Author's Note
Bakery Shop
rate: 5
grammar: needs work
idea: +
Okay, before you freak out, read a little bit of this. You're probably wondering how your idea/concept was a + but your rate was a 5. To begin with I feel that there are WAY too many authors. I can't keep each character straight because there are so many. I haven't heard the idea so that's where the + comes from. Here are some things to take into consideration:
Spelling, sentence structure, and dialogue all need to be fixed. "I" needs to be capitalized always. Sometimes the sentences are choppy.
In the descriptions of the characters Lexa is the perfect example of what it should look like; short and sweet. We will find out in the story what she's like. There's no need to give every detail for each character. I want to find out myself!
Another thing that bothered me in the first chapter is -skip shower-, -skip this-. -skip that-. There are ways to go about skipping scenes without saying that. Give a small detail:
I stepped out of the shower and wrapped a towel around my body,
rather thank -skip shower-. These details count!
I like that you show outfits using polyvore but still give some detail. Describe the length of her dress or how cute her brand new, pink heels are. You want your reader to be in the situation. When I walk into the shop I want to know what they look like. People judge, let me judge your characters. Details, details, details.
Last thing, I know they have fun at the shop but water fights? Make sure you keep it somewhat realistic. If they are having water fights after work that's fine but right before they open isn't very realistic. I tell everyone that this is a story so you have room to expand on unrealistic ideas but you really have to watch the small things.
Hopefully you'll take this into consideration and work it out! There are other small things like the length of the chapters but I just wanted to point out some big things that popped out.
Happy writing!
grammar: needs work
idea: +
Okay, before you freak out, read a little bit of this. You're probably wondering how your idea/concept was a + but your rate was a 5. To begin with I feel that there are WAY too many authors. I can't keep each character straight because there are so many. I haven't heard the idea so that's where the + comes from. Here are some things to take into consideration:
Spelling, sentence structure, and dialogue all need to be fixed. "I" needs to be capitalized always. Sometimes the sentences are choppy.
In the descriptions of the characters Lexa is the perfect example of what it should look like; short and sweet. We will find out in the story what she's like. There's no need to give every detail for each character. I want to find out myself!
Another thing that bothered me in the first chapter is -skip shower-, -skip this-. -skip that-. There are ways to go about skipping scenes without saying that. Give a small detail:
I stepped out of the shower and wrapped a towel around my body,
rather thank -skip shower-. These details count!
I like that you show outfits using polyvore but still give some detail. Describe the length of her dress or how cute her brand new, pink heels are. You want your reader to be in the situation. When I walk into the shop I want to know what they look like. People judge, let me judge your characters. Details, details, details.
Last thing, I know they have fun at the shop but water fights? Make sure you keep it somewhat realistic. If they are having water fights after work that's fine but right before they open isn't very realistic. I tell everyone that this is a story so you have room to expand on unrealistic ideas but you really have to watch the small things.
Hopefully you'll take this into consideration and work it out! There are other small things like the length of the chapters but I just wanted to point out some big things that popped out.
Happy writing!
Notes
Please remember you asked and this is all very structural!
Can you please review my story just friends
4/16/16