I Understand. An AU/punk story.

The shots are ordered as Martin chatters away to me. I'm glad to see him, it has been too long but I really can't focus on anything he's saying.

My mind and heart are still numb and my ego still bruised. I wan't to go home and crawl back in to the ball that shields me from the world.

"So Lily? Are you and Louis like, dating now?" Angela asks. I turn to her, the mention of anyone dating me makes my head whirl..

"Um... no." I say softly. Lou doesn't speak.

"Why not? He's crazy about you?!" She presses. I can't tell if shes a bitch or just nosy. Either way I don't care. I really could give a damn about what anyone thought of me...

"I just got out of a relationship." I snip. Louis's hand finds my knee. I take a breath and quickly grab his hand, trapping it in between my trembling ones.

"Are you in the gang now?" Colton asks. I bite my lip. I hated answering questions. I feel like I'm suffocating!

"We haven't talk about it, but I don't want her mixed up in it." Louis saves me again.

"Why? She was dating Harry Styles for gods sake! I'm sure she can handle it." Colton laughs. The mention of his name knocks the wind out of me. I turn my head away form his nosy friends and pretend to be looking at the dance floor.

"Well, I'm not him." Louis snaps, shutting his friends up with his tone.

God can a meteorite come through space and just fucking crush me?!

"Let's dance, I'm bored!" Beth says. His friends all agree with him and leave Lou and I in the booth.

"Are you alright?" He asks softly. I scowl up at him.

"What do you think?" I snap, fighting tears.

"I'm sorry... But you're dying in that bed and I couldn't watch it!" he breathes, cupping my cheek. I shake my head and close my eyes.

"I'm dying here! I feel like a fish out of water, Louis!" I whimper, dropping my head on his shoulder.

"It'll get better. I promise." I grit my teeth and bring my head back.

"How do you figure?" I snap. Before he can reply I get up and storm off t the bathroom. He calls for me but I ignore him.. I will not cry in front of him over the man I used to love. It wasn't fair to him.

I burst in to the Ladies room, relieved it's empty as I lean against the sink, gasping for air. God I feel so empty and so shallow. When will this pain ever just go the hell away?! I look up in the mirror at my pale face just as Louis bursts through the bathroom door, locking it, he comes to me.

"Don't run away from me, Lily." he snaps.

Cornered.

Again.

I groan and cover my eyes.

When will this nightmare end?!

He comes to me and takes my wrists then gently pushes my hips back so my ass hits the sink. His towering body hulking over me intimidates me.

"I'm sorry! OK?! I'm sorry!" I breathe, looking at his feet.

"You don't have to apologize to me." He whispers. "Just promise me you'll try and that's all I ask for. Just start being my Lilian again!" He urges, taking my hands in his.

I look in to his eyes. There is not a drop of resentment, not an ounce of anger, not a kilogram of anything but sheer love and care and it scares me.

How the hell could he love me so much?

And did I love him the same way?

I know I loved him.. I just wasn't sure how much.

My mind wanders to the other night. How close we came to having sex... His lips were soft and his touch gentle yet was all so intense. All of the strain and anger put on our relationship released through our touch. He made me forget Him...

I can't help but wonder if he could again?

"Louis, I would be lost with out you." Is all I say.

"As would I." he states.

"Can we please go home?" I whimper up at him, taking his hand in mine. He nods and that's what we do.


-

As soon as our heads hit the pillows I snuggle eagerly in to his hold. He sighs in contentment and drops his head on mine. I turn to him slightly and wrap my arms around his neck, he looks at me longingly.

"Will you try to sleep tonight?" He whispers, pecking my forehead.

"I can't..." I whimper, burying my head in his neck.

"Why?"

"Because I'll have a bad dream.... about him.. and I'll feel terrible. I don't want to sleep."

"You're going to get sick." He scolds. I shrug. I didn't really care if I got sick. "And if you do it will kill me, I care about you and acting like this makes me think you don't care about me." He breathes, cupping my face.

Guilt and panic wash over me.

I was hurting him by hurting myself,

I bite the inside pf my cheek, trying to buffer the tears. I sniffle.

DO NOT CRY!

My subconscious screams.

I start to feel panicked and begin looking at everything but the amazing boy in front of me. My eyes start to water. I was hurting him and it seemed like I didn't care and I did. I did care.

"Lily!" he coos. I shake my head and look at the ceiling as my eyes water. "Look at me." He instructs. I take a deep breathe and screw my eyes shut as the first tear falls. Louis sits up and pulls my with ease in to his lap with my legs around him so I'm forced to look at him. "Hey! It's OK to cry..." he murmurs, taking my cheeks in his soft palms.

"I do care about you, Louis!"

"I know.." He replies.

"A lot. More than you care about me. I -I -" he cuts me off with his finger on my lips.

"I know. I swear I do. But the point is. You need to try. You need to try for me. We're going to actually go to sleep and tomorrow we're going to find you a job so you can start building an actual life for yourself." He says with a light smile.

A life?

I want to laugh at the thought.

I haven't had a life in months..

Because my entire world gravitated around him. And now I'm forced to try to be normal. To step out of that fairy tail and pretend it didn't happen and that it was never real. Regardless of the fact I lived it, breathed, ate, and slept it. That fairy tale was real.

"But fairy tales aren't real.." My dads voice comes in to my mind. I sigh and shake my head.

"I know that Louis. I'm going to try. I promise." I whimper, dropping my head on to his shoulder. He nods and holds me close, rocking us back and forth.

-

I did sleep.

But not well.

I managed to get in about three or four hours at most. But a part of that was when Louis woke up so he was proud to see me actually sleeping.

"Lily, wake up." He hushed, shaking me gently. I flutter my eyes open and groan. "You're coming to work with me today, that way we can go job hunting later." He says and leaves for the shower.


I did not want to go out again.... At all.

"Get going!" Louis yells through the door, fully aware that I'm still lying here pouting. I get dressed

http://www.polyvore.com/cgi/set?id=109601322

And let him drag me back to his work. All of his friends are there and they greet me happily. We're only a few blocks from the mall and I have an idea...

I need a total fresh start...

"Martin?" I ask him quietly as he is sitting next to me.

"Yeah?" he smiles, leaning in slightly.

"Can you come with my somewhere?" I ask him.

"Where?"

"You'll see." I tell him. He shrugs and nods. When Lou goes to the bar to get me some water I take his hand and we make a run for it.

Martin laughs at my strategic exit.

"So where to?" He asks as we walk towards the mall.

"Mall." I tell him.

It's not that I'm not glad to see Martin, it's not like I don't like him... I just don' really feel anything. Not anything except for Louis of course. Everything else is still just fuzzy and confusing to me still.

Numb and fuzzy.

We make out way to the center of the mall and I lead him in to the hair salon. My phone vibrates.

Incoming call: Louis(:

I press silence and go to the counter and tell her what I want.

-

"Holy shit, Lils, it looks great." Martin exclaims with a smile. I smile back and shrug.

http://www.polyvore.com/wut/set?id=109597282

"I needed a change." I tell him as we walk back to the club. The minute we open the door, Louis is on me.

"Where the hell have you been?! I've been worried sick?!" He shouts stopping when he sees my hair. "Oh.."

"I wanted to dye my hair..." I say quietly, not liking him when he's mad. He sighs and rubs his face.

"Why didn't you just tell me?" He asks, frowning at me, pulling me in to a hug in which I gladly accept. I shrug. I think I had just needed to do it on my own with a buddies support there... He sighs and shakes his head... so forgiving...

-

We're back at home in bed when Louis's phone rings. He answers with out checking caller idea.

"Hello?........Hey...... No..... Yeah that's probably not a good idea..... OK, jeese, relax." He pulls the phone away from his ear and look over at me nervously. "It's Perri. She says she really needs to talk to you."

Notes

woah wut does she want??? RATE