How To Love
Chapter 7
~Harry’s View~
“Why do I need to sit here and listen to you? I’m not the one who was in jail….” Maya said, with a look on her face that looked like she wanted to kill me.
“Because you got drunk the other night, and both of you have been acting very childish and immature, I can’t trust you guys…” I told her, she just looked at me. It was like she didn’t care one bit, if she had it her way she would probably have moved out by now, and she’s only twelve.
“I don’t need a lecture, it’s not like you ever care.” Maya said, Nick shook his head and agreed with her.
“Really dad, we don’t need lectures, since when do you care.” Nick spoke for the first time to me since the car ride.
“Why don’t you go hang out with Darcie, I mean she is your “favorite child” and she gets everything she wants….she’s a fucking brat” Nick said.
“Language! I do not have favorites; I love you all the same! I bailed your ass out of jail, so I think I care about each one of you equally. But please explain Nicholas, what possessed you to steal.” I asked him.
“Do you really want to know, dad?”
“I do, please inform me.”
“The thrill” was all he said. Two words that was his explanation. Two words.
“The thrill? The thrill of what?” I asked confused.
“The thrill of having this pointless conversation with you, seeing you upset, making you realize that your life isn’t perfect. The thrill of having you realize your kids, mostly despise you. The thrill of making you see, through my eyes. You have no idea, what it’s like being labeled as “Harry Styles son” or in Maya’s case “Harry Styles daughter” people treat us differently because of you. You will never understand because your head is wrapped in your own little world. I don’t even know if I have genuine friends, or if they just like me for my last fucking name. You will never understand. Do you even know what it’s like growing up without a mom? Or being reminded every day of how great your mother was, or how you look just like her. I don’t even remember her, and being reminded every day just makes my life more depressing. Maybe you do try, but I don’t see it. Did I inform you enough dad? Or would you like me to continue?”
“That’s enough Nick…” That’s all I could say, I couldn’t even speak. Was he right?
“Come on Maya, let’s go” Nick said to his sister, she got up and followed him. They were whispering to each other, but I couldn’t hear what they were saying.
I was left alone in my living room. The only emotion I was feeling was sadness. It was all around me, in the pictures, in what Nick had just said, in my head. Did they really think I didn’t care?
I had to leave; I had to get out of this room. I went into the kitchen and grabbed my keys. They were both in there, making mac and cheese. They were laughing at each other, I wanted to join in with their happiness so badly, but I didn’t know what to do, or even more how to.
I got into my car, and just drove. “Peyton, what do I do? Please please help me…” Tears started to form in my eyes. “Please help me, help me, help me…why do bad things happen to people? Why did you have to die…? Why why why? The tears weren’t stopping. My fists were pounding on the steering wheel. My vision was blurry and I couldn’t think. All I could think of was Peyton. “I need you, I need you…” I kept whispering to myself. All of a sudden, I see flashing lights, and a police car behind me “Are you fucking kidding me!” I screamed at myself and pulled over. Feeling like an idiot because I was still crying.
“Sir, did you realize you are going way over the speed limit?” A woman cop approached me.
“Sorry officer, I didn’t realize…”
“Mr. Styles?” she asked. I looked at her, and there she was the beautiful police woman, who helped me at the station with Nick.
“Andrea, right? I asked her.
“That’s me, having a bad night? You look a little….sad?”
“My kids.” Was my only response.
“I see, well I’ll let you go this time, go back home, talk to your wife and kids, I’m sure everything will be fine.” She said with a smile on her face.
“She’s dead….” I told her.
“Excuse me?”
“My wife, she died 12 years ago…” I said.
“Oh I’m so sorry, that must be truly difficult, well get home to your kids…” She said this and started to walk away. I quickly opened my car door.
“Hey Andrea” I shouted at her. She turned around quickly and looked confused.
“Yes, Mr. Styles…?”
“Would you g-g-go on a d-da-te with me and possibly just call me Harry?” She looked a little taken back. Why was I doing this? I can’t date anyone.
“Sure, but first, take care of your kids…they need you first…” She told me, and got back into her vehicle.
I walked back to mine, and just sat in it for a good hour. Just thinking. For some reason my mind went back do the day I met Peyton. When she asked me if I believed in love at first sight. I remember that day so vividly; because that was the first day I kissed her. She taught me how to love, she did it so selflessly.
I realized that things had to change, first with my kids. Andrea was right, they come first.
“Why do I need to sit here and listen to you? I’m not the one who was in jail….” Maya said, with a look on her face that looked like she wanted to kill me.
“Because you got drunk the other night, and both of you have been acting very childish and immature, I can’t trust you guys…” I told her, she just looked at me. It was like she didn’t care one bit, if she had it her way she would probably have moved out by now, and she’s only twelve.
“I don’t need a lecture, it’s not like you ever care.” Maya said, Nick shook his head and agreed with her.
“Really dad, we don’t need lectures, since when do you care.” Nick spoke for the first time to me since the car ride.
“Why don’t you go hang out with Darcie, I mean she is your “favorite child” and she gets everything she wants….she’s a fucking brat” Nick said.
“Language! I do not have favorites; I love you all the same! I bailed your ass out of jail, so I think I care about each one of you equally. But please explain Nicholas, what possessed you to steal.” I asked him.
“Do you really want to know, dad?”
“I do, please inform me.”
“The thrill” was all he said. Two words that was his explanation. Two words.
“The thrill? The thrill of what?” I asked confused.
“The thrill of having this pointless conversation with you, seeing you upset, making you realize that your life isn’t perfect. The thrill of having you realize your kids, mostly despise you. The thrill of making you see, through my eyes. You have no idea, what it’s like being labeled as “Harry Styles son” or in Maya’s case “Harry Styles daughter” people treat us differently because of you. You will never understand because your head is wrapped in your own little world. I don’t even know if I have genuine friends, or if they just like me for my last fucking name. You will never understand. Do you even know what it’s like growing up without a mom? Or being reminded every day of how great your mother was, or how you look just like her. I don’t even remember her, and being reminded every day just makes my life more depressing. Maybe you do try, but I don’t see it. Did I inform you enough dad? Or would you like me to continue?”
“That’s enough Nick…” That’s all I could say, I couldn’t even speak. Was he right?
“Come on Maya, let’s go” Nick said to his sister, she got up and followed him. They were whispering to each other, but I couldn’t hear what they were saying.
I was left alone in my living room. The only emotion I was feeling was sadness. It was all around me, in the pictures, in what Nick had just said, in my head. Did they really think I didn’t care?
I had to leave; I had to get out of this room. I went into the kitchen and grabbed my keys. They were both in there, making mac and cheese. They were laughing at each other, I wanted to join in with their happiness so badly, but I didn’t know what to do, or even more how to.
I got into my car, and just drove. “Peyton, what do I do? Please please help me…” Tears started to form in my eyes. “Please help me, help me, help me…why do bad things happen to people? Why did you have to die…? Why why why? The tears weren’t stopping. My fists were pounding on the steering wheel. My vision was blurry and I couldn’t think. All I could think of was Peyton. “I need you, I need you…” I kept whispering to myself. All of a sudden, I see flashing lights, and a police car behind me “Are you fucking kidding me!” I screamed at myself and pulled over. Feeling like an idiot because I was still crying.
“Sir, did you realize you are going way over the speed limit?” A woman cop approached me.
“Sorry officer, I didn’t realize…”
“Mr. Styles?” she asked. I looked at her, and there she was the beautiful police woman, who helped me at the station with Nick.
“Andrea, right? I asked her.
“That’s me, having a bad night? You look a little….sad?”
“My kids.” Was my only response.
“I see, well I’ll let you go this time, go back home, talk to your wife and kids, I’m sure everything will be fine.” She said with a smile on her face.
“She’s dead….” I told her.
“Excuse me?”
“My wife, she died 12 years ago…” I said.
“Oh I’m so sorry, that must be truly difficult, well get home to your kids…” She said this and started to walk away. I quickly opened my car door.
“Hey Andrea” I shouted at her. She turned around quickly and looked confused.
“Yes, Mr. Styles…?”
“Would you g-g-go on a d-da-te with me and possibly just call me Harry?” She looked a little taken back. Why was I doing this? I can’t date anyone.
“Sure, but first, take care of your kids…they need you first…” She told me, and got back into her vehicle.
I walked back to mine, and just sat in it for a good hour. Just thinking. For some reason my mind went back do the day I met Peyton. When she asked me if I believed in love at first sight. I remember that day so vividly; because that was the first day I kissed her. She taught me how to love, she did it so selflessly.
I realized that things had to change, first with my kids. Andrea was right, they come first.
8/23/13