I Understand. An AU/punk story.
Christmas Special
Two weeks after the fight
"Just a little farther, Lilian!"
"Dad, I can't see the road, I wanna pull over!" I sob.
"No, just keep driving it will all be OK!" He starts laughing, paying attention to his phone. It's pouring, I can't see a damn thing. I see a car coming down the what I thought was the empty highway.
"Dad please!! Just let me pull over! I don't want to loose you! I don't want to be alone!" The car comes speeding right at us, everything is pitch black outside the window, everything besides the two yellow headlights. I look forward, trying to spin the wheel to the left, trying to get out of the cars path.
"But you already are." I spin to my right to find Harry in my dad's place. Not smiling, serious, and somber. "You already are alone, Lilian."
Then the car hits us.
"NOOOO!!!!!" I scream from my sleep, clawing at my chest, screaming and crying like bloody murder, sweat drips from my skin, my pajamas are clinging to me. "NO, DAD!" I sob, flying up in bed. It's pitch black in here, just like in my dream.
"Lily!" Harry flies up next to me. When he grabs me I slap him away, too scarred to be touched. I heave for air, trying to calm down, my body shaking. I kneel forward, and pull my knees to my chest. His arms rub my back. "Stop, you're fine. It was just a dream." No care nor concern in his voice. He removes his hands but stays sitting up. I look up at him, pure hate in his my eyes. "Are you -"
I rip the quilt off of me and jumpy from bed, going in to the bathroom I slam the door. Why would he even bother? I know he doesn't care.
"Lily?" He knocks on the door a few moments later. I can't answer though, instead, I sink to the floor, sobbing with out a sound. I fall to the cold bathroom tile and hug my knees. Ignoring his words from the other side of the door.
He was right. I was alone.
-
I woke up there, still all curled up. Sniffling and cold. I get up and open the bathroom door and find Harry asleep on the floor outside of it. I frown down at him. He was mean.
I loved him. I know it. But I wasn't too sure that he felt the same anymore. We used to be so close and now what? I don't know. Our relationship didn't feel the same. It did on my part... just not his. And whenever he tried to fix it I would pull away, hurt at the ignoring me. His eyes fly open, I just step over him, go to my closet and pick out my outfit. On the way back to the bathroom he grabs my upper arm.
"Hey, are you OK?"
"Yeah.."
"You sure? Do you wanna talk?" I shake my head no and pull away from him to get dressed.
http://www.polyvore.com/cgi/set?id=108099717
He's dressed when I come out, waiting on the bed for me. I go to the kitchen and find Perri and Zayn.
"Hey, babe." Perri calls.
"Hey.." I murmur, I'm so tired. I barely slept at all last night.
"You OK? I heard you scream in your sleep." Shes asks worried.
"Um, yeah, nightmare, no big deal." I play it off cool. Harry comes in to the kitchen next to me.
"You hungry?" I shake my head no and head to the living room and sit next to Pez. He frowns at me as I go.
"So you guys still in for the party tonight?" Zayn asks us. I nod and so does Harry. There's a huge ass party tonight for Richard tonight at the Bowling Alley. I was some what excited I guess, it gave me a reason to get out of the house at least.
-
Harry and I spend the day in my room. Not talking of course. The dogs come in and go straight to me, they used to like Harry more, no matter how many times to convince me otherwise, I knew.. But now they're afraid of him. Always nervous around him. So they both squish me.
"We should probably go get ready for tonight.." He sighs. I nod and retreat to the bathroom. He follows me and shaves his face while I start my makeup, mid way through I catch him starring at me. I stare back. "Oh, um, sorry..." He stammers, wiping his face he leaves me to get dressed.
http://www.polyvore.com/cgi/set?id=108103101
We stop at the liquor store and start grabbing a shit ton of booze. He leaves me in the fruity drink section so I can pick my favorite concoction while he goes to the hard liquor for the good stuff. I have two baskets and my purse so it's nearly impossibly to try to reach the stop shelf for the Cherry Vodka, groaning I stand on my tip toe but still struggle to reach it.
"Here, let me." A deep voice chuckles. A hand reaches with ease above my head and grabs my bottle. Turning to the voice I find a handsome blonde boy with green eyes. Not as beautiful as Harry's I take not of immediately. He smiles a pretty smile and hands it over to me, I take it and grin back.
"Thanks, I'm kinda short." I blush, moving my hair from my face.
"I noticed!" He lets out a deep charming laugh. "Big party?" He asks, pointing to my abundant supply of alcohol in the basket.
"Yes, actually!"
"Oh, that's pretty cool.... Hey I know we just met but... um." He coughs and runs a hand through his hair. "Can I have your number?" I freeze for a second. What? Why would he want my number? I look back to his eyes and catch them skimming my cleavage.. ooh that's why.
"Ready, baby?" Harry suddenly appears and wraps an arm around my waist. I jump. Scarred by his sudden appearance. I give the guy an apologetic smile as Harry tows me away. His arms leaves me as soon as we pass the stranger. I see how it is.... We check out and he puts the bags in the backseat, jumping in the driver seat. "Who was that?" He asks as we speed towards his Bowling Alley. I shrug and he doesn't say anything else.
-
When we get there we put out are share of booze and went to our separate group of friends.
"OH MY GOSH, you look so damn hot!" They hoot.
"Thanks, at least someone thinks so.." I grumble. They know all about Harry.
"I'm telling you, just give him a good scare and he'll run right on back!" Drunk Lauren yells. I frown at her. I had thought of that. I mean, of course I had! But i wanted Harry to treat me a certain way because he wanted too, not because I trick him in to it. I sigh and take a shot.
"L!" Louis suddenly calls, I spin around and see him coming towards us. I squeal and run up to him, hugging him tight to my chest. I haven't seen him in a while but we are constantly texting.
"Hi!" He laughs and pulls my away, I can feel Harry's eyes burning in to the side of my head.
"Wanna drink?" He asks over the loud music, I look down at my empty shot glass and nod happily. He leads me towards the bar and we each get a cup of some sort of vodka juice mixture and drink up.
-
"You member when we after graduation I hid from you?" I slur, spilling some of my drink on him. He laughed like crazy.
"Member that one time at a party Rae puked on Harry?!" I almost peed myself.
"THAT HAPPENED? WHERE WAS I!?"
"You were probably piss drunk somewhere." He chuckles, I shrug. Fair enough. We laughed some more and his hand fell on my upper thigh. I giggle and don't move it. Why should I? I meet his eyes, he softly chewing his bottom lip, watching me intently. I smile at him. "You wanna dance, Lily?"
"Love too." I wink and he takes my hand, leading me away. It takes seconds and my ass is on his front, I'm grinding in to him while his hands trail up my bare stomach. I moan when his mouth meets my hot skin below my ear lobe. I bring a hand up to his hair, around my head, and gently pull.
A hand grabs my wrist and squeezes, like squeezes hard! My eyes fly open and I'm yanked off of Louis.
Harry.
"What the fuck!?!" He spits, looking at me like I'm garbage. I snap my hand back and push his chest, my drunk mind taking no allegiance to my boyfriend. But he doesn't have any of it. He snatches my hand in his and squeezes until it hurts, I let out a yelp but I'm towed off towards the basement. I slap and scratch at him but he doesn't let go. Instead he rips me down the stairs and rips me towards the conference room.
"LET ME GO!" I screech, but he's way too strong for me. He slams the door behind us and shoves me towards the table so I fall on to it slightly.
"WHO THE FUCK DO YOU THINK YOU ARE?! DOING THAT IN WITH MY BEST FRIEND IN MY BUILDING IN FRONT OF ALL OF MY FRIENDS? HOW DO YOU THINK THAT MAKES ME LOOK, LILIAN?" I'm not scared at his screaming, it pisses me off. I love seeing him in as much distress as I have been in the past few weeks. It fuels my drunk, fiery, rage.
''WHY DO YOU EVEN CARE WHO I DANCE WITH?" He steps closer and gets in my face.
"Because your MY girlfriend. Not HIS.'' I push him away.
"Get over it!" I hiss back, walking past him, but he grabs my torso and pushes me back in to my place.
"WHY THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING THIS TO US!?"
This cunt?!
"WHY THE FUCK DO YOU CARE WHAT HAPPENS TO US!?" He takes a step back, confused at what I'm about to say... I don't want to say it because I'm afraid he'll confirm it.. but I can't keep living like this...
"What are you talking about?" Tears start falling.. I can't do this. As soon as I bring it up, we're over. The last bit of 'us,' is gone.
"Fuck this.." I mumble, trying to go past him again.
"NO FUCKING TELL ME! RIGHT NOW!" He yells right in my face, taking my jaw in his hand so I have to look at him. I start sobbing hysterically sobbing. "Tell me, please?" His voice breaks..
"You don't love me anymore..." I whisper as softly as possible.
"Just a little farther, Lilian!"
"Dad, I can't see the road, I wanna pull over!" I sob.
"No, just keep driving it will all be OK!" He starts laughing, paying attention to his phone. It's pouring, I can't see a damn thing. I see a car coming down the what I thought was the empty highway.
"Dad please!! Just let me pull over! I don't want to loose you! I don't want to be alone!" The car comes speeding right at us, everything is pitch black outside the window, everything besides the two yellow headlights. I look forward, trying to spin the wheel to the left, trying to get out of the cars path.
"But you already are." I spin to my right to find Harry in my dad's place. Not smiling, serious, and somber. "You already are alone, Lilian."
Then the car hits us.
"NOOOO!!!!!" I scream from my sleep, clawing at my chest, screaming and crying like bloody murder, sweat drips from my skin, my pajamas are clinging to me. "NO, DAD!" I sob, flying up in bed. It's pitch black in here, just like in my dream.
"Lily!" Harry flies up next to me. When he grabs me I slap him away, too scarred to be touched. I heave for air, trying to calm down, my body shaking. I kneel forward, and pull my knees to my chest. His arms rub my back. "Stop, you're fine. It was just a dream." No care nor concern in his voice. He removes his hands but stays sitting up. I look up at him, pure hate in his my eyes. "Are you -"
I rip the quilt off of me and jumpy from bed, going in to the bathroom I slam the door. Why would he even bother? I know he doesn't care.
"Lily?" He knocks on the door a few moments later. I can't answer though, instead, I sink to the floor, sobbing with out a sound. I fall to the cold bathroom tile and hug my knees. Ignoring his words from the other side of the door.
He was right. I was alone.
-
I woke up there, still all curled up. Sniffling and cold. I get up and open the bathroom door and find Harry asleep on the floor outside of it. I frown down at him. He was mean.
I loved him. I know it. But I wasn't too sure that he felt the same anymore. We used to be so close and now what? I don't know. Our relationship didn't feel the same. It did on my part... just not his. And whenever he tried to fix it I would pull away, hurt at the ignoring me. His eyes fly open, I just step over him, go to my closet and pick out my outfit. On the way back to the bathroom he grabs my upper arm.
"Hey, are you OK?"
"Yeah.."
"You sure? Do you wanna talk?" I shake my head no and pull away from him to get dressed.
http://www.polyvore.com/cgi/set?id=108099717
He's dressed when I come out, waiting on the bed for me. I go to the kitchen and find Perri and Zayn.
"Hey, babe." Perri calls.
"Hey.." I murmur, I'm so tired. I barely slept at all last night.
"You OK? I heard you scream in your sleep." Shes asks worried.
"Um, yeah, nightmare, no big deal." I play it off cool. Harry comes in to the kitchen next to me.
"You hungry?" I shake my head no and head to the living room and sit next to Pez. He frowns at me as I go.
"So you guys still in for the party tonight?" Zayn asks us. I nod and so does Harry. There's a huge ass party tonight for Richard tonight at the Bowling Alley. I was some what excited I guess, it gave me a reason to get out of the house at least.
-
Harry and I spend the day in my room. Not talking of course. The dogs come in and go straight to me, they used to like Harry more, no matter how many times to convince me otherwise, I knew.. But now they're afraid of him. Always nervous around him. So they both squish me.
"We should probably go get ready for tonight.." He sighs. I nod and retreat to the bathroom. He follows me and shaves his face while I start my makeup, mid way through I catch him starring at me. I stare back. "Oh, um, sorry..." He stammers, wiping his face he leaves me to get dressed.
http://www.polyvore.com/cgi/set?id=108103101
We stop at the liquor store and start grabbing a shit ton of booze. He leaves me in the fruity drink section so I can pick my favorite concoction while he goes to the hard liquor for the good stuff. I have two baskets and my purse so it's nearly impossibly to try to reach the stop shelf for the Cherry Vodka, groaning I stand on my tip toe but still struggle to reach it.
"Here, let me." A deep voice chuckles. A hand reaches with ease above my head and grabs my bottle. Turning to the voice I find a handsome blonde boy with green eyes. Not as beautiful as Harry's I take not of immediately. He smiles a pretty smile and hands it over to me, I take it and grin back.
"Thanks, I'm kinda short." I blush, moving my hair from my face.
"I noticed!" He lets out a deep charming laugh. "Big party?" He asks, pointing to my abundant supply of alcohol in the basket.
"Yes, actually!"
"Oh, that's pretty cool.... Hey I know we just met but... um." He coughs and runs a hand through his hair. "Can I have your number?" I freeze for a second. What? Why would he want my number? I look back to his eyes and catch them skimming my cleavage.. ooh that's why.
"Ready, baby?" Harry suddenly appears and wraps an arm around my waist. I jump. Scarred by his sudden appearance. I give the guy an apologetic smile as Harry tows me away. His arms leaves me as soon as we pass the stranger. I see how it is.... We check out and he puts the bags in the backseat, jumping in the driver seat. "Who was that?" He asks as we speed towards his Bowling Alley. I shrug and he doesn't say anything else.
-
When we get there we put out are share of booze and went to our separate group of friends.
"OH MY GOSH, you look so damn hot!" They hoot.
"Thanks, at least someone thinks so.." I grumble. They know all about Harry.
"I'm telling you, just give him a good scare and he'll run right on back!" Drunk Lauren yells. I frown at her. I had thought of that. I mean, of course I had! But i wanted Harry to treat me a certain way because he wanted too, not because I trick him in to it. I sigh and take a shot.
"L!" Louis suddenly calls, I spin around and see him coming towards us. I squeal and run up to him, hugging him tight to my chest. I haven't seen him in a while but we are constantly texting.
"Hi!" He laughs and pulls my away, I can feel Harry's eyes burning in to the side of my head.
"Wanna drink?" He asks over the loud music, I look down at my empty shot glass and nod happily. He leads me towards the bar and we each get a cup of some sort of vodka juice mixture and drink up.
-
"You member when we after graduation I hid from you?" I slur, spilling some of my drink on him. He laughed like crazy.
"Member that one time at a party Rae puked on Harry?!" I almost peed myself.
"THAT HAPPENED? WHERE WAS I!?"
"You were probably piss drunk somewhere." He chuckles, I shrug. Fair enough. We laughed some more and his hand fell on my upper thigh. I giggle and don't move it. Why should I? I meet his eyes, he softly chewing his bottom lip, watching me intently. I smile at him. "You wanna dance, Lily?"
"Love too." I wink and he takes my hand, leading me away. It takes seconds and my ass is on his front, I'm grinding in to him while his hands trail up my bare stomach. I moan when his mouth meets my hot skin below my ear lobe. I bring a hand up to his hair, around my head, and gently pull.
A hand grabs my wrist and squeezes, like squeezes hard! My eyes fly open and I'm yanked off of Louis.
Harry.
"What the fuck!?!" He spits, looking at me like I'm garbage. I snap my hand back and push his chest, my drunk mind taking no allegiance to my boyfriend. But he doesn't have any of it. He snatches my hand in his and squeezes until it hurts, I let out a yelp but I'm towed off towards the basement. I slap and scratch at him but he doesn't let go. Instead he rips me down the stairs and rips me towards the conference room.
"LET ME GO!" I screech, but he's way too strong for me. He slams the door behind us and shoves me towards the table so I fall on to it slightly.
"WHO THE FUCK DO YOU THINK YOU ARE?! DOING THAT IN WITH MY BEST FRIEND IN MY BUILDING IN FRONT OF ALL OF MY FRIENDS? HOW DO YOU THINK THAT MAKES ME LOOK, LILIAN?" I'm not scared at his screaming, it pisses me off. I love seeing him in as much distress as I have been in the past few weeks. It fuels my drunk, fiery, rage.
''WHY DO YOU EVEN CARE WHO I DANCE WITH?" He steps closer and gets in my face.
"Because your MY girlfriend. Not HIS.'' I push him away.
"Get over it!" I hiss back, walking past him, but he grabs my torso and pushes me back in to my place.
"WHY THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING THIS TO US!?"
This cunt?!
"WHY THE FUCK DO YOU CARE WHAT HAPPENS TO US!?" He takes a step back, confused at what I'm about to say... I don't want to say it because I'm afraid he'll confirm it.. but I can't keep living like this...
"What are you talking about?" Tears start falling.. I can't do this. As soon as I bring it up, we're over. The last bit of 'us,' is gone.
"Fuck this.." I mumble, trying to go past him again.
"NO FUCKING TELL ME! RIGHT NOW!" He yells right in my face, taking my jaw in his hand so I have to look at him. I start sobbing hysterically sobbing. "Tell me, please?" His voice breaks..
"You don't love me anymore..." I whisper as softly as possible.
Notes
PART TWO COMING
Please Update!
8/12/15