I Understand. An AU/punk story.

"Well, you can't really tell him to stop doing drugs.." Martin adds.

"Y -yeah. I know.... But why wouldn't he tell me?" I sniffle.

"Didn't want to worry you, maybe?"

"Even if that's the case.... he still lied! He told me I could truth him and now how can I? How can I believe him when I ask about the condoms?" He frowns and shakes his head.'

"I really don't know, hun." I sigh and flop my head on to my arms. My phone buzzes

Incoming Call: Harry<3

"It's him..."

"You should talk to him.." He says softly. I sigh but nod.

"Hello?"

"Lilian, don't hang up... Where are you?"

"I'm with a friend..."

Silence.

"I swear to god if you're with Louis -"

"I'm not." I snap.

"Please come back home, we really need to talk." He pleads, I can picture his face saying the words.. I sniffle...

"I will when I'm ready."

"Doll Face, You need to let me explain myself." He begs.

"Yeah, and you can when I come him. Which is when I calm down A little bit."

"I hope that's soon.." He mumbles. I nod my head even though I know he can't see.

"Bye." I say quickly before hanging up. I look back at Martin's worried expression.

"You OK?" I nod and give the best smile I manage.

-

"NO I just think it's weird you still watch Sponge bob on a regular basis!" I laugh. He snorts and swats my arm

I've been here for about an hour now.

"Sponge Bob Is a classic!" He insists.

"Yeaaaah. Right." I laugh. "I better get going though." I yawn. He nods and smiles.

"Hugs!" He yells as I try to leave. I smile and go back to him, hugging his body, he pecks my cheek as I pull away and I muss his unruly black hair. "Night."

"Night, I might stop tomorrow. Not sure though." I yell as I go he OK's and I leave. Martin always cheered me up! He was two years younger than me but barely went to school anymore. He was a little trooper. I felt bad he was caught up in this gang stuff....

-

I walk down the hall to my apartment. I hear screaming as soon as I'm on the floor. I hurry to my door and unlock it, swinging it open. Perri is screaming at a pissed off Harry who is also being screamed at through his cell phone, undoubtedly by Lauren.

"HOW DARE YOU LET HIM DO THAT SHIT WHEN YOU KNEW HE HAD A PROBLEM!'' She shrieks.

"He's a grown fucking Man, Perri. He can do whatever he wants." He snaps back. Neither are phased by my arrival. Leroy and Marcel are cowering under the kitchen table. They hate screaming... They run when they spot me. I give them each a dog cookie and put them in my room.

"Shows what kind of friend you are!"

"Shows what kind of girlfriend you are!" This is where I step in.

"Ouch, thanks, Harry."

"What?'' Finally noticing me.

"Does the same go for me? I didn't know you were snorting that shit either." He sighs and closes his eyes, pinching the bridge of his nose.

"I'm sorry, Perri. I should have said something but I started and I knew if he stopped I would have too. He feels real bad about this...." He trails off. She slaps his cheek and storms off. He says good bye to Lauren and hangs up, finally turning to me.

"Lilian."

"Hey." I laugh. He gives me a questioning look.

"Are you mad?"

"I don't really know, actually. Because you lied yet I can't be mad you didn't tell me something.. I don't own you... Yet again if you loved me wouldn't you wan to tell me everything?" I ramble, taking a seat on the couch.

"I'm going to stop..." He says softly, joining me.

"Are you, though?" I ask cynically, turning on the television, not looking at him.

"Yes. Please look at me."

"Harry are you fucking someone else?" I ask. Damn word vomit. He stops.

"No? Of course not! Why the fuck would you think that?" I turn and look at his face, looking for any tip that gives away that he's lying. None.

"I went by your place and found some empty condom wrappers. Care to enlighten me?" This whole conversation I wasn't sure of my feelings but now I knew. I was just fucking pissed.

"Those were from us...." He says softly. I nod.

"Yeah, I figured. Just wanted to be sure." I say lazily.

"You're mad, aren't you?"

OK I can't handle this.

Thats when I flip...

"WHAT TH FUCK DO YOU THINK?!" He shrinks back as I fly up. "DO YOU KNOW WHAT COULD OF HAPPENED IF YOU KEPT GOING?!" silence.''YOU WOULD HAVE KEPT GOING! AND YOU KNOW WHAT WOULD HAPPEN THEN?"

His eyes grow sad as my voice starts faltering with each word.

''YOU WOULD GET WORSE. AND WORSE. AND WORSE!"

He reaches out for me, pulling my hips forward. He knows what I'm going to say..

"AND YOU KNOW WHAT HAPPENS TO PEOPLE WHO GO DOWN THAT PATH? THEY DON'T COME BACK, HAROLD! ONCE YOU START YOU CAN'T FUCKING STOP.''

I'm right in front of him now. He lays his head on my tummy and keeps whispering he's sorry.

"AND THEN YOU FUCKING DIE. YOU OVERDOSE. YOU GET IN A FIGHT. YOU GET SICK AND YOU FUCKING LEAVE ME HERE AND I CAN'T LET THAT HAPPEN! I CAN'T DIE AGAIN BECAUSE THE MAN I LOVE LEAVES ME!" I shriek, shoving his shoulders back I slap him really hard in the head and rush to me room. Embarrassed by that whole thing... but it was true.

If I didn't trust him... Kind of don't after this... How am I supposed to know if he does stop? What if he dies and leaves me? I would never be the same again.. I know that.. It would be my dad all over again and I wouldn't be able to cope...

I don't shut my door. Just sit on the bed, fuming, trying to take my shoes off. Harry follows me in a few moments later, kneeling in front of me he takes my shoe, unbuckles it, and follows suite with the next. He goes to the dresser where my pajama stuff was and opens it, he pulls his own clothes out in confusion and then eyes his shoes next to mine. And he better like that! I had a large ass pile of shoe and they were all neatly paired up on the bottom of my closet but I shoved majority of them in a box under my bed I could squeeze his there. His eyes fly to my closet where his nice new jeans hang on hangers. Then they go to the dresser where his cologne sits. Realization of what I did today washes over his face.

That's'ts right. You better fucking feel bad you inconsiderate ass.

He quickly crosses over to me and leans his head on my shoulder. I know what he's thinking right now but I don't feel sorry for him. He kisses me mouth, begging me to hold him back with his hands that he keeps rubbing up and down my back. Instead I push past him, peel my dress off, pull on one of his sweaters and get in bed.

I take my phone from the nightstand and retrieve my earphones from the drawer. Harry gets his usually bedtime attire on, watching me the whole time.

I go to my music section and pull up my favorite band Wreckage. Blasting it in my ears. This band has helped me cope through everything. They were as close to my heart as a bottle of whiskey was to a drinker. My dirty pleasure.

I felt guilty since I haven't listened to them in a while, I was aware that they were growing more and more popular nowadays. I was happy for them.

I felt the bed dip as Harry joined me. He rubs his hands up and my back for a long time while Charlotte's heavenly voice luls me to sleep.

Harry's P.O.V.

I feel like the biggest cunt on this earth. I don't even know what to think or what to say...

I didn't start snorting it until right before the whole shoot out thing last week. So not that long.. but the shit was addicting. I caught Zayn buying some and I was pisses. He used to have to go to rehab for it... thats where he met Perri who was there for her brother.... The reason it hit so hard for her was because her brother died of an overdose....

Zayn stopped after her brother died. They fell in love and all that shit..

He bugged me to just try it and I was so stressed I thought it would be a good release.. damn was I wrong. Niall did it only because he felt he had too.

I look over at her sleeping already, some music blaring in to her ears. Poor girl, always having to deal with me....


She went through all that work today and then has to do this with me... I need to do something for her... something really special. I need to prove to her she can trust me and convince her, being with me was worth while. I reach over and pull the earbuds from her ears. Putting in her easy password, I pause the song she was listening too.

A Gentlemen Caller...

Damn. She was pissed. I glanced at the band. Wreckage? Interesting.... I put her phone on the nightstand and since shes sleeping I find the bravery to grab her tiny hips and pull her to me. She stirs and opens her eyes, glaring at me instantly.

"Sorry.." I mumble. She doesn't answer instead she turns to me and crawls in to my arms. Her body is cold and so I hug her extra tight, trying to warm her up.

"You're an idiot, Harry." She says quietly I nod.

"I know.." I say lightly... I did know...

She lifts her head one more time to kiss me. Leaving a wave of heat where her lips were.

Notes

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