Dreaming about London

Man, I couldn’t stop thinking about him! He really seemed like a nice guy, I thought as I pulled off my clothes in the bathroom back home. Right before I stepped in to the shower I made the usual mistake to look in the mirror. And so my mood was suddenly not that great anymore. Why would a guy like Niall Horan ever look at these folds of fat and think one positive thought?! Why was he at all interested in spending more time with me? I was disgusting. Maybe he just enjoyed the workout.

And so I stepped in to the shower.



A couple of hours later I found myself at my piano, humming some ideas for a new song. I had troubles finding the right chords to play, so I closed my eyes and placed my hands on the white keys, it sometimes helped just to let the hands feel and travel on their own.

This way notes and soon chords came out, but this time they were a bit different. Normally they calm me down, reminding a bit of the sea or the sun. Now the only thing that kept popping in to my head was a pair of bright blue eyes. After a while of wondering why they kept returning to my mind I decided to keep the blue eyes in my mind and see what kind of music they would make.
An hour later I had a melody and chords, but no words. And so I sat down outside in the backyard to write in my little scrap book, which was filled will different kinds of thoughts, poems lyrics and so on.

The lyrics I wrote for my songs were a lot of the times a bit melancholic, but this time was different – I felt completely different. A load of positive words popped in to my head as I made a brain storm on the blue eyes.



I didn’t finish the lyrics that day, because they always seemed to be the hardest part for me to do, and sometimes I would even ask Aida or Em for help, they were a lot better with words than me. One time Em handed me a text that needed a melody, because that seemed to more my department. And that was actually the beginning of our little group, where Em would sing, Aida play the guitar and me on the piano. For a couple of years now we’d mostly been making covers of different songs, but every once in a while we would write our own. Nothing fancy or serious, we were just having a good time with each other.


At night Em called me to ask about the apartment, but I told her that I hadn’t gotten any move-in date yet.

“Hey you, can I come over tomorrow to try out that song you wrote last week?” she asked.

“Oh. Really? You want to try that? Well then of course! I have something to talk to you about anyway, so be my guest!” I answered with an insidious smile all over my face. I had to tell someone about me meeting Niall Horan, I was going out of my mind of excitement!

“Ok, se you then.” She hung up, while I was still smiling, and I didn’t stop until I went asleep – though it wouldn’t surprise me if I smiled during my sleep…



The next morning my alarm woke me up, and I immediately felt a lump in my stomach. Niall Horan would be waiting for me at the sea. Or maybe he wouldn’t, I thought as a saw my picture in the mirror, I looked horrible! I quickly put my hair up in a ponytail, so that I could turn away fast. I put on my shorts, top and shoes and went to the kitchen. It was Saturday, so the rest of my family was still asleep. I sat down to eat an apple, though it was very hard for me to swallow anything because I was so nervous.

God damnit, Maja! Pull yourself together, you’re not a teenager anymore, I thought and quickly went outside and started to run towards the sea. The closer I got, the shakier my legs became, and I ended up slapping myself to regain some confidence, without noticing the old on the other side of the road, who was taking her dog out for a morning walk. She looked frightened at me and hurried past me. I don’t think I’d ever seen anyone past the age of 40 walk that fast, the poor dog was pulled down the sidewalk.



I couldn’t help but smile at my stupid behavior, but then I was quickly thrown out of my thoughts when I noticed the bench, where Niall had said he would be waiting. But it was empty.


I was just about to stop to wait, but Niall had said he would be waiting, and I actually came a bit later today than the other days, so I kept on running, thinking that I just pretended it to be a normal run and get my mind off the bench that had the word, REJECTION, written all over it.

Being slightly disappointed and angry I once again pushed myself to the edge the rest of the run. How would a guy like Niall Horan notice me the slightest anyway when I looked like this? Especially when he had only seen me with a face like a tomato and the sweat drifting down my body. Did I ever learn my lesson? God, I was so stupid. Having slept with 17 guys, where 13 of them turned out to be complete assholes, you’d think I’d become somewhat wiser, but you’ll be surprised how much sadistic pain one person puts itself through in order to boost something as unnecessary as an ego.



When I stepped in to the kitchen back home my two brothers, Niels at age 19, and Lars, from earlier, was making a terrible mess making pancakes.

“Ugh, Maja, you’re so wet and sweaty, it’s gross!” Lars exclaimed when he looked at me. I didn’t answer being in kind of bad mood. As I went past the stove, Lars pushed me away saying: “Go take a shower, I don’t want sweat in my pancakes!” That cheered me up a bit and I smiled at them before going upstairs to the bathroom.

I felt the water drumming on my head and shoulders as I stood under the shower, it felt incredibly anesthetizing in a moment where I felt like my head would explode each second because of an excessive load of thoughts in my fragile mind.


Em would arrive in a few minutes so I got out to dry up, very much against my will.

“Hi sweety!” Em said when I opened the door to a sight of a head of long, golden hair and a knowing smile. I gave her a hug and we immediately went in to the living room where the piano was.

“So yesterday I had an idea for this song and I thought it could begin with just the piano, I have kind of an intro in mind,” she said and began humming some notes for me and I started playing them and on some deep bass notes on. “Yeah, do that,” she exclaimed, “and then comes the verse.”


I nodded in agreement with a smile on my lip, when she started singing the first verse of the lyrics that I for once had written without being completely embarrassed by the result:


The way I walk isn’t me
The way I talk isn’t me
To be warm and only glad
Is what I always try to be
What life. When you’re out of lives?
What life. When you can’t explain the truth?
To open up my heart for you
It ain’t easy
But I’d sure like to try
To open up my heart for you
It ain’t easy
But sure I’ll try



As I was playing the chords on piano while Em singing the second verse and another chorus I spontaneously jumped in to a solo. With all these thoughts in my mind it felt nice to get out some of the many notes, I felt free and relaxed. Em started singing a chorus right after the solo and I did a break in the end as a finish.


“That was nice!” I said and Em nodded. I loved making music with Em cause we very often thought about the same things and had the same ideas in mind, most of them just popping in to our heads while playing the songs. “This song really fits your voice, Em,” I said smiling at her.

“Yeah I also really like the melody. Simple, but with the jazzy chords that you’re doing it suddenly becomes much more nuanced.”

“Em, would you and Aida like to help me with my concert in the church the 1st of August?” I asked.

“Of course! Which songs?”

“I was thinking… this one, just the two of us, and then Copenhagen with Aida on the guitar.”

“Mmh, sounds great! We’ll find a day to try practice before the concert.” I nodded smiling.

I was proud. We spent the rest of the afternoon trying out different things with the new song – I called it To Open Up My Heart, but in the end we agreed on keeping it the way we did from the beginning. Aida often played with us, but with this particular song I felt it worked best with just the song and a piano. Couldn’t wait to play it for her though.

“Do you want to have lunch tomorrow at the coffee shop?” Em asked as I walked her to the door.

“Oh, I’m sorry, but I have to work,” I said feeling a bit sad. We always had such a great time at the coffee shop, exchanging gossip and making fun of the people walking by the window.

“Ok, then I’ll just see you soon. Bye.”



The next morning I really didn’t feel like spending the day at that gas station, desperately trying to resist all the food, but knowing that I would fail the same way as I had done the last 2 years.

The first few hours went well. I ate my lunch and managed to keep myself occupied from all the cakes. Then I slowly start to think about binging every once in a while, but still trying to push away the thought over and over again. But then it begins popping up in my head more and more often, until the exact moment where I’m no longer able to resist the urge.


Let’s see. What is worth binging for? Two cinnamon rolls, three bars of chocolate, two sausage rolls, uh what about some ice cream? No, I probably won’t have time for that. Lining it up, putting butter on the cakes and chocolate, it makes it more vomiting. Lid off the Coke. 1, 2, 3.



After work I sat outside to have a cigarette. Not that I was a real smoker, but sometimes I just felt like having one. Only my friends knew it, definitely not my mum, who just quitted smoking a few years ago after her lung collapsed. But unfortunately that didn’t stop me after a few cocktails, and now not even being sober. I didn’t care. I was an idiot with no sense of what is right or wrong. Vomiting and smoking – that’s going to make a lovely set of teeth in a couple of years.


When I got home I glanced at my scrap book lying on my bed. Then I remembered the song I’d started making the other day. I looked frustrated at the lyrics, cause I knew that I weren’t able to finish it. No matter how hard I tried not to think the clichéd thought, I couldn’t help but feeling like a sad loner. I had made that melody, those chords and part of the lyrics while thinking about Niall. And it killed me to see all those happy feelings written down about his lovely blue eyes and wonderful laugh. It was now official – I really was a sad loner!

That night I most certainly did not fall asleep with a smile on my lips.




I needed to run as soon as I woke up the next morning. I quickly put on my clothes, didn’t bother eating anything.

But I couldn’t run. I felt like a dead fish in the sea without one single feeling within my body or mind. No determination, no will power. Instead I decided to walk the route hoping to clear my head from all those negative feelings.

“Not running today, eh?” a happy man’s voice said from the side of the path. I immediately recognized the accent and turned to look in to a pair of bright blue eyes staring at me from a bench.

“Hi Niall,” I said trying not to show any disappointment or anger by him standing me up last Saturday. “No, I decided to walk today.”

Then I saw two crutches placed on each side of the boy sitting down. “What happened?” I asked.

“Well, it turned I didn’t really survive that run you put me through the other day,” he answered with a gorgeous smile, while I just stood looking at him with a confused expression on my face.

“I have really bad knees,” he then elaborated. “Technically I shouldn’t be running like that at all, so when I woke up Saturday morning I was in no condition of moving, and I didn’t have you phone number to call and cancel our workout. And you weren’t here yesterday.”

“Oh my God, Niall! I’m so sorry!” I exclaimed. “Well, why didn’t you say anything? We could’ve just sat down and talked or something.”

“Yeah, but you just looked so determined when you were running, and when I finally made you stop for a second you immediately wanted to keep on running, so I figured that I had to follow.”

He smiled again.

“But… why?” I was very confused.

He shrugged. “I guess I just thought you seemed like a nice person – and you were. Except for that exercising, I’m definitely not doing that again.”

I couldn’t help but laugh at his poor condition. “I’m really sorry. Are you going to be okay?”

“Yeah it’s not that bad, I just have to use these for a couple of days, then it’ll feel completely normal – that’s what the doctor said anyway.” He smirked and I could tell that he was trying to make me feel bad.

“Is there any way I can make it up to you?” I asked with a slightly insidious thought in the back of my mind, which I quickly pushed away.

“Well, I would like a cup of coffee or something.” We both smiled at each other. As he slowly tried to get up, I could tell that it really was hurtful moving the slightest.

“You poor thing!” I said between my laughs. “I can get the coffee, if you just sit down.”

“Well, I probably should do what the doctor said and walk as little as possible. But wouldn’t that be kind of weird?” He sat while supporting himself against the crutches.

“Oh no, there’s a coffee shop nearby, I can just get us some and come back here.” And without waiting for an answer I left Niall on the bench, smiling like a fool.

“Do you always carry money whenever you’re running?” Niall asked, when I returned with two cappuccinos a few minutes later. I looked down and smiled.

“No, it’s the owner’s son. He thinks he likes me, so I always get a discount when he’s at work.”

“Now, tell me Niall,” I said trying to change the subject, “if you’re trying to walk as little as possible, why did you bother coming down here?”

“I was hoping to see you.”

Notes

So I'm still just getting the story started, I really hope you'll stay tuned to see how it all turns out! I have so many ideas and it will a really long story, so make sure to give me some guidance on the way: Leave a comment, vote and subscribe! :-D