February 23, 2014

Alyssa's Point of View

School sucks just like it always has but I feel much better; physically that is. Mentally I'm still struggling with the loss of Rhylie and sometimes it pulls me away from Harry. I need him, I do, I just can't give him exactly what he needs on the sexual side of our relationship. He's not mad, just sexually frustrated.

I walked to class again, taking the same route, running into the same bitch they call Amber. The halls seem more crowded each and everyday I walk by the tan lockers. It's like the walls are shutting down on me a little more each day. I feel stares from people judging me though I know they have no idea about the baby. They know of the accident and feel bad, they just won't say anything. A 'get well' would suffice but they know I don't want their pity when they don't mean it.

"Hi pretty," I jumped as I felt arms wrap around my waist from behind. I smiled, holding onto my books a little tighter.

"What are you doing? I thought you had algebra," I continued walking as Harry took my books from me.

"I do, I just wanted to see you first," I laughed and took my books back from him.

"But the math hall is all the way on the other side of the building."

"I don't mind being late," he kissed me on the forehead and continued walking me to class. He's been so sweet lately and I feel bad for my lack of affection but I just don't have the motivation. Being Harry he knows I'm trying, I'm just slowly working towards what we had before Christmas break.

The first bell rang and I stopped in front of my classroom to sneak one more kiss. We haven't been as careful but I'm positive every already knows about our relationship. They simply don't care anymore. Since Harry came back things have changed; they don't bother me anymore, just Amber with her snide comments and glares of death.

"Well I love you but you need to go to class. I'm sure Maddie is waiting for you," I rolled my eyes. I don't know how she manages to have two classes with him and be partners for both. I turned away from Harry to walk into my classroom but he took my arm and pulled me close to him.

"Don't be like that, you know you're the only one for me," Harry smiled and kissed me one more time on the cheek before sprinting down the hall with only thirty seconds to spare. I giggled and walked into my class to face Amber. Luckily Zayn and Niall are in my class and they have my back.

"Hey Alyssa," I sat down and Amber sat next to me. I rolled my eyes and opened my Spanish book up. I've always hate Spanish, I'm terrible at speaking the language though I'm really good at writing it.

"Hi Amber," my voice was so monotone I think I could put a screaming child to sleep in only a few seconds.

"How are you and Harry doing?"

"Swell," I said quickly smiling at her sarcastically, "why? Are you jealous?"

She raised her eyebrows as if she didn't care but I could see it in her eyes. She's wanted him since day one and he hasn't given her the time of day.

"Do mommy and daddy know?" she said in a baby voice. Unfortunately my emotions aren't easily tamed when they are about Harry. I could feel blood rushing to my face as if I was just smacked by a sumo wrestler.

"Why are you so cruel? What did I ever do to you Amber?"

"Oh I don't know, you just ruined my life, smacked me around, and-"

"Bullshit!" I yelled a little too loud.

Senor Del Morales turned from the bored hiding the chalk stains on her ass and looked at me, puckering lips and pulling her brows together. Her hands found their way on her wide hips and her foot tapped like she had to pee for hours.

"Alyssa White, is there a problem?" Senor Del Morales is the only teacher who doesn't mind me so the shock was priceless.

"I'm sorry, Amber's just being kind of mean. Is it okay if I move?" I used the same puppy eyes Amber always uses against me and when I was able to move and she received a long talk in front of the class. I laughed along with Zayn and Niall. They gave me a fist pump under the desks and I knew I'd hear it later. I might even get a few bruises but I don't care at this point; that was beautiful.

When I got out of class I headed to the cafeteria where I'd find Harry. He was eating with Louis and they were laughing hysterically about something. I rushed to him and wrapped my arms around his neck from the back, kissing him all over so no one could really see; it just looked like an awkward hug.

"Did you really do that to Amber?" he laughed. I guess he was already filled in.

"Yes," I said sitting next to him. He faced me and gave me a quick kiss on the lips, "she was so red I thought she was going to burst at any second."

We all laughed again and eventually changed the subject when she walked in the cafeteria.

"Yeah, I was really confused today when she came up to me and just knocked all of my books out of my hands. I really considered slapping her across the face but just left it," Harry took another bite of his peanut butter and jelly sandwich and chuckled. I love him, I love him so much.

---

"Your parents are downstairs Alyssa," Harry breathed out as I pulled him onto my bed. He hovered over me, holding himself up with just the palm of his hands. I ran my hands up from his boxers and rubbed my fingers over his tattoos.

"I want to do this, you know I've been waiting but now isn't the time," I sighed and rolled away from his grasp watching him fall next to me, "and someone's at the door."

The door bell was only rung once but it was enough to make us stand up and go our separate way.

"See you at dinner?" I asked kissing him one last time. He nodded and went back to his room.

I sat on my bed and held onto my stomach. It's like an instinct I have, I just can't let go of the fact he's no longer there. Sometimes when Harry and I fight he'll lay me down and rest his head on my belly. I'll play with his hair and everything will seem to be okay again.

The sonograms of Rhylie are tucked away in my journal and I try not to take them out. There's always a chance something could happen to them or someone could find it. But times like now I can't help but hold them. I'm going to paint it one day. It'll go in a guest room or even my other child's room but it will be painted. The memory will always be with me even though it may be a painful one.

"Alyssa White! Get your ass down here right now!" my dad yelled in his detective voice which was quite stern. He never yells at me like that; never. I slowly opened my door and Harry peeked his head out of his room. He looked at me confused and I shrugged.

"Alyssa!"

"I'm coming," I got myself together and calmed down. Getting worked up will just make things worse, "yeah?" I said as I reached the kitchen table where my mom and dad were sitting. I held myself up by holding onto the back of a chair and leaning slightly against it. There was a manila envelope sitting in front of him and all I can hope is that it's dead girls that have been raped. That's awful but if it's about me this could be bad.

"Sit," he said sternly as he leaned his elbows against the table. I'd never seen him like this before, I've always been daddy's little angel. At least when I was considered part of this family.

"Do you have something you need to tell us?"

Harry's Point of View

I sat at the top of the stairs and listened to their conversation. It was almost like he was leaving little hints, waiting for Alyssa to tell him something. There's a folder and that's pretty much all I know. I took a few steps closer and looked through a mirror in the hallway which gave me access to Jack and Lily. Lily looked mortified and looked like she's crying but I can't tell.

"Alyssa, if you are holding anything back you need to tell me right now."

"Or what? You'll keep me here for another twenty four hours? Do I need a lawyer dad?" she emphasized dad. I know that voice, she hates when he acts like she's another suspect but this time his voice didn't lighten.

"What's this?" he slid a piece of paper in front of her and I could only imagine what it is. A picture of us maybe? It can't be the sonogram, no one has seen it.

"Harry, get down here!"

Shit.

I slowly pretended I came from the top and turned the corner. He looked at a chair and I sat next to Alyssa and sure enough she was holding a picture of the sonogram. It wasn't the sonogram, it was just a copy of it. I had it in my book. When Amber bumped into me she must have taken it.

"Are you pregnant Alyssa?" Lily belted out.

"No! Of course not!"

"Then why do we have this?"

"How do you know it's mine? Who told you that?"

"Oh, I don't know," Jack said sarcastically, "maybe because this whole folder is filled with pictures of you and Harry together!"

He took the pictures out one by one and slid them over. A few pictures from the dance, a picture from the wedding, a picture before homecoming when we were stopped at that red light. We were kissing and the car behind us beeped. There was even a picture from that day at Home Depot when my arms were around her. I remember she got so mad at me and asked me to step away. I saw Amber there; she must have done it. It looked like there were at least twenty pictures and all we could do was file through them and stare.

"Now, I'm guessing this child is yours Harry?" he looked at me with fury. I tried to breathe but nothing came out. I don't know what's worse; the fact that Alyssa lost the baby or that it was with me.

"There is no baby!" Alyssa screamed again now with tears streaming down her face. She threw the pictures back at her dad and stood up. All I can do is bury my face in my hands and try to not cry but I feel them. Thoughts are bouncing around my head. Will we still be together? Will I get kicked out? Will I ever see her again?"

"Alyssa sit down! We know it's yours!"

"And how do you know that dad? Did you use your detective moves and question doctors and witnesses? For all you know these are photo shopped! Or did you look into that too?" Alyssa wasn't yelling, she was screaming at the top of her lungs and crying at the same time. I want to take her in my arms but I can't. I can't do anything.

"Will you stop with the bullshit Alyssa! There is a name on the back of this sonogram that says Rhylie Owen Styles," emphasis on Styles as well as a glare, "White!"

Her shoulders dropped and she closed her eyes. There's no way of getting out of this now.

"Sit down!"

She finally did as he said and looked him straight in the eye.

"There is no baby. It was a miscarriage. Are you happy now?" her whisper was weak and it hurt me so much. Just when everything was going back to normal something else had to come up. Something had to ruin what was just beginning again.

At that moment Lily broke down crying and ran around to take Alyssa in for a hug. Her dad looked down at the sonogram and then at me. I didn't know what to do so I just said sorry and played with my thumbs until I was spoken to.

"How long have you been having sex," that wasn't straight forward or anything. I choked on my spit and thought about it.

"Homecoming," I managed to spit out. My voice was shaky and full of pain, "we didn't know about Rhylie until the car accident and that's when we found out he had died. I swear."

I didn't mean to use his name but it came out. Rhylie is his name and I won't be ashamed of it.

"I'm sorry we kept this from you but we were planning on telling you this week. I-I can't see myself without Alyssa," tears began moving along, racing to my chin and dropping to my shirt.

The room went silent and Lily sat back down. I looked at Alyssa for a split second but she was looking at her lap, staring intensely at nothing but her ripped up jeans.

"Alyssa, I need you to go to your room. I need to talk to Harry," oh god.

She nodded her head and walked off with her head down. My poor baby, she doesn't deserve any of this.

Notes

yikes...