Author's Note

I don't want to rate this quite yet because there are only two chapters but I love the detail you have added. I would watch out with putting your own poems on this site because they're beautiful but other people may steal them. I'd hate for someone to take something that's so great!

Your grammar is good with only a few mistakes.

Some concerns are the length of the chapters. The second chapter is only a paragraph and I still have no idea what's going on. Like I said, the detail is perfect but I don't have any dialogue or really anything at all yet.

Last thing is your note for the first chapter:

Well, I hope you guys like the story. I'm still debating on weather (whether) to put one direction in it or not.....

I just want to let you all know this story means a lot to me, so, if you have any bitchy comments you can shove em up your mothers ass for all I care.

Oh, and yes I'm thirteen and I'll say whatever the hell I want.

This is your note at the end of your first chapter and, quite frankly, I may not have kept reading. First thing is to try to make this story about One Direction. It doesn't have to be about the band as a lot of the stories aren't but I'd use their names, their physical features, and their personalities (whether is is good or bad). People will most likely not read it if it's not based on the boys of One Direction.

Second is your comment: "if you have any....for all I care..." That whole sentence just comes across very negative and that's another reason I wouldn't want to read it. I think if you said:

I just want to let you all know this story means a lot to me so if you don't like it please don't comment or rate.

With such beautiful writing it is a turn off to read something like that. Kind of like when you see a cute guy and then he ends up being a jerk....not so cute anymore.

And the fact that you added that you're 13 at the end really will upset some people. My sister is 13 and I'd never want to hear her say something like that. All ages are welcome to write and use language like that in their story for the characters sake but I wouldn't use it like that in your notes section. It all just seems a bit forward and I don't think your readers will appreciate it.

Other than that I think your story is going to be great! Keep writing and if you'd like another review when you have more chapters I'll definitely take a look!

Notes