I Understand. An AU/punk story.

After our meal, that was very often interrupted by our ever so charming waitress, we made our way loudly to the car, laughing our heads off at something Louis had said.

"You're suck a dork." I giggle and get in to my side of the car as he turns the key in his ignition, making the engine roar to life.

"Yeah yeah." He laughs at his own joke and we drive off. "You ready to head home?" He asks as we zip down the freeway. I nod and smile. I'm glad we got to hang out tonight. It was great, I missed him too much.

He nods and smiles back and makes his way to my place where we he parks and meets me at my front door, dangling his keys in his hands nervously.

"Well, I had fun tonight." I smile warmly. He beams back and bobs his head lightly.

"Me too, I really did miss you." His arms open and he pulls me in to a warm hug, his familiar scent whirls in my head as he squeezes me tightly. Once he pulls away I feel cold.

Like my blanket was pulled off after a long sleep.....

I frown up at him.

"Would you like to stay the night?" I ask quietly. His face lights up like a little kid at Christmas. "I mean like, nothing weird... just a few movies and snacks... I mean.. yeah.. we're friends..This is weird, huh?" I ramble.

"No, no. I get it. It's great. Let's go." I sigh mentally and let him follow me up to my apartment.

Once in I close and lock the door. He pets the dogs as I get some popcorn and a DVD ready. Once I have done so I bring out the bowl and play Grease.

"Ughhh! This movie, again?" He groans, dropping his head back obnoxiously.

"I love this movie!" I squeal and Leroy drops his head on my feet as he begs for my snack.

"I know! You watch it every time we're together." He grouches.

"Shh, I'm watching the movie!" I tease, roughing his hair as the credits end and the beginning song blares through the speakers.

-

My phone buzzing on the table next to the couch wake me from my comfortable sleep. The TV is black and the dogs sleep at my feet. Louis and I are draped on the couch, his feet on the coffe table, his head slumped over mine which is on his chest. One of his arms draped lazily over my hips as mine hold his torso loosely.

I groan and quietly scoot from his sleepy grasp, it may be one of the girls so I make sure to check the text.

From: Unknown

Glad to see you're finally being a good girl and listening. Keep this up and your precious Harry will just be fine(;

My stomach plummets.

Them.

Him.

I'm not sure...

My bruises ache as I remember the beating the stranger on the other line he gave me, I never got his name.

I glance at Louis, wagering to show him or not. He would lose it. Who knows what he would do. Call Harry? Trace the number? Go looking for Jake?

The though of Lou hurt like Harry was by Jake a few weeks ago makes me nearly sick. I delete the message and power my phone off. As long as the creep thinks I'm listening is all that matters.

Maybe he would all leave us be.

Maybe Jake would forget about me.

Forget about that party all of those days, weeks and months ago where he trapped me in that room.

Flashbacks of the terrible memory resurface.

I remember how happy I was when Harry broke down that door. How he looked as he stood in front of the light pooling form the hallway. How he protected me.

He got me dressed and brought me home, taking every extreme caution along the way. Our relationship has always been that way and as far as I am concerned probably always will be.

he was y tragic hero.

The self loathing man.

The man who hated the world but was loved by it dearly.

That night when he pinned me down to my bed.

'I like you, Lilian. You're mine now.'

The words meant more than any before from any pair of lips. I don't think I realized that until now.

I don't know why I'm thinking about him right now. To be honest I really don't.

That memory was painful and sad. I shake it away and get a blanket form my room.

Coming back to find him laying down across the couch. I lay the blanket over him and smooth his hair back before laying my head on the other arm of the couch and letting sleep take me over.

-

"Whats the plan for tonight?" rae asks the next morning as Perri, Lou, her and I all sit in the kitchen lounging about.

"Harry is having a party, Zaynie wants me to come, you all should to." Perri yawns, running a hand through her pink hair.

I look to Louis.

"He wouldn't want me to come." he laughs humorlessly and I frown. I remember the high school days when they were best mates.

They were always so close and so dependent on the other. Me coming between them was one of my biggest regrets. They were like lost puppies for weeks with out the other. I wish sometimes that they were still friends and I had found a different lover.

I bite my tongue harshly.

No, I do not wish that.

"He won't even know you're there. Everyone will be piss drunk anyways!" Rae giggles, elbowing Louis in the ribs who smiles back.

"Are you gonna go?" he turns to me.

I could use a good party, don't get me wrong.

But the thought of seeing Harry made me nervous. Especially seeing Harry with Lou by my side.

I know I needed to choose.

I fucking knew that. Obviously.

It's not like I enjoyed being the stupid bitch that played with he two love struck boys.

But there were things I needed desperately to consider.

And no one but me seemed to realize those things.

Harry was my first love. He and I were hot and passionate and head over heels in love. He was my everything. He was everything wild and dangerous I ever knew I needed.He brought out the good and the bad. he made and makes me so fucking crazy that it hurts. My sweet insanity. But he let me down. And he continues to do so. And the heart break is more than I can bare. I'm too emotional for all of that hurting heart shit. I just can not take it and he knows that but doesn't change.

And then there was Louis who is always there, always loyal, pristine and gold at all times... my best friend, my brother.

I grimace.

My brother?

The first thing that comes to mind when I think of him is brother....?

Besides the fact. I know I can't stay away form either.

I was Stupid to think otherwise.

I need to chose.

The negative being. The one I chose I place all my love and trust in.

If he fucks up and drops me, whomever it may be, he other will no longer be there to pick up the pieces and I will be left to my own shattered pieces.

And I will be alone.

I don't want to be alone.

I feel like pain is invetible. Doesn't all love end in heart break?

Isn't all that gold leaves?

I shiver as I recite my favorite authors line.

Either way. I am delaying my choice to the last second.

"Yeah I'll go."

Notes

instagram : senjaelsie

sorry about the no updates. Im moving currently and am buusssyyy! Getting my hair redyed purple tomorrow.

I am excite. (;