Lily's P.O.V (same night, a few hours earlier.)

I remember Harry taking me to my room and then going back to his own. I being the drunk, bitch, that I am. Fell in to a delirious slumber with his smell on his pillow cradling my head.

I slept better that night than I have in weeks.

I woke around two or three in the morning since Leroy was sprawled out across my lap and Marcel's paws were on my face and I was practically suffocating with their huge bodies on me.

I crawled out from underneath them and made my way to the edge of the bed, a thin layer of sweat down the plains of my back.

I'm in his bed...

What. The. Fuck.

The gravity of the situation beginning to weigh down on me.

He took me 'home.' His house...

I slap my hands to my face and groan. God I am so pathetic, here I am, in the bed of the man who cheated on me. I am such a loser. God, Louis is going to hate me.

Wait a second, Louis left me there.... Why the fuck would he do that? And I know he did because he drove up while we were leaving.

Honestly...

Why did men treat me like this?! Why am I always lied to and mistreated when it comes to guys? What am I doing wrong? And what do I do now? Get back together with Harry? Because Louis was bad to me....?

I wish I had my old life back, where everything wasn't so complicated and painful and harsh. The old life where I didn't know any of them. Where I didn't even move to this dreadful city.

A pain in my chest makes me cry harder for myself, I couldn't imagine my life with out these people...

A life with out Harry.

With out Louis.

The thought of that life makes me nearly cripple over in pain. I could not in my right mind live with out them even though I know right now it's in my best interest....

I do not know what to do.

What happened to my dad's vision of becoming something amazing? Where did it go?

I need to make a deal with myself.

And I need to follow through with it.

I need to start making something of myself. And even though these guys can be in my life; it can not be in a romantic way. I need to start living and living on my own accord.

I wipe my eyes and sniffle a little bit, looking around his neat bedroom from my spot on the floor.

I missed him. I missed his hair and his eyes. His ink, his mood swings, his kiss and his touch.

And that makes me sad. Because here I am so close to him yet worlds a part at the same time...

But I have tonight. before my new life starts. I have one more night of this world that seemed to have sucked me in.

I can have one last night with him...

Not only because I need it. Because I deserve it and want it. I want him. I feel like he should know that.

Rising from the floor I creep out of his room and make my way down the hall, opening the guest room door and slipping in. Once next to his bed I find him still awake. He watches me intently but don't look down at him. I don't know why.. I just didn't. I was sort of embarrassed to be honest.

But my heart explodes when he picks up the quilt and lets me slide in next to him. Once my head in on his pillow I hook my leg around his hip and pull our bodies together.

I haven't been in his arms in far too long. His minty smell fogging my brain I bury my head in to him and wrap my arms around his toned middle. I smile like an idiot when he pulls the blanket up to our shoulders and wraps his arms around my waist.

I lay there and he instantly falls asleep, his breath even and deep as his chest moves up and down against my own. I'm going to miss this even more when I'm gone after this; but I will worry about that tomorrow. Right now I'm not going to do anything but savor these last few hours that I allow myself to be with him this way.

-

Harry groans and rolls over on me, knocking me out of my peaceful dreams. I groan too, my head pounding and my skin sore. I open my eyes and find Harry's head on my chest, his arms clutched around me desperately. His lips in a perfect little pout.

I smile down at him, our legs are entwined and his hair has become disheveled.

Time to go...

I softly slide out of his arms and put a pillow next his chest. He grabs it and pulls it close to him, his magnificent green orbs, closed tightly. I pull the blanket over his shoulders and then get out of the bed, looking down at him. Glancing at the clock I'm shocked at what it says.

2:54

We have slept the entire day away.

In each others arms.

I sigh and close the blinds, making it darker in the peaceful room. Looking down at him one last time, I smooth his curls back and lean down, leaving a light kiss on his cheek bone before straightening my back and leaving the room.

It took everything in my will power to not stay in that bed. If I had I know what would have happened.

I would have woken back up to a maleficent meal he had been preparing for hours, he would have knelt at my feet and begged for us to talk it through.

And I would have....

And it would start all over. I know Harry and myself and our relationship well enough to know that it would go down that way.

And as of last night, I promised myself things would be different. And they will be now.

My eyes water as I pull his shirt off of my head. I cry as I pull on my dress from the other night. I cry while I make his huge bed.

Memories of this room come back to fast and too violently so I don't fight it. I let them roll back. The first night slept together. Our first fight. When he told me he loved me. When he gave me my necklace. God this hurts. I try harder as I close the door of the room and make my way silently in to the kitchen.

Finding a piece of paper I scribble a fucking pathetic note and then head to the door.

Opening it, I take one last look around.

It hurts because I will not come back here again.

I can't and I won't.

He deserves better than me and I deserve better than him. If that makes sense.

I hook the dogs up to their leashes sitting on the counter and usher them out the door while I say goodbye to the familiar, beautiful, little flat where I fell in love with the insane, beautiful, confused, emotional, strong and all too lovable punk.

The thing is I can't keep crawling back to his bedroom at night everytime he rescues me from my own mess. becuase one day it will lead to more and more. And I can't be with him if I want to keep my promise to my dad.

I close the door and ride the elevator down.

Once my feet hit the pavement I start walking. I don't bother slipping my heels on, just walk barefoot with my party dress.

I'm still crying, and I know I look crazy as fuck but I don't care.

I walk back to my apartment that I share with the girls and take the stairs up to our place. Knocking on the door, it swings open, and I find Rae with her eyebrows raised at my shitty appearance.

"Oh my god, Lily. What the hell happened?" She gasps, stepping aside to let me in.

"Oh, nothing." I give a weak laugh and drop the leashes. Perri appears with Zayn. Great.

"Holy shit, what happened?" She yells, coming to me to wrap me in a hug. I laugh again.

"I just said nothing!" I give a shitty smile and wipe my fingers under my eyes.

"This does not look like nothing! Did you walk here from Louis's?" She whisper yells, everyone's eyes trained on me.

"No.. Harry's." My voice cracks.

"Oh.." Rae breathes. I nod once, smile at them and then make my way to my room.

"You guys want to go out tonight?" I ask over my shoulder. They give me a few confused looks and nods, I nod and close the door.
-

Harry's P.O.V.

Coldness swipes through me and It instantly makes me wake up.

The mattress next to me lay empty.

She's not here...

She's gone..

She left.

I leap out of the bed and run to my room, maybe she left and wen't back to her own bed? I push the door open and find my clothes folded at the foot of my bed, the blankets pulled back neatly.\

Shes gone.

She fukcing left me and now shes going back to him.

Gos I am so fucking stupid. I am such a damn fool! Here I am thinking last night could mean something. That we could mean something. And i was wrong and shes gone and I am alone.

I run out to the kitchen and find the dogs gone and my flat empty.

She's really gone.

Why?

Why didn't last night mean anything? Why did I not mean anything to her?

A piece of paper catches my eye.



My dearest, Harry....

If you find this, I'm gone.. And I'm sorry I'm too spineless to tell you to your face. I'm sorry for that. Last night meant everything to me. And I don't know if you feel the same way; but that doesn't matter. All you need to know is that it meant everything to me.

I just wan't you to know, I forgive you. For everything. For Carissa. I believe you when you tell me it meant nothing. Unfortunately for us that doesn't make it hurt less.

I doubt this letter will mean anything to you. But it means everything to me.

I hope to see you soon.

Thank you. For everything.

Yours, forever -


Lilian xx I have never in my life been more utterly destroyed.

Notes

Harry's about to lose it.