Through The Dark

I shut the bathroom door and locked it before pressing my back into, sliding down until my bottom hit the floor. So I guess I’m not the fabulous actress I had thought I was. My boyfriend things I’m mentally disturbed and he’s taking me to see a specialist. Yay.

I got up off the floor and turned on the hot water in the shower, letting get real hot before mixing it with the cold water to get the right temperature. I stripped down and looked in the mirror at my bare body. I’ve lost weight because I’ve stopped eating so much and I looked tired. I frowned at the scar on my stomach where they had to do surgery. The doctor prescribed me some cream to make it go away but it wasn’t working fast enough for me. It was an ugly reminder of the wreck and my child being lost.

“Maybe the appointment will be a good thing.” I mutter as I tear my eyes away from the mirror and step into the shower.

I wanted to have Harry in here with me but I don’t want him to see my scar. It’s ugly and I don’t like it. If I don’t like it, I know he won’t like it. He’s used to my smooth, unharmed tummy. Not my ugly pale scarred stomach.

I pushed all the negative thoughts out of my head and started the showering process, humming to myself.

******************************

“He will see you now.” A lady said from behind a desk, pointing towards a thick looking wooden door.

I took a deep breath and stood, straightening out my shirt. I gripped Harry’s hand tightly and followed him through the door. The room was large and chairs spotted the floors all over the room.

“Please, take a seat anywhere you are comfortable.” a man said, motioning over the room. Hm, so that’s why they are in random places. So you could sit where ever you feel the most ease at. I chose a seat by an open window, smiling nervously as Harry sat next to me.

“I’m Dr. Mitchell. You can call me Mitch if it makes you feel comfortable. So, tell me. Why are you two here today?” He asked, sitting in a seat across from us and pulling his ankle up to rest on the oppsite knee.

I looked over at Harry for help, squeezing his hand tightly. He met my eyes and held the gaze for a few seconds before sighing and looking at Mitch.

“We need help.”

***********************************************

Two hours later, I was dabbing at my eyes with a tissue. Harry started from the very beginning of everything. He told the doctor about the bullying and the harassment's, making us both cry. He moved on to tell about our little hook up and then the pregnancy. He moved on through everything up until the twins birth and then his proposal.

The doctor stopped us for a few minutes there, asking about the plans. I felt my face redden, stuttering out that I haven’t made any yet. He raised his eyebrows up at me but didn’t pressure me on the reasons why.

Harry went on to tell him about the tour and then about Kendall. That’s when I got a little teary eyed, remembering the whole experience as he told the doctor about the wreck and me losing my baby due to the stress the wreck put on my body. The man nodded his head and wrote something down on his little clip board. What is it with all these freaking doctors and their precious clip boards.

“Mhm. Well, I think I know what could help out. I think that you need to be treating Diana’s loss like a real death in the family. Even though you don’t have a body for her, give her a grave, show how much she meant to you in those short months you had with her. I think that’s the problem. She may not have been born but she’s obviously had a big effect on your family. Treat her like she actually came into this world. After that, I think you two should start back doing what is normal for you two as a couple. When was the last time you had sex?” The man asked, making me clear my throat awkwardly and Harry’s cheeks turn bright red.

“Well, I’ve been on tour and recently just got home. Our last time was around christmas.” Harry admitted, his face red with embarrassment. If I wasn’t embarrassed with him, I would have though it was cute.

“Well, that also could be a huge part in the problem. Along with that, try starting on the wedding plans. That can throw in some excitement and it will leave your mind busy so neither of you can over think anything. If none of this works, make another appointment and I’ll be glad to help you again.” Mitch said, smiling and standing.

I copied Harry, standing beside him and shaking the mans hand, thanking him. We walked out of the building hand in hand, not saying anything. He quietly thanked him as he opened my door for me, letting me slid in before shutting it. He was beside me in seconds, starting the vehicle up to head home.

“So what are you thinking?” Harry asked after a few minutes, his green eyes staring straight ahead at the road.

“Well... I say we can try the whole grave thing for Diana. I’ll get with the girls and we can brian storm on the wedding dates, plans and all that.” I say, fiddling my my fingers as I picked at the chipping nail polish.

“So what about the other thing?” Harry asked after a few seconds of silence. I felt my cheeks burn and I coughed.

I will admit, there was a point in time where I could walk around our house naked and not feel the least bit shy of Harry seeing me without a stitch of clothing on. There was a time where I was used to Harry’s hands roaming where ever they wanted to and let him do as he pleased. But, now that the scar was there, I felt like I was going to be sick at the very thought of him seeing me naked now.

“Um... We can try... I guess.” I stutter, not meeting the gaze I felt on the side of my face as I continued to chip at the nail polish.

“We don’t have to-” He started but I cut him off.

“I want to, okay. I want to. We can try.” I huff, automatically feeling bad for kinda snapping at him.

“Okay.” Was all he said, not saying anything else for the rest of the car ride.

************************************

We finally got home, having me sigh in relief. My head hurts and I didn’t sleep good last night so naturally I was tired. I was greeted by the sound of little running feet, having me smile as Dylan ran around the corner, his arms reaching up to me.

“Hey, big boy. I missed you so much.” I say, picking him up and showering his face in kisses as he giggled.

“Hey buddy.” Harry said, kissing the side of my head before pecking Dylan on the cheek. He brushed by me and walked further into the house, searching for someone.

“Let’s go say hi to uncle Niall, yeah?” I coo at Dylan, laughing as he bounced in my arms.

“Hey, Nialler.” I say, smiling as I walked into the living room.

“Hey, Nicky. How was the doctors?” He asked cautiously, taking Dylan from me. I sigh and let him have him. My rib was still a little tender.

“They said that we should get a grave for Diana, that me and Harry should have sex more often and that I should start on the wedding plans.” I admit carelessly, watching Niall face turn red before he laughed.

“Wow. They really told you that you needed to have more sex?” Niall asked, laughing harder as I nodded my head.

“Wow. Harry, mate, I thought you had that in control. What was it you told us while we were all on tour?” Niall started has Harry walked into the living room again.

“Shut up, Niall. I’ll tell Ashley what you said about her if you keep on.” Harry threatened, making Niall instantly stop laughing.

“I think I’m going to lay down, babe. My head hurts.” I say, kissing Dylan on the cheek.

Harry nodded his head and leaned down, pecking me on the lips. It was nice. I sighed and walked past Ashley as she came out of the nursery with Darcy. Must have been changed a diaper.

“Hey, cutie.” I say, kissing her face and smiling at Ashley before walking past her to my room.

I strip down to my knickers and a tank top, turning off all the lights and shuffling over to the bed. I climb underneath the covers, gently rolling over to lay on my tummy. A few minutes later I heard the muffled sound of car doors slamming and then a vehicle starting up and backing out of the driveway. Niall and Ashley must have just left.

I lay there with my eyes closed for a few more minutes before the bedroom door was opened and then shut, foot steps coming towards the bed. They stopped on Harry’s side of the bed, leaving me to believe that it was indeed my boyfriend. I sighed and left it alone.

Seconds later I felt the bed dip down and the covers pull back, the sheets pulling off of me a little. I huff and pull them back up, jumping a little has I felt Harry lean over me, kissing my exposed cheek.

“Mm, Hi.” I mutter, smiling as he softly kissed the exposed skin on my shoulder.

“Hi.” he rasped as he pulled my hair away from the back of my neck, sending tingles down my spine.

“Baby.” he hummed, his hand sliding down underneath the covers to my back. His warm touch went under my shirt, massaging my back a little.

“Hm?” I hummed back, enjoying the pampering.

“Roll over for me.” he said, lightly pulling on my side. I obeyed, smiling up at him when I was finally on my back.

He smiled sweetly down at me, brushing my hair back away from my face. He leaned down, lightly kissing me on the lips. I kissed back, enjoying the sweet feeling of his touch. I’ve missed this. I also felt bad for my behavior for the past few months. Every time he’s tried to show me affection, I’ve rejected him, brushed it off.

His tongue lightly brushed against my bottom lip, asking for entrance. I granted it, lightly fisting his curl in my hand. He deepened the kiss, his hands snaking up my arms to my wrists. He slowly pulled my arms up above my head. I frowned a I felt something quickly wrap around them, binding them together.

“Harry?” I asked, confused as he pulled back.

“It’s okay. Trust me.” he said gently, cupping my face as his thumb rubbed over my cheek. I nodded my head hesitantly, taking a deep breath. I can do this, I can do this, I can do this...

He leaned down and picked up where he left off, placing a kiss on my chin before placing one right underneath my jaw. He kissed along my neck, his lips finding my weakness. I moaned lightly as he brushed his tongue across it before blowing on the wet spot.

He slid his body beneath the covers, grabbing my ankle. He kissed his way up my leg, making me giggle then bite my lower lip as he got closer. He stopped a few inches short, repeating the same process with my other leg. This time his mouth landed on my center, kissing my happy spot through the thin fabric of my panties. I hummed and wiggled a little bit, making him chuckle.

He came back up from the covers, kissing me once before starting on my chest. He hooked one finger on the top of my tank top, pulling it down as he kissed. I began to get nervous as his hands roamed up my shirt, inching towards my scar. I squirmed around, whimpering. Harry looked up at me, keeping eye contact as he slowly raised my shirt up over my stomach , exposing everything.

“I don’t think I can do this, Harry.” I whimper, trying my best to wiggle around to make my shirt go down.

“You have to trust me, Nichole.” Harry said sternly, his face giving me a firm look.

“Please.” I whimper, squeezing my eye shut as he looked over my stomach. I expected him to let me go right then. To spare me form any more embarrassment. Instead, his soft lips placed kisses all over my scar, making me cry.

“Baby, no matter what happens to you...... You are still perfect to me... Don’t be shy... Or embarrassed about anything... I love everything about you... I don’t love you for just your body..... I love you because you found a way to love me when I thought you wouldn’t. I love you because you have gifted me with three of the most precious things on earth. You’ve given me two beautiful children to love and yourself. I don’t know where I would be if you hadn’t straightened me out. Where I was going before you came, it wasn’t a good place. I love you.” Harry said around kissed before he pulled up, making me look at him as he spoke.

“I love you too, Harry.” I mummer as he kissed me.

I sighed as I let my body take over, enjoying ever second has Harry touched me, sliding the rest of our clothes off with no problems. I sighed as he slid into me, holding out to let me adjust. I gave the okay and he moved slowly against me, exaggerating each movement for my benefit. I felt the ties on my hands come loose, letting me fist my hands in his curls as he continued.

After a while of slow loving and careful touches, we both came, holding on to the other like our lives depended on it. Harry rolled off of me and onto his side, pulling me closer. I snuggled into his side and closed my eyes, yawning. Harry kissed my forehead and held me close, letting me drift off into sleep. I was almost completely out when I heard Harry rasp something that made me smile before sleep took over.

Notes