once we got to our apartment.

“Yeah sure, thank you,” they both said and followed us up the stairs after having pushing our way through the mobs of people standing on the sidewalk with cameras and phones ready for photographing.


Aida hadn’t got off from work yet and so it was only the four of us having coffee that afternoon.


“Girls, I’ve found a date for the wedding,” Eleanor suddenly said making all of us scream in excitement, which made her roll her eyes saying: “The 28th of December. I know that you girls might be home in Denmark for Christmas, but do you think you could make it back until then?”

“Of course!” Em smiled. “But… that’s in… what, a month only?”

“Yeah, I know, but now is the only time that any of us will have any time left before Louis will be touring with their new album and so on,” she said. “So I’m going to be quite busy the next couple of weeks.”

“We will help you,” Perrie said. “I’ve done it all before, so I might be helpful.”

“I volunteer as the one to do the cake tasting,” I said which made them chuckle.

“I could actually use some help. I’m going to look at wedding dresses on Saturday morning…”

“We’re in!” we all yelled at the same time making us burst in to laughter afterwards.



The girls stayed for dinner that consisted of just a quick Salad Caprese and they didn’t leave until in the late evening, where the rest of us would have to go to bed.


Em was feeling quite all right for the entire evening, but during the night she had wakened up so many times with screams that made the rest of us wake up as well, so eventually we decided to all sleep together in Aida’s room. Luckily her bed was just this huge matrass on the floor where there was plenty of room for the three of us to lay down.


“Did you change the sheets on this creaking matrass since you and Harry kept us awake all night?” I teased Aida.

“Oh shut up…” she mumbled, but luckily both she and Em chuckled a bit making the atmosphere a bit lighter and more comfortable, especially for Em who had been so scared of the night and its dark for the past couple of days.


I don’t if it was the presence of other people that she felt safe around that made her calmer, but after that she didn’t have one more nightmare that night and it actually felt quite cozy and nice to be lying so closely spaced together, just like the sleepovers that we used to do years ago.



“Are you sure you going to be okay today?” I asked Em several times the following morning as I was about to leave for work.

“Of course, I’m going to help Eleanor with planning her wedding, so I won’t be alone if that’s what you are worried about,” she said quietly from the bed where she and Aida were still lying half asleep.

“Okay good,” I replied before kissing her forehead. “Say hello to her from me. See you in the church.”



Different from yesterday that Wednesday went past way too quickly. I think it was the thought of having to say proper goodbye to Cara straight after work that made me wince every time I saw that the clock had come closer to three.


I changed in to my black tight dress with long sleeves, some black stockings, a dark navy blue blazer and my black Christian Louboutin pumps out in the staff room once I had gotten off from my shift. I quickly put my hair in a low bun before heading out towards the small street where Harry, Aida and Em would pick me up and then head towards the St. Joseph’s church where the rest would be waiting for us, coming from all sorts of different directions.

Being mobbed my photographers and girls everywhere we went asking us where we were going didn’t make the whole situation easier at all and during the entire drive towards the church I just sat staring out of the window not knowing what to feel. I felt nothing.



“You okay?” Niall asked me as I came towards him. He was standing in the door waiting for us and giving me hug and a kiss on my forehead when I finally got to him wanting to feel his comforting touch more than ever at that moment.

I nodded remaining silent.

“The others are inside,” he said and we followed him inside the big church.


Still having the feeling of complete emptiness in my body and mind I sat down with my hand in Niall’s between him and Harry in a row around the middle.

Everything looked so beautiful in there; The coffin standing at the end of the hall way between the seats with a big white decoration of flowers on top of it. Around lay some of the bouquets of flowers that people had sent. There was one from all of us lying at the front corner. It had a white ribbon with the words We’ll see you soon written on it.

On the front row I sat two people sitting with their heads bowed which I recognized as Mr. and Mrs. Martin. They sat closely together with their shoulders touching each other but other than that they didn’t say or do anything at all.

The look of the two of them made me feel sad. And angry. They didn’t deserve an experience like this, no one did. These were the nicest people and parents, why should they have to go through this?

But I didn’t cry. I felt incredibly sad, but not a single drop of salty liquid appeared in my eyes even though I had expected it.


The silence in there was deafening as no one made the slightest movement. I took a quick glance around my friends who sat closely spaced together as well on the row I was sitting on and the one behind me. Eleanor was already having a few tears travelling down her cheek as she was leaning her head towards Louis’ shoulder. Em sat between Aida and Liam crying as well and the only thing I could find positive about this situation was that I saw him holding her hand comforting but not doing anything else, knowing that that was probably more than enough for her. Zayn and Perrie both held up a brave and strong expression on their faces very similar to the ones that Aida and Harry wore, even though I could tell that Harry was struggling with the tears as well. I felt the warmth of Niall’s upper arm against my shoulder and I moved even closer to him wanting even more of his positive and light person in this kind of situation.


But as soon as the sound of notes from the organ started filling the big room I let out a huge sob as it seemed like every feeling that I hadn’t felt before suddenly came rushing over me and making it all overflow. And so I cried. Trying to remain silent, but I still felt relieved that people were singing a few psalms and blocking the sound of my heavy breathing. Next to me I could feel Harry’s shoulder shake slightly as well which only made it all much harder to cope with.
I found comfort in Niall’s hand in mine and tugged tightly on to it during the entire ceremony that consisted of a few psalms, the priests’ sermon and then it was ended with four men, probably some close family members, lifting the small coffin up from the floor to carry it through the church with Mr. and Mrs. Martin walking behind them. All those four men were crying and sobbing heavier than anyone else at the funeral and now I could tell that even Zayn, Perrie and Louis, who had all composed their feelings until now, broke down and cried as well.
I made eye contact with Cara’s parents and they both send all of us a polite nod on their way past us. Out of all the people in the church, I think they were the ones that kept calmest, despite their hopeless situation. I tried to send a reassuring glance back at them but it felt quite difficult to pull any expression off behind all those tears.

People started following the parents slowly walking out towards the graveyard and so did we.


Louis had bought roses for all of us to throw on the coffin once it had been lowered down in to the whole in the ground. Other people were doing the same, then the priest said a few words before we left the graveyard. Everybody went past Mr. and Mrs. Martin to give their greetings and once I felt the woman’s poor and tired arms around me I felt the sorrow and sadness rush over me over and over again making me cry just as I had started to calm down a bit.


“I’m so sorry,” I mumbled in to her shoulder before she pulled away wiping her eyes dry with a napkin.

I said the same thing to her husband who stood waiting next to her.

“Thank you for coming,” he just replied to all of us as the rest came over shaking his hand politely. Poor Harry was still the one probably struggling the most, maybe even more than Em and Eleanor.



“It feels so weird…” he started mumbling as we walked towards the cars, “to be… leaving for concerts and promoting when there’s… stuff like this happening to other great people. Feels so selfish.”

“Yeah,” Niall agreed looking down at his feet moving forward.


The boys were leaving immediately after the ceremony straight towards Heathrow airport to reach their plane in time.

I don’t think any of us realized how long we would be without each other, everybody was too emotional and affected by the thing that had just happened.


“We’ll hurry home,” Niall breathed in to my hair as we were hugging and kissing one last time.

“I’ll see you soon,” I said back at him.

Even though it sounds weird I wasn’t sure whether I was talking to him, or if it was still Cara who was preoccupying my mind…

Notes