Beatrice's point of view

“Scarlett, sweetie, are you done with your homework?” I called out to my little sister, while throwing my hair up in a bun, and applying some lip gloss over my chapped lips.

“Yeah, Tee! Are you ready?” She asked, now standing at my bedroom door, with a comb and a clip in her hand. I smiled and indicated her to sit in front of me, which she hastily did. After brushing her golden-blonde hair, I fixed my own top and grabbed my books from the bed, before offering my other hand to Lottie.

“Where’s mummy?” She asked me, as we walked down the stairs, sparkling blue eyes, looking into mine. It broke my heart to lie to her innocent face.

“She has a lot of work to do, sweets.” Lottie nodded, sincerely.

“When will she be home?” She asked again, I bit my lip harshly to keep from snapping at her.

“I don’t know, Lots,” I said quietly while my fingers crushed the papers in my left hand. My mind was spinning with the images of last night and today morning again. Tears pricked my eyes, and I furiously blinked them back. “What did you do in school today?” I asked in attempts to change the topic of conversation. I tried paying attention to Lottie’s blabbering, but all I could think about was how was I to tell Lottie about our mother.

“Scarlett, honey! How are you?” Anne asked just as we stepped inside the house.

“I’m fine, Anne. How are you?” She asked politely, hugging the older woman back.

“Never been better sweetie,” She grinned, and patted Lottie’s hair. Scarlett jumped into Gemma’s arms, as soon as she came into view.

“Gemma!” she squealed, and both were off chattering loudly.

“How’s Julia doing dear?” I turned to Anne realizing that she was talking to me. Tears pricked my eyes yet again, and I turned away abruptly.

“She’s dealing with it,” I lied through my teeth. I sighed in relief when Harry called out for Anne. He was standing near the steps, I offered him a wry smile, knowing that he had interrupted our conversation on purpose.

“We’ve got to finish the project, ma. Call us when dinner’s ready, yeah?”

Anne nodded, before turning over to offer me a sympathetic smile. “She’ll take a while to come around, love. It’s been a shock to all of us. But you know I’m always across the street, okay? Whenever you need anything, or want to talk or whatever.” Tears pooled my eyes, as Anne spoke the motherly words, I knew my so-called mother never would. I let her wrap her arms around me in a warm embrace.

Then I ran up to Harry, who grabbed my hand with his larger on. Warmth spread up my arms, and I turned to look into his sparkling jade eyes. He squeezed my hand gently, and searched my face for any sign of grief, which, I realized he had been doing a lot lately. But no one could look past the barrier I had created between the world and myself. I smiled at him despite myself, making him return a dimpled one in return.

We sat in silence finishing up the project in less than an hour, occasionally I could feel familiar, warm pair of eyes on me. My heart told me that he was worried, that he cared, but my mind refused to believe. Unfortunately for me, my brain overruled my heart.

“Tris?”

“M-hmm?” I questioned brushing my hair from my face as I looked up to see the beautiful curly-headed boy.

“I--you know I’m always going to be here right? I mean if you want to talk about something, anything really?” He spoke nervously, his fingers fumbling together, “or if you don’t want to talk. I mean, I care about you Tris, a lot.”

I nodded quietly, but his words fell on deaf ears, he was just as sure as I, that I wasn’t going to do that, I was the kind of person who solved her problems on her own. I wanted to be independent, and that I would be.

“Tris, I mean it.”

I nodded again but didn’t make a sound. I could hear Harry’s soft sigh, and despite me facing the other way I could picture him clearly as he ran a hand through his thick hair, before softly shaking his head at me. I wasn’t going to argue, but I knew he was, so I was glad when Gemma knocked on the door to inform us that dinner was ready. I skipped towards the door, following her and ignoring Harry’s intense glare on me, I knew I was in for it later.

“He fancies you.” Gemma stated bluntly, as I walked arm-in-arm with her towards the dining-room, my mouth was agape, as I stared at the blonde in awe. She was so brusque at times. “Oh c’mon it’s obvious! He hasn’t been this happy since mum and dad separated.”

“Gemma…” I began, trying to place my wild thoughts in a coherent sentence. Harry was a wonderful boy, I knew it, and maybe somewhere deep in my heart, I think I knew that I liked him too, maybe I was too naive and hurt to understand that back then. But I wasn’t ready for this, for whatever ‘fancying’ someone meant. Or for the completely absurd feelings that erupted at the pit of my stomach with just one of his looks. That shit just happened in books and movies.

“I know,” she replied offering her a small smile, “you’re not ready for this. I’m just saying that; trust my brother, Tris. I promise you he’s worth it.”

I bit my lip, and returned the smile. Trust. I had trusted my mother for the past eighteen years, and look where that got me. I sighed quietly and followed Gemma to the table.

Noisy chatter surrounded me the instant the food was served, I occasionally nodded or commented quietly, just for the sake of it. My attention was focused on the lad sitting in front of me, every now and then he would catch my eye, and reward me with that infamous smile, that warmed my heart, but failed to melt my mental resolve.

A constant numbness had veiled my usual cheeriness. I would try to smile, but the effort that the small task took was just too much for me to bear. Compliments failed to provide me with the euphoria, I once was so full of. Criticism didn’t hurt me in any way, I was just tired of the way my life was working out. I just wanted to get away from everything and everyone. Just be alone, but then Lottie came to my mind, and I cursed myself for such selfish thoughts.

I didn’t want to talk to anyone either. No therapy, which a lot of my teachers had recommended after my usual average of high As decreased to the point where I failed two Math tests, despite Math being my absolute best subject. But I didn’t want to vent about my problems to some stranger, and even if I did want to, I couldn’t I’d lost trust in all people, including myself.

I used to be the one with spontaneous answers, hand raised in class all the time. Out on the field with pom-poms or a volleyball. But now all I wanted to do was fade in the background. I didn’t want to do it, but I couldn’t do anything else. I didn’t have the courage or the strength to do anything.

“Can I stay with Gemma for a while? I want to finish watching Toy Story.” My attention snapped to my little sister, her wide blue eyes were a replica of my mother’s but Lottie wasn’t even close the the demon my mother had begun.

“Lottie you have school tomorrow,” I replied, she pouted and gave Gemma a pointed look.

“I’ll drive her to school tomorrow, she can stay the night,” Gemma argued while Scarlett imitated the best puppy-dog face she could muster. I rolled my eyes, before facing Gemma.

“I really appreciate that Gem--”

“Great I’m staying, let’s go!” Scarlett hopped off the chair and was off, before I could say anything.

“Well then…” I muttered under my breath. “Are you okay with this Anne? I mean I can ask her to--”

“It’s no problem love. I’d love it if you would stay the night too, you girls could sleep in Gem’s room.”

“Anne, I really can’t,” I murmured tucking a loose strand of hair behind my ear, “I’d love too, but I need to check on mom.” I mumbled, which was partially the truth, I needed to get it through my mother’s head that she couldn’t just go on like this, she had responsibilities and she was supposed to fulfil them.

“I understand, sweetie. Tell Julia I say hi, yeah?”

“Will do,” I replied Harry’s pointed look towards me, he knew just how well she had been handling her husband’s death, he had seen it. “Thanks for the dinner, Anne.”

“Anytime, love.” I smiled and hugged her one last time before grabbing my jacket of the coat-stand.

“I’ll walk you,” Harry was up in a flash and opening the door for me.

“I love across the street Harold.”

“Well I’m still walking you Beatrice.” He replied and dragged me down the stairs. Anne waved to me and just as we were out of earshot Harry grumbled, “you could have stayed the night. We both know how much your mom wanted your company today morning.”

I thought I had been the only one noticing my mother’sslutty ways, but apparently not. “She’s hurting Harry,” I replied, trying to convince myself just as much as I was convincing him.

Harry rolled his eyes but didn’t say another word, which I was grateful for. I pecked his cheek and muttered a ‘goodnight’ before stepping into the hell-hole itself. I made sure Harry entered his house before switching the lights on, and facing my mother. I sighed heavily before taking the bottle away from her hands and placing the dirty glasses in the sink.

I proceeded to sit at the foot of her chair, my voice was gentle, as much as I hated my mother at this moment, she had been the woman with whom I used to bake cookies ages ago. I held her hands in mine, and started to talk about everything that happened today, she was half conscious her eyelids were drooping but when she felt for the beer bottle and didn’t feel it by her side, her accusing and venomous eyes turned to look at me.

“Who gave you the fucking permission to touch my bottle, you little bitch,” her hands were in my hair tugging it roughly before I knew it.

“I--” my voice wavered but she was standing already, dragging me towards the kitchen by my hair. I winced in pain, “I’m sorry,” I whimpered trying to get her hands off.

“You’re sorry? You’re fucking sorry?” She screamed, my hands uselessly attempted to pull her hands out of the ridiculous grip on my hair as she shook it around wildly. “What are you sorry for Beatrice? For ruining my whole fucking life?” She snarled, her blue eyes were icy as she stared down at my amber ones. I swallowed quietly, mumbling sorry over and over again.

“You are fucking worthless piece of shit, no wonder Brian loved you more than Scarlett. Tear sprung in my eyes, physical pain may hurt me, but I was capable of handling it. Words though, tore me apart.

“Don’t talk about dad that way,” I spoke quietly.

“Dad?” She chuckled humorlessly. “I told you sweetie,” she spoke sweetly with such venom in her voice, “he wasn’t you fucking father!” Before I could have anticipated her hand had come in contact with my cheek, I wouldn’t have known of it if it hadn’t created such a sickening sound.

“Please let me go,” I said wiping my eyes with the back of my hand.

“Let you go?” Her laugh echoed around the house, “Oh hun! Not yet,” Her heeled foot came in contact with my stomach and I fell back to the hardwood floor, “first I’m going to make you suffer just as much as you made me.” I squeezed my eyes shut, and tried to get off the floor, pain jolted up by spine, causing me to fall back. “Now get up and get me that bottle.”

I pushed myself up, falling down yet again. “I asked you to do something, fucking cunt.” Her hand gripped at the neck of my tank top as she pulled me upwards, tears involuntarily streamed down my cheeks, and I furiously blinked them away. “You fucking do as I say!” She threw me over to the counter like a rag doll.

My bruised stomach came in contact with the marbles countertop, making me shriek in pain, only to receive another fistful of hair being yanked, “and you won’t utter a word.” She threatened pushing my head yet again, coming in contact with the counter-top with full force.

Black spots danced in my vision, and I blinked rapidly trying to figure out my surroundings, the blurriness was cleared when I felt a rough kick on my ass. “Get the fuck up!” My trembling hands reached for the edge of the countertop, my knuckles were white with effort as I forced myself to stand up, tears were freely rolling down my cheeks.

“I’m not letting you drink yourself to death, mother.” I spoke calmly while clutching my throbbing side. “You might not know it but Lottie needs you.”

I turned around and walked towards the chair, only to be pulled back recklessly, “didn’t we just talk about you giving me orders, sweetheart?” Her fingers gripped my jaw, my breath was coming out in violent pants, as she shook me yet again.

I knew I could knock her down with one blow, I knew she would never lay her hand on me again, but both of us also knew that I wasn’t going to lay a hand on her. Never.

And despite all of this, some part of me was glad. At least I felt something, I was tired of being emotionless all the time. The pain, the hurt I was receiving, it ironically thrilled me. As her grip on me loosened, I rushed up the stairs and slammed the door behind me.

My legs gave away and I fell to the ground, sobbing silently. I was tired, I was sick of everything and everyone that surrounded me. I just wanted to live my life all over again, and figure out where I went wrong. I would save dad and take his place instead. My fingers involuntarily traced the tattoo on my wrist.

Notes

** Tris and Lottie's outfits', if y'all wanna check 'em out: polyvore**

I'm not even going to try making excuses, because there isn't one, except for the fact that I've got a wickedly (yes I used wickedly) lazy ass. But I'm going to apologize because I was very, very lazy and inconsiderate, but here's your update. Hope y'all like it. And I'm really tired so I'm not going to vent about how much of a bitch Julia is, I'll leave that up to you especially up to jelisa1025, because she is awesome.

And to those of you who read SBT, I'm going to update before the end of this week, I promise. Eh...I know you don't believe it and neither do I, but I have 1/4 of the chapter written. No? And I have a day off on Friday, so I'll be updating all my fanfics, including I'd Lie, yes I said I'd Lie. Ring any bells?

Umm nothing else to say, except yeah, there was a major mistake in the last chapter, I meant to type "kiss me on the cheek" but wrote "lips" instead. So, I'm sorry...again.

That's it for tonight. Goodnight and have a wonderful night or day, wherever you are! Don't forget to Comment, Vote and Subscribe.

And of course you can ask me questions on here, your sweet comments make my day lovelies, ask.fm. Luv y'all. ANd Happy Spring! Too late to say that? :/