They were all staring at me through the windows, some even pointing fingers. I smiled back at them trying to act completely unaffected, even though inside I was scared as hell discovering some of the expressions on the girls’ faces – they weren’t all as smiling as the one that I desperately tried to pull off.


“Guess I’m not the only who’s been reading and issue of The Sun this morning,” Nathalie said when she joined me at the door. “Want to face those 13-year old monsters together?” she asked when I looked at her with a horrified glance and I then nodded as I locked up the door.


All the girls ran inside faster than if they’d been at a huge sale at Primark, the problem was just they stopped right in front of me holding up their phones to take pictures, so I had to quickly walk back behind the counter so that they wouldn’t block the door.


Question upon question were shouted in my direction and I didn’t get to hear most of them. Instead I just started making the usual cup of coffee for the old lady that I’d discovered behind the girls, who didn’t seem like they wanted to order anything at all.


“Are you with Niall or Harry?”

“Don’t you think it’s a bit greedy of you to take both of them?”

“Maybe you could stick to one?”

“The boys have feelings too, you know!”



These were just some of the terrible things I heard through all the noise. I didn’t have any idea how to react, not a word crossed my lips as I just stared at them.

After a few minutes of their shouting I decided to ask: “Can I get you guys anything?”


“Don’t you have anything to say?” a girl with blond hair suddenly asked and the rest went silent waiting for my answer.

“I think you girls should be studying school and not issues of The Sun,” I said before I managed to stop myself.

“That doesn’t answer any of our questions!” she then exclaimed.

“That’s because I don’t answer offensive questions,” I said trying to seem cool and kind even though I was on the verge of ripping their heads off.



When all the girls started shouting again Nathalie interrupted them.

“Alright girls, you need to leave, you’re scaring the rest of the costumers,” she said as she actually managed to shoo them away with a calm and kind smile on her face.



“God, I’m so sorry about that!” I exclaimed as soon as she’d shut the door behind them.

“I just hope that that guy is worth it,” she laughed and I breathed a huge sigh of relief as I supported myself against the counter feeling all dizzy.


“Don’t worry about those girls, they don’t know a thing,” Nathalie said rubbing my back, I guess she noticed my concerned face. “The worst part is over now.”




But it wasn’t. All day long there were multiple groups of girls running in and out asking me questions and taking pictures, some were secretly watching me from the café slowly sipping of their cocoa. Some boys recognized me as well and some even went as far as asking me if one of them were hot enough till I would sleep with them as well.


I had never felt so devoid and judged my entire life as I did that day, my mood was completely ruined and I couldn’t wait to get away from Aunt Betty that was the whole reason why everybody seemed to know who I was – they knew that I worked at that god damn bagel shop.


Walking out on the street wasn’t good either since there were girls waiting outside as well, who Nathalie had probably told to leave the café. But now I had kind of gotten used to all the noise from girls that had bothered me all day so I almost didn’t hear their questions or rude comments. As I walked towards the tube station it got better, since I was farer away from the bagel shop so people didn’t associate me with it and I finally got the chance to be myself and completely anonymous. That brightened up my mood a bit as I sat in the tube listening to some calming music by the jazz singer, Monica Borrfors. Whenever I was sick and couldn’t sleep listening to her comforting voice always made me relax.



Being on Liverpool Street Station wasn’t nearly as bad and confusing this time as it had been when I had visited Niall. Right now I just felt extremely grateful that there weren’t any judge mental glances sent in my direction all the time. Instead I walked peacefully and happily through the giant station even without thinking of where I was going – that was until I got outside and had to type the address for the studio in to Google Maps.


I slowly walked the directions it told me, making sure that I didn’t get lost anywhere and after about twenty minutes I found myself standing in front of a building – the walk from the tube to the studio probably didn’t take more than ten, but you know me…



I didn’t see any of the boys’ cars so I walked around and in between a gage where I saw a parking lot with a few cars, I noticed Niall’s black BMW and decided to just wait outside until they were done recording for today, it was nearly four o’clock anyway. I sat down on the stairs to the back door and lid up cigarette.


“Running and smoking, eh? That seem like some double standards,” Harry’s voice said from behind me as the door had flown open a few minutes later. I jumped a bit and turned around to see him stand in his shorts, a t-shirt and his bright green Nike Free.

The rest of the boys were right behind him chatting and laughing loudly as always.


“Maja!” Niall exclaimed and hugged me. “Going for a run?”

“Yeah, just a short one today, my knee hasn’t been feeling very good the past couple of days,” I said when Harry looked at me with a confused glance, but then nodded. I gave the rest of the boys a hug as well, before I put my bag inside Harry’s car for it to wait there until we were done.


“Uhm, Niall?” I asked. “Can I talk to you for a minute?”

“Yeah, sure,” he said and followed me a bit away from the others. “What is it?”

“It’s…” I started while looking down at my feet. “I’ve had a terrible day today.”

“I’m so sorry to hear that,” he said and lightly brushed my arm with his hand. “Why?”

“Because of you. Or us I should say,” I said probably coming off a bit more honest than I would like to.

“What’s happened?” he asked suddenly looking extremely concerned.

“Today’s issue of The Sun brought a huge amount of pictures of the two of us outside Aunt Betty on the front page and since I’ve been seen working out with Harry a couple of times before, I haven’t been doing anything else today than to get attacked by girls wanting to know why I was sleeping with both of you, that I was cheap and tacky and boys asking me if they could sleep with me as well. All fucking day long, while I was at work.”


Niall instantly pulled me in for a hug. “I know why you’re telling me this. You’re doubting whether this is really worth it or not.”

I nodded against his chest.


“I understand. It’s horrible to experience stuff like that and believe me, Perrie and Eleanor have received enough insults for more than an entire life time and they still do actually. It’s really hard in the beginning, but then you learn to don’t get affected by it. They’ve both found that Zayn and Louis were definitely worth, I can only hope that you will one day feel the same way about me, and then I promise you that the hate and insults will gradually disappear, once they find other new victims to attack.”


He talked slowly and quietly in to my hair, but I didn’t say anything not sure whether I was able to trust him – at that moment it didn’t really seem like I could get used to any of this. But feelings his arms around me and hearing his voice saying those comforting words made me feel a lot better.

“I need to take this slow,” I said after a few moments. “A lot slower than I thought before. I can’t be seen with you in public places more than absolute necessary.”

“That’s okay,” he said quietly, almost whispering, rubbing my back. “I don’t want to push you.”




“Everything all right?” Harry asked me as I glanced at Niall’s car that drove away some time later.

“Yeah, it’s fine,” I said. “Come on, let’s go.” I didn’t want to talk too much about my horrible day to Harry as well, running right now felt a bit more relieving.


I started running slowly, but I still felt my knee hurting more than usual so I knew it wouldn’t be long before I would need to get back to some walking instead. We ran next to each other on the sidewalk next to a rather traffic road, since it didn’t seem like there were any parks or wide paths nearby, none of us saying a word. In my head I was struggling to pull myself together to ask him about the thing that had bothered me for a couple of days.


“Harry?” I asked after a few more minutes of weighing pros and cons of getting involved in his relationship with Aida.

“Yeah?” he said and looked at me.

“Uhm…” I began suddenly feeling a lot warmer and sweatier than normally – which is quite a challenge. “I’m not sure whether this is any of my business, but… Do you just want to be friends with Aida?”

“What?” he asked confused.

“She told me about the other night, where you know… you didn’t kiss her,” I tried but I felt like a bit of a fool.

“Jesus, does that matter? I just want to take it slow. Like I told you,” he replied.

“Yeah, but she did feel quite humiliated standing there pouting her mouth to a guy that chose to turn around and leave,” I said.

“That wasn’t because I didn’t want to kiss her, trust me.”

“Well it didn’t seem like that to her, she’s having a lot of doubts about your feelings for her. Sometimes she even thinks you want to be with me instead.”

“What?! No, I’m just not very good at dealing with girls that I… like.”

“That’s what I told her as well. But you better learn how to deal with it then.”


He suddenly stopped running and frowned at me. “You seem rather commanding.”

“It’s just so frustrating!” I exclaimed before building any will power to compose myself. “To see two people who are obviously in to each other and honestly I think she has done her to show you how she feels, while you just stand there only wanting “to take it slow” and not really thinking the slightest about her feelings.”



At first he seemed a bit stunned and looked like he was considering what I’d just blurred out.


“You’re right,” he finally said after several agonizing seconds. Even though this was the answer that I’d hoped to get he did take me a bit by surprise by giving in so quickly.

“But you are not the person to give any advice about stuff like this,” he then added suddenly looking a bit angry.

“Excuse me?” I said confused. What on Earth did he mean?

“Do you have any idea how Niall feels about you not wanting to be with him and wanting to take it slow?” he said with the same tone that I’d used against him.

“What?” I asked now feeling even more confused.

“Have you ever asked him how he feels?” he asked raising his eyebrows.

“Well…” I began but Harry didn’t wait for an answer.

“He’s not good!” he exclaimed in a way that made me squirm. “All he wants is to be with you and he does everything he can to prove that to you but yet you still have to consider over and over again whether he’s worth it or not.”

“That is a totally different thing!” I yelled.

“It’s not! It’s about being honest to yourself. I think you know deep down that you haven’t met anyone like him and that you won’t find anyone better for you than him, but instead of acknowledging that you decide to act completely selfish and not caring the slightest about how he feels about being kept waiting and not being able to do anything that can convince you. I might have made a mistake with Aida a few days ago, but it’s the exact same mistake that you’re making right now!”

“But…” I started but once again he cut me off by asking:

“And I think you know how Niall feels right now: Just like Aida.”


I could cry.

“I’m just not ready,” I managed to say through the tears forming in my eyes.

“What is there to get ready for? That boy did something wrong but he’s still the same person, who will do anything for you and give everything to be with you.”



Harry’s speech had hit a spot in me that I somehow had known was there the entire time, but that I – as he said – hadn’t acknowledged. I felt the tears streaming down my cheeks and being pulled in for a hug.

“You’re right,” was all I said in to his chest.

“We’re both right,” he said looking down at me. “And at the same time completely wrong.”

I smiled a bit at his comforting words. “Guess we both needed that,” I said and now he smiled as well nodding.



When I had dried off my eyes and cheeks Harry suddenly said: “Come on, let’s cross the road now, there aren’t any cars.” He took my hand and pulled me across the wide street and I almost had to close my eyes feeling so afraid that we would be in the way of any of the many cars, but he seemed like he had it all under control so I followed him.


That was until I heard some girls voices squeal from the other sidewalk where we were heading.


“Look! It’s Harry Styles! I told you she wanted him the most!” one of them shouted and pointed at me.

“That slut!”

“Poor Niall!”


Suddenly remembering all the awful situations with screaming girls like these that I’d had to go through the entire day I felt my hand slide out of Harry’s. Instead of keep walking across the road my legs decided to stumble backwards as I instinctively just wanted to get away from them.


And then a thousand things happened at the same time; I saw Harry turning around to look confused at my sudden movement away from him, I felt something weird happening in my knee underneath my stumbling, something dislocated and relocated, and I heard myself yell of the pain that my little stunt resulted in.
But suddenly Harry’s voice blocked mine with a scream that sounded more scared than I’d ever heard him before, as I felt my left legs collapse underneath me. A black car that looked like one of those old school taxis they had in London and that I’d always loved so much came closer and closer really fast, but at the same time it felt like I stared in to its bumper for minutes before everything went black.

Notes

Here you go guys, I'm now trying to update daily as much as possible! Thanks for every comment, every vote and every subsribe! I love you ! <3