Story Reviews
Review 1: Angels Wear Black
Story Title: Angels Wear Black
Score Out Of Ten: 7.5
Explanation for Score: Your story is very... tempting to read. At first glance, I was like, "yay! I can read this." Honestly, I only read a few chapters because I have a lot of catching up to do. There are certain spots where you forget punctuation. Here are some examples...
Gotta look good for the first day my aunt Lynn had said.
You should have written: Gotta look good for the first day, my aunt Lynn had said.
Also, when writing quotes, if your sentence looks like this, "Hey." I replied, it's wrong.
Correctly: "Hey," I replied. Your sentence isn't over so the quotes end with a comma instead of a period.
In the beginning, you started to tell the story in second person... as if you were talking to the audience. Refrain from doing that, as it turns some readers off from your story.
Your pace was actually really good, which isn't something you see often. Your originality was questionable. I've read a lot of stories with One Direction coming to schools but never for that reason, so that was a good touch. The part with the mean girls and the leader being Harry's ex was a bit cliched, though.
You have a good writing style but I would suggest putting a full line of space between your paragraphs as I've done, to make it easier to read.
Writer's Screen Name: Erin_Elizabeth_Direction
Story Genre and Short Summary: Teen and Romance; Lina is new to London, moving there from the US to live with her aunt and uncle. She thinks that she has all these amazing new friends but they think of her as an angel in black. One Direction shows up at her school to help with their showcase and she couldn't be happier. She plans to win and prove everyone wrong.
Story Link: http://www.onedirectionfanfiction.org/Story/28020/Angels-Wear-Black/
Score Out Of Ten: 7.5
Explanation for Score: Your story is very... tempting to read. At first glance, I was like, "yay! I can read this." Honestly, I only read a few chapters because I have a lot of catching up to do. There are certain spots where you forget punctuation. Here are some examples...
Gotta look good for the first day my aunt Lynn had said.
You should have written: Gotta look good for the first day, my aunt Lynn had said.
Also, when writing quotes, if your sentence looks like this, "Hey." I replied, it's wrong.
Correctly: "Hey," I replied. Your sentence isn't over so the quotes end with a comma instead of a period.
In the beginning, you started to tell the story in second person... as if you were talking to the audience. Refrain from doing that, as it turns some readers off from your story.
Your pace was actually really good, which isn't something you see often. Your originality was questionable. I've read a lot of stories with One Direction coming to schools but never for that reason, so that was a good touch. The part with the mean girls and the leader being Harry's ex was a bit cliched, though.
You have a good writing style but I would suggest putting a full line of space between your paragraphs as I've done, to make it easier to read.
Writer's Screen Name: Erin_Elizabeth_Direction
Story Genre and Short Summary: Teen and Romance; Lina is new to London, moving there from the US to live with her aunt and uncle. She thinks that she has all these amazing new friends but they think of her as an angel in black. One Direction shows up at her school to help with their showcase and she couldn't be happier. She plans to win and prove everyone wrong.
Story Link: http://www.onedirectionfanfiction.org/Story/28020/Angels-Wear-Black/
Notes
A/N: This review is nothing personal and I hope you are happy with it. If not, you can always request that it be taken down. Happy writing -Kay
@Kay_Baby
Ok, thanks, can't wait!!
11/19/14